by Sofia Grey
“You agreed to send team members to meet their key accounts, but as yet, only half of them have done so.”
There was no point in arguing. It was blindingly obvious he’d twist everything against me. “You’re getting rid of me so your best friend can take my place.”
“Colin is the Relationship Manager. A different role entirely.” His smile was satisfied, as he handed me the envelope. “I recommend you accept the redundancy. This way, you get a glowing reference.” He positively beamed at me. “Your personal belongings are in Reception.”
I never hated anyone like I loathed Adam in that moment. As though in slow motion, I reached for the envelope. “May I have a tissue?” He kept a box on his windowsill.
“Of course.” Adam rounded the desk, plucked a paper tissue from the carton, and turned to hand it to me. I leaned forward to take it, and bumped into his cup of coffee.
This time, when I splattered him with a drink, it was scalding.
He shrieked, as it splashed on his trousers. “You fucking bitch.” Shame it missed his balls.
I left him trying to repair the damage to his handmade suit, and went to collect my things. Everything was boxed up neatly. I dropped the envelope on top, and walked out.
Another part of my life over.
Sitting in my car, in the parking lot, I sank my head into my hands. What did I do now? All the years I’d worked were for nothing. What were the chances of being recruited for another senior position, when in a few months the pregnancy would be showing? I thumped the steering wheel and wished it was Adam’s face. The fucker.
Maybe I should take the opportunity to get a job in London. To make the move, to be with Jordan. Could there be a silver lining to this particular cloud?
What kind of settlement did Adam offer? I ripped open the envelope and tugged out the single sheet of paper. I skimmed the details, scowled at the lump sum, and then froze at the logo in the footer.
No. Surely not.
Micro-Tel-Inc, communications division of TM-Tech.
My anger, previously simmering, was about to erupt in volcanic proportions, and it was aimed at one person.
Chapter 16
16.1 Jordan
I stared at the columns of numbers in the spreadsheet. No matter how much I tried to focus on the monitor, all I saw was Kate’s face. I should have followed her to the airport and asked her to come back. I should have pleaded with her. Apologized in front of the entire fucking Domestic Terminal, if that was what it took.
I’d sent a string of apologetic texts, but none had been read. My calls went to voicemail. The long, careful email I wrote sat in cyberspace, unopened.
This was the first time I’d fucked up this bad. I didn’t like how it felt.
I was going nowhere though, until I’d reviewed the most urgent documents in my to-do list.
Fuck it. I’d ask Cass to print them out, and I’d take them with me. I buzzed her to come in to my office and started to pack up my stuff.
“Cass, I need to go off-site this afternoon. Maybe tomorrow too. Can you print the key documents for me? I’ll review them offline.”
She stood, notebook and pen in hand, creasing her eyebrows in a worried frown. “Is everything okay, Jordan? I hope you don’t mind me asking.”
“Huh?” I saw the concern on her face. “Yes. Of course.”
“It’s just that—well—we were all surprised when you said you got married. We had a collection for you and organized a card and gift. We were going to present them to you this afternoon, but since you’re not going to be here, we could bring it forward if you don’t mind waiting five minutes.”
My heart sank. How could I tell the kind and well-meaning Cass, that I wasn’t in the mood for any kind of celebration? Maybe when I had my wife back, but not until then. My wife. It sounded fucking amazing. “I’m touched. Thank you. But I’m in a hurry. How about saving it until I’m back?” And by then, I may be happier.
“I guess so. If you’re sure.”
A noise in the outer office caught our attention. A door banged, and there was shouting. I frowned. That sounded like Kate.
“You can’t go in there.” That was one of the admin team.
“Is that his office? Watch me.” It was Kate. I leapt to my feet, pleasure flooding my veins. She came back. Thank fuck.
The door to my office flew open, and Lizzie, the administrator practically fell through it. “Mr. Merrill, I’m sorry to interrupt.”
I rounded my desk, as Kate stomped in. Her face was contorted with anger, and her hands shook when she threw an envelope at me. “You’ve got some fucking nerve.”
“What?”
