by Nancy Naigle
“There’s nothing there. He’s a player. He’s like that with everyone.”
“All it takes is a mere whisper to spark a flame. Sometimes old flames run hot.”
“He was never a flame. Never any whispers. We were never engaged. I don’t know what you think you saw, but it was nothing. What you saw was not a kiss. He tried to kiss me. But I didn’t kiss him back. There’s nothing there. It’s not what you think.”
“It’s not my business.”
“Maybe I want it to be.” Only she hadn’t meant to say that out loud. But there. She’d said it.
He turned and looked at her. His expression softening, then a cloud passed over his eyes. “Don’t.”
She shrugged. She wasn’t even sure what she was feeling right now. Her emotions were cluttered with kindness, and kids, and Ben. So full of Ben. Everything she’d fought so hard for over the past ten years suddenly seemed to be turned on its ear. She glanced up at the starry night sky.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” he said. “I really like you. I don’t play games of the heart. So, don’t.” He headed to his truck.
“Ben.”
He stopped, but didn’t turn around.
She gathered all the courage she had. “I like you. I don’t know what I can promise. My job is back in D.C. I don’t even know what it is you want from me.”
“I don’t know either. I was intrigued. Interested. I am incredibly attracted to you. You are smart and funny, and Lord knows you’re beautiful to look at.” He turned and took a step toward her. “I just wanted something honest. I liked spending time with you and Molly the other night. That felt real to me.”
But she wasn’t cut out to be a mom. She wasn’t a small-town, stay-at-home, cookie-baking kind of woman. Or at least she thought she wasn’t. She was confused. So she stood there. Without a word. Because the last thing she wanted to do was say something she’d regret.
He lifted his hand in the air and waved.
“I’ll pick up Ruby tomorrow,” she called out.
“Fine.”
“Will you please be here Saturday with us?”
He opened the door of his truck and stepped up on the running board. “I promised Ruby. So, I’ll be here this weekend.”
Because you’d never let anyone down. How can I ever live up to that?
Chapter Thirty-one
Joy’s Prius had done more hauling in the last couple of weeks since she’d been in Crystal Falls than any one Prius should in its lifetime. And Ruby’s one bag of belongings had turned into a cart of flowers and gifts from the community that had accumulated into quite a haul. The backseat of Joy’s car was filled, and balloons blocked the entire rear window. Joy got behind the wheel and waited for the last of the rehab team as they each took their turn hugging her aunt and exchanging Merry Christmases.
Do they treat every patient like this?
Somehow she doubted it. Her aunt always left a happy wake behind her.
Finally Johnny helped Ruby into the front seat and gave her a peck on the cheek. “You’re my favorite patient from the whole year, Miss Ruby.”
“If I were just fifty years younger,” Ruby said with a giggle. Johnny slammed the door shut, and Ruby gave one last wiggly-fingered wave to the staff at Dixon County Rehab Center. “That was exhausting.”
Joy pulled slowly away from the curb. “What? The good-byes?”
“That too, but I was talking about all that physical therapy. I feel like I’m ready for the Senior Olympics.”
“I’m sure we could work something out. Knowing you, you’d land a major sponsorship. But let’s just be happy with you being in good enough shape to get around at home first. You ready for that?”
Ruby patted Joy’s hand. “Yes. I’m more than sure. I’ve been a good patient. I’m getting around fine, but a gal my age needs her routine.” She leaned over and whispered, “And I really miss my naps!”
“It’ll be so nice to spend time with you at home.”
“The pictures look good, and I promise I trust what you and Ben have done, but I’m dying to see the place. Do you think we’re ready?”
“You’re going to love it, and I can’t wait for you to see it at night all lit up. I almost wish I could keep you away until you could see it all lit up first.”
“Don’t you dare lollygag. I’m ready to be home. Trust me, I’ll be able to tell. Besides, Ben is amazing. He would never let us down.”
Might never let you down. Me? Another story.
