Letting Go of You (Anchored Hearts #2)

by J. M. Witt

  “It’s not safe for you to be out alone. We’ve discussed this.” His voice was remarkably calm. “I got to the hospital, expecting to find you there and Cal and Jane told me you had left. I lost my shit.”

  “What do you mean you lost your shit? You didn’t tell them did you?”

  “Of course I told them! Where the FUCK is your phone?”

  “Fuck off!”

  “Dammit Cassidy.” He had long since let go of my wrist and started to remove his coat.

  “You’re not staying.” His head whipped toward me. “Get out.” I glared at him. I would not budge. “You want to fuck first? Okay. How about here on the stairs? We haven’t done it here yet.”

  “Why are you being such a bitch?”

  “Why are you being such a prick? Tell me what the fuck is going on. What’s Melissa helping with? What happened in the Army? Why won’t you talk to me? Why don’t you trust me?”

  “I trust you.”

  “Then prove it. Where were you tonight? It’s your birthday and all I wanted to do was to spend it with you. And I swear to God, if Melissa is the reason you stood me up…” I couldn’t bear to finish the sentence.

  Neither one of us said anything else. He leaned against the door before sliding to the floor. He sat motionless with his head hung low. I didn’t know what to say or how to get through to him. I was so drained. All I wanted was my bed. I climbed the stairs and crawled into bed. I never heard the front door close. Maybe he slept on the couch, maybe he left. I didn’t know. But as usual, he was gone in the morning.

  ~ JAMES ~

  I still hadn’t gotten a response from Cassidy on the text I had sent her around dinner time. I knew she was pissed. How did I explain to her the depression that always hit me on my birthday? I could barely pull myself out of bed that morning, having had drunk myself into a stupor the night before. I ended up at the cemetery with a bottle of Jack as I visited Jason’s grave. Smith and Paul found me there and got me back home. They understood the grief of losing a brother like no one else. After I sobered up some, I drove to the hospital. Instead of heading to Calvin’s room, I headed to Derek’s room. The guard let me in and mentioned that he’d had several visitors earlier in the day.

  I walked to his bedside as the machines beeped over and over. He was asleep, for the moment. The guard mentioned he had been awake and talking that morning. Why the fuck hadn’t he died? The bullet I put in his head should’ve done the job. What I wouldn’t give to put another one in him and finish the job. Though the thought of making him suffer was enticing too.

  His eyes opened then and scanned the room. When his eyes locked with mine I saw the fear take hold. He tried reaching for his call button, but I had already moved it out of range.

  In a slurred voice he whimpered, “You can’t be in here.”

  I got within a few inches of his face and growled out, “You should be dead for what you’ve done.” It was slight, but he was shaking. “Not fun when someone’s threatening you is it? You’re going to die for what you did. That’s a promise.”

  After my ‘visit’ with Derek was when I had sent her the text. I wandered around for a while, bought a cup of coffee and wandered around some more until I found a place to relax. Sitting in the courtyard with a cup of coffee, I realized how late it was. She was going to have my head. I quickly checked my phone and there were no missed calls or waiting texts. Yup, she was pissed.

  When I entered Calvin’s room, his old partner Frank was just leaving. We said a quick hello before I looked around and realized Cassidy wasn’t here.

  “She left over an hour ago.” I looked to Jane as she scowled at me. “What are you doing James?”

  I ignored her question. “Who took her home?”

  “I assume she left alone.”

  Cal immediately perked up. “What’s going on?”

  “Shit.”

  “Don’t make me get out of this hospital bed, James.”

  I told them what had happened at her office building almost two weeks ago. Cal was furious, but appreciative of the close eye I had been keeping on her. Jane was stunned and didn’t have much to say. She knew how protective I was and didn’t question it.

  “I should go. I’m sure she’s at home cursing my name. If you don’t hear from me, then all is well.”

  “No, please let us know that everything is ok. I’d feel better.” I nodded at his request and made my way to her place.

