“The police would have caught that,” she said.
“The police might have talked to the guy and not realized his role in it. From what I saw, he was cleanup.”
“Cleanup?”
The light from her phone was enough for her to see how Finn grimaced. He didn’t want to tell her what he knew.
“I need to know. I’ll deal with it.”
Finn let out a tired laugh. “I’ve never heard you use that phrase on yourself. I thought you only used it on other people.”
“Finn…”
He sighed. “Michael’s cousin helped him get rid of the bodies. I only got a nickname, but I could tell enough about what the guy looks like to give me a good lead. Once I track down Michael’s hometown, I should be able to find him.”
“Don’t you mean we?”
Finn shook his head. “I was only okay with you coming along when I thought the killer was dead and you’d be safe. If this other guy was working with Michael, we have no idea what he’s capable of.”
She bristled. Finn was not benching her. He was not leaving her behind again.
“Well, you know what I’m capable of. Or does your knee need a reminder?”
“Jazz…”
“And we know what you’re incapable of. You can’t control your powers. You need me.” At least for this.
“I can’t risk you being hurt.”
She let out a laugh. That was just too rich. No one had ever hurt her like Finn had. Her heart had never healed, never moved past him. She still felt butterflies in her stomach when they were close, still wished things could have been different—that he hadn’t chosen to walk away.
“You’re forgetting that I drove,” she said. “Unless you’re walking back to town to pick up your car, you’re stuck with me. Deal with it.”
His jaw was tight and he was frowning so hard deep grooves were shadowed on his face.
“Don’t ever say that to me again.” He bit out each word, clipped and tense.
“What? Walk back to Summer Park?”
“Deal with it. Do you even know what you’re really saying? What that means? ‘I don’t give a shit about what you feel. Sort it out yourself.’ I don’t ever want to hear that phrase again.”
She felt like the floor had dropped out from under her. That was her catchphrase. She used it all the time with everybody. No one had ever complained. She had never thought it could be taken that way. But…he had a point.
If he hated that expression, she must have upset him dozens of times while they were together. He never mentioned it.
Talking was something they had never excelled at.
“Finn, I’m—”
“Just forget it. We have a job to do.”
What the hell? She had been about to apologize—something she never did. Her skin prickled as rage surged up. He shouldn’t rock someone’s foundation and then walk away.
But that was what he did with her. Turned her world upside-down, then walked away.
Not this time.
She grabbed her phone from his hand, then turned around and headed for the laundry room. He fell in step just behind her.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to the SUV. Unless you think you can safely read something else in here to find out where this cousin lives, we’re probably better off searching for him on the Internet.”
She opened the door and held it, staring at Finn expectantly. He only hesitated a moment before walking back into the steamy night air.
After the chill of Michael’s house, it felt good. The moisture carried the heat right into her bones. She couldn’t wait for the sun to come up and chase away…everything from this night.
Not everything.
She had reconnected with Tommy. She was even happy to be with Finn, even though he was driving her crazy. She was so scared he was going to leave. Watching him walk out of her life again was something she couldn’t bear to think about. But she was more afraid he’d try to do this alone and get hurt.
Once they were back in the SUV, she said, “Wherever Michael is from, there are bound to be other people around. It won’t be too dangerous. And you need me to back you up, whether you’ll admit it or not.”
He sighed, but then pulled out his phone and started searching the Internet. That was a good sign. She thought over what she knew while she waited for him to find something. She needed to be as useful as possible so Finn would admit that he needed her.
Things were starting to make more sense.
Someone was out there who played a part in the deaths of those women. Someone who needed to pay. Finn’s sister was using the only connection she had to help get herself—and hopefully the other victims—some peace about what happened to them. Jazz would do everything in her power to make that happen.
“Clearview. Michael was from Clearview.” Finn put his phone in the cup holder and pulled on his seat belt. “It’s a small town a few hours to the northwest.”
Jazz picked up his phone and looked at the map he had brought up. She memorized the highways and turns.
One of the best parts of living where they did was that not many roads passed through. The cities were small oases in the middle of sand and swamp. It was a fairly straight shot to Clearview. They could be there shortly after dawn.
She handed him his phone and buckled up, then started the engine. Finn put his hand over hers as she gripped the gearshift to kick it into reverse. They stared at each other for a few long moments. She resisted the urge to flip her hand over and lace their fingers together.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked. “We can head back to town so I can pick up my car. You don’t have to come.”
She did. She would never find peace with herself if she didn’t help Finn’s sister find her own.
“I’m coming with you. Deal—”
She sucked in a breath, stopping mid-sentence. Turning to look through the back windshield, she put the car in reverse, then pulled her hand out from under his and hit the gas. “You’re not getting rid of me this time.”
They were well away from Michael’s when Finn spoke again.
“I never wanted to get rid of you.”
She let out a laugh. Was he really going to go there? Fine. She’d play along.
