by Lindsey Hart
“You just don’t know what you’re saying. You’re confused. Conflicted. I can see it all over your face. You do still want me, I’ll prove it to you.”
As Lana pushed against Dale and rose to stand, he slammed a kiss onto her mouth. Her scream of protest was smothered by his lips. He was pushy, rough, demanding. Not at all pleasant or gentle like Cam. She felt nothing but disgust.
Dale reached over, still kissing her, still trying to ram his tongue through her tightly clenched lips and grabbed her breast. He fondled her roughly through her sweater. She struggled to get away, but it was no good. His strength was far greater than her own. He probably thought she was enjoying it, that she liked rougher play.
Out of nowhere, Dale was ripped away from her. He went roughly, jerking her breast hard and nearly biting off her lips in surprise.
Lana gasped and opened her eyes. She held a hand to her stinging lips, checking for blood. Thankfully, there wasn’t any. Her body burned with shame and disgust, mostly at her own self for ever having entertained the notion that Dale’s attention was a good thing. She nearly burst into tears before she slammed back into the present and realized what was going on right in front of her.
Cam had the front of Dale’s shirt balled tightly in his fist. He was breathing hard, a look of sheer rage and hatred contorting his features. He drew back and swung a hard blow, catching Dale right in the mouth.
Dale stumbled backward, but it was only a second before he picked himself up off the floor and faced the full brunt of Cam’s rage.
“You want to go? Alright? Let’s go,” Dale ground out. He bent low at the waist and charged Cam, hitting him square in the chest.
The two men crashed over the coffee table and their momentum carried them straight into the china cabinet on the far side of the room.
The horrible noise of their impact followed by the gut-wrenching crush of glass echoed through the entire house as ornaments spilled off the shelves that collapsed inside of the large cabinet.
Lana cried out. Her mother had owned that cabinet since before she herself was born. Some of those ornaments had belonged to her grandmother. Certainly, the china, the teacups and teapot set stored inside, had.
“Oh no!” Lana stood abruptly while both men froze in a heap on the floor. They were still growling at each other like a pack of rabid dogs. “Stop it! Both of you!” She couldn’t stop the flood of tears that welled in her eyes and washed down her cheeks, scalding her face.
“What on earth is going on in here?” Jocelyn stumbled into the living room, wide-eyed. She’d thrown a pink terrycloth robe over her pajamas. Her feet were bare. Her hair was mussed, the faint blush of sleep still on her cheeks.
Lana would remember the look of absolute devastation on her mom’s face for the rest of her life.
Cam slowly picked himself up and Dale followed suit. Both men faced her mother guiltily.
“I’m so sorry,” Cam mumbled. He shot one look at Lana, a look that nearly broke her heart for the betrayal and sorrow in it, and fled the room.
“Yeah, me too.” Dale echoed. He beat a hasty retreat, following the same path.
Jocelyn slowly turned, tears springing to her own eyes. “Lana? Do you want to tell me what on earth just went on in here?”
“I would,” Lana whispered, “But there’s something I have to do first. I’m so sorry mom. I’ll be right back to help clean up, I promise.”
She couldn’t wait for an answer. If she stared at her mother for another second, she knew her heart would shatter right out of her chest.
She followed the same path both men had just cut out of the room, upstairs, into the guest bedroom she shared with Cam. She wasn’t exactly surprised to find him jamming his clothing into his duffel bag.
“Cam?” She closed the door firmly behind her. He whirled, that same hard look of betrayal flashed like a beacon in his dark eyes.
“I don’t know what you could possibly have to say to me right now,” he ground out. His hands never stopped jamming clothes into his bag.
“What? What do you mean?” Lana stumbled into the room and collapsed on the edge of the bed.
“You know what I mean! You were kissing him. Kissing him! After everything we shared together! I can’t honestly believe you!’
“No! Didn’t you hear anything before that?” Her world tilted sickeningly. She put out a hand, gripping the wall to keep herself from falling over. “I told Dale no! He did it anyway. I was trying to get away!”
“Sure looked that way,” Cam shot back sarcastically. He finished stuffing clothes into his bag and finally straightened. His breathing was hard and raw. “Look. I’m sorry about what happened to your mom’s china cabinet. I don’t know what came over me. I was so fucking angry I just saw stars when I found you with him. You played both of us, Lana. Maybe I should have let him have you, considering you two deserve each other.”
“Cam!” Lana stood on legs that felt too wooden to hold her. Her chest ached. “I swear I didn’t want it. I give you my word that I told him no. He asked if we were together and I said yes, and I meant it. I want to be with you!”
“That’s not what you said before. This whole thing was about hooking up with Dale. Like a fool, a desperate, fucking pathetic fool, I played along.”
“You know that’s not true! Tell me you know I would never, ever do that to you.”
Cam looked away. He couldn’t even look at her he was so angry. She’d never seen him like this before, not once. Her heart broke into a thousand tiny shards when she realized that he was going to go without hearing her out. Without believing her.
“Cam!” She tried to reach out and take his hand, but he pulled it roughly out of her grasp.
“No. Don’t talk to me right now Lana. I’m going back to the city. You’re going to have to get your own ride.”
