Tears slid across my skin onto the pillow. My heart was burning for this man I could never truly have, singeing me in despair. I couldn’t expect him to understand or forgive me. The pain of knowing that I wouldn’t keep his love once he knew the truth was an agony I’d never imagined.
I was floating in a magical reality that was about to come crashing down. I wanted to spend forever enveloped in Conan’s arms, sleeping on clouds in our ivory palace. This was heaven on Earth. If only there were a heaven I could believe in.
* * *
We woke up from our nap and I realized it was our last night in Canada. This could be our last night together … ever.
“Conan,” I said with my back to him. “If you only had one last night with me, and knew that you would never see me again, what would you do?”
“My dear Scarlet Queen.” He breathed in heavily. “I’d treasure what we have and make sure that our last night together would be the night of a lifetime.”
“Oh Conan,” I whispered.
“Scarlet, you’re my love … my one and only true love. I feel I’ve found the one person who truly complements me. You give me a sense of completeness. You blow my mind and I can barely comprehend my own emotions.” Conan put his arm over me and held my hand in his, squeezing it tightly. “I just want to enjoy this moment.”
Tears of regret were streaming from my eyes. If things were different, I knew his love would make all my worries disappear. When I was in his embrace we were transported to a world far from this ugly reality. He inhabited my fantasies and my dreams—my past, my present, and my future. He was always there with outstretched arms, reaching into my heart and soul, urging me to go toward him, to trust him. Our love was immeasurable. When I was with Conan, nothing else mattered. I transcended this world of pain. And yet, I knew our love couldn’t last. The White Queen controlled my destiny, the future didn’t belong to us. I love Conan so much, but how can I tell him the truth?
I dissolved into him, disappearing through the looking glass like an apparition. I tried to feel his hand but I was immaterial, no longer of my body. I tried to scream but no sound came out. The White Queen sent a vixen to seduce and beguile Conan. He was in love with an illusion, a fantasy—something unreal—not me.
I wanted to tell him the truth, but I hesitated. How could he love a bad person who deceived and trapped him? Nothing I do will change the future. It’s in the hands of fate.
Trust Me
I opened my eyes on Sunday morning and looked at the giant oak tree outside the window. Conan was sitting in an armchair reading the newspaper.
I went into the bathroom and squeezed my fists as hard as I could. My fingernails digging into my palms reminded me that I was alive. I looked in the mirror and saw the Red Hourglass staring back at me.
I have to tell him before we go back to Manhattan. I threw the bathroom door open and it banged into the wall.
“And good morning to you too,” said Conan as he looked up from his paper.
The burden of my secret was like lead weights around my ankles. Each step I took in his direction was harder than the last.
“Conan … I have to talk to you.”
“What is it?” He closed the paper.
“There’s something I haven’t told you.” I looked down at my feet.
“Okay. Tell me.”
“I’m not who you think I am.”
“What you do mean? You’re my one and only Scarlet.”
“Scarlet’s not my real name.”
“Who are you?” he growled and he leaned toward me.
I wanted to run but my feet were stuck to the ground. I forced myself to look him in the eye. This is it. There’s no turning back now.
“I am … I’m … I’ve been … Conan …”
“Spit it out! Tell me who you are!” Conan threw the newspaper down and stood up.
“I was sent to spy on Wilmar.”
“Who the hell do you work for you devious little bitch?!” he screamed as he put his giant hand around my neck. He slammed me into the bathroom door and lifted me off my feet. “Your only hope is to start talking … NOW!”
“I … I can’t breathe,” I wheezed as I clawed at his hand and kicked my legs.
He lowered me to the floor and loosened his grip around my throat. I gasped for air, trying to catch my breath.
“Who do you work for?” He glared into my eyes and sneered at me. His gray eyes were glowing with fury and his lips were quivering.
“White Holdings.” I coughed.
“You work for that evil old hag!” He tossed me on the bed and put his knee on my chest. “Did she try to kill my father?! Were you going to kill me?!” Conan’s spit rained down on me as he held my arms above my head with one hand and raised his fist.
“I don’t know who tried to kill your father!” This is it. I’m not getting out of this alive. I started to trembled under his weight and closed my eyes. “She hasn’t told me to kill you. I was supposed to get close to you. She wants to stop the merger with Zhong Yuan … and to stop Wilmar buying up Manhattan. She told the agents that she’s trying to acquire Wilmar to protect the people losing their homes and businesses because of developers.”
“Is that what the old bitch tells her agents?” Conan sat on the bed and stared at me. “She’s going for a hostile takeover to fill her many accounts. I want you to know that we’re planning to build a lot of affordable housing in Manhattan, and we’re offering tenants and small businesses long-term leases with rent control. Anyone who’s lost their apartment or business is being paid handsomely for the inconvenience, and we’re doing everything we can to work with them … to help them move or set up shop somewhere else.”
“I … I didn’t know. I’m so sorry Conan,” I whispered.
