“I don’t get it,” Eden said. “She wouldn’t pick, so you stopped being her friend?”
“Madeline made a decision, albeit a bad one. She weighed her options and she chose. I respect that. And she respects me for the same reasons. Occasionally, we still count on each other for favors, as I did when you failed secret keeping one-oh-one. Though lately I’ve begun to wonder just how much to trust her.” Kristen dropped her eyes as if losing focus.
“What about Erin?” Eden asked.
Kristen raised her gaze, shrugged. “She and Madeline grew close again. Madeline’s standards for friendship aren’t as high as mine. To me, Erin faltered. I can’t abide by someone who hovers in the middle ground.” Eden shifted in her seat, Az’s face drifting into her head. “We’d already found a few other Siders by then. We were determined they’d be taught, kept in a group, not alone like we were. Without rules, discipline, everything falls apart. When we split, we let the new Siders choose who to go with. Sebastian left with me to the Bronx. Madeline to Queens. Erin to Manhattan,” Kristen finished.
Eden studied Kristen for a moment, gauging her mood before she asked her question. Finally, she dared. “You said there were five originals. What did you three do to the others?”
“Nothing.” Kristen looked confused. “They formed their groups on their own. The boroughs are natural territory lines to which we’ve all agreed. They’d moved into the empty spots in Brooklyn and Staten Island. They’re no threat, so I don’t bother with them.” Kristen let out a laugh. “What, did you think we locked them up or something? Siders are immortal, Eden. Sure, there’s torture, but without a purpose, it gets tiring rather quickly.”
Screamers, Eden thought. “But you said ‘they’re no threat,’ which implies Madeline and Erin are.”
“Brilliant deduction.” Kristen smacked the table with her hand, amusement dancing across her eyes as she pointed at Eden. “Madeline and Erin know my secrets,” she said with a smile. “Fortunately, I know theirs.” Kristen stood. “That’s enough for today.”
Eden shadowed her back to the stairs and down to the subway platform, lost in her thoughts. Her existence would be spent gloved up, every morning spent trailing a mortal, her Touch changing their life.
She hadn’t been paying attention, startled as she tripped over the last stair. The smell of urine-soaked clothes retched a gag from her, hands clawing at her while she tried to catch her balance, pull away. Her fingers hit skin.
“You killed my baby!”
Eden jerked out of the woman’s grasp as the release hit, her brain fighting the pleasure with horror. She heard Kristen’s gasp. Managed to pull away. I spread Touch to a baby! her brain screamed. I killed a baby? The crowd pushed around the scene, a few eyes straying in their direction. She stepped back, her foot catching on something hard on the ground, sliding as it rolled beneath her shoe. She fell, her tailbone striking the stained floor, a pang shooting up her spine. Tears sprung to her eyes. What have I done?
She ignored the pain, getting to her feet, her twisted ankle throbbing as she took off up the stairs. Behind her, Kristen’s fading voice called her back. The woman’s scream kept her running.
I’m not going to kill people. This can’t be my life. Panic froze her at the top of the stairs. Just run, she thought. Get back to the hotel. Gabe could still be there. He’ll fix this. She whipped her head back and forth, trying to decide on a direction.
Before she could, Kristen grabbed her wrist. “Gloves, Eden! Did I not tell you to wear your fucking gloves?”
Eden yanked away. “I kill a baby and you yell at me about gloves?”
Kristen stared at her. “Baby? What baby?”
Eden faltered. “She said I killed her baby. I felt the Touch pass, Kristen.”
“Eden,” Kristen said gently. “Touch takes time to have any effect. How could you have killed anyone yet? Did you forget?”
“But.” She paused. “The baby…”
“You didn’t see?” Eden shook her head. “It was a doll, Eden. The arm broke off when she dropped it. That’s what you tripped over.” Kristen’s jaw went hard at the relief in Eden’s face. “Oh, so her life is worth less because she’s unwell?”
“No,” Eden argued, the rage in Kristen’s eyes catching her off guard.