“That’s funny. As I remember it, you’re the one who jumped out of the limo. I’m surprised you waited for it to stop, you were so eager to get away from me.”
He shook his head. “There was so much wrong with that moment.”
She shrugged. “You wanted out.”
“No, Jazz. I wanted in. That’s all I ever wanted with you. But you always kept me at arm’s length. Hell, not even arm’s length. It was more like a ten-foot pole. Like you kept yourself in a fucking castle surrounded by a moat filled with…” He shook his head and looked out the window.
Was he kidding? She had never let anyone get closer to her than Finn. She told him about her dreams for the gallery, funny stories about her clients. She shared every moment of her life with him.
Unless they involved Elsa. Or her family.
That had always been her boundary. Her line in the sand. But Jazz didn’t talk to anyone about her loved ones. It wasn’t safe. The only reason she talked about Elsa with Garrett and Rachel was that they all knew each other. Even then, Jazz was careful to keep it low-key and not give away how much she loved them all.
Finn had barely grazed the outskirts of her social circle, which was what Jazz wanted. There was no way she could hide how much she loved Finn if they were all hanging out. No way she could avoid talking about it.
He was Garrett’s best friend, but he’d only met Elsa in passing and Jazz didn’t think he’d even been in the same room as Rachel. Yeah, she didn’t tell Finn stories about her friends, but he still knew how much she cared about them all. Her friends knew n
othing about Jazz and Finn. Their relationship was sacred.
If she had told the others, they would have insisted on meeting him. Rachel would have started pressuring Jazz about a wedding, wanting to plan it and design a dress. Elsa wouldn’t say anything, but she was a romance novelist. Who knew what sort of daydreams she’d create. And Garrett…
Garrett would be over the moon about it. He’d insist on double dates, even though he wasn’t dating anyone—hadn’t dated anyone since Jazz tried to hook him up with Elsa. And it would be awkward all around. Awkward and dangerous.
The more people who knew about Jazz and Finn, the worse it would be when something finally happened to him, especially with how much she loved him. That was how the curse worked. She loved him too much to risk it.
Curse aside, she didn’t want to deal with the inevitable pressure her friends would heap on her with their well-meaning comments, building up dreams for how they wanted her life to be. Settle down. Get married. Have kids. People loved pairs and spawning.
Even Jazz had fallen into that mindset. She kept trying to set up her friends. Then again, she knew they wanted families and partners. They’d told her as much during uncomfortable conversations where Jazz had to work to keep the focus off of herself.
She sucked at matchmaking anyway. Rachel and Garrett had seemed a natural fit, but something had kept them from ever connecting, even when it seemed like Fate kept bringing them together over and over again. He and Elsa hadn’t worked out either. But they became great friends after Jazz introduced them. They all had.
Jazz had known they would get along. She didn’t know what she had been thinking when she sent Elsa on a blind date with Michael.
I wanted her to have a chance to find the happiness I had lost.
Okay. Maybe she did know.
Chloe had once told Jazz that she was a “nexus”. It was just another way of calling her Fate’s tool. Supposedly, Jazz had an energy that brought the right people together at the right time. But she was the one who had brought Michael into everyone’s lives. How the hell could anything be right about that?
At least Elsa had Dante now. Jazz was so happy for her—for them both. She was so grateful they had…survived. Dante would heal. Rachel was already doing much better. And Finn…
His forehead rested against the window and his eyes were closed. Either he was asleep or trying to avoid conversation. Jazz let him be. She wouldn’t know what to say even if she tried. She hoped he was sleeping and did her best to keep the ride smooth for him.
The miles rolled by, dark scenery turning to slate gray as dawn approached. The sky brightened to a cloudless blue. They were nearing the coast. It would be a hot and humid day.
Finn lurched forward in his chair shouting, “No!”
Jazz jerked on the wheel. The SUV shimmied as she tried to regain control. She barely kept it from rolling.
“What the hell, Finn?” Her heart was pounding and her mouth had gone completely dry. She glanced over at him.
He was clutching the dashboard, his chest heaving and eyes wide. He swallowed a few times and pressed his head back against the headrest.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah… Yeah.”
She was not buying it. It must have been one of the nightmares he talked about. His eyes were haunted.
“How bad was it?” she asked.
“What? It wasn’t…” He shook his head, then ran his hands over his face. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fine.”
She could hear his heavy breaths, and they weren’t slowing down. Glancing over, his eyes were still wide.
“You doing okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Bullshit.”
“Jazz, please just leave it.” He closed his eyes and shook his head.
“Okay.” Whatever he had seen in the dream must have been horrible. She let him be for a while, trying to figure out what to say. “You had quite a night.”
Lame.
He laughed. “That’s an understatement. Not all of it was bad though.”
“Really?” What could he have enjoyed?