“You’re leaving me here? Please don’t go like this. Please just listen to me. I need you to listen.”
He sighed, his shoulders heaving with effort and emotion. “You know what the saddest part of all of this is, Lana? That you had an entire lifetime for me to listen to you. You could have had me all along. I would have loved you, treated you right, done absolutely anything for you. I would have given my damn life for you. Now I know why I went to South America to escape you.”
Her hand fell away in defeat. She tucked it back at her side. It was over. It was truly over. Everything. Them. Whatever they’d shared and probably their friendship too.
She watched Cam pick up his duffel, his strong hand closing around the handles. He lifted it effortlessly and strode out of the room without looking back. He didn’t shut the door behind him and the sound of his footfalls down the hall and down the steps echoed through her ears with a hard finality she knew would haunt her for the rest of her life.
CHAPTER 15
Cam
Cam shut the door of the taxi, stalked around behind the car and grabbed his bag out of the open trunk. The driver tried to come out and help him, but he waved the elderly man back inside. He pulled a couple bills out of his wallet and paid the guy. He was sure to include a generous tip, even though he felt like being anything but kind.
It wasn’t the guy’s fault.
None of what happened was anyone’s fault but his own.
How could I have been so stupid? So blindly trusting? He’d asked himself the question a thousand times in the few weeks following Christmas with Lana’s family. It was true. He’d been the naïve one, the stupid one, the pathetic one. Maybe he deserved to have been duped.
He just couldn’t believe Lana would have done it like she had. Did she really have to have both of them? Did their friendship mean so little to her that she could just throw it all away? He wanted to believe her, at least, part of him did. That Dale had forced her to kiss him or that he’d forced himself on her. It just hadn’t looked that way. He’d been all over her. Surely if she’d wanted him to stop she could have left or screamed or something.
Cam’s handle
closed around his suitcase. He popped the long handle and began rolling it down the sidewalk to the front doors of the airport.
People came and went beside him. The airport was always busy. That afternoon was no exception.
He’d run once before. Escaped Lana, or at least tried to. He could do it again.
He made it through the double glass doors and rolled towards the counter to check his bag. It was going to be a long day of travel, but it would be worth it. He’d handed the reins of his clinic to another eager young doctor, but he knew he’d be welcome back anytime, if not to run the place, then to help out.
The truth was, he didn’t actually care where he went or where he ended up. He just couldn’t stay in Austin. He couldn’t stay in Texas or the whole of the United States if Lana was there. Even sharing a country with her felt too small.
It feels too small because she’s still inside of me. She’s still in my damn, traitorous heart.
He would have berated himself if he hadn’t realized that it was going to take longer than a couple weeks to get over what happened. It might very well take him the rest of his life to banish the image of Lana in another man’s arms from his mind.
Her face swam through his brain, behind his eyes. She’d looked so damn sincere when she’d stood in her room, begging him to listen to her. Begging him to believe her.
Which maybe he could have done, had it not been her whole plan all along to make Dale jealous to get her shot with him.
Cam shook his head angrily, willing the haunting image of Lana’s face away. He was leaving, this time for good. He hadn’t been sure the first time he’d gone, but he was now. He’d find somewhere else if he had to. He just knew he wasn’t ever going to be making his home in Austin again.
His bag rolled behind him, the wheels clicking over the tiled airport floor. Voices buzzed around him. To his left, a couple rushed together to hug each other. He turned his head, the joy and love of others nearly too much for his wounded heart to bear.
He was nearly at the check-in line, where the red and black barriers started. People were already making a mad dash for it, obviously eager to check in their bags and be done with security well before their flight.
Cam was almost there. From a distance, he saw a lone, lithe figure standing at the start of those red weaving straps that served to form a zigzag line. He purposely averted his gaze, struck at how the flaxen hair and height, even the body type of the woman so closely resembled Lana.
Will I see her everywhere for the rest of my life?
He didn’t dare glance up again until he reached the front of the line. He was about to wheel his suitcase through when the woman he’d noticed from a distance stepped in front of him, blocking his way. He nearly walked right into her. He was about to face her and apologize for his lack of awareness when his eyes met hers.
“Hello Cam.”
“Lana,” he breathed. “How… what are you doing here?” His world crashed in around him. He couldn’t pretend like he wasn’t affected, with Lana less than a couple inches away. She was standing right in front of him, blue eyes glowing even in the dingy overhead lighting, cornflower hair shining, the picture of beauty and grace.
“You wouldn’t answer my texts or my calls. I went to your apartment three times and rang the buzzer forever, but you never answered.”
“There was a reason for that. And by the way, I got rid of my phone. I don’t need it down South. And the apartment is no longer mine so you were standing there ringing someone else’s buzzer.”
Her pink lips quirked up in a self-deprecating smile. “It was a good thing no one answered then, I guess.”
“So what are you doing here?” Cam asked again after a moment of awkward silence.
“Excuse me.”
A cough behind him brought him up short. He realized he was blocking the start of the line. He offered his apologies to the middle-aged man behind him. He stepped to the side, bringing his suitcase out of the way. Lana moved with him, to the side of the line.
