by KB Winters
“Lyss…” I raked a hand through my hair. “I misspoke. It was—”
“What was it, Finn?”
I dragged in a breath and then met her eyes. “I told you that I wasn’t in love with you anymore.”
Alyssa didn’t breathe—didn’t move. When her lips finally parted, she took a quick breath. “And that was…a lie?”
“The biggest damn lie I’ve ever told.”
I smashed my helmet down onto my head and threw the bike in gear. I couldn’t do this. It wasn’t fair to her and I refused to break her heart again.
Chapter Fifteen
Alyssa
It was all a lie.
Hours later, Finn’s words were still echoing through my head. The biggest damn lie I’ve ever told.
What did it mean? That he was still in love with me? If so, then why did he end things before he got deployed? Right when we were on the cusp of falling over the edge of forever, he’d chosen to instead, say goodbye. It didn’t make sense. His words twisted through my mind as I showered and changed. There were already going to be questions in Gina and Claudia’s eyes over my mystery visitor. I didn’t need to add fuel to the fire by wearing the same outfit for a second day in a row.
I breezed back into Hearts & Paws a little after eight o’clock and checked in on Peanut. Gina was back, with her tech, Hattie, and they had nothing but glowing positivity over the little pups 180. “I don’t know what you did, Alyssa, but it helped. He’s coming around and all his vitals look good. I applied fresh bandages and got him all cleaned up,” Hattie gushed.
Gina nodded in agreement. “You better start getting foster homes lined up. This little guy and his sister are going to be ready for some full-time lovin’ pretty soon!”
Fresh tears filled my eyes as I embraced them both. I stroked Peanut’s matted fur and promised to find him the best forever family on the planet. He deserved it. They all did.
I said goodbye to Gina and Hattie and went to my office. Before opening the shelter of Hearts & Paws, I’d done all my website work at home, but since the shelter opened, I usually worked in my office. Sure, it required getting dressed, but it was nice to have the sense of camaraderie and be hands on—even in the midst of heartbreak like the day before when Peanut and his sister had been rushed in for medical care. Seeing them broken like that had shattered my heart. It was amazing to me that Finn had been able to pick that up in my voice over the phone. How did he still know me so intimately?
I sighed and sank down into my chair. That was another question for the pile.
I watched my inbox fill on the screen, and within minutes I was lost in work. A welcome relief to the unhealthy amount of obsessing about Finn. Especially the thoughts about what might have happened if we’d gone for dessert. What about after that? Would we have found some bar for a quick nightcap? And if we’d had a drink—or maybe two—what would have happened then?
With Rafe out of town, I was supposed to be thinking about him and our future together. I had big decisions to make in the coming weeks. None of which involved Finn. Last night was a one-time thing. We’d caught up on each other’s lives, had a few laughs, shared a few memories. That was it. It was like a cleansing or a purge. It would be out of our systems and we could go on with our lives, just like we did before unexpectedly crashing into each other at that charity event.
****
For the most part, I turned out to be right. The weeks passed without word from Finn and while I still thought about him way more often than I was willing to admit—I was starting to feel back on track with my life. Which was a good thing, because Rafe was flying back into town, and I needed to be laser sharp for the pending conversation I knew was coming.
“So, Rafe is coming home tonight?”
I’d ducked out of work early to go shopping with Sasha. She’d arrived forty minutes late and claimed that she was suffering from low blood sugar—despite having no medical conditions I was aware of—so instead of shopping, we were in a cafe eating overpriced salads and doing a little day drinking.
I gulped another mouthful of wine and nodded my reply. “Seven o’clock.”
Sasha smile. “Time for a little bow chicka wow wow,” she said loud enough that the people at the table behind her turned and stared.
My cheeks warmed. “Shh!”
She laughed and flapped a hand. “They’re just jealous that you’re gonna get some. Oh! I know. Let’s go to that new little lingerie boutique. What’s it called again. Bits? Is that it?”