“Nice to know your standards, Eden,” Kristen snarled. “You passed her Touch, as if her mind weren’t tortured enough! You’ve doomed her, Eden.”
“I don’t want this!” Eden screamed into Kristen’s face, her hands rigid at her sides. “I never asked for any of this!”
“You’re a spoiled brat, Eden.” Kristen stared her down. “You wanted Az and happiness and fairy tales and forevers. You’re handed your forever and what do you do? You spit on it!”
“I wanted to die! I would never choose this!”
Kristen’s look was level. “No one gets to choose, Eden. We spread Touch because we must. The best we can do is choose who we pass it to, bend Touch to our will. Take what little control we can.” Kristen spun away, heading back down the stairs to the train. “And put on your goddamned gloves.”
CHAPTER 14
Every morning they’d climbed onto the train, she and Kristen, and sat across from each other. Outside, the brick buildings were a mess of taupe patches of painted-over graffiti. Eden had stopped paying attention after the second week. Every morning a duplicate of the last. No choice, no variation. Leave early, ride the train to a random stop, a nod from Kristen to point out the mortal she’d chosen, and Eden’s fingers swiping skin. Then back home.
They’d talked at first, on the ride home, when they’d both woken up enough to be civil. Lately, though, Kristen’s eyes skated across the crowd the entire ride, glaring at random strangers. Today, she’d lost the shifty eyes. Gone to staring into space.
“So,” Eden tried. “I was kinda thinking it would be warmer out.”
Kristen didn’t answer. Her glassy stare set Eden on edge, the empty insistence in its focus, stuck in middle distance between them.
Eden dropped the small talk, went for something she knew would get a reaction. “That dress is hideous.”
Silence.
The chill running down her spine had nothing to do with the changing weather. She couldn’t shake the feeling something really was there, something only Kristen could see.
“Are you okay?” Eden asked. When she didn’t get an answer, she raised her voice. “Kristen! What are you staring at?”
“Oh,” she said quietly, the word drawn out. “Nothing really. Just listening.”
“To what?” she dared.
“Things under things under things.” Her eyelids dropped in long blinks. “‘Locations and times—what is it in me that meets them all, whenever and wherever, and makes me at home?’”
Eden stared, not sure what to say. The train rounded a curve, the brakes shrieking. Kristen blinked hard, the fugue seeming to end as her smile evaporated. Her eyes focused on Eden. “What?” she snapped, breaking contact, smoothing out the folds of her dress. “It’s a poem, Eden. You don’t have to look at me like I escaped an asylum. Get some fucking culture.”
Eden sighed, too tired to deal with Kristen’s attitude. “I would think if you were going to quote Whitman you’d go for something not taken from Leaves of Grass. Especially if you’re going to pull the fancy cultured bitch card.”
Kristen stayed silent, watching her. “Touché,” she said finally as she stood and made her way to the door. “Speaking of locations, I heard from Gabriel.”
Eden didn’t bother to hide her surprise as they pushed through the commuters. Not once had Kristen given her a straight answer about Gabe.
“He apologized for his absence. He needs a few more days. The Fallen. He doesn’t know where they are. He wanted to be sure they don’t track him to you, so he’s keeping his distance for a bit longer. Nothing for us to do but make the best of it, right?”
“But he is coming, right?” She’d given up hope, wondered if they hadn’
t been as close as she’d thought. If he’d only been her friend because of Az.
“You’re only here to learn, Eden. Your stay was never meant to be long-term. Gabriel apparently considers you his responsibility,” Kristen said. “With our time coming to an end soon, I have a new lesson for you tonight.”
“On what?” Eden asked cautiously.
“Dosing.” Kristen stepped out of the crowd streaming from the train before they reached the turnstiles. “Friendship comes with a price, and Gabriel’s price is peril. It’s the reason I’m cautious about telling others how close Gabriel and I are, why I’m sure to keep a number of Siders storing Touch at all times. Because he cares for you, the Fallen will do whatever they can to get their hands on you. Dosing is a skill you’ll need, a way to speed up healing if you’re injured by them. That is, if you manage to get away.” Kristen rejoined the crowd, Eden following. “I’ll come for you after dinner,” Kristen said.
