by Sofia Grey
“Me too, dumpling.” He moved closer and wrapped his arms tight around me. “I’m sorry. Trusting you is hard, but I’m trying. Really.” Pressing a kiss against my temple, he whispered into my ear. “Am I forgiven?”
How could I say no?
* * * *
Rob treated me like a princess for the rest of the evening. We tackled the cleaning list together, with him doing the heavy lifting and me organizing the details. We’d be so good together, if only it could be like this all the time. My heart sank. I knew I had to tell him about the Edinburgh trip, and soon.
I snuck up behind him in the bathroom, while he brushed his teeth to get ready for bed. “There’s something I need to warn you about.”
He tensed and met my gaze in the mirror. “What?”
“It probably won’t happen, but there’s a customer visit to Edinburgh next week, and Marella wants me to join her.”
“Edinburgh?”
“Yes. It’s a big account we’re bidding for. I’ll be away a couple of days.”
“Will that fucker be going too?”
I tried not to tense at the thought of Cade. “No. Why would he? It’s just me and Marella—and maybe Isobel, representing J&J.”
Rob spat into the basin, ducked his head under the tap to rinse, and then spat again. “We’re moving house in a couple of days. It’s not great timing, but I guess I could take a few days off.”
“I don’t follow you.”
His smile gleamed. “I’ll come up with you. I can do the tourist thing while you’re working, and then we can stay together. Like a city mini-break.”
“Okay.” I spoke slowly.
“Hey. Don’t you want me to come? You’re always saying you want us to do more stuff together.”
Did I? “Yeah, that’s great. It’ll be fun.”
“Sorted.” Rob wiped his face on the towel and then turned and scooped me in his arms. “I know what else is fun. Let me show you.”
12.5 Kate
To my relief, Adam had been out of the office yesterday afternoon, which enabled me to work in peace. After spending half of yesterday trying to fix the Avecon mess, I went to update him, armed with the facts and a hard-negotiated agreement with their Procurement Director.
I knew he’d be pissed off with this issue. I certainly was.
He lounged in his seat, swiveling left and right in a way that made me long to scream at him to sit still. Christ. What was the matter with me? I must be due my period. My emotions were as volatile as a shaken can of soda. If I flipped the tab, I’d never be able to hold myself in check.
Digging my nails into the palm of my hand in an attempt to stay calm, I outlined the history of the problem.
Liane had been asked to prepare a large quotation for Avecon. The usual practice would be for Paula to check it prior to sending to the customer, but in this case, Liane was distracted with kick-off work for Adam, and then panicked about being late. She’d sent the quote unchecked.
I’d found alternative products that came in slightly cheaper. We didn’t take such a hit on our profit, but it was still bad.
Adam stared at me, his pale-blue eyes sharp, and I braced myself for attack.
“So,” he began, “how would you prevent this from happening again in the future?”
“By tightening up the training and QA processes. I can show you the details. Bottom line, this was a mistake by an over-enthusiastic new starter.”
“Bottom line, Kate, this is a clusterfuck and falls right onto your shoulders. I’m not pleased.” He swiveled his chair some more, and then played with a pen on his desk. Was that it? Surely not.
“Also, this may not be a good time, but I have to change my leave plans. I need to take this Friday off, instead of next week,” I said.
Adam glanced up, narrowing his eyes. “What about the kick-off? Will you still be attending?”
“Yes. I just need the Friday. It’s part of resolving my late grandmother’s estate.”
“Make sure you do. There are a number of key announcements.”
“Anything I should know about?”
“Let me think.” He continued to play with the pen, rolling it back and forth between his fingers. “No.”
Just no? He was toying with me, as though I were a juicy mouse and he a well-fed cat. He wanted to unsettle me.
“Do we need to get rid of Liane?” His question came out of the blue, and I blinked as I thought how to respond.
“I don’t see why,” I said. “I’ve spent time with her, reinforcing the processes, and she’s so appalled by her mistake I doubt she’ll ever do it again.”
