“You mean you don’t love hanging out with me and teaching me all the mundane things that you hate?” Dillon asked, his voice all too casual.
I held back a curse. Not because of exactly what the kid was saying, but because of what he wasn’t saying.
Because I hadn’t been the best brother to Dillon. I had actually been a really shitty brother to Dillon at first. I hadn’t even known about his existence until he was eighteen years old, and I had lost so much time because I had been an asshole. Because I had blocked all communication with my brothers.
And Dillon was the one who suffered from that. Yeah, we agonized too, but Dillon was the kid here. He was the innocent one.
And now he was trying to find his place with us, even as we tried to find our footing when it came to being a Connolly brother. We were getting better, but sometimes, we missed out on the stupid things because we weren’t ready to take responsibility for our past actions.
“Hey, just because I’m going to be able to start using my hand again the way I want, doesn’t mean you can just walk away from your duties. You’re stuck back here with me, kid. I mean, yeah, you’re a Connolly brother, but that doesn’t mean you can just get away with not helping this place. You get me?”
Dillon’s eyes widened for a moment and then filled with something that neither of us wanted to name right then. He gave me a tight nod.
“Yeah, I get you. So, does that mean I get to play with the frying pan at some point?”
“Yeah, maybe in a couple years.”
“Oh, Aiden,” he whined.
“Don’t whine. Get back to chopping. If it’s not good enough, I’m going to make you do it again. And you don’t really want me to have to deal with waste, do you?”
“No, chef,” Dillon muttered and went back to his work.
I just smiled and shook my head.
He was a good kid. And I was glad I was getting to know him.
I just hated the fact that it had taken so long to get to this point.
By the time we finished the prep and were getting to filling all the orders, Dillon was still working on some of the backend stuff while I was doing most of my work one-handed. I had gotten pretty good at it, even though I wasn’t exactly ambidextrous. But you couldn’t hold me back for long. Mostly because if I were held back, I would start to glower and probably break something in my house because I was a fucking idiot.
Not that I’d ever actually admit that to my brothers. There were boundaries, after all.
I let the rest of my staff work, knowing that they could probably handle most nights without me, but I didn’t like to leave it alone. This was my place now. And I had my stamp on it. And I really loved what I did. I wanted to make sure that everything I did was worth doing, and that meant I was here, even when I was hurting.
Thankfully, my hand didn’t hurt as much as it used to, but I was still a little tired.
I took off my apron, set it on the counter off to the side, and headed out to the front of the restaurant and bar.
Brendon and Cameron pretty much ran this area, and I didn’t mind. I had my space, and they had theirs.
It was busy tonight, and for that, I was grateful. I could still remember the first month or so that I had been here, right when I was wondering if I was really going to quit my job and work here full-time. The place really hadn’t been busy on a weeknight. And it wasn’t as busy as it needed to be on the weekend either.
It had felt like a part of my childhood had died, the one that had been solid and pulled me through when everything else had sucked. It felt like death.
It wasn’t that Jack had done a bad job, it was that he hadn’t been able to do it on his own, and things had changed. He had been draining his life.
And we hadn’t been there to help him. His sons hadn’t been there to help him.
I would blame myself for that until the end of my days.
But we were here now, and the place was doing well. Beckham and Cameron were behind the bar, laughing and making drinks.
Brendon was helping the waitstaff, mostly because he liked being on the floor in a manager capacity when he wasn’t in the office helping with everything that needed to be done paperwork-wise.
We each had our zones, and we were good at those. Mix them up, though? Yeah, we weren’t the best.
But that’s why we were brothers. We did what we needed to do and got it done.
I looked over to the far corner booth and smiled. I should have known who would be here. Because it wasn’t a weekend night, it was a Thursday, and that meant people would be playing pool in the back, and my brothers’ girls would be at their table.
I walked over and shook my head. “It’s like you guys are just here for me and my cooking. You should have told me you were here earlier, I would have brought out something special.” I leaned down and kissed the top of Violet’s head and then the top of Harmony’s.
They each gave me strange looks, but I shrugged it off.
I wasn’t the best at showing affection, and I didn’t really like touching people, but I was getting better at it. Because these were my brothers’ women, and that meant they would be family one day. They were already practically family now.
So, I needed to stop being an asshole and get over myself.
Of course, as soon as I thought that, I looked over at the other two people in the booth.
I lifted my chin at Meadow and smiled. She gave a little wave back. She was one of their new friends, a neighbor of Violet’s, and pretty sweet. I didn’t know her that well and honestly didn’t hang out with her that much. But it was good to see her again. She seemed to settle the other three somehow.
It was always a little jarring to see the three girls here and not see Allison with them, but I wasn’t going to mention that. After all, they probably thought about it often.
And I had to wonder if Meadow thought about it, too.
Finally, I looked over at the fourth woman and nodded.
“Hey, Sienna. Surprised you’re here.”
I hadn’t meant to say that, but it wasn’t like I could take it back now.
