“It's lonely,” Reese admitted. “I don't fit into this world no more. The life I thought I was meant to have is just a dream. And everyone I loved, save Vince, is gone.”
Again, Anna could feel that deep sadness coming from him. She wasn't used to it. Anna had to admit it caught her just a little off guard. This entire conversation caught her off guard. Anna didn’t fear them. She felt sorry for them. For the first time, Anna understood what Ellie saw in the Hale brothers. She understood why Ellie defended them to everyone.
“I'm sorry.”
“Don't ya waste your pity on me, miss. I did a few things in my time to warrant such a punishment. But things are looking up.”
“What do you mean?” Anna asked, a small smile slipping across her bowed lips.
Just the way he spoke charmed her. Vincent was terse and sad. He was nice enough, but he was withdrawn. And when Edward was around the word snarky came to mind. Vincent was hard to get to know. Reese, on the other hand, was easy. He was sweet and funny. Always ready with a flirtatious joke or an easy smile. Both of them were enigmatic. Weighed down by their past. Anna found them fascinating. The fear of something so alien dropped away quickly. Her voracious curiosity stepped in.
“I got my brother. That little blond angel gave him back to me and I got her. I'm her new best friend, didn't ya hear?” He chuckled at that.
Anna thought she detected just a little bleakness in his happy tone. “You have us too.”
That made Reese smile. It was sweet of her to say, but truth was they didn't fit in here. It wasn't just Ellie that thought so. They were their protectors and to do that job they had to be apart. They could sit and talk, tell stories around the dinner table. But he and Vince didn't do normal. Ellie was coming to the conclusion that neither did she; a fact that was not lost on Reese.
Reese looked at her. Let his eyes dance over Anna's pretty face, over her wild red hair. He took in a cleansing breath. It washed away the pain that he let himself feel remembering Beth. Reese made his mistakes. It was Ellie that saw past the horrific things he’d done. She believed in him. Ellie believed that he was a good man once and to get that back all he had to do was remember how to be that way again. Reese hoped she was right.
“I won't let him make the same mistake I did, Red. Don't ya worry you're pretty little head about that. Anytime ya need, ya call. I'll hear ya and I'll come running.”
Anna blinked at him. “Why?” She had to know his reasons. She needed to understand them.
“Like ya said, darlin’, we got ya too.”
Chapter 18
The frigid wind tore at Ellie’s hair. This was the farthest she’d gotten away from the house. Since these nightmares started, her perimeter walks had gotten steadily larger. Ellie was no stranger to bad dreams. The faces of the people she killed rattled their chains in the few hours she could stand to keep her eyes shut. Slathering monsters drenched in blood and studded with viscera chased her through shadowy realms. Admittedly, Ellie danced with that stuff in her day to day. That made it easier, if only a little. It was also why she got so angry when her heartbeat slammed against her ribcage, her hands shook, and she reached for her gun when someone broke a dish. She’d gone through firefights calm as a spring morning, pulled the trigger without blinking. These dreams, living here as close to the big old blue of the normal world, had fear eating her alive.
Ellie stomped through the snow searching for boot prints. She scanned the horizon for men in black tactical gear with assault rifles held close to their shoulders. Ellie examined her line in the sand for any sign that the mercenaries had found them.
The walks helped. Not just with the fear. They helped her deal. These walks gave her time to shore up the walls of her delusions. A warm bed and the ability to wear clean clothes just didn’t compare to the sound of tires spinning beneath you. Ellie missed the world flying by in a blur of colors. She missed it being just her and the boys.
She wasn’t stupid. Ellie saw the thinly veiled hatred in Edward’s eyes. She saw his disappointment. He could hate Vincent all he wanted. Nothing Edward said or did was going to change how she felt about Vincent. It was more than that, though. Ellie could feel Edward pulling away from her. She couldn’t exactly blame him. Losing everything you know, chased by mercenaries, becoming a monster. These were all heavy things. Ellie couldn’t help feeling that Edward blamed her. And he had every right to. That’s why she let him guilt trip her into staying here. There was just a hint of resentment on her part and Ellie hated herself for it.