  I took what she said to me with a grain of salt. She was indeed a firestorm when she was angry and her words could cut. Why couldn’t I just tell her where I was? ‘Hey, your boyfriend is a depressed wreck and spent the day wallowing and then enacting revenge.’ Yeah, that wouldn’t go over well. I watched as she walked up her stairs. She didn’t look back before entering her room. I pulled my phone out and texted Cal and Jane that all was well.

  Well.

  The fuck it was.

  Everything she said was true, yet so wrong. Why couldn’t she just let it go? No one else, not even Melissa, gave two shits about what happened to me in the Army. I probably would’ve told Melissa had she ever asked. I never gave a flying fuck what she thought about me. Now the one person asking was the one person I didn’t want to tell and the one person who I did care what they thought of me.

  I slept on the couch. There was no way I was going to leave her alone. Early in the morning, I checked on her before I headed home. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully. I wasn’t sure if our argument was a break up or just a fight. She needed space, I needed space, to figure out what I was going to tell her and how I was going to tell her. Smith had found a guy we trusted, Ryan, and he sat in front of her townhouse in his car. I gave him some instructions before heading back to the hotel.

  Chapter 11 ~Another

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  January

  My car presented itself in my driveway the next day. Though I had a constant tail anytime I drove anywhere. I hadn’t spoken to the men he’d hired—only knew that one was named Ryan—to follow me and did my best to ignore them.

  It wasn’t how I had planned to start the New Year. The first couple of days, after our fight on New Year’s Eve, passed uneventfully. I was angry and was perfectly content to not have him around. Then, ever so slowly, the sadness seeped in. I made it through the work days completely fine, would visit Cal after work, and would drive home and then breakdown. Music became my sanctuary and was the only thing that helped ease my pain. Some nights it was heavy metal and other nights sappy love songs. My ‘JB3’ playlist was overflowing with an eclectic mix of music.

  My dreams were filled with him and my traitorous body wouldn’t cease aching for him. I missed the warmth of his hands on my flesh and how he could be so gentle while being so rough. Only once before in my life had I felt heartache like that. But I didn’t remember it hurting quite the same way. My chest had a constant ache embedded in it. I wondered if it was from my heart’s attempt to stop beating. If it stopped beating, I’d stop feeling, and if I stopped feeling, I’d stop hurting.

  The next day I got the phone call I was eagerly expecting. Cal had been released from the hospital. Jane called to tell me she was inviting a few friends over to celebrate on Friday. She wanted Cal to have a day at home to get his bearings. It made sense to me.

  That Friday, after work, I headed home to feed Chessa, grab the dessert I made and got back in my car to make the short drive to Cal and Jane’s. As I was buckling up, my phone began blaring the ringtone that I hadn’t heard in over a week. He’d changed the ringtone, once again, a few weeks back, before chaos ensued upon us.

  He was inside me, teasing me as his stereo system was blaring overhead. It was something I had grown to love; the music blaring as we unleashed on each other. He gripped my hips and pressed up harder into me.

  “Ready again are we?” I smirked at him and leaned down to kiss him.

  “I’m always ready for you.”

  “Hmm, I wonder how long that will take to wear off.”
<
br />   “Don’t say things like that! When I’m old and gray I’ll still be chasing you around the house with a raging hard-on.”

  We both laughed and I tried not to overanalyze what he said. Did he picture us growing old together? I knew that I did. He brought his hand between us and began caressing me.

  “James, don’t tease me. If you’re not careful I’m going to sit on that beautiful face of yours.”

  “Yes, please!”

  I squealed as he tugged me toward his face. Gripping the headboard, so that I wouldn’t lose my balance, I tensed as he positioned me above his face. Holding perfectly still, he moved his mouth against me as fire crept up my spine. I was terrified that I’d suffocate him and fought the urge to ride his face. It was then that a sharp smack met my ass. After jumping up, slightly, I eased onto his face a little more and found the pressure I desired.

