by Bella Andre
Still shuddering from her incredibly intense climax, she wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling the thrill of his arousal in the tightening of his muscles. He circled her body with his arms, bringing her so close against his chest, as if he couldn’t bear to have air between them. And then he was taking her right back to the edge again, each thrust slower now, stroking over her sensitive nerves.
She dug her nails into his skin. “More…Harder…Please…”
“Beautiful. You’re so damn beautiful, Reese.” He clutched her tight and reared up, thrusting harder. “I’ve waited so long to be with you again.”
“Too long,” she managed in a breathless voice, holding his arms for dear life as another climax tore through her.
He buried his face in her neck and breathed her name seconds before surrendering to his own release. She wrapped her arms around his back, loving the feel of his throbbing heat inside her.
“Reese.” Nothing had ever sounded sweeter than her name, spoken in the deep voice that she’d never been able to forget, no matter how many lonely nights she’d spent without him.
Only now, though his slow, sensuous kisses told her he hadn’t been lying when he’d said he’d always loved her, reality was already rushing back in. The reality of having slept with Trent on yet another first date, even though she’d vowed up and down not to do just that. She never slept with a guy on their first date!
But this wasn’t just any guy. This was Trent. The man she’d once adored.
Love me, Trent. Her own words from just minutes ago hit her like a brick. That’s all I want. Just for you to love me.
Oh no! Not only had she said it in the heat of the moment, but she’d meant it—wanted him, needed him—from the very tip of her head to the soles of her feet.
She sighed as she realized that she was more confused than ever.
As if he could read her mind, he slowly raised his body from hers, took her hand to help her up, and silently gave her her clothes to put back on. After they were both dressed again, they sat on the hood of the car beneath the stars, and she wondered if he’d needed the chance to cool off as much as she had.
“I should have asked if you were sure,” he said softly.
“You know how much I wanted you,” she assured him. “More than I wanted to breathe.”
“And now?” He touched her chin, bringing her eyes to his.
From the tightening of his jaw and the furrowing of his brow, she knew he could see her uncertainty about where to go from here. Her heart raced again as she tried to figure out what to say, how to explain that the desperation to be in his arms again was colliding head-on with the fear of repeating their past. Her skin became clammy as she tried to fight the terrifying fear of racing forward at breakneck speed, the way they had the first time. She wanted him—God, how she wanted him—but the knowledge that what they’d done before hadn’t worked and the realization that she was practically powerless to resist the white-hot desire between them coiled into a knot and drove her to her feet.
“And now…I want to kiss you and run from you at the same time.”
Though hurt flickered in his eyes at her honest answer, he didn’t lash out. Instead, he slid from the hood of the car and reached for her hand, gathering her in his arms and holding her close. But with every stroke of his hand down her back, more and more unanswered questions simmered up from deep inside her—and finally bubbled over.
“Why?” she needed to know. “Why did you wait ten years?”
He hesitated for only a second or two, but it was more than enough time for anger and hurt to wind together and spew from Reese’s mouth.
“Ten years, Trent.” She pushed away from him and paced. “Do you have any idea how many nights I prayed you’d make time for me?” She spun around and faced him again. “Any idea how many years I longed to be with you?” Tears of anger welled in her eyes, and she pushed at his chest. “Talk to me, damn it. I deserve to know why.”
“I can’t answer you any better than to say that I was an idiot. I don’t know the whys of it all. I only know that I screwed up. But I never, ever, stopped loving you.”
She turned away again, trying to walk off the dark emotions that swamped her, but it was impossible, and when she looked at him again, she needed him to hear her—and to know that how he’d treated her was not okay. “Damn right you screwed up. Ten years, Trent. Ten years!”
“I tried, Reese. I came after you when you first left me. I really thought we could make it work.”
“You didn’t try!” Her limbs shook. “You rationalized.”
“You’re right. That’s exactly what I did.” He ran a hand through his hair, working his jaw in frustration. “But at the time I had no idea just how badly I was screwing up. You have to know that. You know me. You’re the only person who has ever really known me.”
He reached for her again, but she turned out of his grasp.
“I thought I knew you when we were here on the island, but that guy I met and fell in love with was a world away from the man I ended up with in New York.”
“Reese, you were everything to me. You still are.” His voice was filled with so much sorrow. “Everything about us was so right, so real, and so easy, that I knew it was true love. But what I didn’t know, and never slowed down enough to realize until it was too late, was that the move had thrust us both into a completely different world. You left everything you knew and everyone you loved for us. For me.”
She clenched her eyes shut, remembering the anguish of leaving her parents and friends. “I did give up everything to be with you, and I was sad about it. But then I realized…” She stopped to catch her breath and wipe her angry tears away. “I realized I had you, and that was all that mattered. But then it turned out I didn’t actually have you at all. I also realized after it was all over that I was relying too much on you.” Realizing the apologies needed to go both ways, she said, “And you need to know how sorry I am that I didn’t do a better job of standing on my own two feet.”