That tiny bit of bitterness cracked the rose tinted glasses Ellie always had when it came to her big brother. It let her finally see the darkness in him. Reese swam in that cold ocean of rage. Vincent drowned. And Ellie loved them. It didn’t matter what they did. What horrors they were capable of. Her love was unconditional. It was the same for Edward. She loved him. But she could not ignore his stumbling fall. She couldn’t turn a blind eye to her suspicions.
Monsters cast shadows on the places they tread. They bring horror with them. Monsters carry the burden of dread like the earth dragging weight it is. Of all the lessons Ellie learned since she stepped off her porch on a hot July night a year ago the one that stuck was you don’t need sharp teeth or razored claws to be a beast. Ellie was every bit a monster as her boys. Hell, she was worse. Vincent and Reese, even Edward wrestled with a rage that could swallow worlds. Ellie chose to pull the trigger. Who was she to judge?
Who was she to judge? That sentiment let her believe Edward wasn’t drowning. When Reese went off the rails losing himself in the pain he caused, Vincent did the right thing. He put Reese down like the rabid dog he was. Ellie couldn’t do that. Hell, she couldn’t even dream of it. So she clung to denial, used it as her shield. Ellie pretended she didn’t see the red flags waving in the chilly breeze.
Vincent was a monolith. His beast didn’t know what light was. Through him, Ellie learned the weight of darkness. She saw it tearing at the edges of her brother’s eyes. She saw it dragging him down. But Vincent also taught her what the fight was. Vincent fought his every instinct, his every base need for her. He tried so hard. Vincent fought. Sometimes he lost. And because he taught her the steps of that dance Ellie couldn’t ignore the fact that Edward didn’t care to keep the beat.
Ellie took in a lungful of searing air just to blow it back out in a hazy cloud the wind tore at. She took a long look at the horizon, then over her shoulder. She couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching her. Her shoulders itched. Ellie kept expecting the paranoia to chase her back to the house, but she wasn’t afraid.
Joshua moved through the trees with liquid grace. He kept his eyes on her. How he’d missed her. He berated himself mentally for his weakness, but it didn’t change it any. She was a beacon of hard color surrounded by blowing snowflakes. Her hair had gotten longer. The blue of her sweater was a little worn through. Her jeans full of holes. The flash of her green eyes made him smile.
Time was a beast nothing could kill. Each time he sought her out that thought was shoved like a spike into his brain. She’d gained a hardness that he fully expected and still took him completely by surprise. Her scars bothered him more than they should have. Joshua considered himself a realist. What his Elliot had been through she should have more. Yet he could not stop the anger in him from melting the snow beneath his feet.
Joshua could feel him deeper in trees to the south. His head snapped left toward the approaching footsteps. Joshua tensed.
“There ya are,” Reese called. Ellie had the gun out and almost pointed when she turned to see Reese come over the brow of the hill. “Ya told Vince you'd stay near the house while he was off huntin’.”
“I am by the house,” Ellie shot back. Checking the safety, she slipped the Heckler back into its holster.
“I told him I’d keep an eye on ya,” Reese groused, crossing the snow toward her. “Do ya got even a notion of the ass whoopin’ he’d lay on me if ya twisted your pretty little ankle?”
“It’s not my fault you take forever and a damned day taking a shower. I warned you I was going for a walk. You’re lucky I gave you that,” Ellie grumbled right back at him. She was in no mood for Reese’s sexist ideals.
“You’re in a mood, ain’t ya?” Reese looked over his shoulder for any sign of Vincent. When he didn’t see any he brushed Ellie’s hair off her shoulder and flashed her a boyish grin. “What are ya out here looking for?”
Joshua coiled. Black razors split his fingertips oozing out slow. Joshua did not like him that close to Elliot.
“Mercs.”
Reese looked at her with soft eyes. He heard her screaming at night. “Vince won’t let nothin’ happen to ya, Sunshine.” Reese draped his arm over shoulder and flashed her a dazzling grin. “Neither will I, darlin’. Ya know that don’t ya?”
