Bonkers

by Michelle Holman

  ‘So you keep saying.’ Sherry’s expression was tight and her eyes bright with emotion. ‘I suppose I should offer you a tissue.’

  She watched in astonishment as Lisa hopped over to the tall pantry cupboard in the corner of the kitchen and applied just the right amount of pressure to lift the bottom right-hand corner of the door that always stuck on the lino as she opened it. Reaching inside the cupboard she unerringly located a fresh box of tissues on the bottom shelf next to the kitchen towels, before hopping back to the kitchen counter where she opened the box, pulled out a tissue and blew her nose.

  Sherry watched her mutely, shaken to the core by the ease with which this strange woman navigated her way around her kitchen. ‘I still can’t believe this.’ She struggled to keep her tone brusque. ‘You’re the woman who drove the car that killed my sister.’

  ‘ Who do I sound like?’ Lisa asked softly. ‘ Who do I act like?’

  Sherry looked away. She wanted to give in and hug her, but whenever she looked at her she saw a stranger. Sherry was not a person ruled by her heart, unlike Lisa and Ben. She had always been the voice of reason when they played as children; the older, sensible sister.

  ‘I know how hard this is for you, Sherry,’ Lisa said. ‘Believe me, it was hard enough for me when I woke up in hospital and looked in the mirror. I needed you all so much.’

  Sherry tried to find a line of questioning that would lead her to some sensible answers. ‘So what does Dan Brogan think?’

  Lisa smiled wryly. ‘That I’ve got a screw loose.’

  ‘But he thinks you’re his wife?’

  She laughed hollowly. ‘I think he’s beginning to have some doubts.’ She moved away to look at some photos of Ben and Brenda on the fridge. ‘I don’t think he knows what to think. He had an American wife who had a car accident and now he’s got a New Zealand…something.’

  ‘What’s he like?’ Sherry had already noticed that Linda or Lisa or whoever she really was became extremely evasive and wouldn’t meet her eye when the subject of Dan Brogan came up. She watched curiously as Linda, as she insisted on thinking of her, poked amongst the CDs neatly stacked on Sherry’s computer desk in the niche by the kitchen table and fiddled with the mail spread on the kitchen counter before returning to look again at the photos of Ben and Brenda.

  ‘Very nice, kind, a gentleman, I guess. When were these taken?’

  ‘A couple of weeks ago,’ Sherry replied, watching the other woman closely as she added, ‘They’ve set a date for the wedding. It’s the second week of July.’

  ‘What!’

  Sherry shook her head in wonder. That was exactly the response Lisa would have had.

  ‘Why has he gone and done that?’ her visitor yelled. ‘Has he lost his mind?’ She stopped as a horrible thought struck her. ‘Brenda’s not pregnant, is she?’

  Sherry gave her a disgusted look. ‘Pelease! Do you honestly think Brenda would allow Ben to knock her up? She’d have to give up work and that would mean less money coming into the house.’

  Lisa nodded before replying. ‘But think of the savings in condoms or the Pill or whatever…’

  They nodded at one another sagely.

  ‘You do have a point there,’ Sherry agreed, feeling her heart thump harder and harder against her breastbone. She had her sister back. Crazy as it seemed, Lisa was here talking to her.

  Lisa was so busy ranting about Ben marrying Brenda that she didn’t see the tears slipping down Sherry’s face. ‘You know I caught that slapper buying his presents in the two-dollar shop after I’d warned her about it last year?’

  ‘Yeah. I heard about that.’

  Lisa stopped mid-rant. ‘You did?’

  ‘The wild child gave me all the details.’

  ‘Christine?’ Lisa blinked. ‘You’re…crying.’

  ‘Looks like it.’

  Lisa longed to hug Sherry but didn’t dare try. She’d made a lot of progress today, but knew better than to try to push too hard with somebody as stubborn as Sherry.

  ‘You were the one who made the phone call, weren’t you?’ Sherry asked huskily.

  ‘Yes.’ Her voice trailed off into sobs. Lisa finally managed to calm down enough to ask. ‘Do you…do you think Mum and Dad will be able to cope?’

  Sherry gave her a hard look. ‘ Under no circumstances are you going to tell Mum and Dad what you’ve told me.’ She paused and murmured. ‘Perhaps…later, but definitely not now.’

