by Andrea Beaty
“We have a problem with the food,” he said nervously.
“What food?” asked Commander Jones.
“That’s the problem,” said Counselor Blech. “Someone ate it. I think it was the Earth frogs.”
“What Earth frogs?” asked Commander Jones suspiciously. “I didn’t see any Earth frogs.”
“Er—the invisible Earth frogs?” said Counselor Blech. “They are very ferocious. And hungry.”
“Use the Earth telephone device to find more food,” said Jammer.
Counselor Blech squirmed.
“They ate that, too,” he said. “They are very bad frogs.”
At that moment, Sparkletooth waved and smiled sweetly at Commander Jones.
“That reminds me,” said Jammer. “I am hungry.”
“I have an idea,” said Commander Jones.
“Burp,” said Counselor Blech.
The three counselors whispered back and forth for a few moments. Then, at precisely the same instant, they tilted their heads to one side, looked at Sparkletooth, and smiled.
Sparkletooth was not at dinner.
“Where’s Sparkletooth?” Joules asked SmellyCat.
“Toothsparkwho?” asked SmellyCat.
“Mitzy?” asked Joules.
SmellyCat shrugged.
“Commander Jones,” Joules said, “where’s Mitzy?”
“The pink girl has returned to her school,” said Commander Jones.
“Was something wrong?” asked Joules. “How did she feel?”
“Delicious,” said Counselor Blech.
“Crunchy,” said Jammer.
Commander Jones whacked the two counselors on the back of the head.
“Not crunchy and delicious,” they said at the same time. “We mean fine.”
“The pink girl felt ready for school after a summer of exceptional experiences here at Camp Whatsitooya.”
Kevin, Joules, and Nelson shot worried looks to one another. They didn’t know which was weirder, Sparkletooth being gone or the counselors thinking they would fall for such a lame excuse.
Kevin noticed that the vats of cereal were nearly empty and the crates of marshmallows and candy were low. Also, the counselors were very energetic and did not speak to one another, but they seemed to communicate simply through looks and head motions and occasional head whacks. Also, they seemed bigger than before and far less blurry. Kevin wrote this in his chart. He noticed something else, too. Each time SmellyCat’s giggles and snorts rose above the din of the other campers in the dining tent, Commander Jones, Counselor Blech, and Jammer all tilted their heads ever so slightly to the left. And they smiled.
It was after midnight. A full moon shined down upon Lake Whatsosmelly, bathing its glassy surface in silver light. It was a scene from a postcard. Or, as Kevin Rockman thought, a scene from a movie. The Werewolf of Lake Doom, to be exact.
It had taken Kevin a long time to fall asleep. He was worried. Neither of the twins believed the story about Sparkletooth going back to school.
Still, they didn’t know what to do. They had contemplated exploring the woods during the night to look for clues, but had decided it was too risky. Besides, they would have more success hunting in the daylight. Kevin was extremely glad to be on his cot instead of in the woods being watched by killer owls, rabid skunks, and the freaky white beast that dragged off Ms. Jones and probably Jammer and Counselor Blech.
When at last sleep arrived, it was a fitful sleep. Kevin’s dreams were crowded with images of the day. Giant chestnut trees. Burned-out rockets. Swaying counselors and terrified campers. But one image in particular came back over and over. It was an image that disturbed Kevin more than all the others: the frozen smiles on the counselors’ faces when SmellyCat laughed.
A strange noise woke Kevin. He sat bolt upright on his cot, his heart racing.
He heard it again. It came from somewhere among the tents.
“Joules—” he started.
“I heard it,” said Joules, who was already out of her cot, pulling on her shoes and reaching for her stick. “Let’s get Nelson.”
Joules slipped out of the tent. Kevin flipped on the flashlight and followed her. It was bright enough in the moonlight to see without the flashlight, but Kevin was glad to have it. The twins stopped at Nelson’s tent.
“Nelson!” whispered Joules. “Wake up.”
“What, Mom?” asked Nelson.
