by Lesley Jones
“Bloody hell Lauren, you seriously couldn’t make this shit up! I actually don’t know what to say; at least you know everything. I didn’t even know about Karen Palmer and I don’t know if the boys do, but you know and that’s something, he’s not tried to hide it from you or deny it. You two obviously love each other and as much as it all seems like a battle right now, you will get through this, you two are fighters and what you have is most definitely worth fighting for, I’m sure of it.”
She chews on her thumb nail, looking really worried, in turn, making me worry. “And you have no idea where he's gone?”
I take a deep breath and shake my head and my scalp begins to prickle as fear begins to slowly creep into my pores. She's worried, what's she thinking? Where does she think he might have gone?
“What are you thinking Sam? You know him better than me. Where’s he likely to go?”
She's making a call from her mobile as I speak and raises her finger to shush me.
“Hey Gabe, I wanna come over and visit Lauren later, can you just call me back and let me know that's alright? Thanks babe, love you.”
She takes a deep breath, “Went straight to voicemail, he's not answering.”
“Tell me what you're thinking Sam? You’re scaring me.”
“I'm just worried he might go after your husband Lauren, it would have taken a lot for him to propose and I'm worried that he thinks you saying no, is all your husband’s fault and he's gonna go after him. Zachary said Gabe terrified him last night, he has never seen him so scared or so angry, he truly believes if he had found Jason he would have killed him.”
I sit perfectly still and try to calm my thoughts. Gabe knows where Jason lives, he will know where to find him but he was angry at me, not Jason, well he’s always angry at Jason but right at that moment it was definitely me, and rightly so. Perhaps I should call Jason, just to be sure, I take Sam’s phone and make the call. He's the last person in the world I want to talk to right now but I need to know if Gabe has gone looking for him. This is all my fault, Gabe could seriously hurt Jason and get locked up. Obviously, I don't really want to see Jason get hurt, much, and I definitely don't want Gabe getting into trouble for doing it.
He answers after a couple of rings and my palms are instantly clammy. “Jason, its Lauren, look. Strange question I know but Gabe’s not been to your place has he?”
“Why would that cunt come here?” I flinch at his words.
“He’s seriously pissed off Jay, I don’t want any more trouble and I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”
“What more damage could he do Lauren? He's taken you away; a few bruises and broken bones won't hurt nearly as much.”
My head swims at his words. I was actually expecting spitting, snarling and abuse hurled at me. Not that insightful little speech, but something’s not right. He sounds off, like he’s had a drink maybe.
“Jay, he didn’t take me away, you and your actions drove me away. When are you going to wake up and take responsibility for what you did? And I mean it Jay; Gabe is seriously pissed off right now, if he turns up, please don’t answer the door.”
“So am I Lauren, I’ve never been more serious. Why do you care what he does to me anyway? You don't give a shit about me; you've made that perfectly clear these past weeks.”
I do care, of course I care, I’m not heartless, you don’t love someone for as long as I’ve loved Jason and suddenly it all just stops, if only it was that easy but I don’t want to get into any of that with Jay right now.
“Jay…I just... I just don’t want to see either of you get hurt. There's been enough of that already. Look, are you okay?”
“What do you think Ren? The only way to stop me hurting is for you to come back. Anything else I can handle. If he comes looking for me. I will be more than ready; you don't have to worry about that, perhaps that cunt will finally get what’s coming to him.”
His tone has totally changed, he’s gone from mellow to angry in an instant and my scalp prickles, “What does that mean Jason?”
“It means what I said. Do you think I will just sit here if he comes to my front door? He took you away Lauren, I told you last night. I warned you! You’re mine, you will always be mine, he just needs to learn that and he needs to pay the price for keeping you from me right now. He doesn't scare me; in fact I look forward to him finding me. Perhaps then he will finally understand what pain is all about, he’s taken you and he’s turned my children against me, I owe him some payback, perhaps I should go out looking for him, that way we will be sure to bump into each other, that way we will both be happy.”