I shook my head. “Pass.”
Sasha frowned. “You’re no fun today. What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy to have your man back? I remember back when Jackson and I were still fucking, whenever he’d come home from a trip, I’d make sure I was sprawled out in bed, wearing something spicy, with a bottle of champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, and a can of whipped cream!”
“That seems tame for you,” I teased.
“What did you expect? A sex swing and nipple clamps?”
The people at the table behind her were openly staring, eyes wide open.
I laughed into my glass of wine and shook my head.
Sasha paid no attention. “First of all, getting into a sex swing solo would be damn near impossible and I have sensitive nipples.”
I snorted into my wine as I glanced over her shoulder and saw a man’s jaw dropped.
“Besides that,” she sniffed, fluffing her hair. “Jackson’s a traditionalist. I rarely talked him into anything besides missionary.”
Hence, the reason she routinely screwed her piano instructor these days.
“Okay, new topic before the guy behind you has a coronary.”
Sasha craned around. “Can I help you? Do you want to hear more about my nipples?”
The man bristled while the woman beside him scowled and then flagged the server down.
Sasha turned back to face me and went back to eating her salad as though she’d simply asked the neighbors if she could borrow a fork. “Anyway…what’s up? Why aren’t you excited?”
I sighed and set my fork down. “There’s something I need to talk about with Rafe and I don’t think it’s going to end well…”
Sasha’s brows creased together. “What do you need to talk about?”
“We left some things unfinished before he left. Mainly in regards to where we’re headed. We’ve had some time to think and figure things out while he’s been gone. So, I think we need to get back to that conversation.”
“On his first night back in town?” Sasha shook her head. “No, no, doll. That’s not how you want to approach it. You want to give him the hero’s parade, welcome him home, rattle the headboard and have fun. Tomorrow you can talk about all that other shit—or better yet—give it a few weeks.”
“I don’t think I have a few weeks…” I said softly.
“Why not?”
I stared at Sasha for a moment, weighing whether or not I could trust her with my new secret. Sasha was a loyal friend, but at the same time, she had a big mouth and wasn’t afraid to use it. One slip up around Jackson and Rafe would know about it within minutes. The two of them were glued at the hip.
I shook my head. “I guess it just feels urgent for some reason. But you’re probably right. Maybe waiting a few days is a good idea.”
Sasha’s bright smile popped back onto her face. “So, does this mean we’re going to Bits? You would look so hot in the black lace set they have on the mannequin in the front window!”
****
I narrowly avoided the shopping trip with Sasha when Jackson called to let her know the plane was landing early. We said our goodbyes and I hurried home to get changed and freshen up. Rather than wait at home in something sultry, I was going to the airport directly. Rafe liked to have someone there to pick him up instead of having his driver take him home. During his few weeks away, we’d spoken every few days and texted at least once a day. As I finished blowing out my hair, my phone buzzed on the marble counter top. I flicked off
the blow-dryer, ran my fingers through my hair, and then reached for the phone.
Getting in early. Can’t wait to see you soon.
A flutter of guilt skittered through me. As shameful as it was to admit, I’d thought a lot more about Finn the past few weeks than I had Rafe. Especially at night, in that intimate sliver between sliding in the sheets and falling asleep. On more than one occasion, I’d slipped under the satin sheets and ran my fingers over my own body, imagining they belonged to someone other than Rafe.
My cheeks went red at the memory as I stared at myself in the mirror. I was still swaddled in my soft, white hotel-style towel. I slipped the towel from my body and let it fall to my feet. As I stared at my reflection, my mind automatically inserted Finn into the picture. Heat washed over me, imagining him standing behind me, a towel wrapped low on his hips, showing off the deep V-lines that I knew were still there. He’d pull my hair aside and lay down a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses up my neck. He’d hit that sweet spot below my ear—the one Rafe had never managed to find—and he’d flick his velvet tongue over the shell of my ear before spinning me around to kiss me, my skin pressed against his.
