Straight from the Heart

by Breigh Forstner

  “Special? Yeah. Talk about just too damn weak and scared,” he spat. “You realize how many girls down there would’ve been straddling me by now, moaning my name? And I’m wasting my time with you?” I could feel hot tears coming down my cheek. I had to tell myself ‘He’s just drunk, he’s just drunk,’ but so was I. I just made a complete idiot of myself all because I didn’t want to lose my virginity like this. Ethan could tell I was upset, running to my side and wrapping his arms around me tightly. “I’m sorry babe. You know how I get when I’m like this. I just wanted to make you feel good.”

  I believed him. Every last word.

  “Bryn, you okay?” Vince snapped me out of my day dream. I shook my head, trying to forget the bad memory. That wasn’t even the worst part of that night, not even close. I glanced at the guys’ faces and they seemed more than concerned. “You’re all sweaty and look like you’re going to cry.”

  “I’m good,” I assured them. “Just lost in thought.” They probably didn’t buy it, but it’d do for now. As we arrived in St. Louis, I peeked out the small window that was next to me. Hal was driving us past the arch, and I got a view of the Mississippi river in its glory. Plugging my headphones back in, I could feel a body climb into bed next to me.

  “You seem upset, Bryn.” Cale said softly, hands to himself, as my body was facing the wall. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

  I paused my music, and turned to face him. “It’s fine, Cale.”

  He wasn’t giving up that easily. “Bryn Schaefler, I can read your face pretty damn well. You’re not ‘fine,’” Cale air quoted and I shifted onto my other side so my body faced his direction. He barely fit on my bunk as it was, so I was trying not to laugh as he held onto the railing so he didn’t fall. “I grew up with all girls in the house, remember? I’ve seen more breakups with boyfriends than I can count. I always knew when one of them was pining or upset over the latest guy. My mom tried to help them, but usually she gave up and left me to snap them out of their misery.”

  “Not that I don’t mind hearing about your family, but what is the point of this story?” I asked out of curiosity.

  “I’m saying that I could tell that you were upset, or whatever it is you were, about a guy.” Cale smirked, clearly amused. “What ever happened between you and, what was his name?”

  “Ethan,” I reminded him. “And what happened between us is none of your business Cale. We weren’t anything special.”

  “Obviously he is if you’ve been having these day-dream nightmare things lately.”

  “So what? I don’t ask you about what happened between you and Lucy.”

  “That is different.” Cale said. “It was….complicated.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Oh whatever. That is such a typical response.” I paused. “You really want to know?” I finally asked him.

  “Yes Bryn. I care about you. I want to know what is upsetting you so I can try to help you feel better somehow.” He opened his mouth to say more, but couldn’t get the words out. “How about this? You tell me, and I promise I won’t be so overprotective like you’re my sister?”

  I took a deep breath. It was bound to come out at some point.

  “Here goes nothing. His name was Ethan Donahue. We met through my parents who were friends with his. They were in some rich society together, but Ethan’s family had ten times more money than mine had. We were both 16, and he was the most popular guy at school. Girls were constantly flocking towards him while I usually sat back and wondered what those bitches saw in him.”

  “So he thought he was hot shit?” Cale questioned, and I nodded.

  “Pretttyyy much. But from the first time he came over for dinner, I was smitten. There was something about him, the way he talked, or maybe it was his whole presence, that drew me in. He was gorgeous though. In my sixteen year old mind, he was everything I ever dreamed of. It was beyond a school girl crush before I even shook his hand. But we dated for two years, up until the end of our senior year. Did I tell you before he was the one who helped me discover my passion for playing guitar? I saved up paycheck after paycheck for that acoustic you saw at my audition, and he took me to this place his cousin got his equipment at, about an hour away from town, and I bought it. We’d sneak out in the middle of the night to go hang out, watch bands, party until we were too drunk to drive.”

  “Seems like a normal relationship if you ask me.” Cale spoke, and I pinched his arm. “Don’t do that!”