“I’d hope not, but I’m not sure if your best intentions are enough to satisfy me.”
“What does that mean?” Every nerve screamed a warning.
“Somebody has to pay for this, Kate. Mistakes carry consequences.” He gave me an oily smile.
“Do you have something in mind?”
“I need to think about it. I’ll let you know.”
There was nothing more to say. I went back to fixing the problem and smoothing things with Avecon, while Adam went off-site— God knew where. Colin was now in charge when Adam was away. That should be my role. It was another of a myriad of things that niggled at me.
Sitting at my desk, with a steaming mug of coffee before me, I gazed at the pretty silver charm bracelet on my wrist, and allowed myself to think about Jordan. I’d see him in a couple of days.
The last two weeks had been an eternity. Last weekend was when I had my fictitious friends and their equally non-existent children staying over. I knew I ran the risk of losing him altogether by lying to avoid seeing him, but in my madness it seemed I was doing the right thing for both of us. I was so terrified of falling in love with him and then losing him, that I didn’t want to get even close to that. And if he were to finish with me now… well, that would only be what I deserved. It made a twisted sense to me.
A small and perverted part of me whispered that, if he did love me, he’d have come to Manchester anyway. I longed for him, and this was like a test I’d set, to measure how he felt for me. When he asked to see me and I pushed him away, he failed again. I couldn’t be pleased.
I sank my head into my hands. He lived in London. I lived in Manchester. It might as well be Mars.
Chapter 13
13.1 Kate
Our shuttle flight to Heathrow on Thursday evening was delayed, so I used the spare time to check in with Jenny. I’d not heard from her in a couple of days. Not since Rob accosted me in the parking lot. Ugh. It still made me shudder to think about it.
She sounded bright and happy when she answered. “Hey. We move into the house this weekend, and I’m excited.”
“That’s good. Has Rob been behaving himself?”
“Don’t be mean. Hang on a minute.” She dropped her voice, and I heard footsteps. “We’ve got one of his friends here, and they’re dismantling the furniture. It’s quieter in the kitchen. Right. He’s fine. We’re fine. We had a long talk, and I feel so much better about everything. He’s coming with me up to Edinburgh, for a few days. I’m sorry he scared you. He wanted to apologize in person, but I said I’d do it.”
On the one hand, it was good to have the old Jenny back, the chattering, giggly friend who acted on impulse and saw the good in everyone. On the other hand, I was suspicious of Rob. I never understood what she saw in him, but since my track record with guys was rubbish, who was I to talk?
“We’re talking seriously about starting a family, now we have a house with a garden. Imagine that. Some days it feels as though I’ve won the lottery with Rob.”
Her words jogged something in my brain, and I backtracked slowly.
Shit.
While Jenny talked, I mentally counted back the weeks to the no-condom incident. It would be three weeks on Sunday. I’d been so distracted with Gran, I didn’t go to my doctor. There’d been no morning-after pill.
I couldn’t be pregnant. Could I? I broke into the conversation, to say
I had to go, and then pulled up my calendar. My period was due at the start of last week.
My brain fogged. I was stressed. That could make me late. All the same, I had enough time to dash into the airport pharmacy and buy a pregnancy test, which I shoved into the bottom of my carry-on bag.
I was panicking over nothing. This was nothing.
Jordan met us at the airport and guided us to his car. He wore business clothes, and like me, probably came straight from the office. While Sophie chattered to Isaac, Jordan smiled at me, lifted my hand to his mouth, and pressed a kiss to my knuckles.
“I’m glad you’re here, even under the circumstances.” His voice was for me alone. The gentleness of his caress threatened to unhinge me.
Tears pressed at the backs of my eyes, and I blinked furiously, to keep them at bay. “Thank you, again. I seem to be constantly thanking you.”
He flashed me a wicked grin. “Make it up to me later.”
Isaac interrupted, to ask something or other, and I sat back, my hand still encased in Jordan’s. He only let go to shift gears, and then immediately reclaimed it.
