We spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the school grounds together. There were a lot of students arriving now and we watched them come and go, unloading boxes and suitcases and greeting each other and excitedly catching up after the summer holidays. We walked to the rose garden at one point, but a kissing couple was occupying our bench, and feeling intrusive, we left.
“Now why do you look troubled, my Lady?” Stefano inquired as we walked.
“Well, I’ve come to think of the rose garden as my garden this past week. It’s my secret solitude. And the roses won’t last much longer.” I was disappointed that we were unable to enjoy it together on such a glorious summer day. It might be one of the last such days til next year.
“Don’t fret, my Lady Catherine. There will be plenty of chances to enjoy it again.”
He drew breath as if to say something more, but restrained himself.
“I suppose,” I said.
“And we walked around back along the edge of the woods…you hadn’t been there before had you?”
“Only once, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I did today with you.”
“Then the afternoon was not a complete loss after all,” he teased.
“No! Of course it wasn’t! It was a lovely afternoon!” I protested.
“But I think I shall take my leave of you now. I do grow weary, you know.”
“No, I didn’t know. You do?” I was curious. It had never occurred to me to wonder if he slept or if he needed rest at all.
“I do. It requires a great deal of energy to bring my particles, if you will, together in this recognizable form that you can see. When I disappear, I quite literally dis -apparate.”
He saw the puzzled look on my face and felt compelled to elucidate further.
“Think of it like water when it turns to steam. I am water now, but when I relax and let myself go I am like steam. The same, but different.”
“I think I understand. Are you still conscious?”
“Oh yes – very much so. Conscious and mobile. What I experience is simply the difference you might feel between keeping every muscle in your body as tense and rigid as possible, and floating on the sea. One state requires concentration and effort, and the other is just relaxed and buoyant,” he explained.
“I hope I become a ghost when I die,” I remarked, thinking it sounded like an awfully interesting way to experience the world.
“Ghost,” he muttered with a small chuckle. “You, my darling, had better not die for a very long time and that is all I will say about that. Now get you gone and I will see you soon!” he was pulling his mouth back in an attempt to look stern, but I could see he was really trying to suppress a smile. He tipped an imaginary hat at me and was gone.
CHAPTER 6
I walked back to the dorm alone thinking that his manner with me had changed. The first few times we met I had really thought – hoped - that I had felt something between us. I even remember thinking, this must be what people mean when they talk about chemistry. But now things were different. He was still friendly, still kind, still wonderful to be with, still calling me beautiful even, but he was keeping something in reserve. It was like the chemistry was gone and we had simply become old friends. The contrast made me certain that there had been something to hope for in the beginning. Now I was saddened and confused about why things had changed.
When I reached the top floor and turned down the hall to my room Cheryl and Lisa’s door was wide open and they were playing pop music and singing together and dancing around.
“Catherine!” Cheryl shrieked as I tried to pass by unnoticed, “Where have you been?! We knocked on your door, like AN HOUR ago and you weren’t there!”
Neither of them had properly unpacked or put away any of their clothes. On the contrary, their room looked as if someone had torn open the trunk of a magician’s assistant and flung all the costumes everywhere. Sequins, beads, feathers, and more hot pink than you could shake a stick at covered both of their beds and their desks. Empty hangers had been carelessly strewn around. I was glad it wasn’t me who would have to clean up this mess.
“I just went for a walk around the school grounds,” I answered.
“Really? What for?” Lisa looked at me as if I had just told her I was going to be moving to Afghanistan.
“Fresh air. Exercise,” I shrugged.
“There’s a gym here, you know,” she informed me tersely.
“Who cares,” Cheryl interrupted, “We’re going out tonight and you’re coming with! We’re just picking our outfits!”
I marveled at the array of club attire they had between them. I hadn’t brought many clothes at all and I certainly didn’t even own anything to clubbing in. Considering I’d be spending most of my waking life in a school uniform as of next Tuesday, there hadn’t seemed much point in packing a whole lot anyway.
“What happened to your make up? Did you wash it off?” Cheryl was looking at me with a perturbed expression.
I had washed my face. I would have felt ridiculous going for a walk outside in the middle of the afternoon all painted up like that.
“I did, yeah.” I answered.
“Well I’m not going to do it again,” Cheryl grumbled under her breath.
“Do you have anything to wear to a bar?” Lisa asked me.
“A bar?” I blanched. “I’m not old enough to get into a bar!”
“Don’t you have a fake ID?” Cheryl was giving me that look again. I just stood there in amazement.
“No I don’t have a fake ID!” I exclaimed.
“Oh well it doesn’t matter. We’ll get you in.” Cheryl shook her long black hair diffidently.
“How?” I protested. “What if you can’t?”
“They know us there,” Lisa added, “It’ll be cool.”
“Yeah, but what if-“ I started to say but Cheryl cut me off.
“Oh my god! Don’t be so worried! Do you always worry this much about everything? What a pain!” She sighed with exasperation. “Now. Do you have anything to wear? You can totally borrow something of mine,” she offered.