  Lisa swallowed. ‘I…thought…not.’

  The grief on her face twisted Sherry’s heart. The whole family had always wanted to protect and shield Lisa because she was so much smaller and frailer than the rest of them. But Sherry couldn’t help reflecting that Lisa had shown remarkable strength and courage in coping with her outrageous, extraordinary situation. Most people would have gone stark, raving bonkers.

  Sherry reached out and briefly touched her arm. ‘Never mind. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Hey, it could have been worse; you could have come back as a man.’

  Lisa gave a watery laugh. ‘I’m feeling better already.’

  ‘Or a troll.’

  ‘Yeah! I know!’ She thrust out her breasts. ‘Look at these!’

  Sherry had noticed them. She raised one brow, impressed. ‘They’re almost as big as mine. Are they real?’

  Lisa gave one of her breasts a squeeze. ‘Apparently. Mine never felt like this.’

  ‘You never had any.’

  Lisa stuck out her tongue. ‘Dan said they were real.’

  Sherry’s brows rose. ‘You mean you asked him?’

  ‘Who else could I ask?’ Lisa said sourly. ‘Linda Brogan?’

  Sherry was intrigued. ‘What did he say?’

  ‘He got really growly, which means he’s embarrassed. But he said they weren’t implants.’

  Sherry watched Lisa shrewdly as she prowled about the kitchen. ‘So you aren’t sleeping with him?’

  ‘What?’ Lisa reddened and snapped crossly, ‘Of course I’m not!’

  Sherry smirked and went to plug in the electric jug. But you’d like to be, she thought and wondered what was wrong with Dan Brogan. Most men of Sherry’s acquaintance would be trying to get the knickers off a girl who looked like Linda Brogan within an hour of meeting her. She looked over her shoulder at Lisa. ‘He’s not gay, is he?’

  ‘No!’

  So…her little sister had been getting down and dirty with the handsome Yank doctor—or close to it.

  Lisa was reluctant to discuss Dan, which surprised Sherry because Lisa had always confided in her in the past. Sherry was the one who played things close to her chest. If anybody would know the best way to handle the situation it would be Sherry, who was always in control when it came to the men in her life.

  ‘He’s a good-looking guy,’ Sherry remarked, her eyes bright with mischief. Just what had her baby sister been up to with the good doctor?

  Lisa shrugged. ‘I suppose so.’

  ‘Have you still got the endometriosis?’

  She shook her head and smiled. ‘No. I finished a period a few days ago. It was a breeze.’

  ‘Oh Lees, I’m so pleased for you!’

  Sherry remembered all the times she had seen Lisa curled up in a ball on her bed clutching hot-water bottles and wheat bags to her stomach, all the blood tests and medication to stop her getting anaemic.

  ‘But I have dyslexia instead.’

  Sherry spilt milk on the counter. ‘What?’

  ‘Linda Brogan was dyslexic. So now I’m dyslexic.’

  ‘You’re having me on!’

  Suddenly, Sherry gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. ‘I can’t believe I’m having this conversation! You are Linda Brogan, for God’s sake!’

  There was a pregnant silence finally broken by the sound of Lisa hopping across the linoleum to Sherry’s side. ‘Believe me, Sher, it isn’t something I’d joke about.’ She wiped up the spilt milk when Sherry showed no sign of moving. ‘Look, I’ll go,’ she said at la
st. ‘I know how you feel. I’ve had a lot longer to get used to it, and I still feel as if somebody has tipped me upside-down and shaken me by the ankles. I’ll call a cab if that’s OK—’

  Sherry came out of her trance. ‘You think I’m going to just let you walk away?’ she demanded irritably. ‘Are you mad?’

  Lisa nodded faintly. ‘Well that seems to be the popular opinion.’

  ‘I don’t know for certain who you are, but there’s something very weird going on here—’

  ‘Uh-huh—’

  ‘—and I intend to find out what the hell it is.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘But until then…’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Until then…I’ll reserve judgement—it’s the best I can do.’

  ‘Fair enough.’ Lisa cleared her throat, fighting a fresh flood of tears. ‘I can’t ask for more than that.’

  Sherry nodded, staring out the window above the sink, the two cups of coffee going cold on the kitchen counter. ‘So what are you doing about the dyslexia?’