“I called your parents. Your mom told me where you were heading. She knew something was off, but I guess you didn’t tell them. She had no idea that you didn’t want to talk to me. I said I wanted to see you off as a surprise and she gave me your flight time.”
“How could you be sure when I was going to check in.”
Her lips pursed. “I couldn’t. I’ve been standing here for the past two hours. I knew you had to come sometime between then and two hours from now, since that’s when your plane leaves.”
Cam slowly shook his head. A trickle of hope leached into his chest. He didn’t want to feel it. Hope was the most dangerous emotion in the entire world.
“So you came to the airport to- what? Force me to listen to you?”
“Pretty much.” Lana slowly crossed her arms over her chest. Her face got that determined, resolute look, a look that told him she meant to have her say whether he wanted to listen or not. “I figured you couldn’t make a scene at the airport. That maybe here you might actually stop long enough to listen to me.”
“And if I don’t?”
A flash of emotion, sorrow or regret, shadowed her eyes. “Then you’ll leave and you’ll think that I betrayed you and you’ll hate me for the rest of your life and I couldn’t stand that.”
He nearly laughed. “God, Lana, don’t you know by now that I could never hate you?”
“I don’t. Not after what happened at Christmas. My parents were horrified. They made Dale leave. I don’t think my mom will ever let him back in the house. My brother wanted to kick his ass from here to Austin. I think their friendship might be over.”
“Good riddance to it.”
“Yes. I’d say so too.” Lana paused. “Cam, do you really believe that I could sleep with you. No, not just sleep. That I could… surrender to you? That I could take a part of your soul and give you a part of mine in return, that after what we shared, the very next morning I would get out of bed with you and jump into bed with Dale?”
“I…”
“If you truly think that, then maybe you should get on that plane and get out of here. I’ll block you on social media. I won’t ever get your new number. Our friendship, and whatever else we had, whatever beautiful passion we shared, will be over and forgotten. No, not forgotten. Never that.” She shook her head vehemently. “Never that. But we’ll be over. Our friendship will be over. If you truly think that I could betray you after whatever it was we shared, then you don’t know me at all. I don’t want you to know me if you could so easily believe the worst of me. I know what I said before. I know what the stupid plan was and whatever ridiculous notion I had in my head, but you should have known it was gone. Over. Long before we truly shared a bed. I should never have asked you to do what you did, to pretend to be my boyfriend. That was honestly the worst idea I’ve ever had. I realize now how childish it was. It took me all of three seconds to realize that I wanted it to be real. Probably from that minute you brushed my hand shopping, right after we had that latte together. No, even before that. Some part of me has known it for years and years, I just don’t know when it happened. When it truly became real. Maybe you were always my best friend and that love just finally turned into something else and when I started to get a clue, I really got a clue. I clued in fast. I’m sorry that I tortured you all these years by not knowing how you really felt.”
“I…” Cam didn’t know what to say. Worst of all, his eyes stung with unshed tears. He blinked fast, unwilling to embarrass himself by breaking down and weeping like a child.
Lana reached out and touched his hand, gently, the whisper of a caress before she pulled her hand back to her side. “I couldn’t let you go and hate me forever. You can still go. You can forget me and forget all of this, but you have to believe me that I would never hurt you, Cam. Never.”
He forced a hard swallow down his aching throat. His chest felt like it was about to burst, like a dam of pent-up emotion was leaking, flooding his body. How long had he wait
ed to hear Lana say those words. She had been his fantasy for as long as he could remember. She had been the only one he ever wanted.
And here she was, sapphire eyes glistening with unshed tears, her face the picture of open sincerity. He knew that Lana was a shit liar. He knew that because he knew her. He knew her better than he knew himself most days. He’d know if she was lying to him. Now that he was calm and rational, not in the heat of anger and a daze of pain like he had been at Christmas, he knew she was telling him the truth.
“I tried to tell him no,” she whispered, still pleading with him. “I tried to, but he kissed me. I couldn’t get away. He was too heavy. Too big. I tried to stand, I tried to-”
Her words were cut off when he stepped in, lowered his head and slanted his lips across her own, silencing her words. Lana tensed for just a second before she melted against him. Her hands wrapped around his neck, her body melded to his. She felt so right, so true in his arms.
He couldn’t leave. Not now, not when they’d finally found whatever it was they were supposed to discover together.
Cam finally had to break away. He feared if he didn’t, he’d be ruined for the rest of his life. “Look, Lana. I believe you, alright? It doesn’t change anything. I’m still leaving. I’ve given my word and I can’t back out. People need me down there. They rely on me to give them medical care. Down there, I make a difference. I’ve helped save lives. I’ve seen what it means to people who have never had access to a doctor in their lives.”
“I know,” Lana whispered. Tears spilled down her cheeks. “I just needed you to know.”
Cam hesitated. He knew he should just walk away. Leave it at that. Leave it where they were both still friends, before they had a chance to endure a future together, hurt each other and hate each other.
He knew that was the way it often went. But what if it doesn’t have to? What if I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving her now? Now when we are finally able to be honest with each other.