Straight from the Heart

by Breigh Forstner

  Once we were done with the song, it was pure insanity. I whipped the hair that was in my eyes out of the way and waved to the crowd again, not breaking my brand new guitar this time. I decided I’d only do that at the end of the tour. But I knew I’d change my mind.

  I walked off-stage and Damon was standing over by Cale and the guys, huddled together like that were a little football team. He poked his head up and casually walked over to me, his face in awe.

  “Another amazing performance,” Damon said, kissing me on the cheek. Cale moved towards us and put an arm around me, pulling me close. “I was telling him he’s lucky to have you in the group. Way better than…”

  Cale coughed loudly, which meant he wanted Damon to leave it alone. “Oh she knows that we love her. Right little sis’?” I peered up at him and he grinned.

  “Little sister?” I shrugged his arm off my shoulders and slapped him in the arm jokingly. “You have enough of those already!” I grabbed Damon’s hand and squeezed it. “For good luck,” I whispered, grabbing a bottle of water from one of the roadies standing in the corner. Damon high-fived Cale as the curtain closed and he was helping the rest of Ignite the Flames get ready for their set.

  Going back to the dressing room, Cale backed me up into a corner. “We’re never singing that song again,” He growled. His eyes told me everything. He seemed a mix of tired, confused, and hungry for something. The amber color was turning more of a shade of brown. I held my breath, not sure what to think. It wasn’t like I could get away. Cale’s arms were on both sides of me, encasing me against the cold stone walls. I may have been locked in between his arms but I wanted to know why he was acting like this. I didn’t see him much before the performance so I wanted to assume he was drunk and wasn’t thinking clearly.

  That’d be the easy thing to do.

  “Why?” I spat back as I pointed to the direction of the stage. “We murdered that song. That’s the best we’ve ever played. Are you kidding me?”

  He was contemplating what to say next and shook his head. Then he stood back and took all of his anger out on the wall next to me. I stood motionless as his eyes scanned every direction except for mine. “It’s not worth it. Whatever Charming wants he gets.” He took off in the opposite direction and I grabbed his arm, letting my nails dig into his tanned skin. “Let go of me please, I just want to get out of here.”

  “What has been your problem lately, Cale? I can barely be around you. I never know if you’re going to be a dick or completely happy.” I scolded him, almost to the point of pleading just to get him to tell me what his problem was.

  “I meant what I said. It’s impossible. Damon gets whatever the Hell he wants. He sees something in you, therefore he wants you. It’s pretty frickin’ visible and that kills me, B, to no end,” Cale finally confessed, his eyes softening. “I shouldn’t tell you this but I really like you, Bryn. You drive me crazy, in a good way. But you’re something I can’t have. We play in the same band and that wouldn’t end well.” Stopping to take a deep breath, he sat down on the concrete floor. “Gah and now I’m just blabbing and talking non-sense. I’m sorry.”

  I didn’t know what to say to him. In his own Cale Pelton way, he had just professed he had feelings for me. That had to have been what that, right?

  “You’re driving yourself crazy over nothing, Cale.” I said, crossing my arms. “Damon and I aren’t a thing. We went on ONE date and that was it. Nothing more. We’re friends. Just like you and I are.” I gestured towards him and I. “I don’t even know what I want. I had a boyfriend and learned guys only want one thing. That’s not me.” I could feel a tear forming in my eye. Remembering Ethan was something I didn’t want to happen. He showed me a different side that I never knew I had. He was the reason I was standing in this position now.

  But the bad outweighed the good. Memories of the night my life changed flowed through my brain and caused my breathing to hitch.

  “Trust me. I’m not that guy, Bryn. You have such a good heart. That’s why I’ve been trying to hold back that little tidbit.”

  I tried to believe him. But he didn’t need to explain how he felt about me. I just wanted to wallow and admire him without being in a relationship. I knew that was horrible. I could tell my inner self what I wanted, and then change my mind the next minute. I supposed that was part of growing up, being eighteen and all.