I could fall badly here. The lonely nights at home had made me think, and maybe Tony was right after all. I never trusted him with my heart. I never gave myself completely to him, or to any other guy. Part of me always watched from the outside, waiting for the relationship to fail.
The idea of loving Jordan terrified me. What if it went wrong?
What if I was pregnant?
I glanced to the back and watched Sophie laughing and talking to Isaac. She wore her heart on her sleeve and always had, whereas mine lay beneath plate armor and a steel corset. With barbed wire around the edges. Impenetrable.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d be hungry, so I called in to the local deli. We can snack in front of the TV tonight.”
Oh, God. He was perfect. So why couldn’t I relax and trust my instincts?
Because he was a workaholic who lived in London, while my job kept me three hundred miles away. ComCo had a Sales office and distribution outlet near Heathrow, but the headquarters were in Manchester. I could imagine Adam’s face if I told him I wanted to work from another office. Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen.
All evening, while I pretended to be normal, watched a movie, and snacked on cheese and French bread, I thought about the little package inside my bag and how it could ruin everything.
13.2 Jordan
I lay in bed and tried to slow my racing mind, while Kate slept in my arms. As usual, my brain leapt from one concern to the next, nagging me at every jump. The board meeting I missed. A contract I hadn’t reviewed yet, that urgently needed my feedback. A new project I intended to kick off. And Kate. Everything came back to the woman beside me. My working day consisted of one decision after another, and I rarely second-guessed myself, but this relationship forced me to reevaluate at every turn.
Our chemistry was scorching, but out-of-bed was amazing too. She got me. Whenever we talked, we clicked. She laughed at my jokes, and I adored her quirky sense of humor. Hanging out together was fun, and she nudged me into being spontaneous, even if I felt out of my comfort zone.
Like Louisa said, Kate could be The One, but I wasn’t ready to lay my heart on the line.
I bent over backwards to make this work, to rearrange my life and show Kate what we could have together. Was she prepared to make the compromises too? Could we make this work? If not, I needed to know, before it was too late. Before I made an idiot of myself.
She was stressed again. Tying up the loose ends to her grandmother’s estate must be painful. I could wait a little longer. Next weekend though… we could talk then. Make some decisions. Agree this was a real relationship, or walk away.
It would be so God-damned easy to fall in love with Kate if she’d let me.
* * * *
I awoke with a start, opening my eyes to a dimly lit bedroom. What disturbed me? I lifted my wrist to glance at my watch. Five-thirty. A lot earlier than I expected. There was a space where Kate should be, but since the bathroom light was on, it didn’t take a genius to figure out where she was. And if I was awake, and she was awake, and we didn’t have to get up for a couple hours, I didn’t mind her waking so early.
I drifted back into a comfortable doze, as minutes passed. The sunlight peeping through a crack in the curtains grew brighter, and I was still alone. Puzzled, I sat up, yawned, and examined my watch. She’d been gone at least half an hour. That was odd.
I padded across the carpet and tapped on the bathroom door. “You okay in there?”
Silence.
I knocked a bit more loudly. “Kate?”
There was a whimper, and as I reached for the handle, the door swung open. She stood there, wearing an oversized T-shirt and the most desolate expression I’d seen. Her puffy eyes and the tears on her cheeks reinforced my feeling that something was very wrong. It made my chest ache to see her so upset.
“Baby…” I pulled her into my arms. She was frozen. Sick perhaps? “Don’t cry. Talk to me.”
For the briefest instant, she burrowed into my embrace, then she stiffened. “I’m sorry.” Her lips quivered. “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.”
“I don’t understand.”
She took half a step back and bumped into the doorframe. Her eyes swam with tears, but she jerked up her chin and met my gaze. “I’m pregnant.”
I blinked. Pregnant. It could be a foreign word, for all the sense it made. My lungs seized up as the meaning sank in.
No.
