by Paul Kater
"The flower witch? She can't even change a diaper quickly," the servant scorned. The scene was attracting more than a fair share of attention by now, most of them servants deciding that their chores could wait.
Baba Yaga looked at her protegé. "Turn him into a toad."
Esmee wanted to say that she did not know how to do that, but the stare that had to come from Babs' eyes made her swallow those words. She popped up her wand, a trick she had learnt by now. Hilda had taken position directly opposite Esmee and slowly moved her lips.
The servant laughed. "See? She's not making much of it. Now, let me pass and don't get in my way again!"
"Ranunculus," said Esmee.
"Ribbit," said what a moment ago had been a servant. Esmee stared at the animal that crawled from the heap of clothes.
"Someone take care of him," said William, "and his work. If you treat him well enough, we'll see about turning him back. Tomorrow or so. Treat him badly and you will face what he's facing now."
Then the four walked on, Esmee still in shock of what had just happened.
14. A chat with Jordan
Esmee, who was kept moving by William's hand in her back, looked confused. "Who did that?" she whispered to the wizard.
"You did. Hilda just helped a bit," he said, "I saw how she worked on the Latin so it would work immediately."
"Latin?" Things did not get easier for Esmee. "And who is going to turn that man back into a man?"
"You will," Baba Yaga informed her, "and we're going to work on that this afternoon, so you know what's waiting for you." Esmee nodded. Somehow this was a relief and a worry at the same time. At least, she gathered, her chances of flying into the large iron cage were low.
They arrived at large double doors, laid in with the official seal of King Louie's household. It was a large blue square with many small yellow crescents. Over a number of them was a large hand that seemed to grab at them. Baba Yaga looked at the seal for a moment. "Someone's been monkeying around with that, it seems," she remarked.
Esmee knocked on one of the doors and pushed it open. Baba Yaga nodded approvingly. Knocking was good, after all this was royalty of a kind, but waiting to go in was not witchy.
They found Prince Jordan on a large couch. Dicky wasn't around, but Billy, the other of the twins, was on a similar, be it smaller version of the couch. Esmee stared in disbelief at the goblet that the kid was holding. She walked over to him and took it, then tasted it. "Your Highness!" she then said, "Billy is drinking wine!"
"Yes. I know," the highness said, "I gave it to him myself. If he's going to be a king someday he should know how to handle wine and such, so I thought it would be a good idea to start the training as soon as possible."
"Where's the other one?" Hilda asked, somewhat less polite and somewhat more herself.
"Dicky? Oh, he ran off, retching. Not so good with wine yet," Prince Jordan said. "Strange too, as he's from the same batch as Billy. I'd expected them to be the same."
"Oh yes, we need to talk about that also." Hilda used magic on a few chairs so they moved themselves closer to the couch.
"Also?" Prince Jordan hoisted himself into a more upright position, knocking over his goblet of wine.
"Yes. Also. Hey, kid, off you go, and do something kid-like. We have to talk to your Dad for a bit and that's not something for small ears," Baba Yaga ordered Billy. As the child complained that he had a right to hear that as he would be king someday, Babs showed him her wand and made a comment about ceilings and how much space there was on them. Billy did not need more encouragement. He left, in search of his brother.
William made sure the double doors would not open until they were done, and sat back to enjoy the show.
"You, Jordan, did not write the book on bringing up children, did you?" Hilda asked the highness.
"You didn't either, witch," he retorted, sitting up even straighter. The topic of the conversation called for that. "I am bringing up my sons the way I see fit. Trying to do a better job than my father did."
"'Trying' being the operative word here," Baba Yaga pitched in. Jordan chose not comment on that.
"I refuse to be spoken to like that!" Prince Jordan now sat upright, appearing genuinely annoyed by what appeared to become an inquisition.
"I'd say you have little choice here, Jordan," Hilda calmly said. "Let's get to the points, and get this over with. Step one, you stop feeding stuff to your children that is not good for them. Step one, you stop feeding yourself with the same stuff. Makes for a bad example."
"Shouldn't that be step two?" Jordan asked. "You have two steps one."
Hilda treated him to a devastating look. "All steps one should be done together. Don't interrupt me. Step one. Stop eating so much. Your belly is already fatter than your father's, and the way he looks is insulting. It's also quite the remedy against love."
Prince Jordan observed the object of attention for a moment. "It's not too bad."
"I recall the time that you could get on a horse alone, Jordan. Somehow I don't see that happen these days." Hilda frowned at the prince. "And please, tell me when I'm wrong."
"It's temporary," Jordan brought to his feeble defense.
"Damned sure it is," Baba Yaga agreed, "we'll see to that. And no worry, it is all part of the service."
Again Prince Jordan ignored the remark of the ugly witch. "It's not my fault Snow White sleeps in a different room lately," he said. Then his face froze. "Tell me I didn't say that."
"You didn't," William assured him. "We all did not hear that."
"Look, Jordan," Hilda said, to Esmee's growing concern, "it's all good and fine that you care to love your little wife inside and out and all that, but man, do give her a bit of a break once in a while. She's not a brooding machine."
"I need heirs, to make sure the kingdom will retain its royalty!" Jordan attempted.
"Sure, you need heirs, but you have a bundle of them running around already, and one more on the way. Do you want to go down in history as the prince who had more kids than regular subjects?"
Prince Jordan looked angry. "Now don't you go put all the blame on me. She's loving it as well, you know."
"As she should," said Hilda. Baba Yaga snorted. Hilda ignored that.