“Oh, brother,” Joules said, poking him with the stick. “Put on your shoes. We need you.”
“Huh?” said Nelson, sitting up and looking around for his shoes.
“It’s over by SmellyCat!” cried Kevin.
Kevin and Joules ran for SmellyCat’s tent, followed by Nelson, who was half running, half hopping, trying to pull on his sneakers as he went. SmellyCat slept in the large tent at the center of camp.
Joules reached the tent first. She shook the canvas wall.
“Hey!” she said. “Are you guys okay? Wake up!”
No answer.
“Hey!” she repeated.
She pulled back the tent flap. Kevin shined his flashlight inside. The girls were gone.
“We’ve got to get the others,” said Kevin, running to Jack and Avery’s tent. Nelson ran to check on Eric.
Kevin pulled back the tent flap. Jack and Avery were gone.
“It’s empty!” he called to Joules.
Joules yelled, “Nelson, what about Eric?”
Silence.
“Nelson?” yelled Joules.
Silence.
“NELSON!” yelled Kevin.
Joules and Kevin ran to the tent where Nelson should have been. It was empty and Nelson was gone. Kevin’s flashlight beam landed on a shoe. More precisely, it landed on a smelly red sneaker with an odd-shaped spot that seemed—somehow—to glow in the dark.
“NELS—!” yelled Kevin.
“SHHHHH!” whispered Joules. “What are you doing?”
“We’ve got to find Nelson,” said Kevin.
“I know,” said Joules. “But be quiet! Do you want them to find—”
As she spoke, a large figure behind her blocked the moon and cast a shadow that swallowed her and Kevin. It was unlike any shadow she had ever seen. Joules hoped it was just a trick of the breeze and the trees, but knew better. The shadow was broad. It was tall. And it was bunny-shaped.
“Too late,” said Kevin in a squeaky thin voice.
“Ha!” yelled Joules, twirling around and jabbing her stick at the figure behind her.
“Ha,” laughed Commander Jones, grabbing Joules’s stick and snapping it in two.
“Ha. Ha. Ha,” said Counselor Blech. “Why are we laughing?”
“Shut up,” said Commander Jones.
“Ha. Ha. Ha. That’s a good one,” said Counselor Blech. “Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha….”
Counselor Blech laughed so hard he fell against Commander Jones, knocking them both over.
“You idiot!” yelled Commander Jones.
“Run!” yelled Joules.
Joules and Kevin ran between the tents, jumping over the guy-wires and dodging the low branches that dipped onto the path. They were almost to Café du Lac when Joules looked back over her shoulder to see—
She ran full force into the enormous figure that hopped out of the shadows. Joules fell backward, knocking Kevin to the ground and landing in a heap beside him.
“Duds,” said Jammer in a robotic voice. “That was not cool.”
Jammer reached down and scooped Joules up under his left arm and Kevin under his right. Where his arms touched the kids, a strange thing happened. Like a faulty hologram, his skin flickered and faded, revealing white fur. His hands morphed into large ferocious paws with sharp claws.
In a few enormous hops, he carried the twins to Craftland, where Commander Jones and Counselor Blech were waiting. Jammer plopped Joules and Kevin onto the picnic table. As he released them, his fur and paws morphed back into skin-covered hands.
“They have seen my disguise,”
said Jammer. “It malfunctioned.”
“No matter,” said Commander Jones. “We no longer require these illusions.”
The three counselors took off their sunglasses, revealing large, swirly eyes that glowed softly and turned in opposite directions. For a moment, the counselors’ bodies flashed brighter, then dimmer, then brighter again. Finally, their human bodies faded away like the last flickers of a movie in a dark theater. Left in their place were the forms of three Fierce, Large, Ugly, and Ferocious Furballs … with fangs. Fluffs.
At this point, you might be wondering how the Fluffs managed to assume the counselors’ identities so completely and how their ability to project this illusion works. While it would be possible (and very easy) to explain this in scientific terms, it would also be dull. Instead, everyone go get a snack and a nice pillow and let’s settle in for a lovely story time. Ready? Okay. Here we go….