She stepped forward, gripped the back of my guest chair with both hands, and bent her head. When she looked up, her face was paler than ever, violet shadows clustered like bruises under her eyes. She sucked in a ragged breath, and then met my gaze. “Fuck. It hurts.”
I reached for her at the same moment she placed her hands on her stomach and whimpered. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“Kate.” I tried to hold her, but when I wrapped my arm around her waist, she cried out and slumped to the floor.
Chaos descended. I shouted for someone to call an ambulance and told Cass to find Sophie. Then I sat on the floor and pulled Kate’s head in my lap. Her eyes were closed. She was unconscious.
The drive to the hospital took forever. I held Kate’s hand in the ambulance. If I could make her better by will alone, I’d do it.
Filling in the paperwork would be a nightmare if Sophie weren’t there. Blood type. I had no idea. Allergies. No idea. Any current medication. I shook my head at each question, feeling more useless by the minute.
One of the medical team led me to a chair and waited for me to sit. “Mr. Merrill, your wife had a miscarriage. I’m terribly sorry, but there’s nothing we can do.”
I tried to speak normally, and not like my throat was constricted by a giant lump. “Will she be okay? Kate? Will she recover?”
“Physically, yes. She’s young. And it’s an awful thing, but these early miscarriages are quite common.”
“Why? I mean, why did it happen? If she fell… could that have caused it?” Or if I pushed her on the bed.
“No. It’s very unlikely. These things don’t need a specific trigger.” The doctor gave me a tired smile, but I could tell he was distracted. He disappeared through the door, and I sagged in the chair. It was my fault. No matter what he said, I knew it was down to me.
“Jordan.” It was Sophie. “She’s awake. Come see her.” I scrambled to my feet and followed her into the private room. My heart thudded painfully inside my chest, and I tried to imagine how Kate felt.
She must hate me. I hated me.
Kate sat propped up in a narrow bed, her hands knotted together on the covers. It’d only been an hour since she was whisked away by the medical staff, but I’d aged ten years. The sight of her hair sticking to her forehead and the pain in her eyes made me age another ten.
“I’ll give you a few minutes alone.” Sophie stepped outside and closed the door behind her. The snick of the catch was loud in the quiet room.
I took a step closer to the bed. Christ. How close had I come to losing Kate? She was bleeding when they rushed her away. I’d done this. Put her through this.
“Kate,” I whispered, my voice catching on her name.
She stared at me, and without saying a word, slid the too-big ring from her finger. She weighed it in her palm, and then closed her fist around it. “I lost Gran. And now my baby.” She choked the word out and dipped her head.
If I believed in God, in miracles, I’d plead for a chance to swap places with her. To take her pain. I stood there like a dick, unable to speak.
“You’ve taken my job. And now my sister. I’ve nothing left.”
Her words made no sense. They hung in the air, taunting me, and I sought my voice. “I don’t understand.”
“Understand this.” Venom lined the words, and an icy shiver ran
down my spine. “Stay the fuck out of my life, Jordan. I’m over you.” In a flurry of movement, she hurled the ring at me. It hit my shoulder and tumbled to the floor.
I stared at the sparkle of gold against the white tiles. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t speak. Razors filled my throat when I tried to swallow. She could have taken a thousand knives to me, and it wouldn’t have hurt more.
“I’m sorry.” I managed to whisper the words, useless as they were. I bent down, snatched the ring, and stuffed it in my pocket. “I’m so sorry.” My vision blurred. Stumbling like an old man, I left the room, blind to everything around me.
I had to get out.
16.2 Kate
I stared at my bathroom mirror. I looked the same. Tired, yes, and my face was gray and puffy, but no worse than if I had a bad hangover. The only people who knew, apart from the medical staff, were Sophie, Jordan, and Isaac.
Could I pretend it never happened? No. Just because I didn’t go around telling everyone, didn’t mean I wasn’t mourning. Besides, what would I say? Hey, I lost a baby? I threw my husband away at the same time, but that was by choice?
It was too soon. I hadn’t wrapped my head around the idea of being pregnant, let alone the reality, and then it was gone. Snatched away. There wasn’t even a heartbeat—too soon for that. No ultrasound. Nothing to remember it by.