But Joy kept that thought to herself. No sense stirring the pot.
As they got closer to home, Joy’s palms began to sweat. Nervous over whether she’d make Ruby proud with the decorations, her mind suddenly came up with at least four more ideas for things she could’ve done to make it even more spectacular. But the truth was, there really hadn’t been time. She hoped Ruby would like what she’d done.
“Close your eyes,” Joy said.
Ruby squeezed her eyes shut, then placed her wrinkly hands over them.
Joy turned into the driveway. “Hope you’re ready.”
Ruby dropped her hands and looked around. Twisting from the front to the side and back again. “Oh my word! You’ve moved things around.” Ruby slapped at Joy’s arm. “Slow down. I want to see every little thing.”
Joy stopped the car.
“Look what you’ve done.” Ruby pointed to the tree with the PICK AN ORNAMENT—HANG AN ORNAMENT sign next to it. The clear cube she’d made from just four pieces of Plexiglas she’d picked up at the hardware store and siliconed together sat under that sign, and those old ornaments that filled it to the brim really sparkled in the sunlight. It didn’t even matter that some of them were so scratched, they’d probably never make it on a tree inside again, they’d just found a new purpose.
She kind of felt like those ornaments this year. Like she’d been damaged and scuffed, but was finding a new purpose. Finally.
“Everything is amazing. It’s like Mother Nature came and decorated herself.”
Joy smiled all the way from her heart. “That’s exactly what I was going for. And we’re going to serve the hot chocolate out here in the barn. And there’s a big surprise for that. And I’m keeping that to myself until the official night. But it’s pretty, isn’t it? Nature’s Bounty. That was my theme.”
“You’ve nailed it. Now, park and get me inside. I can’t wait to see the rest.”
Joy pulled her car right up to the front door so she could limit the number of steps Ruby had to take. She got out and went around to help her aunt out of the car, and tears were streaming down Ruby’s face.
“Aunt Ruby? What’s the matter?”
“Honey, you’ve done such a great job here. All of this for me. It’s so beautiful.” She could barely choke out the words.
“I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. Really. It’s been so good for me. Inspiring in so many ways. I cannot even begin to explain what being here has done for me.”
Ruby swept at the tears and got out of the car. She hugged Joy, clinging to her for a long minute, then steadied herself until Joy set out the walker they’d sent home with her.
“I hate that old-lady gadget.”
“It’s just until you get steady.”
Ruby grabbed the sides of the walker as if she were getting ready to toss a steer to the ground and hog-tie it, then moved toward the door. “Won’t be for long, then I’ll donate it to the old-folks’ home.” She made her way up the sidewalk, and Joy helped her up the stairs. Ruby steadied herself against the porch wall as she reached out to touch the wreath. “I love what you’ve done, Joy. It’s the prettiest wreath I’ve ever had.”
Satisfaction rolled through Joy. She’d wanted so badly to please Ruby. “Thank you. It’s made from stuff you already had. So in a way, we did it together. When I saw the white peacock wreath and tree you’d done that one year, I was so inspired. So I decided everything would be natural … except the lights, of course. The bleached pinecones looked so p
retty in contrast to the soft feathers.”
“You’re right. The textures are perfect.”
“I was so excited when I found the paper ribbon in the attic. It was like it was meant to go together.”
Joy pushed the front door open. She’d left all the tree lights on so Ruby could get the full effect.
Ruby glanced at Joy with a quirky lift at the corner of her mouth that let Joy know she was happy. She raised her hands to her mouth and then laughed. “It’s magical. Wonderful. Beautiful.”
“I wanted it to be.”
She peeked into the dining room at the tree there and then walked up to the tree in the living room. “It’s funny you picked out these ornaments.”
“They’re perfect. They look hand-carved.”
“They are. Each a real piece of art,” Ruby said. “You don’t know the story behind these ornaments.”
Ruby always had a story. Joy sat on the stair to listen.