  ‘I’m going to start SPELD classes soon.’

  ‘What are they and…’ Sherry peered at Lisa’s face. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  Lisa told her about the cost of the classes and her reluctance to ask Dan for the money. ‘I know he’d pay for them, but I can’t take it from him. He thinks he’s paying for his wife and he isn’t. Sometime soon I will have to move out. Find a job.’

  Sherry took her time answering, tipping boiling water onto a fresh lot of coffee grounds. She sighed. ‘I don’t know how to say this.’

  ‘What?’ Lisa eyed her warily. ‘What? Say it! I’m getting used to hearing bad news.’

  ‘Linda Brogan is—was—American, right?’

  Lisa nodded.

  ‘So she would have had an American passport?’

  ‘I guess so.’ Lisa gasped. ‘Oh no!’

  Sherry watched Lisa, her lips compressed tightly. ‘Lisa Louise Jackson is dead. She no longer exists. You’re an American citizen now. You can’t leave Dan Brogan. His work is all that allows you to stay in New Zealand.’

  17

  Lisa watched Sherry’s car disappear into the darkness and tried not to feel like she’d been abandoned. She looked at Dan’s house. She was late getting home because she’d spent so much time talking to Sherry. They’d examined her citizenship problem from every angle and come up with zilch.

  Dan opened the door before Lisa could even get her keys out of her handbag. ‘You’re late. I was worried.’ He didn’t look or sound very friendly. His hair was mussed, a sure sign something was bothering him. It had been mussed a lot lately. He’d loosened his Yosemite Sam tie and undone the top buttons of his shirt.

  Lisa trailed dispiritedly past him. ‘Sorry.’

  Dan frowned at her drooping figure. ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d run out of money for the bus fare home,’ he said ironically before adding, ‘But I see you got a ride.’

  He was perturbed when Lisa failed to answer his unspoken question. He’d been waiting anxiously for the past hour for her to come home, all the time imagining the worst. Twice there’d been a knock at the front door, and each time Dan answered a neighbour had been standing there with a dead-looking plant in their hands asking if Lisa was home. He’d taken the plants and put them with the rest of the dead and dying vegetation beginning to fill one side of the garage, thinking that at this rate he’d have to start parking his car on the road.

  When he heard a car door slam outside the house, Dan just had time to see the vehicle pull away. It had looked to him like a black SUV.

  Jack Millar owned one just like it.

  Propping his hands on his hips, Dan stared grimly at Lisa’s slumped shoulders as she hopped away from him; whatever she had been doing that afternoon seemed to have drained her.

  The police had finally made contact about interviewing Lisa, or rather, Linda. Apparently they had called several times this week to arrange a time to take her statement, but hadn’t been able to get hold of her and she hadn’t picked up any of the messages they’d left on the answering machine. It drove Dan nuts. She treated his home, her home, like she was a boarder, which made listening to Dan’s messages off-limits.

  ‘Lisa, did you get any calls from the police? They said they’ve been trying to contact you to take your statement,’ he asked in a hard voice.

  She stopped in the hallway and looked at him with wide eyes. ‘No. I’ve hardly been in.’

  Where the hell have you been? Dan wondered grimly but refused to ask.

  Lisa behaved more like his housekeeper than his wife. Ever since that night in the kitchen, she had hidden away from him. She cooked his evening meal, his dirty laundry was returned clean to his wardrobe, the house was spotless, but the essence of her—the laughter and quirkiness—had disappeared. She hid in her room and took herself God knew where during the day when he was out. She asked Dan for nothing. Seeing the fear on her face, he chose his words carefully. ‘Did you check to see if there were any messages?’

  She shook her head.

  Dan contained his impatience with an effort. ‘Lisa, you have to remember to check; there’s at least three messages from the police asking you to contact them.’

  ‘Sorry. I didn’t do it deliberately,’ she mumbled miserably. ‘I just didn’t expect there to be any messages for me and I don’t like to listen to yours.’

  Inside his trouser pockets, Dan clenched his hands in frustration. ‘You’re my wife. You’re allowed to listen to my messages.’

  Lisa shrugged wearily and hopped away to her room.