“No. I was the one who abandoned you, and I was too busy to see what I was doing. You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.”
“I did,” she said. “We both did. And then we lost each other.”
Just as she closed her eyes to try to gain control of her emotions, he stepped in closer and touched her hands with the utmost gentleness. “May I?”
She nodded, needing his comfort and wanting his love, despite the anger that had just erupted like a volcano. He gathered her against him as he said, “I was young and stupid and so in love with you that I believed our relationship could withstand anything. And it can, sweetheart. I truly believe that. But we need to both be in it together. Always a team. No matter what.”
She fisted her hands in his shirt as he held her close and bared his soul, taking full responsibility for something that wasn’t solely his fault. When he gazed deeply into her eyes, she felt her heart crack open. Forcing herself from the comfort of his arms was harder than almost anything she’d ever had to do, but she held her chin up high, pulled her shoulders back, and looked into his eyes with what she hoped was a self-assured gaze.
“I wish I could tell you that I could be a part of that team again. I wish I could be as sure about our past as you are—”
“The only thing I’m sure about,” he interrupted, “is that I want you in my life. And that I’ll do anything, be anything, change anything, to be with you again.”
Ten years ago, five years ago, maybe even three years ago, she’d have softened at those words and taken them at face value. But she hadn’t realized until this very moment how much all those years had strengthened her.
“I’m not a naive nineteen-year-old anymore. I know promises can be broken, and I have a whole life here that I love.” All the anger had left her voice by now, but any tentative hope for what might come was tamped down by the unknown that hovered around them like a cloud. “Being with you is wonderful in so many ways, but it’s also scary, and risky, and.
..” She crossed her arms, bracing to be strong—just as she had ten years ago. “I need time to process everything. I need time to think.”
“I’m not a stupid kid anymore, Reese. I will prove that to you. I will win you back. Our love is too strong for this to be anything but true love. I screwed up royally—maybe we both did—but I’m not going to let our past ruin what could be the best part of the rest of our lives. I love you, and I don’t expect you to tell me that back tonight. But I hope you’ll continue to open yourself up to the possibility of us. I promised to always love you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you. And when I do, I’m praying that the only ‘Dear Trent’ note you’ll want to write in the future will be to tell me how much you love me. Just as much as I love you.”
Chapter Fifteen
STANDING ON THE dewy grass beside the resort the next morning, Reese pulled her hair back and secured it with an elastic band, thinking about Trent. Last night he hadn’t tried to hide from his faults, or gloss over them. He’d simply been the same open, honest, and loving man she’d fallen in love with. The one she’d thought she’d lost forever ten years ago...
But today Trent wasn’t the only one she was thinking about. Not when she knew she had to take a good, hard look at herself, too. She’d meant it when she’d told him she wished she’d been better able to stand on her own two feet during their marriage. And even though he’d told her she didn’t have anything to apologize for, she knew that she did.
When they’d lived in New York City, Trent had never been able to take a full lunch hour, but he’d asked her more than once if she could come to his office to share a brown-bag lunch on a nearby park bench. At the time, those fifteen minutes didn’t seem like they could make or break their relationship. But now she could see that even a quarter of an hour would have been enough to at least share a few kisses...and to remember how important they were to each other. It wasn’t that she hadn’t had the time—the truth was that she’d been scared. The subway had seemed daunting and unsafe, no matter how many times Trent assured her it wasn’t. And the cabs drove so fast and crazy that she was always sure they’d crash.
A decade ago, he’d been way too busy building his career, and she’d been afraid of her own shadow. Ten years older and wiser, Reese was no longer that scared nineteen-year-old. Not even close. And hadn’t Trent told her the same thing about himself? That he’d grown beyond the twenty-six-year-old she’d been married to?
Seabirds flew overhead, and Reese watched them swoop down toward the beach. With a long inhalation, she tried to push away her endlessly swirling thoughts about love and forgiveness for a while and turned her attention to the wall that would become her canvas. Being with Trent last night had caused a surge of inspiration that had driven her out of bed before the sun had even risen—the same kind of eruption of creativity she’d experienced when they’d first been together.
This morning, instead of seeing blank white walls before her, she saw flowers swaying in a breeze as it swept across the sandy beach and up the hill, like silent music that only the blooms could hear. She imagined verdant leaves and petals bursting with colors so vibrant and real that she could practically smell their sweet fragrances. She dragged her fingers along the rough surface, tracing the area where the picket fence would be painted. She imagined the grooves of the gray, aged wood, the dots of the nail heads, and the sprinkling of sand that she’d paint, showing how the Cape beaches touched everything around them.
The same way that Trent touched every part of her when he was near.
It had been easier to repress her feelings and deny them completely when he was living in New York all these years. But now, knowing he was staying in the resort—and that he was never more than a few minutes away—made it impossible to keep pretending that her feelings for him weren’t hovering just under her skin, vying for release.
She hadn’t planned to make love with him last night. She’d planned to take it slow, to let her feelings simmer as she explored whether or not they were capable of a more mature love.