A gasp slipped past my lips and my eyes fluttered open. I dragged a hand down my body, between my breasts, over my stomach, across my hips. The place between my thighs was aching with need. With wide eyes on my own reflection, I slipped a finger between my pussy lips and moaned at the wetness there. Just thinking about Finn got me hotter than I could remember. If I were to actually let myself…
No!
I bent over, snapped my towel from the floor, and stalked naked into the walk-in closet. I chucked my used towel into the hamper and growled at myself under my breath as I stomped around and got dressed. “You’re not a teenager, Lyss. This isn’t a time of your life where you can be reckless and make decisions based on your hormones. Get. A. Fucking. Grip!”
Once I was dressed in a soft, wrap-dress with low heels, a creamy, winter white sweater, and a long, navy pea coat, I slipped on a pair of silver hoop earrings, tousled my hair one last time and hurried out of the penthouse before I could let myself get carried away again.
Chapter Sixteen
Alyssa
Sixteen minutes. That’s all it took for Rafe and I to start arguing. As I stared out the passenger window, I decided it was a new—and highly depressing—record for us. I wasn’t sure what started it. He’d gone from can’t wait to see you to where are you to how do you always manage to show up late within that span of time. From there, things had devolved to him wondering aloud if I’d be on time for our wedding ceremony, assuming we ever made it that far.
That was when I stopped talking.
There wasn’t a point. He was a hard-headed man who expected perfection from everyone around him and when he was tired or stressed, the charm and polish he put on things dropped away and left a sharp edge behind.
“What do you think my employees think when their boss is the last one waiting at the curb? Don’t you think about these things?”
I shook my head. “I said I was sorry. I got stuck in traffic. Your flight arrived early—”
Rafe wasn’t going to relent. “Sasha told you we were landing early. Jackson already told me that you two were together when he called her to relay the news.”
“I had to go home and get showered and changed and get all the way to the airport. ’Cause, you know, how dare I show up in work clothes. No, that wouldn’t do. Then you’d be bitching about the dog fur on my clothes or the smell of the kennels in my hair!” I twisted in my seat, my fists balled up in my lap. “You didn’t even tell me I look pretty!”
“I was too distracted,” he growled.
“I don’t even know why you care what your employees think. They probably weren’t thinking anything! You know, this might come as a shock, but you’re actually not the center of everyone’s universe! They were probably just happy to be home in one piece after a long flight!”
Rafe fell silent. Some might consider that a win, a point well made, but I knew better.
I sighed and dropped my head back against the seat. “I can’t do this anymore, Rafe.”
He glanced over at me. “What can’t you do?” Besides be on time, I felt him silently add.
I rolled my head to the side and met his eyes as we stopped in line at a traffic signal. “I can’t live this way, under this enormous pressure to be perfect. I have to be punctual, made-up, happy, polished. I don’t think you really want to be with a woman, Rafe. I think you want to be with a fucking Barbie doll.”
Rafe’s jaw clenched and I knew I’d struck a nerve.
“I don’t want to keep trying to squeeze myself into some mold you have made up in your head. I’ll never be perfect and it’s hard enough to accept myself most of the time. I don’t need the added pressure of trying to live up to your standards too. It’s exhausting and I’m seeing more and more that it just isn’t good for me.”
“What are you saying?” His voice was tight and constricted. I wasn’t sure if he was upset or still only angry.
The light changed and the car behind us honked to get us moving. Rafe flipped the driver the bird in the rearview mirror and then started moving. I remained silent until we got to the underground garage of our building. Rafe whipped into the reserved spot near the elevator that led to the penthouses and killed the engine with an angry jab at a button on the dash. He kept his eyes trained ahead, staring at the cement wall in front of us.
“I think—” I paused and swallowed hard as tears pricked the backs of my eyes. “I think we need to say goodbye.”