“Screw you Scarlet. Never mind about that bitch boss of yours. You wormed your way into my life and lied to me … lied through your teeth! You’re just another heartless hussy toying with me, like my ex! I almost killed her when I found out she slept with that hedge fund manager. And now you’ve betrayed me worse than she did.”
“Conan, please listen to me, please,” I begged as tears gushed from my eyes. “I love you.”
“SHUT UP! I don’t want to hear any more lies you scheming slag!”
“I’m not lying.” I grabbed his wrist with both my hands. “Conan you don’t understand. The White Queen …”
“Oh hell no!” He yanked his arm up. “You call her the White Queen? What sort of sick shit is that?”
“It’s worse than that.” I sobbed. “I call her mama.”
“You told me you aren’t close to your parents,” he said with bile.
“She’s not my mother. She saved me on my seventeenth birthday. My mother abandoned me when I was five, left me with my abusive stepfather. I ran away when I was sixteen. I was homeless, sleeping rough. Mrs. White found me and took me to her school.”
“You’ve infiltrated my company and my heart with your deceptions and lies! Do you expect me to feel sorry for you?!”
“No,” I mumbled through my tears. “I just want you to understand why I work for her … why I’ve done the things I’ve done. It’s no excuse, but I was desperate, literally starving. It was either go with her to the Academy or starve or freeze to death that winter. The other girls became my sisters and she became my mama. They’re the only real family I’ve ever had. She told us we were doing good … fighting evil.”
“I don’t believe you.” He stood up and paced back and forth. “You played me like a FOOL! What am I to you? A game?!” He picked up a vase and hurled it against the wall.
A shard of glass ricocheted off the wall and hit my face. It cut me and a drop of blood appeared below my eye.
“Scarlet!” Conan ran over to the bed and cupped my face in his hands. “Your face … I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.” Tears welled up in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I never wanted to hurt you either.” I took his hands and kissed them. “C
onan, you have to believe me when I tell you that I fell in love with you. I never lied to you about that. My love for you is the only thing I’m sure about. I don’t even know who I am, but I know I love you. You’re all that matters to me. When the Wh … when Mrs. White finds out that I fell in love with you she’ll probably have me killed.”
“Oh Lord, this is a huge mess.” Conan put his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. “Scarlet, you should’ve told me sooner. How can I ever trust you again?”
“I don’t know. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. I’m not the only agent in Wilmar. If any of my sisters suspected that you’d found out … I don’t know what would’ve happened to us. Please Conan … please believe me.”
“Scarlet, fuck! The idiot in me wants to believe you. The CSO in me says I can never trust you again.”
“Conan.” I touched the red ruby heart on my finger. “I chose you over her. I wouldn’t have come here with you if I hadn’t. Ask me anything you want. I’ll tell you everything I know.”
“Why should I believe that you aren’t still lying? How can I trust you? How do I know that you won’t take one of those knives and stab me in the back the first chance you get?”
I got off the bed and grabbed my bags and platform stilettos.
“I didn’t bring any blades. Here.” I handed him my shoes. “There are secret compartments in the soles … for hiding my switchblades. Check. You’ll see that they’re empty. And look through my bags … no knives, no daggers, no ice picks. Conan, I came here because I want to be with you more than anything in the world. I’m risking my life telling you all this and I don’t care.”
Conan dumped everything out of my suitcase and ripped out the lining. Then he did the same with my clutch.
“Just because you don’t have any blades doesn’t mean you couldn’t poison me, or have me ambushed, or kill me with a steak knife from the dining room.”
“You’re right, but you have to make a decision. Are you going to have whatever’s done to corporate spies done to me? Or are you going to trust me?”
“How many of you are in Wilmar?”
“I know of three, but there are others. Mimi’s in operations, Liza’s in accounts, and there’s someone in HR but I don’t know who. I don’t know where the others work, or how many of them there are.”
“Can you find out?”
“It’s too late.”
“What do you mean? Why?”
“They’ll be making their move tomorrow … unless Mrs. White has already convinced Zhong Yuan to back out of the merger. And if she hasn’t, she’ll do whatever it takes to stop it … even if it means lives will be lost.”
“Holy Christ Scarlet. You’ve really waited until the last second on this. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’m sorry. I tried, but I didn’t have the courage.”
“I don’t want to hear it. I have to get back immediately.”
“No! Conan, it’s not safe for you to go back. They know I’m here with you … and I confessed my feelings for you to Mimi. I’ve tried to play my feelings down, but they know I was lying. There’s a GPS tracker on my phone, so they know we’ve been together every weekend. Whenever an agent falls for a target … it’s not good. People usually end up hurt … or dead.”
“Scarlet, you know someone’s tried to kill my father recently, and my company’s at risk! You’re delusional if you think I’m going to run away from that evil old hag and her agents! I’m sure my guys and I can handle a bunch of women!”
“You can’t go back. You have to listen to me. You don’t understand,” I pleaded. “They’re not just a bunch of women. They’re trained killers.”
“Do you think my guys and I aren’t trained killers? What do you think West Point is? Babysitter school?”
“Conan, she gives the orphaned and forgotten lives with purpose, lives with a mission. Her agents fight to the death for love and loyalty. Your guys fight for money.”