“The girls wanted to come out. So, here I am.” Her gaze moved down to my hand.
“You doing okay tonight?”
I looked at my hand and shrugged. “Doing fine. Dillon’s doing most of the work. I left him alone back there with the kitchen staff.”
“Poor Dillon,” Violet said, laughing.
“No. My poor staff,” I corrected.
“Dillon’s great. You need to be nicer to him.” Harmony smiled as she said it and took a sip of her drink.
“Me? I’m the nicest one of us.”
“Really?” Sienna asked. I ignored all of their laughter.
“Really.”
“The food was great tonight by the way,” Meadow put in. “Thank you.”
I looked down at each of their plates. It looked like they’d gotten the grilled fish and three salads. I studied what they’d left behind and hadn’t eaten. “Yeah, Dillon helped with most of this. I did the rest of it. He’s doing a good job. Looks like you enjoyed it all.” I looked over at Sienna. “Didn’t like some of the fish?”
“It was fine.”
I straightened. “Just fine?”
She rolled her eyes and huffed under her breath, “Oh, stop it. I’m just not that hungry. It was really good. I wouldn’t have gotten it here if I didn’t know that it was going to be amazing. Fish just doesn’t heat up well the next day, so it’s not like I could bring home leftovers.”
I fidgeted, and I didn’t know why. “But it was at least okay? Better than okay?”
“You and your ego, Aiden,” she snapped.
“I can’t help it if you don’t appreciate good food.”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Violet said. “You don’t want people to stare or run away from the bar. Go back to work, Aiden. We’re just fine here. Thanks for checking on us.”
I looked between the four of them and tried not to feel as
if I had just been dismissed, even though I clearly had been.
Just because Sienna didn’t want to finish her meal because she wasn’t hungry or some shit like that, didn’t mean she didn’t like my cooking. I didn’t have to take it so personally. Dear God, I needed some help.
I gave them a tight nod and walked back to the stockroom where I should have gone in the first place. I needed to pick up a few things, and I shouldn’t have gone out to the front where looking at Sienna would just make me irritable for no good reason.
She made me a lot of things for no good reason.
I started piling things up in my hands and cursed at myself when I realized that I needed to take another trip because I didn’t actually have two working hands right then. It made things a little more difficult.
I really wanted out of this damn cast.
I still couldn’t believe I had fucking broken my hand on some asshole’s face. I knew how to hit. I knew how to make a fist.
I just hit the man at the wrong angle because he had shifted right at the perfect time.
I still blamed that fucker’s face.
“Here, let me help you with that,” Sienna said from behind me. I turned abruptly, dropping everything to the ground.
“Motherfucker.”
“I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m sorry, Aiden. I keep saying the wrong things.”
I looked up at her, wondering why the hell she was apologizing. She never apologized to me.
I frowned and then figured since she was here in this small room, it was time we talked.
So, I closed the door behind her and ignored her wide eyes.
“What is wrong with you?” I growled. Okay, not exactly what I wanted to say.
“What is wrong with you? Did you just lock me in here with you? What the fuck, Aiden?”
“You keep running away from me.”
“So you’re trapping me to talk with you? Really, Aiden? Are you that desperate?”
“I’m not desperate at all. But you keep running away. Why are you acting so weird? You never apologize to me. You never walk on eggshells around me. What’s wrong?”
“I just offered to help you because you couldn’t hold it all because your hand is broken. Because of me. So, just stop it, okay? Every time I look at you, I feel like it’s my fault that you’re in pain. I’m sorry if I don’t know how to handle that.”
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, and I tried to control my breathing.
“It wasn’t your fault, Sienna. Is that why you’ve been ignoring me? Because you blame yourself?”
“Just stop it, Aiden. I don’t want to get into this right now.”
“You never want to get into it.”
I hadn’t even realized I was standing right in front of her, her back against the door, our lips a bare inch apart.
Both of our breaths were coming in ragged pants, our bodies close, so close I could feel the heat of her, could almost feel the softness of her.
And so, I did the one thing I shouldn’t. I let go of my sanity and took her lips.
The kiss was soft at first, and then it was hard and fast. She tasted of her drink and just Sienna. My tongue flicked against hers, and suddenly my free hand was on her face, arching her neck just enough so I could deepen the kiss.
I craved her, needed her touch, her taste, everything about her.
She was my addiction, my frailty, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t help but want her. Couldn’t help but want this to last. To want this kiss to never end.
This was just like before. Like the one other time she’d let me have her. Let me touch her.
The one time I’d let myself be someone else.
The one time I’d given in.
And then her hands were on my chest, and I was taking a few steps back, listening to her.
Because I refused to be the guy who didn’t stop. Who didn’t back away.
“What was that?” she asked, her breath ragged.
“You know exactly what that was, short stack.”
“It was a mistake. That’s what it was.”
I tried to ignore that lash, but I couldn’t. “It was just like before. Don’t you remember, Sienna? Don’t you remember at all?”