Rafe’s hands wrapped around the steering wheel and squeezed so hard his knuckles turned white. Suddenly, he ripped free of his safety belt and sprang to my side of the car. His hands went to my shoulders and he shook me hard enough my teeth smacked together. “You think you can do better? Huh? You think someone else out there is going to put up with you? I gave you everything, Alyssa! You hear me? Fucking everything!”
“Rafe—” I cried out as his fingers dug deeper into my muscles. I had no doubt that if not for the protective layer of the coat and sweater underneath, he would have broken the skin. “Let me go! You’re hurting me.”
One of his hands went to my throat, choking out the words. “Shut up!”
Panic flashed in my mind. Was he going to kill me? Right here in the parking garage? Would someone walk by and stop him first? Prayers and frantic thoughts flew through my mind. Please, someone. Anyone! Stop him!
“I asked so little of you, Alyssa. And yet, it was too much for you. Everyone told me you were the wrong girl. Too unpolished. Too wild! You’ve embarrassed me in front of some important people with your big mouth and loud opinions! But I forgave you because I thought I loved you, but now I see just how blind I was.” He laughed, the sound menacing and chilling. His fingers squeezed a little harder around my neck, and I gulped against the palm of his hand. He grinned at me, dark and cruel. “Boy, what a fucking idiot I was!”
My lips formed his name, begging for him to release me.
He tore his hand away so hard, I smacked my head on the passenger window. “Get the fuck out of my car, you worthless bitch.”
I scrambled for the handle, still sputtering for air, and nearly fell out of the car. I grabbed my purse and started running.
****
“Enjoy your stay, Ms. Archer.”
Is she kidding? I yanked my keycard off the glossy, marble counter and gave the chipper blonde a tight-lipped smile.
I trudged up to my room, slid the keycard in the reader, and pushed inside. After turning on all the lights, I threw my purse onto the bed and immediately went into the bathroom. Yup, just as I expected. Train wreck express.
Dark bruises were already showing on the sides of my throat where Rafe had squeezed. The sight of the lines revived the horror of being locked in his car and fresh tears welled up in my already puffy eyes. My makeup was streaked down my face and my hair was tangled and frizzy from running t
hrough the parking garage and down half a dozen blocks before I finally had to stop and catch my breath.
The moment I’d stopped running, the terror and adrenaline collided and I crumpled to the sidewalk in a heap of hysterical sobs. A woman walking by stopped and helped me up and called an Uber. The driver took me to a hotel on the other side of town.
I didn’t have any luggage or toiletries, but at least I was safe.
I ran the tap until hot water piped out and then scrubbed all of the makeup from my face with one of the hotel washcloths. I dropped the dirty cloth to the hamper by the door and then stripped out of my coat and dress and went back into the room. A large flat screen TV was opposite the bed and I turned it on, landing on the Travel Channel which featured sunny, faraway locales. I hoped it would take my mind off the horror of the night. Even if only for a few minutes.
I sank down at the foot of the bed and rubbed my bare arms. The room was chilly. Pushing up, I stumbled over my own feet on the way to the heater and turned it on full blast. A slick menu caught my attention on my way back to the bed. Room service. I picked it up and flipped it over to the spirits list. Within five minutes, a chilled bottle of wine—and two glasses—was delivered to my room. I wrapped myself in the hotel robe and answered the door. I tipped the young woman, handed her the unnecessary glass, then closed and locked the door again.
Hours passed, the only way I recognized the passage of time was the loop of shows starting and ending on the TV as I lay back against the stack of pillows. At some point, I decided the glass was just an extra step and started sipping straight from the bottle. Two deliveries later, I forgot all the pain.
****
“Excuse me, ma’am, it’s very hard to hear you. Could you repeat the issue?”
“The damn TV is broked—” I slurred.
“I’m sorry. It’s broken?”
I pulled the phone away from my ear and marveled at it in my hand. “That’s what I said. There are little, itty, bitty dots! They’re kinda cute.” I cocked my head and watched the picture squiggle and blur. “It’s broken. Yup. Uh huh.”