  “Don’t feed me the ‘I’m not that guy’ crap, Cale. I hate that. You’re a normal person. You don’t owe me a damn thing.” At that point I was fuming and confused. I had to get away. I wanted to catch Ignite the Flames set and watch Damon in his element. “I’ll see you back at the bus.”

  Those fans were relentless when it came to Damon. Granted, all of the guys in the band were drop dead model worthy hot, but had a bad boy quality to them. Then there was Lucy, who I’d become friends with fairly quickly. But when I peeked and saw girls in the front row, glued to the metal bars that separated the crowd from the security and the stage, I wanted to gag. They were dressed in very little, one holding up a sign that said “Be my Prince ‘Charming’ Damon.” I wanted to gag. Everything about them screamed fake, from their perfectly formed faces, to the triple D chests. Part of me contemplated going out and choking them for the Hell of it, but I left them to whatever they were trying to accomplish.

  Damon didn’t even seem fazed by the girls throwing their bras in his direction. He commanded that stage like no other singer. More so than Cale. I’ve watched him out of curiosity for quite a few shows and this was by far his best show. Towards the end, he took a sip of the bottle of beer that stood in front of the drum-set, his eyes landing on me. I think by that point I was turning into one of those crazy fan girls. I gave him a thumbs up and he smirked, returning his attention back to the crowd as the band closed out their set.

  I hurried back to the tour bus before he got off-stage. All of the day’s events had worn me out, so needless to say I slept through everything that night.

  Chapter 8: Seize the Day

  I woke up the next morning to Cale blasting Florida Georgia Line’s “Cruise” from his iPod speakers and I groaned. I turned on my cell phone, realizing it was almost 10 in the morning. To a lot of people it was early, but to me I was so used to getting up at 6 am for school. It had stuck with me from graduation until now.

  Sitting up from my bunk, Cale poked his head around to see what I was up to.

  “Finally awake, sleepy head?” He joked, and I noticed a towel in his hand. “Doing some cleaning. Raptor puked up here after we got back last night.” I must’ve missed it. I had slept like a newborn baby, tuning every bit of noise out while I was in dreamland.

  “You, cleaning? And to country of all things?” I questioned, never knowing he liked to listen to country. I loved country. I was one of those girls who could listen to any kind of music, heavy metal, cheesy pop songs or country music and never get tired of it. But I imagined Cale to be one of those guys that despised everything about every other genre of music.

  “Remember I was the only guy in the house back at home? I helped my mom with a lot of the heavy lifting and dusting in the places she couldn’t reach. And I happen to love this song, Bryn. ‘You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruiseeee…’” He started to sing in a fake twangy voice. I threw my pillow down at him and fell down laughing as if it was the funniest thing in the world. “Even better, I could impersonate Nelly. I mean he did do a remix of this song.”

  Cale as a rapper? That was pretty funny. “Please no!” I pleaded. “I’m still trying to wake up, even though that would be quite hilarious to see.”

  Cale looked best in the morning. I can’t believe I actually admitted that! The way his hair stood in all directions, his plaid pajama pants hanging loose on his hips and completely shirtless. I’d seen him without a shirt dozens of times by that point, but for some reason I paid more attention to the tattoo I saw at my audition. Along with the music notes that were displayed on his side, trickling down past where his p
ants began. Feeling like a pool of jelly at that moment, I had to think of something distracting before I went crazy. Maybe I could call Gina. Yeah, I’ll do that.

  Cale went back to his country music and deep cleaning while I dialed her number. I was probably waking her up, but I wanted a distraction from Cale and his perfectly muscled body.

  By the third ring Gina answered “Hello?”

  “Heyyy best friend, did I wake you?”

  “No of course not. Bethy and I have a modeling gig in a little bit so I just got done taking a shower.” Gina said in her bubbly voice. It immediately put me at ease hearing a voice from home. “So how is the road? I watched you on YouTube the other day.” I was ready for someone to tell me that. It was bound to happen. I had been so worried about what people were going to say about me; if I was too fat for the stage? If I was too young to play with the other members?

  “Alright, tell me how crappy I am, Gina. I play like shit don’t I?” I asked honestly. She giggled and I heard Bethany yell in the background about losing her car keys.