  “Well, keep listening!” I scolded him, giggling and returning back to where I left off. “Anyway, it was the perfect relationship. Or so I thought. Money with money. Our parents were on Cloud Nine knowing we were together. Towards the end of senior year, just around graduation, I could tell something was off with him. He acted more distant, but when I called him out on it he told me how sorry he was and how much he loved me. Then we go to this big end of the year party and that’s when everything went to complete shit.” My voice was getting raw and I wanted to curl up into a big ball and forget I told Cale anything at all.

  “Why? Did he hurt you, Bryn?”

  “I, uh, not literally hurt if that’s what you mean.” I stuttered. “He completely ruined my mind-set on how I feel about guys now. I’ve learned I can’t trust anybody, besides you guys and my friends Gina and Bethany.”

  “What did he do? You need to tell me, Bryn. It’s obviously messing you up and affecting you,” Cale whispered. His fingers were now touching the arm I was resting on, giving me a warm feeling inside.

  “Let’s just say I was humiliated in front of a bunch of rich kids.” I proceeded to tell him everything up until just before Ethan and I went back downstairs. Cale lay next to me, listening intently, letting me pause before I continued further. Taking another huge breath, I finished my story. “Okay so we got dressed again and went back downstairs. I was glad no one noticed where we had went, but when Ethan said he was going to get us waters, I had a sneaky feeling something was wrong. The inside of this place was huge yes, but it didn’t take 15 minutes to get something to drink. I heard a bunch of people run into the other room so I turned around the corner to see what the big fuss was. I knew it wasn’t a fight, but it was much worse.”

  “Shit…”

  “Yeah. Over 300 kids from our school were looking at their phones in a fit of laughter. I peeked over someone’s shoulder and wanted to curl up and die. Someone recorded Ethan and I’s close ‘encounter’ or whatever you want to call it. I mean really, who would do that shit? People finally noticed me in the room and my face turned paler than a ghost. I could feel all the blood draining out of my face as they pointed at me, making fun of me. Telling me I was a tease that I’d always stay a virgin…anything to get me to cry. And boy it worked. I felt rage, hurt, embarrassment; I wanted to punch each and every one of those faces in the room. My mind went straight to Ethan. He was over in a corner with his buddy Lincoln, drinking out of a stupid plastic cup, acting oblivious to any of the slurs that were thrown at me. I will never forget his face. I said ‘you fucking did this, you bastard!’ and he lied to me. ‘Bryn Michelle, I would never record us almost having sex.’”

  Cale snorted. “Did he end up fessing up?”

  I shook my head. “Nope. Ethan was the kind of guy to never admit he was wrong. He claimed someone must’ve planted a recorder in the room before we went in there, and that it was an accident. I slapped him so hard on the cheek he had spots that were bleeding. Then I slapped his other cheek with as much force. I was so angry Cale, I would never ever hurt someone like that, but for all of those people to see me naked, almost having sex with my then boyfriend? It was the most humiliating thing I’ve ever been through. But before I walked out of the house I kneed him in his private area, saying ‘Don’t you ever come near me again unless it’s an apology,’ and left.”

  I sat up from where I was laying, wrapping my hands around my head. Usually that would calm me right down, but I had just told Cale my biggest secret and I wanted to cry. He peered at me
with a sense of sadness in his eyes.

  “Bryn…I…I’m sorry you had to go through that. This Ethan seemed like a douche.” Cale told me openly. “I’d say a lot worse about him but you’ve been through enough already.”

  I shrugged and chuckled. “Don’t worry. His loss, right?”

  “Exactly. You have Raptor, Vince, Luke and I all here for you now. It’s a dysfunctional family, but no family is normal.” Cale said. “You said his last name was Donahue?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “Why?”

  Bryn immediately regretted asking, because the look on his face turned unpleasant. “No reason. Had a friend with that last name.” That comment left me feeling suspicious. There weren't a lot of Donahues in Michigan, so I had an odd feeling his friend and Ethan were somehow related. The bus came to a complete halt, sending us into the wall, nearly ending up on top of each other. I rubbed my head and cringed from the slight bit of pain. “Well this is in interesting position.” He gestured to the space between us, which was not much. Clearly amused, I could see Cale’s cheeks flush beat red and hear his heart pounding out of his chest.