He shrugged and grinned at her. “That part in the hallway was kinda fun.”
She snorted. “Only kind of? I must be losing my touch.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“That was always our strongest suit. Touching.”
“Yeah. Too bad we sucked at the rest of it.”
“We had some good times out of the bedroom. Didn’t we?”
She hated how small her voice sounded. Hesitant. But she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the answer. Had he really wanted her to be part of his family? Had he enjoyed those times together?
“In the bar. Upstairs.”
The bitter edge to his tone cut deep. He’d wanted to tell Garrett and everybody about their relationship. Jazz kept saying she wanted her privacy. It was nobody’s business if they were dating.
When they were at the bar, just the two of them or with Tommy around, Jazz could let herself be happy. Somehow, she felt like it was the one place Fate wouldn’t peek, the one concession to Jazz’s calling as a nexus. If they had ever gone out, she would have constantly been on guard, trying to make sure no one realized how much she cared for Finn. The few times Garrett had seen them together, Jazz had scowled so much that Finn later told her Garrett thought she hated him.
Why couldn’t Finn have been as happy as she was to carve out a corner of the world where they could be together? A place they could retreat to and be safe. She hadn’t been able to risk losing him and because of it he had left.
Maybe Fate found out anyway.
For their last date, Jazz thought she had come up with the perfect compromise. Rent a limo for the night and drive around town. She had arranged for take-out from an upscale restaurant to celebrate their two-month anniversary, which was no small feat in itself. The chef had been offended when she first approached him with the idea, but she turned it around.
The back of the limo was spacious enough for them to have a nice dinner and even a good time, if he’d been up for it. She had dressed to the nines, spent hours preparing for the evening, trying to make it perfect—trying to make him happy and keep him safe.
Finn had been uncomfortable from the beginning. When she explained the evening she had planned, he pounded on the glass partition hard enough she was afraid it would break. The driver opened it to see what he needed, and Finn demanded they pull over.
He hit the curb the moment the limo came to a stop.
She tried to talk to him afterward, and he told her he was done. She remembered the moment with crystalline clarity.
“I want to really be with you. To start a life with you. Not this sneaking-around crap. I used to work divorce cases. This isn’t a relationship—it’s an affair. I won’t be ‘the other man’. That isn’t what I want for us. If you’re not all-in, I’m out.”
But she couldn’t be all-in. Not with anyone. Beyond the supernatural obstacles, it wasn’t what she wanted, what she was meant for. It just wasn’t who she was. She didn’t want to treat their relationship like an affair, but the alternative…
If he had asked again to tell their friends, she might have considered it. If he wanted to go out that badly, she would have managed. But what he was asking… It was something she couldn’t give.
Would it have been so bad to marry him?
She felt like she had asked herself that question a thousand times since he left. Along with wishing they had talked about the entire situation more. She thought they would have more time—like she always did right before Fate took someone from her.
If he really needed the traditional lifestyle, they could have adopted some kids, picked up a dog somewhere, bought a house in the suburbs…and lived a lie. Had children she loved but would never connect to the way a mothe
r should.
She didn’t want to be a mother or a wife. She just wanted to be Jazz.
Apparently, that wasn’t enough for him.
Chapter Twelve
“This is the turn.”
Finn pointed at the exit. A rusted sign with a few bullet holes read Clearview.
Jazz didn’t say anything. Just turned the SUV and headed to the town. She hadn’t said anything since he’d brought up how their relationship ended.
Great idea there. Really good form.
He knew he was still raw over it. He didn’t expect her to be after so many years.
Isn’t it right that she’s suffering as I am?
Wait… What?
No. Absolutely not. Finn didn’t want her to suffer. He didn’t want either of them to. He would honestly have been glad to find that she’d moved on and was happily having a purely physical relationship with someone else.
Okay, maybe not glad. But it would have helped him move on to see that he was right all along about what she was looking for from him. Knowing she was still upset about the breakup made him question things.
Including his decision to end their relationship in the first place.
If he was being honest with himself, they hadn’t only clicked in the bedroom. She had been part of his family. She and his dad got on so well, sometimes Finn wondered if Dad liked her better than him. Finn used to tease them both about it all the time.
Finn and Jazz would have been great together—if she’d let them actually make a life together instead of hiding their relationship. He knew Jazz hadn’t been involved with anyone else, but it still drove him crazy that she acted like Finn was the other man.
After the initial phase of pretty much constant sex, he’d spent all his energy trying to get them out of the damned house. When they should have been talking about what they wanted out of their relationship and where they were headed, he was busy trying to understand why she wouldn’t let their friends know they were involved.
It seemed a necessary first step before getting into the heavier conversations, like kids and marriage—and why Finn wasn’t interested in either. That didn’t mean he didn’t want a long-term commitment from her. It didn’t mean he didn’t love her.
Lingering Touch: The Summer Park Psychics, Book 3 Page 10