  “I have no words, B. Beth and I never knew you could play like that! And what’s the lead singer’s name again?”

  “Cale,” I answered.

  “Holy moly, Cale is smokinggg hot, Bryn. Not lying, but I mean that guy with the red hair too isn’t too shabby.”

  “Luke, the red haired guy is Luke.” I whispered, so no one else could hear me.

  “Yeah him. When you guys finally come our way, I want to meet them. Bethany says she wants to too.” I smiled, thinking those girls were absolutely crazy, but I loved them to death.

  “I know, I know.” I assured her. “I’ll make sure you have front row and backstage passes, okay?”

  “Eeek!” Gina squealed. I heard her tell Bethany about what I just said. Then there was the double squeak. Where were my ear plugs when I needed them? “Oh now I can’t wait. We better go before we’re late.”

  “Alright, love you girls!”

  We were headed to St. Louis. According to Raptor, we were already halfway there. He had family down there, and was giving me a brief history of the city. The only thing I knew about St. Louis was the giant arch.

  In the middle of eating my peanut butter sandwich, I put my headphones in. That was when Cale sat down beside me, startling me. I didn’t see him at first since I was fully engrossed in the music I was listening to, but he pulled out my right ear bud, and positioned it in his ear. ‘Whisky Hangover’ by Godsmack was blaring at full volume and I pressed pause.

  “Next time pat me on the back or nudge me,” I teased. “I wasn’t even paying attention.”

  He didn’t say anything for a minute, just watching me intently, like he was studying me. I nudged his shoulder and he snapped out of it. “Sorry, B. I, I’m sorry, I completely forgot what I was going to say.”

  “Don’t worry, everyone’s tired. Thank God for the couple of days coming up. I think everyone can use the break away from each other.” I said truthfully. We had a break before our show in San Francisco in another week and I was looking forward to it. I needed some girl time with my best friends. In the past ten years we’d been friends this had been the longest we had been away from each other. Gina and Bethany had seen me at my best times and my worst moments. They were with me after the big fight between Ethan and I went down.

  “Oh you’re ready to get away from us already, huh?” He asked playfully, and I shook my head.

  “You are so cocky, Cale. I’ll probably end up hanging out with Rap, Vince and Luke somewhere. You, on the other hand, only think about yourself and always find a way to be by my side.” He put a hand to his heart like I offended him.

  “Awww see she loves us better, Pelton.” Raptor bellowed, sliding in beside me and putting an arm around me. He still smelled like yesterday’s alcohol, but I loved his humor. He was the guy to lift our spirits up when one of us was having a rough day. “Isn’t that right, Bryn?”

  I winked at Cale and his face turned sour. “Oh that is so right.”

  “But I really don’t want to go tonight babe, these girls despise me.” I pleaded with Ethan, as we drove in his Cadillac towards some end of the year party at his friend Lincoln’s house. It wasn’t that far from my house, but from what Ethan was telling me, it was in the ritziest neighborhood next to ours. I hated the sound of it already.

  He put his fingers on my thigh, making circles on my skin. “Don’t worry, hun. They’re just jealous bitches who wish they were in that seat right now next to me. YOU are mine and I love you.” Love. We had said that word countless times throughout our relationship, but never taking it to the next level. Part of it was I really had in my mind I wanted to wait until I was 18, which I just turned, but something in my gut told me to wait.

  “I love you too,” I whispered, looking out the window, watching the street turn from rocky and bumpy to pavement as we arrived in the gated community where the party was at. I had been in this area before when Ethan and I hung out at his Cousin Tyler’s house. I only met Tyler once and he was the complete opposite of what I expected. His parents gave him half of the house for his own pleasure, and it was pure rock n’ roll. He had a collection of guitars, bass guitars, even a drum set and a piano in his “studio”.

  Lincoln’s house was at the end of the drive. The driveway was over a mile long, with various trees surrounding the black pavement. I’ve seen my fair share of 3 story houses, but this was the largest house I had ever seen. It easily doubled the size of my parents, stretching across dozens of acres of land. Lines of fancy $100,000 cars lined the driveway as we found a small spot between two BMW’s.

