As she veered through the congestion, she unleashed a torrent of curses at nearby motorists. Why did everybody have to be such an asshole once they controlled a steel cage? An urge to ram her car into the fuckers around her consumed her. She squeezed the steering wheel more tightly and laid on the horn. Finally, she headed onto Storrow Drive.
The tension was so thick in her brain, she couldn’t think. All she could do was rage. Where was Roman? She’d tear into him again and experience that sweet satisfaction of seeing him hurt. Although he’d tried to hide his pain under his stony veneer, she’d sensed it. What delicious satisfaction to witness his torment. He deserved it. He was the one who’d encouraged her to learn more about magic, making her more of a freak!
She shuddered at her newly discovered identity. A witch, for hell’s sake! She snorted. Maybe she should move to Salem and charge tourists an insane amount of money to tell them their fortune, or something. Yeah right—no fucking way was that shit going to happen. She’d rather die than be some flake spouting nonsense about astrology or the power of crystals.
She searched outside the window to see if Roman had followed her. That would be so like him. The creep.
The Charles River ran along her right. The sun sparkled down on the ripples. A few ducks swam without a care in the world. She stole a few more glances at the water. It was so calm, so peaceful–so different from how she felt.
Fissures broke through the desperate, heated emotions. A tender moment with him flashed in her mind. The gentle way he’d run his fingers over her skin last night when he’d come to her. The way she’d felt so safe and cared for when they were together, as if he’d sacrifice anything to protect her from harm.
A vision of Roman in Janie’s hospital room returned. He’d tried to help Janie recover, at Larissa’s request. He’d looked at her like he’d do anything for her.
He’d said they were meant to be together.
Being with him wasn’t all bad, was it? Even when the world had fallen into chaos around them, he’d offered hope. Some of her happiest moments had been with him.
She gripped the steering wheel tighter and panted. She needed air. The river. She had to get out of the confines of the car and head there. The car was too suffocating. It was .like a tomb filled with claustrophobic shadows that sucked away all the oxygen.
What the hell was going on?
She couldn’t stop on Storrow Drive. It was too dangerous. At the next exit, she veered and found a place to pull over. It wasn’t a legal spot, but she didn’t give a shit. She needed to breathe.
After she turned off the ignition, she pushed open the door. Then she ran toward the river. Water was calming. It would help.
She tried to control her breath before dealing with the traffic to cross over to the banks of the river. Once she reached it, she plopped down at the water’s edge. It flowed with such a steady rhythm, unaffected by the chaos that affected the city. The sunlight dancing in the ripples mesmerized her. The river would continue this slow, rhythmic movement for as long as it existed.
As she watched, the suffocating darkness began to dissipate. The cloak of despair lifted, rising like steam from a boiling kettle. She started to feel more like herself again.
After several more minutes, shards of light shined through, reminding her of who she was.
And what she’d just done.
Oh shit. The things she’d said.
She covered her mouth as she relived the horror of unloading on Roman, spewing all those vile things at him. Each comment had been worse than the previous. A blackness had filled her, poisoning her thoughts. It whispered lies into her mind, twisting her with its hate.
Roman had been right—it had been some sort of dark magic. No, no, no. It had violated her, twisting her feelings.
How could she do that to him? He was none of those things she had snarled at him or those rabid descriptions she had thought. He was a guardian, a protector. A silent, unrecognized hero who watched over the city selflessly, not asking for anything in return. She dropped her head in her hands. He was there to help her, help Janie, and help everyone! It didn’t matter if it meant strangers who would never even acknowledge his sacrifices. That was the kind of good soul he was.
Oh God, she was a horrible person. The worst woman he ever could have been cursed to believe was his mate. She’d been so cruel and hurtful, a malevolent creature that preyed on something good. And he deserved so much better.
