Broken Dreams (Delos Series Book 4)

by Lindsay McKenna

  “Mmm, that feels delicious, Gage,” she whispered. “Don’t stop . . . I love your touch . . . want it . . .need it . . .need you . . .” She closed her eyes, drowning in the radiating heat wherever he massaged her scalp and sent his fingers tunneling through her unbound hair.

  Heartened, he leaned over, feathering light kisses against her exposed throat, hearing almost a purr catch in it, watching as her lips parted, their corners lifting as he continued to slowly nip, lick, and then kiss his way down to her slender collarbone. Moving his hands through that abundant mass, he brought it across her shoulders, allowing it to tumble down her back. Gage monitored her closely, watching as her nipples hardened beneath her tee, watched her fingers begin to open and spread on her thighs, heard her breath quicken. Gage had had his share of women in his life and was well aware of the signs that sensual hunger was beginning to escalate. Just the way her lips tilted upward told him he was giving her pleasure. Easing his fingers beneath the edge of her tee, he observed Alexa more closely.

  When she was kidnapped, she had been stripped of her clothes and was naked and vulnerable to the men who had captured her. He allowed his fingertips to glide against her warm body, feeling her breath catch as he slowly lifted her T-shirt up. She barely opened her eyes, so caught up was she in his slow, deliberate exploration, their closeness. When she did open her eyes to gaze at him, they burned with desire for him.

  Alexa lifted her arms so he could bring the material up and over her breasts. There was a slight flush on her cheeks, and her breath became more and more shallow. He saw she wore a lacy lavender bra that barely held in her breasts, the nipples hidden just beneath that delicate lace. How he wanted to lean down and capture one of them in his mouth as he pulled the tee off her.

  The animal in him wanted to take her hard and fast, feasting upon her slender, velvet, hot flesh but his heart counseled differently, and he listened to it. He dropped her shirt on the floor, meeting her barely opened eyes. Already, she was beginning to melt at his very contact, and before Gage could ease the straps from her shoulders, she gave him a sensual smile.

  “Now it’s my turn,” she said, her voice smoky with desire, reaching out to slide her fingers beneath his T-shirt. “You have the most beautiful chest, Gage. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to touch you all over . . .”

  He returned her feral smile with one of his own and let her lift up his T-shirt and pull it off. It landed next to hers on the floor. “Touch me anywhere you want, sweetheart. I’m all yours,” he told her, never having wanted her more than he did that very moment.

  “Lie down on your back? I want to explore you . . . ,” Alexa gently instructed. “I’m in charge now.” She leaned down and kissed him deeply.

  Gage remembered what Major Donahue had told him about allowing Alexa to take the lead. It was important that she feel in control, not the other way around. Gage couldn’t have been happier to lie down, placing his hands behind his head on the pillow. He saw Alexa’s hunger and in response, his erection grew even harder.

  She surprised him by straddling him after she removed her jeans and her panties. Now all she wore was that delectable scrap of bra that held her beautiful breasts. He loved her boldness as she knelt above him, her thighs against his hips. And when she spread her long fingers open, palms flat against his hard belly, slowly easing them upward, as if memorizing him, Gage groaned, closing his eyes, surrendering to her exploration of his body.

  His flesh leaped and tightened beneath her exploring hands, the heat of her palms inciting a riot within him, making him tense as she began to tangle her fingertips through the dusting of dark hair across his chest.

  “You feel so good to me,” she crooned softly, leaning over and brushing his lips with hers. “You’re so hard, so powerful, Gage.”

  Her words fired through him, making every nerve leap and throb wherever she smoothed her hands across his chest and neck. Then she enclosed each of his broad shoulders with her warm hands and massaged them. This woman knew how to pleasure a man, no question. And when she leaned down, her lips moving against his nipple, Gage almost came undone.

  He automatically released his hands from beneath his head, gripping her shoulders, sucking air between his clenched teeth. Jesus! He hadn’t expected this! And the raging fire from his nipple down to his throbbing erection damn near did him in. He felt her lips leave him and a breathless laugh followed as she pulled out of his grasp.

  “Don’t touch me, not yet,” she whispered. “Just lie there, Gage, okay?”