“Jay, for fucks sake, please don't be stupid, he's fifteen years younger than you. I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”
“Like I said Lauren, he doesn’t scare me, bring it on, perhaps we can bring an end to all this once and for all, if he’s out of the picture, then you will realise that you should be with me, because you will. One day you will realise where you belong. Don't call again; I'm breaching my bail conditions talking to you.”
He hangs up, I’ve known Jason, happy, sad, drunk, angry but I have no idea what that was, his voice was lifeless and his threats were deadly. I need to find Gabe because Jason, well he's really and truly lost the plot and it terrifies me.
I look up at Sam. “Call Zac. Call anyone that might know where he is. Jay’s lost it, seriously lost it. I thought he might wanna go and hide but he can't wait for Gabe to find him. They will kill each other.”
I hand the phone back to her and she calls Zac and tells him all that's gone on. His family must be wishing he had never laid eyes on me! Once again...What a mess!
Sam’s mobile goes off multiple times, and then mine rings too. It's Jen, calling to see if I'm okay. Then Stella calls and asks the same thing. An hour later they are at my door. The boys are out looking for him, the girls have come to look after me. An hour later Jo arrives, great, just great, so now I have to fill her in on the day’s events too, luckily introductions aren’t necessary, the ladies have all met before due to Jo’s involvement with the family business. Stella and Jo in fact, talk on the phone at least once a week. Hmmm, why did I not know this?
At around 10.15pm Sam’s phone rings and all eyes turn to her.
“Hey babe. Nope, no sign, nah, he's not called her. Where? What time? He what?”
She looks at me and tilts her head to one side, then turns her back on me, this isn't good, I just know this isn't good. “Okay. Well yeah. Okay, see ya after.”
She turns back around and looks at Stella and Jen before she looks at me and swallows. “They've just missed him; he left some bar in Mount Eliza about ten minutes ago. He was seriously drunk, could barely walk, the boys are on their way back here now, because apparently that’s where he was heading.”
Shit. Drunk, that's good though, I'd rather drunk than murderous, I think.
“He didn't drive did he?” Stella asks.
Sam looks across at Jen and then to Jo. What the fuck, surely he wouldn’t drive in that state, he’s always so good about not drinking if he has to drive. He always gets a cab or arranges a lift, now I’m worrying about his safety for other reasons, he wouldn’t drive, would he? I shake my head.
“Sam, he didn't, did he?”
She frowns for a split second as if she’s wondering what I am asking. Are we talking about different things? My Essex Girl Spidey Intuition suddenly kicks in, my skin prickles and my chest tightens. He’s got a lift from someone or, he’s left with someone, I feel sick.
“Who did he leave with Sam?” Please let me be wrong.
She lets out a long breath and looks at the floor. “Who did he fucking leave with Sam?”
I stand up as Jo says, “Lauren wait, just calm down, and let her speak.”
Before anyone can say anymore the gates sound as they begin to open, I walk past everyone and head down the stairs, as I open the front door the gates are sliding shut again but there is no car on the drive. I can hear voices and engines runn
ing as I head to the small gate at the side, it’s raining and has turned cool, I give an involuntary shiver. The cold, nerves or actual straight up fear at what I am going to find out on the street? I’m not really sure. There’s shouting and I can definitely hear a woman's voice as I swing the gate back. Gabe’s car is almost touching the gate, with its lights on, engine still running and driver and passenger doors open, Coop and Zac’s cars are on the street with their lights on, engines still running. Cooper has a tall blonde girl by the arm and is trying to drag her to his car, but she is having none of it and is trying to fight him off. Gabe is leaning with his back against the boot of his car and swaying about as Zac stands in front of him, shouting about the state he is in.
“What’s going on?” I shout, as all eyes turn to me.
“Here she is, she's right here waiting just for me. The love of my life, the reason I breathe.”
Gabe is all over the place as he speaks and is barely coherent. I ignore him.
“Cooper, what are you doing? Who the fuck is she?”
He looks at Zac, then at the blonde, then at me.
“Who am I?” She tries to pull free from Coop and move towards me, but Coops having none of it. She raise her chin in my direction.