The knock came at dusk. Eden swung open the door.
Kristen stepped back into the hall. “Would you follow me, please?” She didn’t wait for an answer, led the way past the stairs, into the opposite wing. Midway down the hall she whisked into a room.
The boy inside jumped off the bed as they came in.
“Oh, how rude of me,” Kristen said, nudging the boy. “Eden, this is Marcus. He’s going to sacrifice his evening plans to help you with tonight’s lesson.” She leaned over the kid’s shoulder, grinning.
Eden switched her attention to Marcus. His eyes were locked on her, unbearably long eyelashes fluttering with his spastic blinks. He looked near tears.
She hadn’t spent more than a few minutes with any of the other Siders in the time she’d been there. Her meals were set outside her room, announced with a knock and a scurry of departing footsteps. When she left, she traveled with Kristen. The fear in Marcus’s eyes caught her off guard. How different did Kristen act around them to make them so terrified of her?
“Shall we begin?” Kristen’s eyes danced as she dropped her hands to his shoulders. Marcus shuddered.
Kristen positioned the two of them sitting cross-legged on the floor, facing each other.
“Like a virus, Touch needs to be spread, and it can’t do so without an able host. We’re immortal, but injuries do occur, and Touch doubles as our own brand of Neosporin. Your body will use it to heal faster.”
As she spoke, she circled around them, each one tighter than the last.
“If you’re injured, and someone can pass you a dose of Touch, it can get you back on your feet in half the time.” She dropped down beside them, turning to Eden. “I’m going to demonstrate on Marcus, and then you two will practice on each other.”
Kristen swayed forward before Marcus had a chance to react. Her mouth slammed against his, her hand curling around the back of his head, pulling him to her. Eden balked. Kissing? A second later Kristen pulled away, wiping the back of her hand across her lips. Marcus’s lashes fluttered in shock.
“Hold out your arm,” she commanded. She shot Eden a pointed glance. “Drop his glamour.”
A cold sweat broke across Eden’s skin. Kristen had never seen her without her glamour before the immunity had kicked in. A trickle of unease wormed into Eden’s stomach. “Won’t he be immune to me?”
Kristen scoffed. “Not unless you’ve been making secret friends behind my back.” She raised an eyebrow. Eden caught the subtle shift, the way Kristen zeroed in on her hesitation. “Certainly that’s not the case.”
Eden sucked in a breath, leaning forward, swiping him with a finger and pulling away before the kid touched her back. His cheeks sunk, dark patches of rot breaking out across his neck, the tendons underneath tight over bone.
Kristen smiled, satisfied. “Of course, Marcus isn’t injured, so if I leave him this way the Touch inside him will begin to settle. It will feel the same as it would had it built up. Only there will be no slow adjustment. Every moment worse than the last.” She put a hand to his cheek, pulling down to get a better glimpse of his terrified eyes. “Which is why I’ll be taking my dose back.”
He tipped forward, brushing his lips against hers. When he pulled away again, he kept his eyes down. Only Eden witnessed the quiet victory in Kristen’s smile, how she relished manipulation.
“See? Easy as pie,” Kristen said. “There’s a small window of time before your own body begins to react to the Touch inside you, when there is no pain, none of the normal effects of letting it build.”
Kristen stood, striding to the door. “Now practice,” she commanded, closing it behind her.
“That was a little messed up,” Eden said, hoping to kill some of the tension. Marcus gave her a ghost of a grin. “What’d it feel like?”
“The power of it…It’s crazy.” His smile faltered. “If I pass to you, you’ll give it back, right?”
“Trust me, if it’s as much of a pain in the ass to store as Kristen says, I want no part of it.” Eden held her breath in anticipation as he scooted closer.
“Here we go,” he whispered. His lips barely touched hers before he pulled away.
Eden’s lips tingled. “That’s it?”