Was it my fault? I’d felt ill for days beforehand, but didn’t let it slow me down. If I’d listened to my body, would it have been different? I looked at my flat belly. Maybe it was me? Some fault inside. That might have been my one and only chance to have a baby.
Guilt burrowed deep inside my chest, stealing the air from my lungs. I should have made time. I was robbed. I’d been so busy, stressing about everything else, that I hadn’t celebrated the miracle inside me. To me, it’d been a problem. I’d had no time to get excited, or think about names or whether I wanted a boy or a girl. No time to wonder if it would have my eyes or Jordan’s.
He would be amazing as a father. And while I’d argued over getting married, I trusted him when he said it could work. I loved him, even if I couldn’t admit it.
Tears filled my eyes, but I held them back this time.
“Take a few weeks off work,” was the advice of my kind doctor. He’d given me a bundle of pamphlets about managing grief and warned me my hormones might take some time to settle down.
I didn’t tell him I no longer worked. No job. No husband. No baby.
My knees buckled, and I sat on the edge of the bathtub, as the now familiar pain sliced through me. Define some time, I asked, but he shook his head. Did he mean days? Weeks? Months?
I couldn’t imagine ever feeling the same. The old Kate was as dead as my marriage, as empty as my womb.
I couldn’t get Jordan’s face out of my head. My last sight of him in the hospital. He was ashen, with a pain in his eyes that I recognised. I saw it every time I looked in the mirror.
One day I’d figure out how I felt about him. Like a giant basket of yarn, my emotions were too tangled to unravel right now. Love was there, messed up with anger, shock, and sadness. Guilt too, although what the fuck I had to feel guilty about was beyond me. Not staying to talk to him, maybe? Nope. I shoved down the lid on that train of thought. I wasn’t ready to go there.
I needed a new focus. A distraction. Staying in Manchester was impossible. This was my previous life, a movie I was written out of and had no hope of appearing in again.
I didn’t have to stay, though. If losing Gran was the first broken link in the chain that unravelled my life, her old house might be the start of a new one.
I grabbed the idea with both hands. I could pack up everything I needed and leave by tonight. There were just a couple of loose ends to tidy first.
16.3 Jenny
It was a fabulous week. The Edinburgh trip was a breeze. Barker Distribution loved our combined pitch. I stayed with Rob in a classy four-star hotel, and we remained there an extra day, to play tourist. When Kate’s text arrived, I was concerned, but not enough to let it dent my good mood.
She asked to meet urgently for coffee. Could I make Starbucks at twelve-thirty? I said yes, and then got caught up in work again.
Hurrying along Deansgate to our usual café, I saw Isobel ahead of me and called her name. We hugged briefly on the busy street and went to place our drink orders together.
“Kate summoned you?” Her smile was so pretty. “Any idea why?”
“None. I hope she’s okay.”
“That bloke of hers is a surly git. I don’t know what she sees in him.” Isobel had told me about the wedding in detail, to my relief not in front of Rob. She’d agreed to be discreet on that score.
With our drinks in hand, we squeezed through the lunch-time rush to our favorite seats in the corner. Kate sat there, nursing a glass of water. Isobel and I wore business clothes, but Kate was in a faded Oasis T-shirt and jeans. She mustn’t be back at work yet.
“Hey.” I went toward her for a hug, but she shrank back. “What’s up?” I asked.
She said nothing until Isobel and I were sitting on the sofa. She gazed at us both, her face tired and drawn. “I’ve got something to tell you. I’m leaving Manchester.”
Isobel spoke first. “Moving to London, to be with Jordan? You’ll find a new job easily.” Her voice trailed away.
Kate narrowed her eyes and stared at her. “You knew, didn’t you? About ComCo.”
Huh? “What are you talking about?” It felt as if I’d jumped forward and skipped half the conversation.
“I didn’t really know.” Isobel fiddled with her spoon, her attention on the drink before her.
“Didn’t really know?” Kate echoed the words. “Is that another way of saying yes?”
“Well…”
“Adam told you.”
“Not exactly.”