But even as she thought it, she couldn’t keep from rolling her eyes. It was yet another truth she had to face this morning—she couldn’t have put the brakes on last night if her life had depended on it, simply because she had no self-control when it came to Trent. Being in his arms again, being that close to the man she’d always loved, hearing her name roll off his tongue—it was sensation overload.
The very best kind of sensation...
She lifted the wooden box of pencils he’d given her and slid her palm over the sleek finish. He knew her so well. To think that he’d bought it because he’d recognized the image she’d sketched made it even more special. She opened the lid, and her breath caught in her throat at the sight of her favorite photograph of the two of them.
She hadn’t seen the photograph since returning home. She’d left it beside the note telling Trent she’d left him, hoping it would be enough to spur him into wanting to make things right between them. Her heart ached with the memory.
Ten years ago it hadn’t been enough. What did it mean that he’d given it back to her now?
She lifted the photograph with a shaky hand and remembered the lovely afternoon at his parents’ house when his mother had taken the photo.
They’d been unaware that Abby had taken the picture. Then again, when Trent and Reese were together, their love and connection had always overshadowed anything and everything. It didn’t matter where they were or how much they loved the people they were with. Their love was boundless.
Or at least it had been for a little while.
The picture’s edges were frayed, and her image was slightly faded, as if Trent had rubbed a thumb over it many, many times. In the photo, Trent was sitting on the grass, and Reese was sitting on his lap, facing him. He had one arm beneath her knees, holding her leg in place like he didn’t want to take a chance of her running off. They were both smiling so broadly that her heart squeezed even now, as she remembered the feel of their foreheads touching. If she concentrated hard enough, she could still hear his voice when he whispered, I can’t wait to marry you, Dandelion.
Goose bumps shivered up her limbs with the memory. Dandelion. When he’d called her that last night, it had left her breathless. How could one word, one voice, one man, feel like everything?
She set the photo in the top of the box and tried to stop thinking about how unbelievably good, how perfectly right, it had felt to make love with him again. She could still feel the press of his thighs against hers, his big hands clutching her hips, and the heated look in his eyes…
She’d never needed words with Trent, because his eyes never lied. The day they’d gotten married, she’d known how much he loved her. Their first morning in New York City, when he’d forgotten to kiss her goodbye, she’d seen just how preoccupied he was with his new life and career. And then, just one week ago, she’d known the moment she’d looked into his eyes outside of Shelley’s that he still loved her...and that he wanted them to go back to the way they used to be.
But was love enough? And even if it was, how could they possibly go back to the way they used to be when at least she was a totally different person now?
Reese picked up the sketch pad and, fortunately, despite her endlessly swirling thoughts and questions, it didn’t take long for her to become absorbed in defining the elements in her sketch. Short, continuous strokes gave way to M-strokes, changing direction constantly to create grass in motion, as if the wind were blowing. Her hands moved without thought, creating jagged lines for bushes and shorter, more refined strokes for the roof of the cottage behind the gardens.
The flowers represented new life, and the stable cottages anchored each side of the drawing, giving way to the fluid movements of the bay, which was watched over by the lighthouse in the distance. The Rockwells wanted the mural to represent the island and the community, and this would be an ideal representation, the perfect blend of warmth and promise.
In her mind, she
couldn’t help but insert herself and Trent into the picture, hand in hand as they recited their vows. I promise to always love you. Forever.
Forever meant taking all that love and desire that brought a couple together and working it like clay. Re-forming it as their lives evolved, changing shape, sometimes softening, other times remaining slightly rigid, but in the end bound together as one solid unit.
They’d both learned the hard way that forever took more than words. It took effort and follow through, and that’s exactly where they’d fallen apart. But now, every time she saw him, every time she heard his voice or felt his touch, every time she thought of him, it pushed the painful memories of their separation a little further away...and gave her hope.
Hope that somehow managed to feel fragile and beautiful, frightening and thrilling, all at the same time.
* * *
TRENT SET THE bag of groceries he’d spirited away from the resort kitchen on the counter of his suite, and as he washed his hands, he reflected on the fact that after spending a decade trying to push thoughts of Reese away so that he wouldn’t have to face all the hurt he’d caused, she’d been there with him the whole time. Always on his mind and in his heart.
Work had been a way to self-medicate the ache of losing her. Working even more hours after she left had given him little time alone in the apartment they’d once shared. But he’d still missed her every minute of every day, no matter how hard he’d worked to tell himself that a practical guy like him should have known better than to let his heart get the best of him.
As he tossed banana slices, pineapple chunks, a handful of blueberries, and a bunch of fresh baby spinach into the blender, he thought about the things he and Reese had said to each other last night. She’d been right to feel angry about how badly he’d blown it. But even though the pain of losing her had left him feeling raw and shredded to pieces, he’d never been angry with her. He’d been hurt. And he’d felt guilty. Because Reese had left everything she’d known and loved behind, and he’d let her down.