Freedom

by Mary Crawford

  Phoenix grabs my hand and pulls me closer to the bike. It’s a little intimidating when I’m standing right beside it. “I’m not sure I’m tall enough to swing my leg over. How should I do this?”

  Phoenix squats down and points at his bike. “See these pegs? These are what you rest your feet on. Use them to give you a boost. I’ll be in front of you to steady the bike. After you get on the bike, wrap your arms around my waist. The gas tank will be in front of me. When I break, slow down or turn, you can brace yourself against it. Whatever you do, try to keep your head in line with mine so your weight doesn’t throw us off balance.”

  Phoenix stands up and pulls a pair of leather gloves out of his back pocket. He reaches out and pulls my hands out of my pockets and brings them toward his chest as he helps me into the stiff gloves. “Safety first.”

  I hold up my hands in front of me as I examine the gloves. “You do realize it’s hot as blazes outside today, right? The rain was last week.”

  Phoenix zips up his leather jacket. “It’ll be cooler once we’re on the road. It’s better to be a little warm than get a bad case of road rash.”

  “Are you saying you’re planning to crash?” I tease.

  “No, definitely not. Still, it’s better to be safe.”

  He walks toward the front of the bike and straddles it, bracing its weight with his legs.

  I watch him skeptically. “There’s not much room there for me. Are you going to be okay with me touching you? I don’t see any way I can avoid it.”

  I can’t see Phoenix’s face, but even from behind I can see his customary shrug. “I guess we’ll find out. I think it will be okay though. I’ve gotten used to your touch.”

  In my mind, I throw down a virtual cartwheel. That small admission means the world to me. I step up on the metal peg and throw my leg over the bike. After I get seated, I realize I need to scoot even closer to Phoenix so I can reach all the way around him. When I find a comfortable position, I rest my cheek against the back of his leather jacket. “You’re right. This is very relaxing.”

  “Speak for yourself,” he replies with a self-deprecating laugh. “I’m anything but relaxed.”

  Whenever I saw motorcycle riders on the road, I always envied their sense of freedom. I longed to be in their shoes. Riding one is everything I ever imagined it’d be and more. Even though I’ve driven on this road countless times, doing it from the vantage point of a motorcycle makes it seem new and challenging. I was always the kid who loved roller coasters and scary rides at the fair. Of course, my ever-so-proper family never understood my obsession.

  Phoenix is a careful, methodical driver. He keeps checking in with me to make sure I’m not scared. I’m sure he can tell from the wide grin on my face that this is the most fun I’ve had in forever.

  We pull into Ichetucknee Springs State Park to rest. After Phoenix stops the bike, he issues instructions. “Okay, you can get off now. Be careful. We’ve been on the road for a while. Your legs are going to take a moment to get used to being on the ground.”

  I thought maybe he was exaggerating. I spend a lot of time at Hope’s Haven doing manual chores which require lots of lifting. I always thought my legs were pretty strong. Yet, as soon as I hop off the bike, my legs feel like I am a newborn colt.

  Phoenix kicks down the kick stand and hops off the bike. When I sway, he turns to steady me. He guides me over to a small retaining wall and helps me sit.

  “Wow! You were right. That took a lot out of me.”

  “Sit tight for just a minute. I’ll be right back.”

  When he returns, he is carrying the small bag he asked me to pack.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “You said you were afraid of being overheated. I have a plan to keep that from happening. When was the last time you went for a swim?”

  My brow furrows as I try to remember. “I’m embarrassed to admit I probably haven’t been swimming since high school.”

  Phoenix smiles at me as he throws the bag over his shoulder and reaches out to help me up. “I guess I won’t be the only person stretching my boundaries today. Last one in is a rotten egg!”

  “Hey! That’s not fair,” I protest. “I have to go change into my bathing suit. You already have yours on under your jeans.”

  Phoenix flashes a smug grin. “Nobody said life is fair.”

  I shrug. “I suppose not. Still, I bet I swim better than you.”