“That’s it?” He stared at her in disbelief. “You don’t feel it?”
“Maybe you did it too fast. Should we try it again?”
“Again? But I gave you everything I had. You don’t feel anything?” Marcus dropped his hands into his lap, straining toward her. “That’s impossible. You’re lying.”
The venom in his words caught her off guard.
“I’m not a liar. Do you want your dose back or not?” She reached down, grabbed his shirt to yank him forward. Her lips were suddenly only a few inches from his.
“Hurry up.” His breathing was almost frantic.
Eden sighed hard as she leaned forward. “I am.”
Before she could pass the dose back, Marcus tipped to the side. She didn’t have time to react, to catch him before his face collided with the floor. A stab of pain shot up her arms from wrists to elbows.
Eden froze. “Hey. You okay?” Marcus wasn’t moving. Eden leaned closer. His eyes were half open, rolled back into his head. “Kristen!” she screamed, scooting away. She sat in shock as footsteps pounded down the hall, her arms throbbing, the feeling spreading to her shoulders.
“What happened?” Kristen asked before she’d even made it into the room. She grabbed Eden by the arm and hauled her up.
“I don’t know,” Eden stuttered, trying to get her feet under her. “He passed me the dose and I was going to pass it back and…”
“He’s not…” Kristen stared at Marcus, the anger in her face fading into shock. “No, that’s impossible.” She stepped back from Eden, yanking her hands away. “You killed him. How?” she demanded. Her attention traveled to the open door.
Adam peeked around the threshold, confusion in his eyes as he took in the scene—Marcus on the floor, Kristen moving away from the body. Eden opened her mouth, the plea for help barely formed and not yet spoken when Kristen cut her off.
“Close the door. Tell no one,” she said to Adam.
Without so much as a glance at Eden, he pulled it shut. The sudden swing sent a draft across the floor. As the air rushed past, the body burst into ash.
Eden choked in a breath before she could stop herself. Grit caught in her teeth, gagging her as she tried not to swallow. Kristen’s shoes scratched across the wooden floor as she backpedaled. Gray flakes settled onto her toes when she stopped. Their mouths hung open in silent horror.
Kristen’s paralysis broke first. She went for the knob, her hand digging into the pocket sewn into her dress.
“No!” Eden realized what was happening too late. Kristen had already opened the door, slammed it shut again behind her, sending the ashes airborne. Eden’s hand covered her mouth, keeping them out even as it held her scream in. She heard the lock click.
CHAPTER 15
All she needed was one loose screw. Eden slipped her fingernail into the gro
ove in the metal and wrenched it with a sharp twist. You killed him. Her nail snapped. She ripped it off with her teeth and went back to the doorknob, lining up the next finger. You killed that boy. One loose screw and the other screws would give a bit and she’d be able to take the whole fucking doorknob off, lock and all. He’s dead. Snap.
She searched the room again, emptying the dresser onto the floor, tossing the drawers aside. What she wouldn’t give for a goddamned screwdriver. Anything with an edge thin enough or sturdy enough to help.
“Fuck!” Eden screamed, kicking the door. Her throat was dry, the words breaking out strangled. Eden heard a voice booming down the hall outside the locked door. She pressed herself against the door, as far from the drift of ashes as she could get, sliding around the perimeter of the room before she sunk to the floor. “Oh God, I killed him,” she whispered, rocking, her arms wrapped around her head.
She couldn’t move, didn’t lift her head when she heard the key turn and the door open.
A rush of footsteps shuddered to a stop just inside the room. Only one set kept running. She flinched, even as the arm encircled her.
“Damn it, Kristen. What happened?” The arm around her tightened.
Her brain stalled out at the voice, the gears grinding to a halt. Her head snapped up.
“Gabe!” He pulled back to look at her, using his sleeve to wipe the tears from her cheeks.
“I’m here, sweetheart.” He sounded calm, gentle, but his eyes gave him away, the irises a rusty crimson.
“Kristen, what happened?” he asked without turning around.
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