I couldn’t keep up with this girl. One minute she was inviting me out, the next minute she was mad at me for some perceived slight, and in the very next breath she was offering to lend me her clothes.
“I don’t know if anything of yours would fit me!” I said. These girls were both so tall and thin. I was of average height and weight and couldn’t imagine something that would fit their long, slender frames would look at all good on me.
But Cheryl and Lisa were adamant. They wanted the three of us to have a cohesive “look” which meant that I was their Barbie doll and they were going to dress me up in their play clothes whether I liked it or not. Anytime I was uncomfortable with something they offered me, they became offended that I didn’t share their tastes or their style. I was tap dancing for my life, having to come up with an endless supply of lines such as, “Oh I could see how this would look good on you, what with your long legs and all, but I think on me it just emphasizes how short I am,” when the truth was that I thought whatever garment they were handing me was just plain trashy or tacky. In the end, I wore my own jeans and a frilly red peasant blouse of Cheryl’s. I could tell they were less than impressed with the results of their efforts to transform me: the two of them were decked to the nines as if they were going to some exclusive club in New York City and I looked like their poor hillbilly cousin in comparison. But I did like the red top with my dark hair and I thought it was cute without being too over the top.
It was still too early to go out in Lisa’s opinion, so the three of us headed down to the dining hall for something to eat first. Lisa and Cheryl had salads only, while I opted for a baked potato with mine. I loaded it with butter, sour cream, cheddar cheese, chives, and imitation bacon bits and it was delicious.
“Are you seriously going to eat that whole potato?” Lisa asked in disbelief.
“Potatoes have lots of Vitamin C,” I said stupidly.
>
“Exactly how much do you weigh?” Cheryl asked me sneeringly, as if she were the bad cop interrogating a murder suspect.
I was really beginning to resent all this negative attention to my appearance. I thought I had handled it diplomatically earlier at lunch, but now hours later they were continuing on and I was at the end of my tether.
“A hundred and fifteen! Is that alright with you?” I blurted out angrily.
“O-KAY!” Cheryl slammed down her fork and suddenly turned on me, “I was just asking a question. You know how lucky you are? If I ate all the carbs you ate today I’d gain ten pounds overnight.”
How had she done that? Cheryl was making it seem as though I was the one being rude to her. I was so taken aback by her hostile tone I found myself apologizing to her.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “I thought you were trying to imply something.”
Cheryl chortled. “No! Of course not! Why would I do that?”
Lisa looked aggrieved as she picked at her garden salad. “Did you tell her what’s going on tonight?” she asked Cheryl.
“Oh, no. Not yet.” Cheryl’s mood again turned on a dime and now her face broke into a conspiratorial grin. “So this little bar we’re going to tonight – it’s nothing fancy at all – you’ve seen the town – it’s the middle of nowhere, nothing going on or anything, but we found out from this girl Joanna that Chad and Trevor are going to try to get in there tonight. We thought we’d get all dressed up and look totally hot and show up and surprise them!”
I was confused. I thought Chad and Cheryl had definitely broken up and I could have sworn that Lisa was crying this afternoon, so what did this mean? Cheryl read the question mark on my face and continued:
“Trevor was being an asshole and completely ignoring Lisa for the last, like, four weeks, and he didn’t even call her when he got in this morning. She heard that he was here and went looking for him this morning – they had a big fight and he pretty much broke up with her.”
Lisa sniffed and looked down at her plate.
“And Chad’s ignoring me. After I saw him this afternoon in town I called him and he wouldn’t answer. I mean he could at least say ‘hello’ to me. We went out for like 6 months,” Cheryl reasoned.
“So they think they’re gonna go to a bar and pick up girls tonight,” Lisa continued bitterly, “but surprise! We’re gonna walk in the door and make sure that doesn’t happen!”
“Got it!” I said and took a bite of my potato.
The drive into town was much more enjoyable this evening. Concerned about their carefully styled hair, Cheryl kept the top down tight. I was, however, still relegated to being scrunched up in the back seat of the sports car.
We arrived, found a place to park on the street a few blocks away from the bar, and began to stride down the road. We had been singing along to the radio at the top of our lungs in the car and we continued as we spilled down the sidewalk laughing and jostling each other. I was having a genuinely good time for the first time and was actually glad they had roped me into coming.
There was a small line up to get in. It was Friday night and the only bar in town and it was a small one at that. From what I could glimpse of the inside from my vantage point outside, it was a throwback to the 1980s. Or perhaps not a throwback, but rather a holdover. I was nervous. The bouncer at the door was checking IDs and I didn’t have one.
“Cheryl – they’re carding people,” I pointed out.
“Of course they’re carding people. It’s the last weekend of summer. Every little schoolgirl and schoolboy from Brandenhurst will be trying to sneak in here tonight!” she laughed.
“Yeah, but I don’t have anything to show him!” I reminded her through gnashed teeth.
“Don’t worry – I’ll take care of it,” she dismissed my concerns.
We got up to the front of the line and the burly doorman asked to see our IDs. Cheryl and Lisa flipped theirs out nonchalantly as if they’d been doing it all their lives while I just stood there dumbly.