  I lost myself in the song, rocking my hips to the beat. Lowering my head, I found his eyes watching me.

  “Fuck.”

  His hands squeezed and tugged on my ass as my own hand fondled my breasts in turn. His tongue dove in deep as his lips worked me over.

  I shook the memory away as I Get Off by Halestorm blared from my phone. I debated about answering his call, but I didn’t want to play anymore games either.

  “Hello.”

  “Cassidy.”

  “James.” Seriously, we were already playing a game.

  “I wanted to apologize. I’ve missed you.”

  I had to squeeze my eyes shut and pressed my free hand to my forehead to calm my emotions. “Okay. Apologize.” I mentally chastised myself for being a bitch.

  I heard him take a deep breath, “I’m sorry. I need to see you. We need to talk. Are you free tonight?”

  “I have plans.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “Shouldn’t be too difficult for you to find me. If you really want to talk, you’ll find me.” I hung up the phone, knowing if he was smart, he’d just call Ryan to see where I was headed.

  ~ JAMES ~

  Over a week had passed with no interaction between the two of us. I didn’t call or text and neither did Cassidy. I was going to lose her and I knew it. I had to make amends with her before that happened. I had heard from Jane that Calvin was expected to go home any day now, possibly even today. She was planning a small welcome home party and would see me there, confident that I’d be coming with Cassidy. I knew it would be extremely awkward if I showed up and Cassidy and I were still not speaking.

  I had finally decided to call Cassidy and was a little surprised at her response to me when my phone began ringing again. I saw Jane’s number pop up and answered without hesitation. She mentioned that she tried calling Cassidy and got voicemail, probably because I was on the phone with her at the same time. Jane asked if I could pick up another bag of ice.

  “Sure, no problem. I’m finishing up here at work and I’ll meet you all there.” Now I knew for sure where Cassidy would be and I was determined to talk to her. Straightaway.

  I was at a party store, buying the ice when my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I saw that it was Dad and sent it to voicemail. As I walked to the truck it began ringing again. Dad calling, again. My heart sank. Fumbling with the screen lock, I managed to answer the phone just in time.

  “Dad. What’s going on?”

  “Son, it’s your mom. You need to meet us at the hospital. Hurry.” The bag of ice slipped from my hands and to the ground, long forgotten as I pulled out of the parking lot and rushed to the hospital.

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  I was in the kitchen, with Jane, as we prepared appetizers and snacks. Cal was upstairs napping and his friends were expected to start arriving at any time. According to Jane, his old partner Frank was stopping by, some guys from SWAT, and a friend of hers from the hospital who was one of Cal’s nurses, and I’d invited Lena and Anthony at her insistence. Part of me was hoping James would show up. We needed to clear the air. He had to prove to me that he was willing to go the extra mile. If he showed up tonight and actually talked to me, it would be a huge step in the right direction.

  “Cassidy, where’s James?” My brother’s question caught me off guard.

  Before I could answer Jane chimed in. “He’s running a little late, but I have him picking up ice. He’ll be here later.”

  Well, there was my answer. He was coming. I wasn’t sure if I was looking forward to seeing him or not. My stomach was in knots at the thought.

  We were sitting around bullshitting, just the three of us when the timer went off on the oven. I jumped up to pull the chicken fingers out of the oven when the doorbell rang. Jane answered the door and I recognized the nurse that she let in. It was Jessica, though she wasn’t in her scrubs. I finished laying out the food on a serving tray and was just about to sit down when the doorbell rang again. Suddenly the nerves went rampant and I scurried over to the kitchen, pretending to be busy, when Jane answered the door. Was I ready to see James?

  “You must be Jane.”

  “That’s me. Pleasure to meet you, finally. Cal mentioned you were back in town. Sorry our paths never crossed at the hospital.”

  “No problem. I heard that crazy motherfucker got discharged for lewd and obscene acts.”