“These were your mother’s ornaments.”
Joy sat up straight. “They were?”
“Yes. Her first true love gave them to her. He’d made each ornament, and each day the box seemed that much more meaningful as the entire Twelve Days of Christmas story came to life through them.”
“Not my dad.”
“Heavens no. I knew he was a mistake all along.” Ruby lifted one of the ornaments from the tree and turned it over to the signature. “See here,” she said. “Well, you can’t really read it, but it says J. O. Young. She never admitted it, but I know that was why she named you Joy. After her first real love. She’d been so happy with Joe. He got a scholarship because of his art. And while he was away, your mom met your dad. I don’t know that they ever saw each other again. But these ornaments were precious to her.”
“They’re beautiful. I don’t remember them, but no wonder I was drawn to them.”
Ruby hung the ornament back on the tree. “You and Ben must’ve really worked well together too.” Ruby nodded her head again, with a knowing arch of the brow. “I kind of knew you two would hit it off.”
“He was very helpful,” Joy admitted.
“Ben can do anything. He’s a lot like George was in that way.” Ruby got through the doorway and settled into the chair in the living room, propping her cast up on the ottoman. “Maybe Ben is your one true love. Like George was for me.”
“I don’t think that’s ever going to happen for me.”
“Don’t say that. Of course it will. You are a beautiful, brilliant young woman. You could have your pick of men. And Ben is handsome.”
Joy had to admit Ruby had good taste in men. “He is handsome. No doubt about that.” And understanding. What other man wouldn’t have had a fit when she crashed into his truck?
“And kind,” Ruby added.
“Very.”
“And he likes you. I know him. I could tell the day you two came to the rehab center together.”
“Ruby, he wants a hometown girl who wants a family. That’s not me.”
“It could be.”
The thought scared her, although she could almost picture standing next to Ben on a Sunday morning at church with a child standing between them. But that was just silly. The night baking with Ben and Molly had been fun, but that was just a fleeting moment. And Molly wasn’t her child. With her luck, she’d get one of those bratty nonreturnable ones. “I don’t know if I want children. And it wouldn’t be fair to Ben. I’m not sure I could ever love the way you loved Uncle George.”
“Why? What would even make you think that?”
“Because love can hurt. Even perfect love like yours was with Uncle George. It comes to an end, and that hurts. I don’t ever want to hurt like I did when Mom died.”
“Honey, you can’t live your life afraid of loss. True love outweighs the hurt. I promise you that.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
“Just relax. Let it happen.” Ruby scooted over in the oversized chair. “Honey, here’s the thing.” She patted the seat next to her. “Come sit down.”
Joy squeezed next to her in the chair.
“By protecting yourself, you may be lucky and never feel that kind of hurt again, but it’s doubtful. You can’t hide from it. Unfortunately, life is full of loss and hurt. It’s a never-ending cycle, and we can’t stop that. But by protecting yourself, you are shortchanging your own chances at true happiness. The ‘joy’ your mother wanted for you. And cheating yourself out of true love. You can’t have true love if you never let anyone get close.”
“I can’t help it. My guard automatically goes up.”
“Then manually break it down. Open your heart. Friendships and love require risk, but nothing is more precious. It’s worth it. I promise.”
“Maybe I was just meant to succeed in my career, not in personal relationships.”
“Maybe. Who am I to say what your destiny is. Only one person knows that. But I’ve seen some differences in you over the past couple of weeks. Your mother would be happy to see you soften. I think it’s been good for you to be back home.”
“It’s been nice.”
“Then it was worth me taking a little fall.”
Joy leaned back in the chair and reached for Ruby’s hand. “I’m going to miss this place.”
“Then don’t go.”
Joy laughed. “My whole life is up in D.C. My job. My condo. I can’t stay. But I will visit more often. I promise.”
“You can do whatever you really want to do. There are always choices. And other career options. Keep that in mind. Know what’s in your heart.”