“I pay them well and I treat them well!”
“I just meant don’t underestimate her agents.” I took a deep breath and massaged my neck. “The other thing is that the White Qu … she has the police in her pocket. So unless you’re also bribing the police commissioner, they aren’t going to be any help.”
“Fuck!” Conan punched the wall. “I don’t care. I’m not running away from this. Did you really tell Mimi your feelings for me?”
“Yes.”
“Are you with me?” Conan stared into my eyes.
“I’ll always be with you.” I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, forcing my tongue into his mouth and engulfing him once more in the flames of our passion. “In case we don’t make it out alive … I want you to know that we are real.”
“Let’s go.”
Final Orders
I stared at Niagara Falls as we left Canada. Two countries separated by the falls. Has anyone who’s traversed them lived?
“What’s your real name,” asked Conan as he handed me back my passport and ID.
“My given name was Mary, but Mrs. White renamed me Janet. I prefer Scarlet … my latest identity.” I took off my engagement ring and offered it back to him. He ignored me and I slipped the ring in my pocket.
“Then we’ll just stick with that for now.”
Conan didn’t say another word for the rest of the drive. We were back in Manhattan just as the sun set. His face was masked in shadows as he parked in front of my apartment.
“Will you be okay?” he asked.
“Yes.” I took off my seat belt. “I’m more worried about you. Promise me you’ll be extra careful.”
“Don’t worry about me.” He chuckled.
“My sisters could come for you any time.”
“I’ll worry about that if it happens. If you don’t mind, I’ll just pop the trunk so you can get your suitcase. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Of course,” I said as I got out of the car.
I grabbed my suitcase and went upstairs. My phone started ringing before I got inside.
“Hello.” My voice was shaky.
“Janet.”
“Hi Mama. I’m back home.”
“I know. You’ll be picked up at six a.m. sharp. Good night,” she said and hung up.
I dumped out my small suitcase and filled it with my personal belongings. Then I packed my shoes—I hid the engagement ring in the secret compartment of one of my stilettos—and clothes in the rest of my luggage. I wanted to be ready to run if the White Queen let me go after I saw her.
Milky rubbed herself against my leg. I picked her up and kissed her. “I’ll leave the window open so you can escape if anything happens to me.” She licked my face and I put her on my bed.
I went into the bathroom and took a long shower.
* * *
The White’s Queen chauffeur was waiting for me in a white Mercedes when I stepped outside at six the next morning. I got in the back seat and tried to prepare myself for an interrogation. The drive felt longer than normal.
We stopped for the usual security checks before we drove up the driveway to the mansion. The White Queen was waiting at the front door. She was wearing a white mink stole and a long-sleeved white gown. She seemed to be inflating and deflating as she breathed.
I got out of the car and walked up the red carpet between the birds of prey statues. They felt more ominous than I remembered and I clenched my fists.
I smiled at the White Queen as I went up the stairs. She had on a white pearl necklace and matching earrings. The smooth pearls were a huge contrast to her wrinkly skin. She’s just an ageing snowy owl, I shouldn’t be afraid of her.
“Scarlet, you’re home.” The White Queen wrapped me in her owl wings and held me to her bosom.
“Mama.”
“Come inside.” She ushered me into the state room. “Sit, sit,” she said as she plopped down in her white leather chair. “You went to Canada did you? How was it?”
“Conan invited me to go for the
weekend … I couldn’t decline his invitation.”
“Of course not. That’s why I gave you a passport. Now, here are your final orders.” She took a white envelope from a pocket in the lining of her stole and handed it to me. “The Zhong Yuan executives have proven to be much more honorable than we anticipated, and your sisters didn’t uncover any unfortunate financial realities within Wilmar itself. As such, we haven’t been able to persuade Zhong Yuan to walk away from the merger. If we want to save our city, we have no choice but to use the only option that remains. Nonetheless, you’ll be leaving us for good when the mission’s over.”
“Leaving you for good?” My jaw dropped.
“After we stop the merger, you’ll be given your new identity and a bank account with sufficient funds to last you a lifetime … as long as you’re not overly extravagant. The only condition is that you have to leave the country within a week, and you must never return to New York City.”
“Why?”
“You’re past your prime,” she said. “It’s for your own safety.”
“But this is the only life I know.” Why am I arguing with her? I want to leave.
“My dear Janet, I’ve seen you transform from a starving young girl into a beautiful, ambitious young woman. You’re grown up now, and like all children, you have to leave home. I know you’ll be fine. Believe in yourself my child.”
“But …” I finally understood why all the agents were young. The White Queen ultimately tossed her children out of the nest for good.
“No buts,” she said with a stern look. “Just follow your orders and we’ll take care of the rest.”
“I have one last question.”
“Ask, my child.”
“Who gave you the moonstone ring?” I pointed to her finger.
“It was a gift from my husband,” she said. Her owl eyes drifted to the gleaming moonstone. “He disappeared many years ago. We never found the body.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, looking down at the envelope in my hands. Did she kill her own husband?
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