  I laughed nervously, afraid of what my body was telling me to do versus my head. My heart was thumping a million miles a minute and I felt a huge aching between my legs. I didn’t want to feel this way right at this very moment time, or did I? I kept my hands beside me to resist the urge to run my hand along his tattoos and his lean body. We stayed put, neither of us acting on anything, our eyes boring into each other. I watched Cale have an internal battle of whether he wanted to kiss me or leave well enough alone.

  “What are you thinking?” I asked him, ending the silence.

  “You want the honest truth?” he replied and I mouthed yes. “I want to run my hands through your hair, tell you how beautiful you are, kiss you like no one has kissed you before. I want to be that guy that will catch you whenever you fall, the guy you can lean on when you have a bad day, that sort of thing. I’m not really good with ‘saying’ how I feel, Bryn. That’s why I write a whole shit ton of songs and keep them locked up for when I need them.” He rolled off of the bunk and landed on his feet.

  Cale left me all sorts of confused. Once again he was pretty much admitting how he had feelings for me and wanted to be "the one". Sitting up, I used my butt to scoot off the bed, not sure what to say. It was perfectly clear how he felt now. I’d told him numerous times how much he felt like a brother to me, and it was the truth. I could tell him anything and he would sit there and listen. He didn't judge me, or treat me any different. Shoot, I had just admitted my biggest secret to him and he was right there for me ready to wipe my tears away.

  “Cale, I don’t know what to say. I’m not even sure what I’m looking for right now. That whole Ethan situation has my mind so screwed up, it’s not that I don’t have feelings for you Cale, I can say one hundred percent yes I do. But right now I’m trying to figure out myself before anything else.”

  He didn’t seem hurt by my opinion, but more understanding. He leaned down and kissed me below my lips. “But you’re dating Damon.”

  “No I’m not!” I threw my hands up in the air. “He’s a nice guy and we went on a date once! It was only dinner Cale, nothing more. I can have other friends besides you and the guys; honestly I can do whatever the Hell I want.”

  Cale took a couple of steps back, entertained by how I stood up to him. He leaned against the entryway to the rest of the bus. “And you’re sexy as all hell when you get pissed off at me.” Leaving our conversation at that, he winked at me and joined the rest of the guys, who I could hear shouting about going to a music store in town for guitar shopping. I decided on a tank top and cut-offs, along with my diamond studded flip flops.

  Digging through my suitcase, I found my designer Dooney & Bourke purse I was thankful for packing when I left my parents. It was the first time in a long time I dolled myself up and took the time to get ready to go out besides the date with Damon. I used my brush to leave loose curls around my shoulders spraying loose strands away from my face. Grabbing a pair of sunglasses, I found my way outside where we were parked beside a couple of other cars in a downtown parking lot.

  “Good day for a walk guys! Get our asses moving!” Hal shuffled us along, smiling at me as we started our walk. I moved ahead with Hal as the rest of the guys dragged along behind us at a snail’s pace.

  “So how long have you been with the guys?” I asked Hal, walking along the sidewalk towards Manchester Road, where Fazio’s music store was.

  “Pretty much since they formed." Hal covered his mouth and whispered "I’m Luke’s Uncle, but he doesn’t like anyone to know that.” I never would have guessed that Luke and Hal were related. Hal was the complete opposite of Luke, in body and personality. “I know you’re probably thinking how they hell are we related? He’s the spitting image of his dad. His mom is my older sister and pretty much looks like me obviously.”

  “Does it ever get tiring being around them all the time?”

  “Shit yes. I ask myself everyday if I can handle it any longer. They’re good most of the time, but sometimes you give into temptation. I’ve had to kick girls off the bus quite a few times. I was a security guard before I offered to drive these guys around, so it’s kind of second nature to protect them.” He patted me on the shoulder. “And now you’re here, so it’s extra special cargo I’m carrying.” Hal chuckled. “I really like you. You’re good for this group, Bryn. And plus it’s nice to have someone else to talk to now and again.”