  Opening his eyes, his breathing harsh, he grunted, “Easy for you to say.”

  She sat up, nestling herself against his hard erection beneath the jeans. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long, Gage . . . let me keep exploring? Just a little while longer. I just love feeling you like this.”

  Gage automatically lifted his hips, wanting that feminine heat of hers, feeling how damp she was, the fabric of his jeans soaking up her sweet fluids. He’d have given anything to touch her there, kiss her there, love her right there, right now. The flushed look on her cheeks, the dancing arousal in her eyes, told him he had to stand down, as painful as that was going to be. Above all, Alexa’s trust was center stage. Gage had no idea how far they could go or if he could even enter her, much less fully love her.

  Alexa had been right: they were both walking through a minefield. And the ache in his erection tripled as she moved her body slowly from side to side, teasing him.

  And then she placed her hands flat against his abs, sidling down to his long thighs. He watched through narrowed eyes as her long, graceful fingers unsnapped his jeans and slowly unzipped them. His erection was thick, heavy, and sprang upward, only to be trapped by the light blue boxer shorts he wore. He watched the pleasure in her face as she slowly moved her fingers teasingly over him. Groaning, he arched into her hand, never wanting her to let him go, feeling the burning ache intensify beneath her knowing fingers as she felt him.

  “You,” she whispered, releasing him, “are so beautiful,” and she eased off him and tugged and pulled his jeans off him. Then she came back, asking him to lift his hips so she could pull his boxer shorts down. Gage had one hell of a time remaining on his back, doing as she asked. His erection was free. He watched as her gaze moved to it and she licked her lower lip, which sent a wave of fire through him. He had no idea what she was going to do next and at this point he didn’t care. Every contact was sensual and even better she was so bold. He loved her so much; he wished these moments would never end.

  Most important was that their first time be good for Alexa. If they could just cross that minefield together, if he didn’t make the wrong move or in some way bring back a tortured memory, Gage was going to feel like the luckiest damned man in the world.

  CHAPTER 21

  Alexa was overwhelmed by the heat, strength, and love she felt for Gage. Her initial anxiety—her fear that she would freeze or not want to be touched intimately by him—began to dissolve. She prayed he would understand and allow her to reintroduce herself sexually, because the fear that she would hate it was very real. And she’d been too afraid to tell Gage that, even though he was the most understanding man she’d ever met. He’d done nothing to make her think he wouldn’t accept her fears or help her work through them, and with his help, she was becoming swept up in the heat of her fierce love for him, his groans making her wet and her thighs slick.

  There were so many wild emotions loosening up within her. Fear clashed with hunger, and love with anxiety that she’d be rejected. She was afraid she couldn’t respond as she had in the past, and at the same time was excited by Gage’s harsh breathing, his hands gathered in the quilt, and her own knuckles whitening as she tried to topple her resistance to her need for physical intimacy.

  She saw the intensity of fire in his eyes for her, felt it in his erection, which lay like hard, warm steel against her slick entrance. Saw it in the grimace on his face as he fought to give her what she wanted. He loved her so much he w
as willing to grant her what she needed in this blazing moment. And her entire body ached to have him within her.

  “Just a little longer,” she gasped, her breath harsh, her hands tight against his chest as she closed her eyes. That moment turned molten as she took him into her, a slow, rocking inch at a time, as if feeling her way, literally, through the halls of her fears, anxiety, and consuming need for Gage. She felt guilty for not telling him why she needed him this way, why she had to prove this to herself, to her body. The moment he slid into her, he growled her name, gripping her arms, arching into her. His thick, hard length opened her, stretched her, burned, and then her body accommodated him as Gage stroked her gently, firing off the nerves within her, making her cry out as they were both hurled into a white-hot cauldron of excruciating pleasure. She was so lost, tumbling, feeling her body react and tighten upon him as he surged into her, taking her, bringing forth another desperate cry from her.

  “More, Gage . . . more . . . please . . .”