  I did a double take when I saw him and I think my mouth was hanging open. I recognized his voice immediately, but I think I was in shock. He and Jane were laughing at something he said. Jane took the bag of chips from him as he closed the door behind him. Hiding, I needed to hide, ASAP. Shit, I was cornered with nowhere to go.

  Everything moved in slow motion as I watched him walk over to Cal and exchange a handshake and then a hug with him. The whole time his eyes were scanning the room like he was looking for someone. When his eyes found me hiding in the corner, that huge grin of his overtook his face. God, I’d missed that smile.

  Cal said something to him, that I didn’t catch and they made small talk for several minutes. I don’t know, maybe it was only a few seconds. I had become deaf and dumb, but not blind. Shit. He looked good. He was more filled out than he was ten years ago. More tattoos and piercings, but that didn’t surprise me. Before I realized it he was walking toward me as Jane and Cal took a seat on the couch with Jessica.

  “Cassidy Charles! Look at you.”

  Using all my effort I mumbled his name, “Paul Vincent.” What was he doing there?

  He wrapped his arms around me and lifted my feet off the ground. He smelled and felt better than I remembered. It was so good to see him again. He swung me around in a small circle and the hug wasn’t lost on me.

  Summer 2004

  Two weeks later Paul and I were sneaking off every chance we got, which was usually late at night. If Cal was aware, he didn’t say anything. There was no way he wouldn’t say anything, was there? Dad and Cal were in bed as I headed to the field on the back acre of my dad’s property line to meet Paul. I had grabbed a blanket and some snacks and made my way to the huge oak tree, right under the moon.

  I didn’t see him anywhere in sight as I spread out the blanket. I heard a twig snap and looked around for him. “Paul?”

  “Your hearing is stellar. I was going to sneak up on you, but I blew my own cover.”

  I smiled brightly at him and that cheeky grin of his, as my insides began tingling. We’d kissed a few times. Ok, several times, but never more than that. He didn’t pressure me any and my hormones were ready to rage out of control. I was eighteen, a virgin and sick of being one. I wanted to experience all the things I read about in my books. It’s not like I’d never had an orgasm, I wasn’t that girl. I was very familiar with my body.

  I jumped in his arms, the way I did when it was just the two of us, and he twirled me around until we fell to the ground, wrapped in one another. We laid there until the dizziness faded. He was propped up on his side and leaned down to kiss me. His kisses were always tender, until I begged for more, and then he’d bruise my lips with his passion.

  He rolled to his back and
brought me with him. I moved my lips to his ear and then his neck. He was wearing a tank and I kissed down the tattoos that covered his arms. I never thought I’d be one to dig a guy with tattoos, but they were beautiful. Sitting up, I stared down at him and was very aware of the hardness pressing into me. Not sure what I was doing, I did it anyway. My fingers grazed the bulge under his jeans and I watched as he closed his eyes and sucked in a breath.

  “Cassidy.” He didn’t say anything more, just grabbed my hips and pressed himself into my crotch. A surge ran through me and I fell down to him, capturing his lips with mine.

  “I want more Paul. I don’t want to wait any longer.”

  “Cassidy, not here, not like this. Your first time should be special.”

  I kissed him again before pulling away and whispering, “It is special. I’m with you.”

  He pushed the hair back from my eyes and stared into them for several seconds. “You don’t have a clue how special you are, do you? I don’t deserve this gift. Your virginity is a gift.”

  “And it’s my gift to give, Paul.” He started to say something else and I pressed my finger to his lips. “We don’t have to tonight, but I won’t stop asking.”

  He sat us up and I wrapped my legs around him as he kissed my neck and played with my hair. His teeth grazed across my skin as he pulled my head back by my hair. My whole body was on fire as I ground into him. His free hand traveled under my shirt and massaged my breasts after pushing the cups over them. The sensation of his bare hand against my flesh had me panting.