That drew a begrudging smile out of her pissy mood. “You’re going to save me, huh?” Her tone was playful. “How’d a’ thought only a couple of months ago you wanted to rip my heart out.”
Reese smirked. “You’re worse than Vince. And that ain’t easy.”
Joshua watched them head back toward the house with hard eyes. Reese’s jokes had her laughing. It took every ounce of Joshua's will not to rip his daughter out of Reese’s arms. Her laughter tickled something close to happiness in him. Joshua had an urge to touch her hair in that moment that brought tears to his eyes. He was flirting with the line of too close. He spent his time watching her. He’d come to enjoy her walks. He made a mistake at the diner. Being that close to her after so long left him with a need he could barely wrestle to see her again. Joshua forced himself to go left as they went right.
Chapter 19
It had been weeks since he told Anna that he loved her. Edward had to admit they were the happiest weeks he spent in this place. Still, he hadn't told her that he was dying. He left her sleeping peacefully in his bed. He wandered out into the empty living room. Edward stopped in front of the windows. He stared out at the sun rising over the mountains. It cast a darker shadow over the tree line. He didn't understand the emotions rolling within him. The twitch started last night, while he was trying to write his message to Ellie. His hand flexed on its own, snapping the pen.
He didn't know what to tell her anyway. Edward didn't know what to tell Anna. He was dying and in the meantime, he was losing control of his emotions. Edward had always been angry. But he learned long ago to hide it, lock it away and use it when he wanted. Whatever Bennet had done to him was making it harder to keep it caged.
He prayed that being with Anna would bring him back from that ledge he was slipping off. And for a while it had. When he was with her, Edward could ignore those dark urges. He could touch her with gentle, loving hands. But the moment she wasn't with him he could hear that voice whispering to him again. Or worse, when she got angry because he was taking care of her Edward imagined doing horrifying things to her.
She apologized. Still, Edward slept on the couch for two nights before he was sure he could touch her without hurting her. Another redheaded woman paid with pain and death for the anger Anna stirred in him. Since then they had been doing better. Edward was losing it, stumbling faster and faster toward that dark ledge. Anna blurred the lines of what he was and what he is. He just needed a heavier dose.
Edward breathed in and out slow and careful. Trying to drown his dark desires out with thoughts of Anna, he watched that shadow slide across the trees. Watched it engulf the house as the sun rose banishing the darkness. His hand twitched. Edward looked down at it. His control was slipping. Control of his life, control of his body, he just couldn't hold on anymore. Hopelessness dragged him under.
He heard laughter and footsteps. Charlie and Vetler came into the kitchen, happy, lost in their newfound love. It was disgusting. In nothing but a pair of pajama bottoms, Vetler walked up to him a glass of milk in his hand. Shane flashed him a smile and a nod, his brown hair sticking up in all directions.
Edward sneered. “What, you couldn't stand to be in the bedroom with her anymore?' Edward practically growled.
“What?” Shane asked, surprise and annoyance in his voice.
“You heard me.”
“What the hell is your problem?” Shane asked, angry.
“Hey guys, what’s wrong?” Charlie asked, her voice full of concern. Edward turned to look at her. Her big round eyes, her soft loving face. That anger evaporated under Charlie’s gaze. Edward felt an urge to cry. He exhaled. His hand twitched again.
“I don't know,” Edward breathed. Tears stung his eyes. He walked out the door, slamming it behind him. Shane took a step forward watching him running barefoot through the three-foot-deep snow. Edward disappeared into the trees.
“What the hell was that all about?” Shane asked, thoroughly confused. He crossed back to the center island and looked at Charlie. Her face was blank, but he could see something in her eyes. She wasn't surprised by that.
“Charlie,” he said. “What the hell?”
She took in a deep breath, her rounded shoulders hunched forward. She bit her bottom lip. “I'm sorry,” Charlie said. “I can't tell you.”
“Can't tell me what?” Shane asked, not willing to let this drop.