Larissa rolled onto her back and stared at the clouds, not caring about the dirt or the grass that might stain her clothing or get into her hair. One cloud looked like it could have wings. That could be good or bad, she’d discovered, after facing gargoyles and demons. Both were creatures she hadn’t known existed–one exploited humans for their souls, the other fought to protect them. It amazed her what gargoyles could do while people were unaware of all that went on. But she could see them. She’d discovered Roman’s secret when she’d seen him in gargoyle form on a rooftop. What she would do to see him again right now and apologize for her unforgivable tirade.
Where was he? Had she scared him off for good?
She had to tell her grandmother about her utter failure with Janie. Not only that, but how she’d fucked things up with Roman. Ah shit, she’d censor her language first. She’d messed up their relationship.
He had been an ardent believer in her. She’d alienated her lover and her biggest ally.
She groaned. If a guy had said the things to her that she’d said, she’d never forgive him.
Would Roman ever forgive her? Or, had she destroyed everything they’d been building?
Chapter 11
Roman watched over Larissa from one of the residential complexes along the Charles River. He’d affixed himself in an inconspicuous position in stone form once Larissa had stopped running and sat along the water’s edge.
He groaned inwardly. This wasn’t the first time he’d followed her. During the night of the eclipse, a blast of dark magic passed him while he patrolled on a rooftop. He attributed it to her and had tracked her to see if she was dangerous. Funny, that wasn’t too far off from why he’d followed her again now. How much had happened over the last few nights since. They’d joined forces against the demons, but now she was tainted by their magic. Somehow, the relationship between all of them had taken a dark turn, forming a twisted circle. Like one created with barbed wire that pierced at his soul.
Larissa trudged with her head down along the river’s edge. Her body language indicated distress. Perhaps being outdoors would help rid her of the darkness; the flow of water could be as calming as a night flight for a gargoyle. One of the reasons he appreciated this assignment in Boston was its location along the coast.
Although her reaction had been triggered by the demon’s dark touch, Roman couldn’t believe she’d ended their relationship. He felt their connection deep within, even while in stone form. It was so palpable, like a living thing they’d created together. Their bond would cement and grow with time. Yet, with her rejection, she’d wounded their connection. His soul mourned at the sudden loss.
Fate had paired him with a woman who didn’t understand the bond between mates. Shit. What the hell was he going to do now? He longed for someone who wanted nothing to do with him. His attempt to keep the city safe was threatened by the possibility of a demon he still had yet to dismiss or confirm. Maybe he wasn’t fit for command after all—or a mate—since he was failing at both.
Perhaps he should request for the Council to reassign him to a lower position and have someone else take over command of this region. Let someone else make the difficult decisions, instead of having them weigh on him. And then he’d find a way to live the rest of his life, quietly avoiding feelings. If love and mates led to his suffering, it couldn’t be worth it, could it? Besides, it wasn’t as if he was any good being a partner to her. In the short time he’d known Larissa, they’d barely been able to spend much time together.
Enough with the self-pity. R
oman steeled himself with a determined growl that rumbled in his chest. It was time to harden up. He’d lived without a mate his entire life. He’d move on without one.
As commander of the Stone Sentries, he had enough going on. His duty was to keep the city safe—even if it meant stopping his mate.
On the river bed, Larissa pulled herself up. She brushed her hands over her clothing, dislodging bits of the earth that clung to her. A yearning rose in him to go to her.
No. He’d fight it.
What the hell did he know about mates anyway? His parents had that connection, but they were both long gone. After his father had been killed, his mother faded soon after. Like one couldn’t exist without the other. Their souls were joined and yearned to be connected again.
That kind of bond was powerful. Something special.
Something worth fighting for.
Was he giving up too easy with Larissa?
It was so fucking complicated.
Larissa headed back to her car. He waited before shifting from stone to track her. Although he was cloaked, she’d be able to see through his magic, so he had to remain at a distance. Thankfully, her red car was easy to spot.