  I patted him back. “Thanks, Hal. Every now and again I get home sick, but technically I left the only home I had. I consider this band my home.” I knew I wasn’t going to stay in the loft by Lozano’s forever. I had to decide what I was going to do once the tour was over. Would I stay with one of the guys? Or would I stay in the loft until Louisa kicked me out?

  “Ahhh everything will be fine. Trust me. Your parents will come around and realize what they’re missing, Bryn. You’re better than them, hun, stay strong,” Hal assured me as we reached Fazio’s. As one of the workers greeted all of us, I felt as much excitement now as when Ethan took me to get my first acoustic guitar. Wall to wall guitars surrounded me in different sizes, colors, and number of strings. I could hear screaming behind me, so I twirled around and the guys immediately stopped when I glared at them.

  “Wooahh sorry princess, I won’t shout or speak out of turn again,” Luke joked with me, wrapping an arm around me. I draped my arm around him as we were checking out the Ibanez guitars on the far wall. I played a Fender electric, and I’d seen some of the other bands on the tour play Ibanez. Eying up one of the models that was purple and grey, I immediately wanted it. I thought it was the most beautiful instrument I had ever laid eyes on.

  Everyone else was checking out the acoustics and chatting with one of the instructors that gave guitar lessons when I could feel hands touching my waist from behind me, causing me to jump a few inches. “Buy it.”

  “Cale Pelton, don’t scare me like that!” I shrieked, watching him smirk as if he scored a victory. “Plus, it’s almost $2,000 for this thing. I can’t afford that right now.”

  He folded his arms in front of him, studying the guitar. “Bullshit, this has 7 strings, Bryn. This thing rocks, minus the purple and all. I could see you playing this on stage.”

  “Think so?” I cocked an eyebrow at him.

  “Oh I know so, B. But then again you would look hot playing with anything that’s in front of you.” I took what he said totally wrong, because I put a palm up to my cheek and felt the burning. Jeez I’m a frickin idiot. Calm down Bryn. He paused, watching me pay close attention to my face. “You think I meant…”

  “No!” I shouted, stopping him before he could finish. “I thought nothing, Cale. Nothing, nothing, nothing. You meant the guitar.”

  He rolled his eyes, asking the employee if he could test out the guitar. I watched Nick bring down the piece of beauty and hand it to Cale. Cale sat on the small stool that was besi
de us, grabbing a pick from his back pocket. He strummed it a couple of times, messing around with some easy chords. He kept his head bent and watched his fingers play a quick song. Then he removed the strap.

  “Your turn,” Cale said, holding out the guitar by the head, and I practically snatched it away from him. I got comfortable as Nick the employee handed me a pick he had in the back office. As I adjusted the strap around me, I felt eyes watching me. I could handle playing in front of hundreds, sometimes thousands by now, but one person who was literally inches from me? I wasn’t sure I could take it.

  I played the fastest version of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” I had ever heard, trying to avoid anyone’s reaction, or the amber eyes that were boring into my skin at that very second. I glanced up and Cale appeared pretty amused. “Is something funny?” I questioned him, standing up to put the guitar back in its appropriate spot.

  “No not at all. I’m just confirming what I told you earlier about you looking hot.”

  “Just be quiet before you go any further.” I laughed. “You looked pretty schmexy yourself playing a purple guitar. Buy it for yourself.”

  Cale gave me a bizarre look. “Schmexy?”

  “Yes! You looked all serious, but at the same time, mysterious,” I lied. I loved watching him play the guitar out of anything. It’s always fun on stage to watch him become a whole other person, but seeing him stripped down, playing simple chords on an electric guitar? It felt like pure love.

  “You’re adding to my ego right now, Bryn Schaefler,” he teased. “So, is Charming taking you out before the show?”

  I had only heard from Damon a couple of times while we were at the shop. I’d given him my phone number after our date in Chicago so he’d been texting me here and there asking me what I was up to. He said they had a couple of interviews before lunch and a meeting with a local radio station where they were going to play some stripped down music. I told him I’d see him at the show and left it at that.