Once upon a time, there was a planet of Fierce, Large, Ugly, and Ferocious Furballs who spent their days hopping around, eating small creatures, and burping. The Fluffs were wondrous creatures with the ability to eat another creature and then assume that creature’s appearance. (This involves the scientific process of absorbing the creature’s DNA and using it to project a holographic field around the Fluff via the hollow tubules of the Fluff’s fur. This procedure requires large quantities of sugar to sustain the holographic illusion and is rarely used by Fluffs, who would rather spend their energy burping. That is the scientific explanation. However, that sounds boring in a story so we’re going to say they use magic! That’s more fun, isn’t it?) Okay, so where were we?
Oh, yeah. So, one day a Fluff was hopping around the planet eating small creatures when he got a great idea.
“I’ll eat a small creature and use magic to look like it. None of the other Fluffs will know who I am. It will be so funny,” he thought.
The Fluff ate a small creature and used his magic to look like the small creature.
“Hi!” he thought to the other Fluffs.
“Look,” thought the other Fluffs. “Lunch!”
The end.
Meanwhile, back at Craftland …
“Let’s put these earthlings into a more cooperative mood,” said Commander Cottonswab.
The Fluffs’ eyes spun round and round. Faster and faster, focusing their hypnotic energy on the twins. A faint woozy feeling came over Kevin. It reminded him of the feeling he’d experienced just yesterday while canoeing. He snapped his eyes shut.
“Close your eyes!” he yelled. “They’re trying to hypnotize us.”
Joules closed her eyes.
“You are no fun,” said Counselor Blech. “But it does not matter. We do not need your energy. Tomorrow, we will have all the energy in the world!”
“And Sweden!” said Commander Jones. “Take them to the others.”
The others! Joules and Kevin shot a glance at each other. Perhaps the counselors and campers were still alive.
Commander Jones (also known as Commander Cottonswab, for those of you who were wondering) and Counselor Blech (also called Floopsy by his friends) hopped toward the woods. The Fluff formerly known as Jammer (and even more formerly known as Moopsy) shoved the twins under his furry arms and hopped after them. From this point on, it is best that we call the Fluffs by their true names so we can eliminate any doubt that we are actually dealing with Fluffs.
Commander Cottonswab, Floopsy, and Moopsy sped down the path that followed the shore. Then they turned along a deer trail and directly into the deep forest. It was the very same path Joules had followed in search of the white beast from Café du Lac.
Just as Joules had been watched then by the yellow eyes of a lone crow, the strange parade of aliens and Earth children was watched now by the night eyes of the forest. From the safety of the shadows, the eyes of deer and owls, raccoons, and wildcats were fixed upon the Fluffs and their captives. Both the hunters and the hunted watched from the darkness.
And so did another creature. A creature with red hair, freckles, and one red sneaker.
It might be valuable at this point to mention that when Moopsy snatched up Joules and Kevin back at Craftland, he picked them up feet first. As he ran through the woods, he carried them with their feet sticking out in front of him and the rest of them sticking out the back. It was an unfortunate choice for Moopsy because it gave the twins the opportunity to kick him in the face, which they did repeatedly. The Fluff tried blocking the kicking feet with his enormous floppy ears, but then he couldn’t see where he was hopping, which caused him to crash into a tree, which was very annoying. This was the good part of this situation for the Rockman twins. The bad part was the view.
This view (and the fear that they were about to meet their impending doom) inspired Kevin and Joules to thrash, kick, and squirm wildly. As they struggled, Moopsy squeezed tighter, but his pace slowed. Within moments, Commander Cottonswab and Floopsy had hopped around a bend in the trail and were out of sight.
The woods were at their darkest here, but occasionally a break in the canopy let a shaft of moonlight reach the forest floor before being devoured by the ferns. Moopsy had just passed through one of these beams of moonlight when a figure stepped into the light and caught Joules’s eye.
It was Nelson, carrying some kind of rope.