“I need to see yours, too,” the doorman nudged me.
“Oh she just lost her driver’s license and the new one hasn’t come in the mail yet,” Cheryl said coolly. “But she’s with us – it’s fine.” And she and Lisa began to sashay inside the door.
I followed, but he put his arm out and barred my way. “No ID, no entry,” he shook his head at me.
“Wait!” I called to the girls before they get too far inside.
“Oh for crying out loud,” Cheryl rolled her eyes as she turned back. “Seriously? You’re not going to let her in?” She was giving the bouncer all of her attitude.
“Sorry,” he said patiently. “I can’t do it.”
Cheryl let out a big sigh. “Well, sorry, hun. We didn’t drive all this way just to turn around and drive back.”
I realized what she was saying and it hit me like a frying pan in the face. I must have looked at her like I was a wounded animal and she was just going to turn her back on me.
“Oh it’s fine,” she said impatiently. “Go find some place to have coffee or something and we’ll meet back at my car later,” she ordered.
“How will I know when to meet you?” I cried out as the realization of what was happening came crashing down on me.
“Ohhh, that’s right. You don’t have a cell phone,” she said as she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.” She marked the look of panic on my face. “Well don’t worry! We won’t go back without you!”
I gaped at her helplessly.
“Seriously, Catherine! You’re not going to ruin my night!” and she vanished into the bar behind Lisa.
I was left standing there in shock. Had she really just ditched me knowing full well that I had no way to get back to school? Did she really expect me to trust her now not to take off and leave me here? I certainly didn’t think I could. Forget finding a place to have coffee. My only choice was to go back to her car and wait for them there to make sure they wouldn’t forget me and leave me stranded.
I felt hot tears begin to stream down my face as I walked back to the car and felt the weight under my ribs return. I was grateful that the sun was sinking and nobody would be able to see my crying face clearly. With friends like this, who needed enemies?
I went and sat down on the curb next to the red Porsche. I wish I had thought to wear a jacket. Even though these last days of summer were still warm, the nights were cool and if the two of them spent too long inside that bar I might freeze to death. I put my head in my hands and I cried and cried and cried and prayed for a coyote to come along and eat me. Finally I cried myself out and then I got angry.
Why I am I sitting on this grimy curb? I asked myself. That car is nice and clean and shiny. There’s no reason why I should be sitting on the curb getting my jeans all dirty when that car is so clean.
So I stood myself up and dusted myself off and defiantly plopped myself down on the hood of Cheryl’s car.
I sat with my arms crossed in front of me, just waiting for the two of them to come back and see me sitting on top of her precious car. I was feeling very self-righteous with myself when a voice from behind me made me jump about a mile high.
“Is that Cheryl’s car you’re sitting on?”
“What? Oh! Um, yeah, yeah, it’s Cheryl’s.” I turned and smiled weakly at the good looking boy who had come up behind me. Even though it was dark now I recognized him as Chad.
“Where is she?” he seemed to be sizing me up.
“Her and Lisa are at the bar,” I answered.
“Oh yeah? And who are you?”
“Oh, I’m Catherine. I’m in the same dorm as them. We all just met today, actually.” I suddenly found myself quite nervous.
“Okay,” he was trying to make sense of my presence here while the other two were inside. Was he mad at me for sitting on top of her expensive car?
“And she has you standing out here watching her car while they’re in the bar?” he looked at me questioningly.
“Well…” I was embarrassed. “They were carding everyone, and I don’t have ID, so I couldn’t get in.”
“So they went in without you?” Chad was incredulous.
“Um, yes. Yes, they went in without me.”
I felt like I was admitting to him that these two chic, worldly girls with all their money and clothes and handbags and cars had deemed me so inferior to them that they had actually abandoned me outside the bar and I was ashamed.
“Wow. You know I should be shocked, but I’m not. What bitches.”
Oh! He was on my side! I had not anticipated this. I smiled and nodded, so grateful that he understood what was going on here.
“Well what are you supposed to do? Wait here outside all night?” He was angry on my behalf.
“I guess that was the idea. Cheryl thought I should go somewhere and get a coffee or something but I was afraid if they came back to the car and I wasn’t here that they’d forget about me and leave without me!”
“Smart thinking. Well, I was supposed to try and get in there tonight too, but knowing that those two are in there kinda turns me off.”
He stopped for a second and looked down at his cell phone. “Can I give you a lift back to school?” he offered.
I was so overcome with gratitude I could hardly speak. Here I was anticipating that I would have to spend the night sitting outside as it got colder and colder waiting for the two of them to come back: he was practically my knight in shining armor in that moment.
“By the way, I’m Chad,” he said as he extended his hand out to me.
“Catherine. Nice to meet you,” I smiled gratefully as I shook his hand.
“My car is parked over here. I just have to text my buddy not to come,” he explained as we walked towards his car.
“Sure,” I said.
He finished his text and opened the passenger side door for me.
“Thank you,” I said as I climbed in. Ah! Legroom!
“It’s nothing fancy – not like Cheryl’s Porsche!” he said by way of apology.
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