“How am I supposed to know what’s in my heart?”
“Where does your mind wander? When you really relax and let everything fall away, what’s left?”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever relaxed long enough to know.”
“Maybe it’s time you tried.” Ruby pulled an afghan over her legs. “Think about it.”
“My mind always goes straight to work.” Joy closed her eyes. “But now there are other things that are getting my attention as well.”
“Like what?”
“You. Molly. Ben.” Joy’s eyes popped open. “That darn Ben. He is in every other one of my thoughts, and not all of them are even good. He makes me a little crazy with his kick-back attitude. Nothing is ever a problem. He never gets riled up.”
“But?”
“He’s a good man,” Joy said. “He cooked me dinner while you were in the hospital.”
Ruby sat quietly.
“We had fun decorating this place.”
“You didn’t make it easy on him, but he kept trying. He really does enjoy helping people. It’s just who he is.”
“I’m used to doing things alone. I’m not used to collaborating with a stranger.”
“Wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“No. But, Ruby, Ben and I are so different.”
“Not so different as you might think.”
“It seems as if he thinks I’m someone I’m not. He sees me as the girl baking cookies with a seven-year-old, and decorating for Christmas. That’s not me. I’m the girl who hasn’t celebrated Christmas since I lived here with you. I’m the girl who bought a dress that cost more than my mortgage for an office party. That’s frivolous. I’ve never wanted children. I’m not the partner he wants. Or deserves.”
“You did great with Molly.”
“She’s different.”
“No. She’s a lot like you were when you were a little girl. There’s something you might not know about me. About the reason George and I didn’t have children.”
“I just assumed you couldn’t.”
“No. I never wanted children, and George and I selfishly loved our time together. I always thought that I was happy with that decision, but my little sister had you. Honey, you changed my world. And I wouldn’t trade my relationship with Ginny and Molly for anything. They’ve brought such meaning to this old lady’s life. So maybe you won’t have your own children, but you can st
ill touch others’ lives.”
Maybe that was true. Or maybe someday she would have children of her own, but there’d been so much to take in lately that she suddenly felt unsure of things that she’d once thought she had all figured out. Joy got up. “Well, you probably need one of those power naps you’ve been missing. And if we keep talking about this heavy subject, I’m liable to need one too.”
Ruby stood and walked slowly through the room.
“You are getting around really well.”
“Thank you, dear. Johnny would be so happy to hear that.”
“Ruby, I thought I’d invite Ginny and Molly to help us with the baking over the next couple of days. Do you think Ginny would be up to it?”
“That’s a wonderful idea. And Molly’s on school break.”
“What’s wrong with Ginny? Is she—?”
The look on Ruby’s face let Joy know that she’d just realized what Joy had been thinking all along. “Oh, honey, Ginny’s not dying. It’s a rough patch, and a jerk of an ex-husband, and a lot for a single mother to handle, but she’s going to be just fine. She and Molly both will be fine.”
“Thank goodness. I was worried.”
“She’s got a chronic kidney disease. It flares up once in a while, but she’s got great doctors. It’s not life threatening. Sometimes she just has to get a lot of treatments, and whenever those times happen to come around … I’ll be here to help her.”
“She’s so lucky to have you.”
“I’m lucky to have them too.” Ruby headed for her bedroom. “Will you bring me my phone and my purse?”
“Sure.” Joy collected Ruby’s things and set them on her dresser, then went out to the car and started relocating all the gifts, flowers, and balloons. While Ruby rested, Joy started to work on cookies. They had only tonight and the next two days to get all the baking done. On paper that looked doable, but to actually consider getting it all done felt a bit overwhelming.
She pulled out the frozen sticks of chocolate chip cookie dough. She’d start with the quick ones that didn’t require a garnish or decorating of any kind. At least she’d feel like she’d accomplished something.
The evening rushed by, and she had nibbled on enough cookie dough that she didn’t care for any dinner, and Ruby had slept right on past it anyway.