  Giving me a startled look, Phoenix asks, “How would you know?”

  I brush my fingertips on the front of my shirt in a gesture of pride as I say, “I spent two years on the swim team in junior high. I don’t think I’ve forgotten everything.”

  “So, what you’re telling me is I will never keep up with your awesomeness, right?”

  I wink at him. “Just remember, you said that — I didn’t,” I tease as I grab my bag from him and take off at a dead sprint toward the public restrooms.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  PHOENIX

  WHEN ZOE COMES OUT OF the restroom wearing a red bikini top with tiny blue stars and cutoff jeans, one thought comes to my mind—awesome is not a big enough word to describe Zoe.

  It’s not just that I think she’s sexy — because I totally do. Everything else about her is remarkable too. She has challenged me to do things I never thought I was capable of. If you’d told me a few weeks ago that I would be voluntarily holding someone’s hand and letting them hug me, I would’ve called you certifiably insane. Yet, with Zoe it doesn’t seem so hard. Maybe it’s different with her because she understands what it’s like to feel like the outsider.

  Zoe waves her hand in front of my face to draw my attention. She looks around self-consciously. “I know I rarely dress this way, but do I really look so bad? Why aren’t you saying anything?”

  I blush. “Sorry, I was just thinking how lucky I am that we met. You look beautiful. I can’t believe someone like you is hanging out with me.”

  “Thank you — I think.” She looks at my swim trunks which feature Mario brothers. “You don’t look so bad yourself. I approve of your wardrobe.”

  “My grandma got these for me. I think she forgets I’m not a kid anymore.”

  Zoe shrugs. “I think everyone’s a kid once they hit the water. Are we going swimming, or what?” she asks as she walks toward the water.

  I adjust my pace so I can walk next to her. I reach out toward her and she takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. I’m amazed every time this happens. I’m so used to being alone and isolated, the simple move makes my heart flutter in a good way. What I used to be afraid of, I now find comforting.

  “I guess that depends on how brave you’re feeling. Tubing sounds like it might be fun.”

  Zoe grins. “It does! I haven’t been for years. I went once with one of my friends when I was about twelve.”

  “Then it’s time for you to go again,” I answer with a smile. “Let the fun and relaxation begin!”

  I thought I was making progress with my comfort level around Zoe. However, I may have spoken too soon. Things were going well until the outfitter from the inter-tube rental place crammed four customers into his super-cab truck.

  Somehow in the middle of all the chaos I ended up sitting in the middle between Zoe and another woman named Sherilyn. Sherilyn and her husband Brent seem to be in some sort of fight. This is making the short treck to the river awkward.

  Sherilyn runs her fingers through my hair and there isn’t any room to get away. “You look so sexy. I love men with long hair but Brent says he can’t grow his hair because of his job. I wish he looked like you.”

  Zoe scowls at Sherilyn. “Rude much? Get your hands off my guy.”

  My guy? My chest puffs up a bit in response to her possessive words.

  Sherilyn pulls her hands back as if my hair suddenly caught fire. “Well, excuse me! It’s not like it’s not crowded in here.”

  Zoe crams herself tighter against the truck door. I immediately move to occupy the addit
ional space. I release a grateful sigh.

  “Well, if he’s your guy, then you know all about how great it feels to run your fingers through his hair — give a girl a chance.”

  “Sher — do you have to do that here? You’re embarrassing me. These poor people didn’t do anything to you. Knock it off,” Brent reprimands sharply.

  Sherilyn’s bottom lip pops out. “You never let me have any fun. I wasn’t hurting anybody. I’ll probably never see this dude again.”

  She reaches up in tries to stroke my hair again. I pull my head away abruptly. I want to stay calm, but my panic level is rising. Finally I bring my gaze to hers as I say, “Please don’t!”

  “Some vacation this is,” Sherilyn complains. “Nobody lets me do anything I want to do.”

  Zoe looks down her nose at Sherilyn. “What are you? Twelve? You don’t put your hands on another person without permission. That’s just beyond rude.”