  Dan followed her to the bedroom door. She was sitting on the bed counting out the change in her purse, which was another thing that made him angry—her refusal to accept his money. Lisa rode around the countryside on buses—she’d got caught in the rain and come home looking like a drowned rat twice in the past week—rather than take anything from him.

  Or at least nothing you’re willing to give, a voice inside his head whispered.

  ‘Can you tell me the point of this Orphan Annie act of yours?’ Dan suddenly exploded.

  Lisa’s elation at seeing Sherry had left her feeling wrung out like a dishcloth. The realization that she’d even lost the right to remain in her own country and having to leave the familiar surroundings of her sister’s house and return to Linda Brogan’s home and Linda Brogan’s husband made her want to cry and scream at the same time. Lisa felt a deep sense of injustice at Dan and the world in general. How dare he yell at her? All the pain and confusion of the past two months seemed to boil up inside her.

  ‘What Orphan Annie act?’ she yelled back, relieved to have an outlet for all her fury and sense of unfairness at her life. If it wasn’t for his stupid wife, she wouldn’t be here now. She shook the coins from her purse onto the bed, knowing it made Dan furious that she wouldn’t take his money and at that moment she wanted him to feel every bit as bad as she did. ‘How dare you call me Orphan Annie!’ Lisa cried angrily. ‘I’ve got a dollar thirty!’

  She jumped to her feet, scooped the coins off the bed and threw them across the room at Dan.

  He flung up his arm in time to protect his face; some of the money bounced off his chest. ‘Shit!’ He regarded her incredulously. ‘What the fuck did you do that for?’

  Under normal circumstances, Lisa would have been ashamed of herself, but instead she felt a heady rush of freedom. She so wanted to break free of all this bullshit. She wanted to stop pretending and be herself. Holding her arms out at her sides, she shrugged and smirked at him. ‘Dunno. Felt like it I guess.’ She almost added nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!

  She never dreamed Dan would come into her bedroom. He treated the doorway to her bedroom like his own personal Berlin Wall and never ventured across the threshold except to put her back to bed when she’d been sleepwalking. Lisa was astonished when he crossed Checkpoint Charlie and stalked across the carpet towards her.
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br />   ‘Hang on a minute!’ she exclaimed, holding up her hands like a police officer stopping traffic. ‘You’re not allowed to come past the doorway! You never come past the doorway!’

  ‘I just changed the rule.’ He loomed over her.

  Lisa was so surprised that she sat back down on the bed and stared up at him in confusion. Where had calm, pleasant, sensible Dan Brogan gone? She didn’t recognize this narrow-eyed, granite-faced individual snarling down at her. She was ashamed to feel a frisson of sexual excitement uncurl in her belly. ‘This is my room!’ she exclaimed and pointed at the door. ‘Get out!’

  ‘This is my house,’ he snarled. ‘If you want to get rid of me, you’ll have to throw me out.’

  Lisa opened her mouth and closed it again. She didn’t have an answer for that one.

  Dan narrowed his eyes. ‘Where the hell have you been all day?’

  She eyed him cautiously as a perverse sense of mischievousness suddenly took hold of her. ‘All day?’

  He growled something unrepeatable in the back of his throat.

  ‘OK! OK!’

  Lisa was beginning to enjoy herself. The blood was rushing through her veins like wine, exhilarating her. For a briefmoment she stopped feeling like the victim in some grotesque experiment.

  ‘I’m waiting,’ Dan reminded her warningly, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his trousers.

  Lisa looked appreciatively at the way the material pulled across his thighs and murmured, ‘So you are.’ Leaning back on her elbows, she crossed her heavy cast over the opposite knee and began to bounce her foot gently. ‘Well…I actually set out today to rob a bank.’

  Dan appeared momentarily speechless. He looked like he wanted to kill her. He opened his mouth to say something which Lisa was sure he’d later regret. She held up her hand and was pleasantly surprised when he stopped, his lips parted in shock.

  ‘But I realized I hadn’t brought any pantyhose along with me, so that was the end of that, my disguise had gone up in smoke,’ she continued, blithely unaware that her Lisa Ho skirt was sliding further up her thigh with each bounce of her cast.

  Dan closed his eyes and ground his teeth. She thought this was funny? He opened his eyes and his mouth to let loose, but stopped what he was about to say. He stopped looking pissed off. In fact he began to look quite happy, his mouth curving in a smile.