“Who the fuck are you?” She asks.
“Hey...Youuuuu...Youuuu DO NOT Ever, talk to my princess like that!” Gabe slurs, trying to focus on me but talking to the blonde, I hope!
Gabe looks towards Cooper. “Tell her to go Coop, tell her to fuck off, Lauren mustn't know. She will kill me; she will have my fuckin balls. Ha, she is so fuckin hot when she's pissed at me. Ha, I love her Zac. Zac – Zachary I love her like nothing else. She's done things to me Zachy. Why didn't you tell me bro? Why didn't anyone tell me it could be like this? I never knew, never ever knew.”
I can’t take my eyes off the blonde; she shrugs out of Coopers grip and starts walking up the street, suddenly turning around and sticking her middle finger up at us all.
From behind me I hear, “Yeah fuck off ya fucking moll!”
It’s Stella.
“I'll fucking kill that skank next time I see her, moll.”
I want to smile, Gabe’s slurring and trying to stand up straight, the whole scene is comical, but I have a bad feeling and a million thoughts zooming through my mind. Who is she? What was she doing with Gabe? Why was she here? Do Gabe and his family realise how often they use the word fuck?
Cooper walks towards me. Kisses my cheek and punches the code in to open the driveway gates. As they slide open he drives Gabe’s car in and parks it on the drive. Zac now has hold of Gabe as he can't hold himself up. One arm across his back, one across his chest. Once Cooper has all the cars safely parked he helps Zac with Gabe. We all head back inside and up the stairs. Gabriel does not stop talking the whole time he is being dragged and carried up the stairs. As the boys get him to the top where I am waiting his eyes lock with mine, as best they can. He blinks repeatedly as he tries to focus and he shakes and shrugs his brothers off but they hold him up as he stumbles towards me. My stomach lurches and I think I actually let out a small moan or whimper as I see the lipstick around his mouth and the makeup on his T-shirt.
“Lauren, Lauren, Lauren it's not my fault. They didn't tell me, they didn’t, they didn't warn me. I didn't know. I love you so much but I didn't know it would hurt like this, I don't know what to say, what to do, I don’t know what to do with all this stuff. It’s all in my head and in my chest, and all in my belly Lauren. I don’t know where to put it all? I'm so scared Lauren, please don’t leave me.”
He starts to cry and I start to cry with him – I look across to Stella, she’s also in tears.
“They're my big brothers, Zachary and ... and Coop. My brothers, but not Stella, no she’s my baby sister, but they – the brothers, they didn't tell me about this love shit. They didn't say it was so fuckin good soooo fuckin good and so fuckin’ bad at the same time and I don't know Lauren. I just don’t know what to do? I need you, just to breathe, I need you. What do I do with all that, ehh? Do you know, can you tell me?”
He reaches out and wipes my tears onto his thumb and then sucks them into his mouth and I let out a loud sob. I did this, I’ve broken him, driven him to get into this mess, driven him to her.
He falls down on to his knees and all I can say is, “You kissed her Gabe, you fucking kissed her! How could you, what have you done? Was it just a kiss?”
I can barely breathe, how could he do this to us, I knew I would never be enough for him and this just proves it, I want to vomit, I want to curl up in a ball and I want to punch his fucking head in.
“Nah, nah Lauren he didn't, it was her not him. The barman told us what happened, he was fighting her off, he just kept telling her about you and how much he loves you but she wouldn't take no for an answer.” Zac defends his brother.
Gabe turns his head and looks at Coop and Zac saying, “They’re not good... They're not good brothers. They didn't save me, they didn't tell me. They should have told me about all this love stuff and they should have saved me from her from fuckin Jackie. Then you, you Lauren, wouldn't be angry with me all the time. I didn’t mean it, I didn’t want it. Why did she pick me? Why, why me?”
He sobs and I cry. What have I done?
“I would know I would, I would know how to love you. If those brothers had done their job. It’s their fault. It's all their fault.”