A blinding shard of delight was obliterated by fear. This time I put more space between us. I was acutely aware that I was naked. Vulnerable. This couldn’t be happening. Not to Kate. Not to us. I swore I’d never have children. Never put a woman I loved at risk, after what happened to my mother.
Kate wrapped her arms around herself, her face pale.
Still, I said nothing. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t part of my plans.
Finding my tongue, I said the first thing that came to me. “It’s mine?”
Pain flashed in her eyes, and she covered her mouth for a second. Her shoulders quivered under the T-Shirt, but her voice was strong. “I’m not going to dignify that with an answer.” The next moment, she retreated into the bathroom and slammed the door.
Maybe this was a bad dream? I’d wake up in a moment and find myself in bed. I was ready for a do-over, but it didn’t happen. Instead, I stumbled to the dresser, pulled out fresh boxers, and found a pair of jeans. A shirt. I couldn’t fasten the buttons; my hands shook so much.
I wanted to hurl something breakable at the walls, and shout obscenities to the heavens. I had to fix this.
13.3 Kate
It’s mine? Jordan’s question echoed in my head. How dare he? And while I was the one who forgot to get the morning-after pill, he forgot the bloody condom in the first place. For a second, I felt nauseous. What the hell did he think of me, to ask that? If I’d had any doubts about a relationship, they were crystal-freaking-clear now.
Instinct cut in. I had to go. Leave immediately. Tell him I never wanted to see him again. I’d explain to Sophie later. For now, I had to grab my stuff and get the fuck out of here.
Thoughts and fears tangled up in my head, with pain eclipsing everything. My vision blurred, and I realized tears ran silently down my face. Crying again? At least I could blame hormones now.
Doors banged somewhere in the apartment, and I braced myself to see him. I opened the bathroom door and peeked around. He was nowhere.
I staggered to the bed, sank onto the mattress, and buried my face in my hands. My worst fear had come true. I’d tried to keep my distance, keep a shield around my heart, but the bastard had chipped away at it. Despite my best efforts, I’d fallen in love with him.
Never again.
Another bump sounded, and it galvanized me. My overnight bag sat on the floor, my clothes draped across a chair. There were toiletries in the bathroom. It took minutes to pull on fresh cl
othes and shove my belongings into the bag. My phone was charging somewhere. I needed to wake Sophie.
I fumbled with the zipper of the bag. I yanked at the tag, but it was jammed. For fuck’s sake. I tugged it again, and then froze.
Jordan stood in the doorway, watching me as though I were something disgusting he’d trodden in. He could have been a stranger. “Where are you going?” He barked the question.
I didn’t bother answering, and tried again to fasten the zipper.
“I said, where are you going?”
“Does it matter? Away from here. Away from you.”
“I want you to marry me.” He sounded hollow, and I almost laughed.
“You have to be fucking joking. Minutes ago, you asked if you were the father. How do you think that made me feel?”
“This is no joking matter.” He strode to me, took hold of my upper arms, and pulled me to stand in front of him. “We’ll get married as soon as we can. I’m not letting you raise my child alone.” His gaze bored into me, and I felt afraid. He was angry and icily controlled, and I knew he hated me for this.
“You can’t make me marry you.” I tried to make light of it, but he continued as though I hadn’t spoken.
“I’ll arrange for a license today, and book it for the earliest date available.”
I started to protest, but he took me into his arms and held me close. “We’re good together. We can make it work.” His decision was made, regardless of what I thought.
“We need to talk,” I managed. My life spiraled out of control so fast it made me dizzy. What the fuck happened to my willpower? One touch from Jordan, and it dissolved. I must need my head examined, if I thought this was a good idea. “This is madness. We barely know each other.”
“We know enough.”
“You’re crazy.”
“I don’t walk away from my responsibilities, Kate. At least consider it for the child’s sake.”
I’d resisted committing to him from the start. Was my stubbornness such a good idea? I wanted to lean on him and have him fix all my problems, but this was real life. There were no magical solutions.