She looked at me, her eyes wide, her face carefully devoid of emotion. “Before didn’t work at all, did it?” And then she opened the door and left. I let her. I didn’t reach out. Didn’t ask her what she’d meant by that.
Because it hadn’t worked out before. It hadn’t worked for many reasons, and not just because of who we were.
Because of who had once stood between us.
It hadn’t worked. And I had a feeling it never would.
Chapter Seven
Boys. There’s just something about them that makes me want to love them and strangle them.
Not at the same time.
Maybe.
-Sienna, age 14.
* * *
Sienna
Before
“If you don’t hurry up, we’re going to be late,” Aiden snapped at me, and I glared over my shoulder at him.
“You’re the one who said that you wanted to drive me. That means you’re going to have to wait on me. I had a long day, and I’m still not done with my hair.”
“Seriously? Your hair. Could you be any more of a woman right now?”
That put my back up, and I stomped over towards him, my hair half dry, and only wearing a tank top and leggings.
I ignored the way his gaze traveled over my body. Yeah, I had curves, and he could just shut the fuck up about them. He didn’t look at me that way because he wanted me. Aiden never wanted me.
There was a reason for that. I wasn’t Allison. And that was just fine. I was getting over it.
Maybe.
Whatever.
“You did not just say that. Do not ever say anything like that again.”
He held up his hands. “Sorry. Just slipped out. I swear, I’m not an asshole.”
“Yeah, you are. You relish it. Usually not a misogynistic asshole, though.” And it was hot because he wasn’t cruel about it. I had issues.
“That is true. At least, I hope.”
I just sighed and put my hands on my hips. “You do get overprotective and growly, but I think that’s just natural. Anyway, give me five minutes.”
“There is no way you can get your hair and makeup done in five minutes.”
“Oh, so you’re saying I need to have my makeup on?”
He held up his hands, his eyes wide. “I’m not even going to touch that with a ten-foot pole. Don’t try to trap me, woman. I know what a trap sounds like. And that was very much a trap.”
I just smiled, snorting. “Okay, that was totally a trap. Sorry. I don’t usually lay those out for you like that. Or anyone for that matter. That just seems wrong.”
“And yet you did it anyway.”
“It’s just so easy with you.”
“So you say. But, really, it’s going to take you way more than five minutes. We’re already late. They’re probably going to start the damn pool tournament without us, and that means I’m going to have to deal with my brothers being pissed off at me for like a month. And I really don’t want to deal with that. They’re so fucking hormonal when they’re pissed off.”
I narrowed my eyes. “There you go again, making sexist comments.”
“I am not.” He paused. “Fuck. I am.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m tired. And I don’t want to deal with this pool thing tonight, but I don’t really have a choice. Because it was Brendon’s idea, and that means we have to make sure that everything goes perfect for him.”
I tilted my head, staring at him. “What’s up with you?”
“Nothing’s up with me.”
I took a couple of steps forward and put my hands on his arm. “Something is up with you. You’re acting weird.”
“I’m always weird, according to you.”
“Yeah, but now you’re weirder.”
“Fuck you, Sienna.”
I wish.
I let that thought run through my mind, and then promptly ignored it. There would be no fucking Aiden tonight. Or ever. He was my late best friend’s ex-boyfriend. There were rules. And one didn’t poach. Especially when everyone was still grieving.
I already felt like an asshole for always wanting him. Even when I shouldn’t. I really wasn’t going to want him right then.
And it didn’t matter that he got even hotter when he was acting all broody and angry.
It really wasn’t fair.
“Aiden?”
“What?”
“Aiden.”
“Fine. I don’t want to do this tonight. I don’t particularly like playing pool, but it’s helping the damn bar. And it was Brendon’s idea, so we have to go for it.”
“Is the thing that’s annoying you the most the fact that it was Brendon’s idea?”
“No.”
“Aiden.”
“Every time you say my name, you keep yelling it. As if I’m supposed to just magically know what you mean by it.”
“You do. Aiden.”
He threw up his hands. “Fine. Everybody’s all into this whole pool night or whatever. And yeah, it’s working, but they keep giving me shit over my stuff. And, yeah, I’m acting like I’m fifteen rather than my age, but it annoys me to no end that I get ragged on, and they’re doing just fine.”
“But they’re not.”
“Excuse me?”
“You all razz each other. But you’re all doing something to help the bar. You’re doing great things. I loved it before, and I kind of wish it could have stayed that way, but it couldn’t, not in this economy. Not in this city. You guys are changing things but keeping the same flare. And your food’s amazing, Aiden. I loved it when you cooked at your old restaurant, but here? When you’re surrounded by family, and it’s a little more low-key? I love it even more.”
He studied my face, frowning. “You went to LaFleurs?”
I shrugged. I hadn’t actually meant to say that out loud, but now, I couldn’t back away. “Yeah. A couple of times. It was a little too pricey for me, so I could only go like on a date or if it was like a celebration.”
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