  Before Sherilyn can respond, the truck pulls to a stop in front of a little ramp that goes down to the water. Without even having to speak, Zoe and I exit the truck. I rub the golf ball in my pocket and try to calm my nerves. I can’t let some weird stranger derail our day. I take a deep breath and let it out.

  We pick up our inner-tubes and follow the tour operator down to the water. The guy checks our lifejackets to make sure we are using them correctly. After that, he salutes us and says, “Have fun! Don’t let those gators bite you.”

  “Gators!” Zoe asks with her eyes wide. “I didn’t think about those.”

  “I am pretty sure they’re more afraid of us than we are of them. Besides, I’m certain they have a way of managing them here. Otherwise, no one would ever go in the water.”

  “Is he right?” Zoe asks as she looks at the guy arranging the inner-tubes.

  “I wouldn’t try feeding them or anything. We try to keep them away from here — you know, small kids and all? Anyway, gators be bad for business. I was just kidding. Go have yourself some fun.”

  When I take Zoe’s hands to help her in to her inter-tube, I can feel her trembling. “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just a little weirded out by the thought of swimming outside. Usually, I’m in the pool with nice clean tiles and straight lines painted on the bottom. This will be new to me.”

  “I’ll be right beside you. We can do this together” I assure her. But, then I wonder if I misread her cues. Hedging my bets, I add, “Unless you would rather not. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. There’s lots of things to do at this park which don’t involve getting wet.”

  Zoe shakes her head. “No, this is exactly what I want to do. I got a little freaked out that’s all.”

  She looks so lost and vulnerable moment I feel an urge to hug her. Unfortunately, I’m trying to hang onto my inner-tube while helping her into hers. I’m stuck and I’m not sure how to help.

  The guy releases the anchor rope. For a moment, our inner-tubes are touching so I reach out and squeeze her hand before I grab the handles. “Are you ready for this?” I ask as I feel my excitement grow.

  Zoe gives me a tight grin. “I guess it’s a little too late if I’m not ready. I keep telling myself I’ll like this because I love roller coasters.”

  I laugh out loud. “Zoe, we’re going to float down the river in big rubber doughnuts. We’re not going white water rafting or anything.”

  “I know that,” she comments as her inner tube makes a sudden move to the right. “Whoa!”

  As I hit the same small current, my tube splashes water on her back. She shrieks in surprise. I can see her shaking her head at me. “You know what they say about payback, right?”

  “It was totally an accident! I swear!” I say as my inter-tube picks up speed.

  This time, Zoe shrieks with joy. “This is so much fun!”

  For a moment were separated when the current takes me a different direction. I glance over at Zoe to see where she went. To my surprise, I am quickly gaining on her because she isn’t moving.

  She appears to be stuck. She is rocking her inner tube to try to work it loose. Before I can say anything to stop her, she rocks the tube a little too hard, and it flips over. I try not to panic when I see her disappear underwater. She said she was an excellent swimmer. I hope she wasn’t just bluffing.

  Pulling on some limbs, I bring my tube closer to Zoe. Finally I’m near the spot where she went underwater. I take a deep breath and try to slow my breathing. That’s when I notice the water isn’t particularly deep in this spot. I grab the rope from my inner tube and tie it to a low hanging branch. Once I secure it, I jump into the water.

  All sorts of scary thoughts are running through my brain. Maybe she hit her head on something or she’s caught underwater. I dive under the water to see if I can find her. When I have to surface for air, I’m startled when I feel her tap me on the shoulder.

  She looks soggy, but she has an amused smile on her face. “Looking for something?”

  Without thinking, I spin around and pull her toward my chest. She looks up at me with wide eyes. I lean down and brush a kiss across her lips. Suddenly, I remember we are standing in the middle of the water. I move away abruptly. She places her hands on my cheeks and pulls me back for another kiss.

  “Oh wow! Being dumped in the freezing water totally sucks, but that may have made up for it.”