  Her hoarse pleading broke the hold he had kept on himself. He slid his hands around her back, releasing her bra, watching her breasts tumble free, and her peaks ripe and hard. Leaning upward, he took her nipple into his mouth, suckling her. Instantly, she was galvanized, her back arching, head thrown back, more whimpers coming from her. Gage could feel her body releasing more juices, surrounding him as he thrust into her welcoming confines. Her fingers dug into his chest, her breath hitching, small cries torn from her.

  He released her and moved to the other breast, and the moment he captured her peak, he felt a convulsion grip his erection. She cried out, freezing. Radiance suffused her face.

  Nothing ever made him feel as good as a woman having an orgasm. He growled Alexa’s name, settled his hands around her soft hips, rocking into her and increased the pace, increasing her pleasure, her whole upper body flushed from the ongoing orgasm imploding through her. He twisted his hips, moving as deeply into her as he could, reaching that secret spot within her that triggered an additional orgasm.

  And then she sobbed. Tears rushed down her cheeks. As the orgasm ebbed, Gage brought her down against the length of his body, holding her. Alexa buried her face against his neck, her arms tight around him. Her body shaking, he soothed her with his hands as he stroked her back, whispering words of love to her, nuzzling into her loose, tousled red hair. He could smell her sex and ached to release within her but kept his steel control, because something else was going on here, although Gage had no idea what it was. He could feel her shaking, her sobs deep, her body shuddering.

  He kissed her hair and kept talking to her quietly, rocking her a little in his arms, allowing her to cling to him.

  Finally, Gage eased out of her, drawing her onto her back while he propped himself up on one elbow, beside her. Alexa spooned against him, and he held her, gentling her, listening to her sobs lessen over time. Finally, she stopped crying and he leaned down, kissing her wet cheek. More than anything, he wanted her to know that it was all right for her to cry. As she lifted her hand, pushing her hair away from her face, she barely opened her eyes.

  He smiled faintly. “I’ve never had a woman cry after an orgasm,” he teased.

  Sniffing, Alexa swiped at her tears. “I-I was so scared, Gage,” she managed to say, her voice strained.

  The look of apology she gave him totaled Gage. “What do you mean? Did I scare you?”

  “N-no . . . I was scared.”

  Gage lay very still, understanding for the first time. Alexa was vulnerable and fragile in his arms, her slender, warm, body molding to his. They fit well together. He caressed her cheek, looking deep into her bruised eyes. “You were worried that you might not want to make love with me?”

  He saw her barely nod, licking her lips, licking the tears out of the corners of her mouth.

  “Well,” he said huskily, “it seemed to me everything was working fine. I thought I might have hurt you.”

  She reached out, tangling her fingertips through the hair on his chest. “No, you would never hurt me, Gage. It was me, my own head. I was so worried that I’d freeze, or I couldn’t go through with it. I was afraid to tell you that . . .”

  Easing his hand down her back, cupping her cheeks, he gave her a warm look. “There is nothing wrong with you or your body. Trust me on that one.”

  “But I-I used you, Gage. I didn’t want you to touch me for fear I might react badly. I needed to make sure I was going to be all right and be able to enjoy sex again.”

  He eased his fingers through her hair, caressing her, caring for her, hearing the fear and strain in her halting, wobbling voice. “You didn’t use me, Alexa. Hell, I enjoyed it.”

  “I’m so messed up, Gage,” she choked out, shaking her head. “I’ve been trying so hard to put that kidnapping behind me . . .”

  “It’s not that easy. You’re in a hurry, and you can’t be. It takes time. A lot of time.”

  Alexa buried her head on his chest, holding him. “I just want to love you, Gage, like you really deserve.”

  A rumble moved through his chest as he laid her on her back, his arm beneath her neck, her red hair a shining mass. “You are my life, did you know that?” He took his thumb, moving it lightly across her lower lip. “When I saw you, I thought I was gazing at the sun, the moon, and the stars. You were so alive, Alexa, that I felt your energy filling me up.” He feathered small kisses across her brow, whispering, “You lifted me out of my darkness, whether you knew it or not. I wasn’t really living since my family was murdered. So much of me died that day. And then, five years later, my mother died, shortly after I joined the Marine Corps. I was hurting so much, I felt cut off from life.” He raised his head, his brows knitted, his eyes looking into the darkness that now embraced them in the room.