He blinks and tears roll down his cheeks. It kills me to see him in so much pain. I wipe my hand over his mouth. Not wanting my lips to go where the blonde moll’s have been, and then I press my lips to his and wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into my chest and rock him backwards and forwards. The room is silent, aside from the sound of a few sobs and sniffs. I look up at Cooper who is crying badly. Sam has hold of Zac, his face buried in her neck, his shoulders shaking as he cries, still holding Gabe up all the while.
“What does he mean? What is he talking about? Why does he need saving from Jackie?” Stella's voice gets higher as she speaks.
“Let's get Gabe into bed,” Jenny suggests.
“No… No. Let’s all stop ignoring me and treating me like a fucking baby. What is he going on about Jackie for, what's gone on, Lauren, do you know? Because it seem that everyone else around here does, except for stupid Stella that is.”
“Stell, I'm gonna put Gabe to bed. Then I will be with you okay. Let me deal with him first, then we’ll talk.”
I turn my head and smile at her as best I can. What do I say? It’s really up to the boys and Gabe to decide what to tell her. It's certainly not my place. With tears still on their cheeks the boys follow me as they carry Gabe into the bedroom and lay him face down on the bed. Turning his head to the side, just in case he's sick. We all step back and look at him and then at each other.
“He's drunk, he didn't mean what he said, and he doesn't blame you. He loves you both, you know that right?” Is all I can think to say to them.
Gabe’s going to be so pissed off with himself when I tell him what he's said to his brothers tomorrow.
“But it's all true, what he said is all true. We fucked up. Our Mum died, we are his big brothers, and we should have looked after him better. Our step Mum fucked and abused him, right under our noses, in our home. Our Dad was being led around by his dick; we had Jen and Sam and just left him to deal with it all, and he did, by punishing every woman that he came into contact with. He fucked them, then he fucked them off and we laughed and encouraged him, he never let anyone get close to him, till you, and we haven't even prepared him for that. He's thirty five and apart from Ava and all of us, he's never been in love; he’s never allowed himself to be in love. He told me the other day that he had no idea how different making love was to just rooting someone, that’s so unlike Gabe, I should have taken him seriously, and all I did was throw a balled up piece of paper at him, laugh and call him a wanker. I should have known he wanted to talk about shit. I should have realised, this is all new to him, he doesn’t
know how to handle all these feelings.” Cooper starts to cry again as he speaks and I put my arms around him.
“Please Coop don't, he's gonna be mortified when he sobers up and realises what he's said. You're his brothers, not his parents. You had no idea what Jackie was doing and as soon as you found out, you put a stop to it.”
“And what the fuck did Jackie do? Someone better tell me now, else I'm going to Dads and I will ask her outright to tell me.”
We all look up at Stella standing in the doorway leaning against the frame looking breathtakingly beautiful and as angry as fuck.
“Come in here and close the door,” Zac says to her.
I don't want to hear this. My heart just can't take any more pain. I look up at the boys as Stella comes in and sits on the bed. She kisses Gabe’s cheek and runs her fingers through his hair with a look of complete reverence for her big brother.
I kiss the top of her head, then Gabe’s cheek, then each of the boys.
“I can't be here for this, I'm gonna go get us all a drink. Please watch my baby. He's as precious to me as he is to all of you. Even if he is a complete dickhead sometimes.”
The girls are all sitting or standing around the kitchen bench. They are deep in conversation, until they see me and it suddenly goes quiet.
“Don't mind me. Keep talking, please.”
Jo passes me a glass of wine.
“Sit down and shut the fuck up. What's happening in there? You okay?”
I take the wine and walk straight into her open arms allowing her to give me the biggest cuddle, I cuddle her back. Without putting down my wine, and surprisingly, without shedding any tears. I let out a big sigh.
“Christ Lauren. You must be exhausted from all this drama. The girls have been giving me all the deets about the 'Evil Stepmother' and what happened over the weekend. Gotta say, I'm disappointed darl. You really should have beat the bitch.”
“Oh don’t worry. She beat her with words, Jackie’s face was a picture,” Jen remarks.