  I ring out my hair and tie it in a knot at the base of my neck while I collect my thoughts. “I’m definitely not as cold as I was. I didn’t really plan on that, but I guess sometimes the best things in life can’t be planned.”

  I pick up a piece of pineapple from one of the many small dishes around my dinner plate. “How did you even come up with a place like this?”

  “I understand you need to be in control of your food. So, when I saw on Google that this Mongolian restaurant specializes in cooking food at your table, I figured it would be perfect for us.”

  “Perfect is an understatement. The chef who helped us was amazing. He didn’t even mind cooking my food separately or leaving the sauce off.”

  Zoe picks up a clump of jasmine rice and sticks it in her mouth. “Mmm. The food is delicious.”

  Drawing on the skills my dad tried so hard to teach me, I gamely ask, “So, are you having fun?”

  Zoe nods. “The water was much colder than I remember it being. But, the freedom of going wherever the water takes you is worth it. I’m lucky you were able to catch me when I slipped on the wet rock. That could have been ugly.

  “We did a good job of watching out for each other today. You totally helped me keep my crap together when the sawgrass wrapped around my ankle. If you hadn’t been here, I would’ve had a complete meltdown. That stuff is so slimy and gross. It’s almost as if my brain was ready to short-circuit.”

  “Hey, it was nothing. You’re not the only person to think underwater plants are gross. That’s why I prefer swimming inside. At least I know the pool is relatively clean. If it’s not clean, at least there’s a bunch of chemicals in it to keep the germs under control.”

  “So, does that mean you don’t want to do this again?”

  The corner of Zoe’s mouth hitches up. “I didn’t exactly say that. There were parts of today I liked very much.”

  “I’ll probably regret asking this. I guess it’s because I am a debugger. I have to know what didn’t work so I can fix it.”

  Zoe reaches out and pats my hand. “Relax, we’re supposed to be having fun, remember? You don’t have to analyze this.”

  “I have news for you. I will be analyzing it — whether I ask you for information or not. So, you might as well tell me,” I insist.

  “Okay. That’s honest, I guess. Umm… Let’s see — the parts of the date I could do without include getting a mouthful of water, getting tangled up in sawgrass, stubbing my toe on the bottom and being so cold I thought my teeth would never stop chattering.”

  I scrub my hand down my face in dismay. “Was there anything you liked?”


  A secretive grin appears on Zoe’s face. “Umm … there were plenty of things I liked very much on this date. Things I would like to do again.

  “Really?” I ask skeptically.

  “Really. I’ve never seen so many turtles and the only place I’ve ever seen cranes so close is on National Geographic. I loved cuddling up to you and feeling the wind through my hair and the sun on my back while we rode. Even though we were doing something inherently dangerous, I still felt safe and secure.”

  “I’m glad you liked it,” I respond, feeling unusually emotional.

  “But you want to know what my favorite parts of the day were?”

  I shrug because I can’t find any words.

  “My favorite parts of the day were when you held me in your arms and kept me safe.” Zoe blushes and plays with the end of her ponytail. “I would feel dishonest if I didn’t tell you the rest.”

  “That doesn’t sound so promising.”

  “Actually, I loved it when you kissed me. It’s the single best thing which happened all day.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ZOE

  PHOENIX’S LOOK OF DISCOMFORT MAKES me want to curse my smart mouth. Sometimes, I’m just too darn honest. Why did I have to say something like that?

  After several moments, Phoenix lets out a deep breath. “Oh, thank you. I thought it was just me. I was nervous I’d moved too quickly. I didn’t know what to expect, but I liked it too.”

  “Well, at least we’re on the same page,” I suggest.

  Phoenix slumps back in his chair. “Part of me feels guilty though. I don’t want to make you any promises because I have to leave soon.”

  “There’s so much up in the air, I’m trying to forget about that part. I wish you could stay for my brother’s trial.”

  Phoenix frowns. “I wish I could too. But, Tristan said he needs to make staffing decisions quickly. So, I should get there as soon as I can.”