I looked from one to the other. Isobel hunched over, as though to ward off a blow. Kate on the edge of her seat, pink cheeked and furious.
“Let me guess,” Kate said. “Darling Adam said something about how pleased he was to get rid of me, and you never thought to mention it. You came to my wedding, Isobel. I thought you were my friend. Guess I was wrong, huh?”
“Stop.” I raised my hands and my voice. “What the hell are you talking about? You’ve lost me.”
“I’m sorry.” Isobel snarled the words, as if I hadn’t spoken. She sounded anything but sorry. “He said something in passing, and I didn’t make the connection until now. He’ll give you a great reference. You’ll find something much better in London.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” Kate continued. “Friends don’t behave like that. You’re engaged to Greg, and yet you’re still messing around with that bastard. I wouldn’t touch him if he were the last man on earth. Good luck with that. Just don’t come looking for sympathy when it all falls apart.”
“I’m outta here.” Isobel stormed away from the table.
I gazed openmouthed at her as she pushed through the lunchtime rush. Isobel was seeing Adam? How long had that been going on? “Kate, what happened?”
“I’ve been restructured out of ComCo. By Jordan. He might not have signed the paperwork, but his company was behind it.” She stretched out her hands and stared at her fingers. “I’ve left him, and I’m moving out of Manchester.”
“To London?”
She huffed a tired laugh. “No. Wales. I’m going to take a few months off, see if I can figure out where to go from here.” Her voice faltered, her gaze fixed over my shoulder. I looked. A young woman lifted a tiny baby and hugged it to her chest. I looked back at Kate. She rubbed her eyes and took an unsteady breath.
“Umm, you’ve been married five minutes. Are you sure about this?” I asked.
“Thanks, Jen. As for you, you can carry on spreading rumors about me and Cade, or me and the freaking Pope. I don’t care. I’m done.” She got up and walked away, without a backward glance.
I watched speechless and unsettled as Kate melted int
o the crowded café. What the holy fuck was that all about?
16.4 Kate
The crumbling old house at Rhosneigr would be my sanctuary. My bolt hole. I packed a few clothes and toiletries, cleaned out the fridge, and set off for North Wales. The normally-two-hour drive took ages. I had to keep stopping while I composed myself.
Jordan was right about Isobel. Had she always been so self-centered, or was it since she hooked up with Adam? I didn’t know which hurt more—thinking about the years of friendship with her, or the love I still felt for Jordan. Even now, after everything that happened, I yearned for him.
He made me feel more in the few weeks we were together, than any other man I’d been with. When he held me, I felt safe.
Not any more though. I had to learn to function without him.
Chapter 17
17.1 Jenny
A week after Kate dropped off the edge of the planet, Isobel invited me for drinks at the Quay House. She was celebrating a big win at work, and since it was Rob’s night to play football, I could attend. Cade was away on a client site in Bradford, so Rob could pick me up at the pub, and everyone was happy.
It also gave me a chance to talk to Isobel about Kate.
It was a busy evening, with Isobel’s team sitting outside, in the late summer sunshine. They made a noisy, good-natured crowd, and I saw a couple of familiar faces from ComCo—Paula and Dave. Our previous temporary receptionist was there too. Paula explained Cherise now temped for ComCo, hence her joining them for drinks. The world of IT salespeople grew ever more tangled.
“How come you’re here?” I asked Paula. “Not celebrating a J&J win, surely?”
“Nah. We’ve come out to get away from the Fuhrer. He’s been in a bitch of a mood since Kate resigned, and Isobel invited us along.”
From what Kate said, she’d been made redundant rather than resigning. I wasted no time telling Paula the truth.
“What an arsehole.” She took a swig of her drink. “I’ve already applied to J&J for a job. Without Kate, ComCo sucks.” She nudged me with her elbow. “There are only two people that get a smile out of Adam at the moment. Arse-licker-extraordinaire Colin, and Fuck-Me-in-the-Stationery-Cupboard Cherise.” She laughed as she spoke. “Stupid cow went around bragging about it. This is her second time at ComCo, and I doubt Adam will hire her a third. She’s getting awfully clingy.”