Perhaps he wasn’t giving her enough time. She was learning much about herself with a witch bloodline in her family, as well as dealing with the situations with Janie and her grandmother. He’d thrown even more at her by declaring they were mates.
Once she drove, turning back again onto Storrow Drive, he followed. She drove through Cambridge and then merged onto Route 2, heading west.
Hmm, she had to be returning to her grandmother. He had to continue to follow her. If the demon’s magic still affected her, she might still pose a danger to others—or to herself.
Larissa pulled herself together on the drive to her grandmother’s house. What had happened at the hospital had shaken her, and her hands still trembled as she clutched the steering wheel. She cringed as she replayed the vile things she’d said to Roman. A shudder of regret rippled through her.
Nana will know what to do. She’ll help you figure things out.
God, Larissa hoped so. She was in over her head with demon magic.
During the remainder of the drive west, she took deep, cleansing breaths to help calm her, as her grandmother had directed yesterday. Being rattled by the encounter wouldn’t help; it would merely leave her unable to focus on what to do next.
When she pulled into her grandmother’s driveway, she ran up to the door. She knocked, and after a few seconds, she knocked again. Patience was not one of her strong attributes, and she already felt too vulnerable to work on it now. The demon’s magic had invaded her body, twisted her thoughts, and distorted her mind. That type of intrusion was a violation she hadn’t known existed—and she had no clue as to how to deal with it.
After her grandmother opened the door, Larissa threw her arms around her.
“Oh, Nana.”
“What is it, Larissa?” After returning the hug, her grandmother held Larissa’s shoulders. “Come inside, and we’ll talk about it.”
After she sat in her grandmother’s living room, the cats strode over. Larissa petted them in greeting; the gesture as soothing to her as it was to them. When her grandmother sat opposite her, Larissa let it all roll out in a jumble of thoughts.
“I was able to do it—well, not exactly. With the magic, I mean. I projected it inside Janie. I could feel it.” Larissa covered her heart and she grew animated retelling the events. “It was so—vibrant. Vivid. Like nothing I’d ever experienced before. It was so weird to be inside her, not just inside her body, but like I was reaching into her soul.”
Her grandmother nodded. “Our magic is very powerful. You’re right, it is difficult to understand.” She put her hand on Larissa’s. “You appear shaken, though. I’m guessing something happened, something that disturbed you?”
Larissa pulled her hands to her mouth and crossed her fingers. “Yes.” Her voice came out a whisper. She cleared her throat and repeated, “Yes.”
“What happened?”
The darkness that had invaded her mind…
Larissa reached for her temples. “It was all so awful.”
“It’s okay,” her grandmother said. “You’re safe now. You’re with me, and I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Neither would Roman. But he was gone, thanks to Larissa. A lump solidified in her throat. She swallowed.
“I—I—I wasn’t able to help Janie. Something inside her prevented me. It was dark, and it pushed back, wrapping its blackness around me. It was—was—” She paused to compose herself. “It was bleak and insidious. It planted horrible thoughts into my mind. Such awful ones. It latched itself on to me—and—” her voice trembled. “And I’m so ashamed of what I did because of it.”
Her grandmother watched her with a concerned expression. “It’s okay, Larissa. You can tell me.”
“R-Roman was with me. Oh my God. The things I said to him.” She shook her head. “I didn’t mean it. Well, maybe a part of me did. Like those shadowy, insecure thoughts you have deep inside that you don’t fully admit to yourself, and you’d never say out loud. Because you don’t necessarily mean them, and you know how much damage they will cause.” Larissa slapped her hands on her thighs in disgust. “Well, I said them. And I pushed Roman away. If I were him, I would never forgive me.”
Her grandmother tilted her head. “He might understand.”
“Why would he? I’ve been nothing but a jerk. God knows what he sees in me. If I were him, I’d run from me and never look back.”
Her grandmother stood. “Let me get you some water.”