Joules whacked Kevin on the arm to get his attention and put her hands to her eyes as if she were wearing glasses.
“Where???” asked Kevin, who clearly got the message.
Joules pointed into the darkness behind them.
“Kick!” said Kevin, counting off with his fingers.
Kevin and Joules sent their feet flying with a fury against Moopsy’s face.
They kicked Moopsy in the nose as hard as they could, and for a moment, the Fluff stopped. The twins struggled to break free, but Moopsy’s grasp was too great. In one swift (and surprisingly graceful) twirling motion, Moopsy flipped Joules and Kevin around so their feet were no longer a threat. What was a new threat for the twins was the Fluff’s breath, which smelled like marshmallows. But not the sugary, mild sweetness of a brand-new fluffy white marshmallow. The Fluff’s breath smelled like burned marshmallows. Burned marshmallows that have been stuck to a skunk’s fur and left to mildew in a swamp for five months. It was not pleasant. It was worse than not pleasant. It was the kind of smell that had the power to make unicorns weep. Which, in case you didn’t know, is powerful!
Moopsy’s pit stop was brief. The entire maneuver took only a moment, but it was long enough for Nelson to catch up with the Fluff.
It’s not exactly clear what Joules and Kevin expected their skinny, eleven-year-old friend to do against an enormous beast with fangs, claws, a viselike grip, and really, really bad breath. But they didn’t expect what happened.
As Moopsy stopped to twirl Joules and Kevin about, Nelson ran past the Fluff without being noticed, waved at the twins, and vanished into the darkness.
Once more, Moopsy started swiftly through the forest with Joules and Kevin clenched tightly in his armpits.
Directly ahead of them was the tall chain-link fence. Joules had seen this fence before, during her encounter with the transformed Ms. Jones. There was a narrow gash cut into the fence, which would allow them to get through. Even so, they would have to stop and squeeze through one at a time, and it would be a very tight fit for the Fluff. Trying to push through the gash at their current pace would jam the twins full force against the jagged metal, ripping them to shreds.
While the twins figured this out, Moopsy did not seem to. He did not stop. He did not slow down. The Fluff hopped faster and faster, and the fence grew closer and closer.
Moopsy was only three hops away from the fence. He moved faster.
Two hops. There was no way to stop now.
One hop.
Joules and Kevin covered their heads with their arms and braced themselves for the inevitable crash.
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!” they screamed.
Then Moopsy hopped.
In a single bounce, he cleared the fence and landed easily on the other side. (He is a rabbit, after all.) Without missing a beat, he continued down the path. Joules and Kevin lowered their arms and breathed out a sigh of relief.
The underbrush was thinner on this side of the fence and the trees were bigger. Ahead, they could just make out some kind of building and a light.
What happened next is best viewed in slow motion. Unfortunately, slow-motion books have not yet been invented, so you’ll have to do this part yourself. Don’t worry, it’s easy. Just look at the following pictures VERY, VERY slowly.
“Hurry!” said Nelson, yanking Joules and Kevin up from the path. “They’re coming.”
Joules, Kevin, and Nelson tumbled into the forest and ducked behind a mulberry bush just as Floopsy and Commander Cottonswab came down the path. They found Moopsy face-first in the dirt.
“Why are you eating dirt?” thought Commander Cottonswab.
“I am not eating dirt,” thought Moopsy. “Should I?”
“Only if you’re going to share,” thought Floopsy.
Moopsy stood up and rubbed his ears with one paw and his rump with the other.
“They got away,” he thought.
Commander Cottonswab whacked the other two Fluffs.
“Forget those children,” he thought. “They had insignificant amounts of energy. They are irrelevant.”
“They are an elephant?” thought Moopsy.
“Shut up,” thought Commander Cottonswab, whacking Moopsy.
“Got it,” thought Moopsy.
“We must use our voices now and also rest to preserve our telepathic powers. We will need our powers when the satellite comes into range at dawn,” said Commander Cottonswab. “Then we will use them to control the world and have the greatest feast ever!”
“Yum,” said Floopsy.