  I had a bad feeling about tonight.

  I squeezed my hands together, trying to find a way to calm my nerves. But then Ethan opened the passenger side door and led me out like a gentlemen. The way he was being so nice, this night would have been going smooth…right?

  Wrong.

  First hour in, I felt queasy. I had almost 4 cups of Captain Morgan and Coke, which was a disaster in the making. Ethan had been glued to my side the whole time except for a few minutes to see his friends. His hand was either on the small of my back or on my ass, rubbing his fingers in a circular motion like he did in the car. But this time it was more forceful, like he was purposely trying to turn me on.

  “Why don’t we go upstairs and have some fun?” Ethan whispered in my ear. I could feel the alcohol spreading through my body as his breath lingered from my ear to my neck. I turned my head to the side, allowing him full access. Was this how I really pictured my first time? Drunk in Ethan’s friend’s house? I wasn’t sure if that was what he even wanted, but I let him lead the way through the crowded kitchen and up the spiraled staircase to the second floor, where there were easily a half dozen bedrooms. My bad feeling about the night went away as he gripped my hand tighter, almost running now. I couldn’t control my giggles as I wiped strands of hair out of my face trying to see where we were going.

  The bedroom we ended up in was painted neutral colors, beige and brown. Ethan sat down on the brown satin bedspread and took off his DC’s. He gestured for me to sit next to him and when I did he swiftly pulled me into his lap. I could feel the bulge in his pants poking at my rear as I shifted to a comfortable spot, putting my arms around his neck.

  “Mmmm it was way too crazy down there.” He growled, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck to my shoulder blade. “I’m…so glad we’re….alone…” I was too caught in the moment to realize that he lifted me up now, still kissing me, only stopping to throw me onto the bed. I landed on my back, in another complete fit of giggles. I tried to wriggle out from under Ethan, who was now on top of me.

  “What are you doing?” I asked him, a complete smile plastered on my face. Our faces were just about touching, resisting the urge to kiss each other.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I looked directly into his eyes and went in for the kill. I kissed him with every ounce of drunken passion that I had. He welcomed my lips on his, sliding his tongue
into my mouth, his hands resting in my hair.

  We kissed for what seemed like eternity, when I felt rebellious and lifted my lacy tank top over my head, revealing a barely there pink bra I had put on just to be prepared for a night like this. Ethan’s eyes raked over my body like I was a piece of meat he was ready to devour.

  Pretty soon all of our clothes were off. I looked down at the floor where our pile of clothes had formed, contemplating if this was what I really wanted. In my drunk mind I was thinking hell yes, this was my rich, gorgeous boyfriend, who is completely naked and ready to take my virginity from me. But for a minute, I snapped out of that idea, my body stilling as Ethan leaned over the bed to grab a condom, and I freaked out. Like literally. It was like I didn’t know I was without clothes because when I felt a draft of cold air come through the window I looked down and immediately tried to get off the bed.

  “How did I end up here?” I demanded, leaving Ethan stunned and surprised.

  “What the hell are you talking about, Bryn? You were the one that followed me up here and was begging for it!” He yelled. “I thought we were ready for this, ever since I met you I’ve wanted to do this.” He ran his hand along the curve of my spine, sending shivers through my body.

  “We’re drunk Ethan. Please. I’m not thinking clearly.” I told him, my words still sounding fuzzy. “Let’s just go back downstairs and let the alcohol pass so we can leave…”

  He kissed the side of my mouth. “We don’t have to leave. Your mother and father know you’re with me. Not here, obviously, I had to tell a little fib.”

  That was the surprise of the century. My parents loved Ethan, solely for the fact that he was from money, and that his parents had some sort of hold on them. They loved him, but also had a strict hold on me, never letting me leave unless I was with our driver or with Ethan before a specific time.

  “Still, I want to go Ethan, please,” I pleaded. I could tell he was clearly pissed, as he slid off the bed, and punched his fist into the door. I hurried up and grabbed my clothes that were a mess on the floor. “Please don’t act like that. I want to wait, to make it special.”