When her grandmother returned with a glass of water, Larissa sipped it. Her teeth chattered on the glass. She put it down on a coaster on an end table, unsure if she’d be able to do so without spilling it.
“I don’t know what’s going on, Nana, but I’m a mess. I didn’t help Janie. I screwed things up with Roman. He mentioned they’d scented demon activity back in Boston, but it might have been lingering from earlier. Maybe the threat of them returning is freaking me out or something. I’ve never felt so—despondent. Everything was so bleak. I feel like a fraud, the biggest failure, and I let everybody down. Not only that, I don’t deserve them.”
“That’s not true, Larissa. You mean the world to me, your father, and Janie. And Roman, too. It’s simply that dark magic tainting your thoughts. We have to make sure it is out of you.”
Larissa stared at her grandmother with expectant eyes. “How do we do that?”
Her grandmother walked over to a table covered with jars. She opened one and pulled out some herbs. “We’ll cast a circle, and purify with sage.” She handed two jars to Larissa and picked up a vial. “Come, let’s head outside. I’ll draw on the power of the earth to help.”
Damn, her grandmother had a side to her Larissa had never seen. She followed to the backyard, almost entranced by her curiosity alone.
Once they were outside, her grandmother used a match to light the end of the sage. “I’m casting the circle.”
The smell of sulfur was followed by the burning sage, tickling Larissa’s nostrils. It had a distinctive odor. Her grandmother circled them spreading the scent of the herb through the air.
Her grandmother hummed. She murmured words as she spread the sage. She paused at several points before Larissa’s body, as if trying to get a read on something that only she could see.
“I’m going to call on each of the elements,” her grandmother explained. She opened a jar of white crystals and poured it into another one with a clear liquid. “I’m adding Epsom salt to the water.” She opened the vial. “And some drops of lavender oil.” Once she mixed the contents, she applied it to Larissa’s forehead, rubbing down between her eyes. The faint lavender scent came through over the burning sage. Her grandmother then anointed it on Larissa’s neck and wrists while she continued to chant in that low, soothing tone.
After several minutes, Larissa breathed more
easily.
“How are you feeling?” her grandmother asked.
The tension that had captured her limbs no longer clamped her in its possessive hold.
“Better.”
“Good. I’d sensed the darkness in you when you arrived, but I believe we’ve released its hold.”
“How did you do that exactly?” Larissa asked.
“Sage is good for cleansing. It purifies. So, it pushed the darkness away.”
Larissa nodded as she tried to take that in. A day ago, she would’ve laughed if her grandmother had suggested that burning an herb would make Larissa feel better, but she couldn’t deny the effect it had on her. It was like the calming effect of the water earlier, but on a greater scale.
“When I sat by the Charles River earlier and watched the water flow, it helped me feel a little better,” Larissa said.
Her grandmother tilted her head and let out a sound of acknowledgment. “That makes sense. Whenever you are feeling distressed, go to nature. It has immense healing powers. You may find you have an affinity for one of the elements.”
Larissa raised her brow. “Like earth, air, fire, and water–and all that jazz?” The skepticism in her voice sounded more like herself. Maybe this was helping her. She never thought she’d seriously consider the options her grandmother suggested, but she’d never thought any of the events of the last few days would happen either.
“Exactly,” her grandmother said. “I spend time in my greenhouse and in my garden, surrounded by my plants, as the earth heals me.” She glanced at the greenhouse behind Larissa. “I’ve always sensed your element is fire, but you have a bit of an affinity for water, as well—like your mother had. And water can douse the flames. When you’re ‘fired up,’ as they say, calm your restlessness with water. Remember when you were younger? You swam all the time. It’s a shame that you gave it up.”
Larissa shrugged. “It wasn’t intentional. Life got too busy, perhaps. My gym doesn’t have a pool.” Yet, it was close by and convenient. She’d go there to work out more often than if she signed up for a gym farther away with a pool.
Enticed by the Gargoyle: Stone Sentries 2 (Boston) Page 9