She turned away from him, making herself busy pulling out the dough she had prepared the night before. “Charlie, come on,” he said. “Don't do this.”
She turned around setting the large glass bowl on the counter. Charlie licked her lips and looked up at him. She closed her eyes. “I can't tell you, because if Ellie finds out she will go crazy.”
Shane smiled. “You don't think I can keep a secret?”
“From Ellie?” was her reply.
He plastered his lips together. “Admittedly, it might be slightly more difficult.” Shane chuckled.
Charlie walked out from behind the counter, closing the distance between them. She threw her arms around him. Shane cupped her round face in his hands. He laid a kiss on her lips and pulled back a few inches. “Tell me,” he said, playing with her hair.
She looked up into his face and sighed. “He's terminal.” Charlie had never been one for keeping secrets.
Shane’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “I thought he was immortal.”
She shook her head. “If I can't crack the serum, he has months left,” Charlie told him.
Shane looked out the window, heaving a sigh. “But, you can do it, right?”
Charlie shook her head. “I don't know. I'm trying everything I can think of and I think I'm making it worse.”
“What do you mean?” Shane asked, his forehead wrinkling.
“Messing with the serum, changing the doses, it affects him, his mood especially,” she explained. “Not to mention, he's terminal and keeping it from everyone.” Charlie ran her hand over the tattoo across Shane’s upper chest. In bold letters and black ink it read, Morning always comes. It was such a beautiful statement. Charlie wished she could have the same hope.
Shane took in a deep breath, just to let it out slow. He chewed the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. “It's not your fault they did that to him, you know.”
Charlie sighed. “Ellie thinks I can save him. She'll hate me when it's over,” Charlie told him. “And poor Anna.”
“We'll figure something out,” Shane assured her. Shane pushed at the hair that fell in her eyes.
“Morning always comes. Right?” Charlie said with a small turn of lips.
He gave her a sad smile. Shane pulled her in for a hug. He laid his cheek against her hair. “Morning always comes,” he repeated sadly.
Shane had that tattooed across his chest to remind him to have hope when Abel first got sick. To remind him that God wouldn't do something so awful to an innocent child. He would not make that child suffer, would not cause such pain. Shane was wrong. When Abel's heart finally gave out, when he finally stopped fighting, that was the moment Shane lost his faith. He gave up on hope.
Shane sniffed at the memory of it. It all seemed so long a
go. Like a distant dream to him now. Every time Shane thought he closed those doors something would remind him. Charlie pulled back and looked at him. His scruffy face was just a hint of a beard that wasn't really there. His thin pink lips colored dark. His eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
Shane let his hands drop to her rounded hips, staring down at her. Charlie traced the letters that were tattooed over his heart in a graceful scrawl. A B E L. “Speaking of secrets,” Charlie said. “Will you ever tell me about him?”
Shane swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He smiled sadly, tilting his head to the side. “He was a beautiful little boy,” Shane whispered. “He had these bright gold eyes, my eyes. He was brave, and funny, and wonderful.” Shane took in a deep breath. “And he didn't deserve what happened to him.” Shane smiled ironically. “He would have fit in quite well here,” he said, a sad attempt at a joke.
“I'm sorry,” Charlie whispered.
“Don't be,” he breathed. A little louder, Shane said, “He deserves to be remembered.” Shane sniffed and plastered a smile onto his handsome face. He touched her cheek.
“I always wanted kids,” Charlie said sadly. “In another life, I guess.”
Shane wondered just how much damage her ex-husband had done to her. He was staring down at her, thinking sad thoughts when they heard the sound of Anna's cane. She came ticking into the room, counting her steps. Charlie gave him a smile and a kiss. She pulled away, grabbing his hand. Giving it a squeeze, she let it drop and walked around the island.
He watched her dust the granite and turn out her sweet dough. Just seeing it made Shane feel a little better, he loved how homey Charlie was. Veronica tried to cook twice during their entire marriage. The first time she nearly burned down the kitchen. The second, she used salt instead of sugar. He took one bite and couldn't eat anymore.
Shed some Light Page 17