  “You fed me, Alexa. You fed my imprisoned heart, my dying soul. I had such a powerful experience when you walked into the canteen that I felt like my life changed from darkness into light.” He saw her eyes widen, saw much anguish dissolve, replaced with wonder and awe as he spoke to her. His mouth curved faintly as he trailed his fingertips down the length of her neck, kissing the pulse beating at the base of it, feeling her life beneath his mouth.

  Moving his tongue down her slender collarbone, he felt her arch, a low moan slipping from her parted lips. Gage was going to taste every inch of her sweet, hot body, show her just how alive she really was, help her stop listening to her worries about being only half a woman. She was all woman and he was going to show her right now.

  Curving his hand around her breast, he felt how firm it was. Brushing his lips across that peak, he felt her quiver in his arms, gasping as he began to tease it with his lips and tongue. Gage was going to melt her mind, fuse her body with his, and feel her take flight in his arms, because he loved this incredibly brave woman.

  He could easily forgive her for not telling him what she feared most, because she was still in the middle of a long recovery. It had taken him five years to deal with his initial grief and the loss of Jen and his dad. Hers wouldn’t take that long, he hoped, if he had anything to do with it. He was going to love her so completely, so thoroughly, that all she felt was him. All she smelled was him. All she tasted was him. And all she saw was him, because he loved her.

  Alexa felt herself drifting into fire and pleasure, the two inseparable as he teased and suckled each nipple. She writhed and bucked her hips against his hard, warm length, wanting desperately to please him, because she’d taken everything he’d given her but had given nothing in return. And Gage made it so easy to give to him, open herself to him, lavish him with her sinuous body molding to him and writhing against his powerful, quivering form. His tongue was wickedly licking her, tasting her, and he made a gruff sound of appreciation deep within his chest, his mouth moving lower and lower to her belly, to the juncture between her legs. By the time his mouth, hands, and tongue had trailed a white-hot path of fire to her aching lower body, all thoughts had been banished, burned up in the river of her need for him
.

  He knelt between her thighs, his callused hands easing them apart, and she opened fully to him, gripping his hunched shoulders as he came over her, his hands on either side of her head, his gaze dark and smoldering. This time, Alexa smiled with anticipation, feeling free at last of her inner darkness as he nestled himself against her thick, honeyed gate. Calling out his name, her fingers digging into his shoulders, pulling him toward her, lifting her hips and feeling him thrust into her, brought her into his world of aching need. Gage. Only Gage.

  He thrust into her, claiming her, taking her, riding with her undulating hips, whispering her name roughly against her ear. He gripped her thick hair, holding her in place, plunging into her, making her cry out with pleasure, her back arching into him, meeting every thrust with equal joy and lightness. Her heart sang. Her body was singing a song of love with Gage, their rhythm strong and steady between them, their breaths coming in gasps, their bodies damp with sweat, gliding effortlessly against one another.

  She felt the building pressure of another orgasm stalking her with each thrust, each harsh explosion from between his clenched teeth. He carried her with him as she lost all awareness except for that of Gage’s body, his hard muscles guiding, plunging, her cries against his neck, her eyes tightly shut, riding waves of pleasure he was creating within her. And just as she screamed, her fingers clenched into his short hair at the back of his head. It felt as if her body had imploded with the force of the sun bursting within her.

  She felt Gage suddenly stiffen, his hips jerking, his hands tightening into her hair, holding her very still as she felt his release flooding her. Her orgasm was a fiery torrent, bathing his erection, buried in her to the hilt. In those liquefying moments when she spun out into a galaxy of exploding stars, all she felt, all she absorbed was Gage’s body fused with hers.

  Gage collapsed upon her, his face inches from hers, sweat beading his drawn brow, his eyes slits, his breath coming in hard gasps as he released her hair, his hand trembling over her temple and cheek. It was that male smile tugging at the corners of his beautifully shaped mouth that made her smile in return. She touched his nose with her own, closing her eyes, drowning in the light and beauty he had spun around them with his kisses, his hands, and that wickedly delicious tongue of his.