"Jordan," William then said, "listen. Nothing wrong with having your urges and wanting to take the steam off. But perhaps some sensible planning and care on that account is the way to go."
Prince Jordan stared at William. "You can't plan things like that."
"Oh, sure you can. Stay off for a while, for instance. Not like you're not doing that now, is it? Of course, there is another option. That would would require some care, but would take away the need to do some planning."
Prince Jordan was all ears suddenly. "Tell, wizard, what way is that?" Hilda and Esmee looked as if they wanted to know about that too. Baba Yaga did not seem very interested in all that talk.
"Well," said William, "there is a way to make sure you can get all the horizontal exercise you want, and that kids are not a result of that."
"And what might that be?" Hilda asked, cutting off the prince who had the same question.
"Well, it is only a small action that needs doing," the wizard said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Nothing difficult, really."
"Will it hurt?" Prince Jordan asked.
"Yes. Not for long, but it will."
Jordan scowled. "I don't like pain."
"Not many people do, but everything has a price," William said, "and look at it from the bright side: you have to put up with it for a while, but Snow White is pregnant and not sleeping with you anyway. So the timing could not be better, could it?"
The prince saw the reasoning in that. Still, the prospect of pain was not very appealing. "Is there a chance that I could lessen the pain in a way?"
Baba Yaga tossed in that there could be a generous supply of medical alcohol, or some magically induced sleep to make things more bearable. William had to grin; clearly the witch was more interested th
an she wanted them to know. Prince Jordan was very susceptible to the idea of medicinal alcohol. "But what about the care? You said there would be some care?"
"Yes," William said. "Step one, you will have to lose a considerable amount of weight, otherwise the pain will take longer to go away. And I am talking about months, if not years, young man. If you get that belly off it will be mere days." Prince Jordan nodded. He had just heard another very good reason to reshape his physique. "And point two, after the procedure you will have to refrain from any horizontal activity for a while, to make sure everything's fine down there."
"DOWN THERE?" Prince Jordan had just learnt about a very good reason not to go one with all this.
"Of course," William said, "that's where all the trouble started, right? You always have to yank out trouble by the root."
"YANK OUT?" Another reason to just forget about the whole deal. It also was good for making all blood evacuating from his cheeks, leaving his face a pale mass.
"Figuratively speaking, prince," William reassured the young man. "There won't be any physical yanking."
"Oh. Good." The thought of someone doing anything violent to his 'down there' made the prince's face flush all red: his blood was reclaiming its rightful place. (Royal blood is not blue.)
"So does that mean we have a deal?" Hilda asked.
Prince Jordan asked for some time to think it all over. After all, and everyone understood that, it was quite a decision to make. "I should also talk about that with my wife, the princess," he announced. "Maybe she is opposed to the idea of not having more children."
"Somehow I think you don't have to worry about that, but do talk to her. That is a good thing to do," Hilda advised him. "I'm glad we had this talk, Jordan. Make Snow White proud. And your sons too."
"Uhhuh," Prince Jordan said. He was not yet very convinced of it all, but at least this conversation was over now. He did have a lot to talk about with Snow White.
As the magical people left, and he still couldn't grasp that Esmee was now really one of them, he stared at the tray of food and the bottle of wine. It hurt, but he didn't touch any of it. Better start as soon as possible on that particular step one...
15. To be a frog
Once they were quite far from Prince Jordan's rooms, Esmee stood still. "Tell me that didn't happen."
"It didn't happen," said Hilda. "Why?"
"That's no way to talk to a Prince! That's why!" Esmee bit her lower lip. "I mean, you were talking about his... his..."
"Yes. We were. And he did too. Looks like you are the only one that had a problem with it, Esmee, and it's not even yours," said Hilda as she took the flower witch by the arm and urged her to walk on again. "Jordan sees the benefits of it all. He may not be too happy when it all goes down, but by then it's a done deal anyway."
William grinned just too loudly. "What's your problem, Willy?" Baba Yaga asked. "Something you know that we don't?" William said he'd tell them later, outside, once they were away from the curious ears of servants.
"Why are we going outside?" Esmee wanted to know.
"You still have a frog to turn back, remember?" he reminded her.
"Oh. Yes. I had forgotten."
"That's bad, Esmee. A good witch forgets nothing," Baba Yaga told her protegé.
"Oh? Who told you that?"
"Don't really remember, sort of must have slipped my mind." As it was Baba Yaga who said that, there were no comments or remarks.
Once outside, they looked for a quiet spot in the large gardens. They found one with a nice lawn, some flowerbeds in it, and a marble bench next to it. Baba Yaga sat down on the bench, and together with Hilda she explained to Esmee the trick behind turning people into a frog. And how to turn one back again.
"I wonder if it hurts," said Esmee, after listening intently for a while. Babs said that she had no idea, as nobody had ever succeeded in turning her into a frog. Hilda and William told her that they had never heard anyone complain about it. "But," William added, "that might also be because of the shock after being changed."
Hilda offered Esmee to turn her into a frog, so she would have first hand experience. The pink witch was not very keen to find out, but the three insisted, so finally Esmee accepted to be turned into one. She made them promise to turn her back quickly too.
They left the honour of changing Esmee to Baba Yaga, as she was the self-appointed mentor. Babs popped up her wand and spoke the spell. Esmee's clothes fell into a heap and the frog that had been a pink witch dropped on top of them. "That went well," said Baba Yaga, "I don't get to change many witches."
Hilda and William lay down on the grass and looked at Esmee in her new shape. "She's really small, isn't she?" Hilda said as she prodded the frog. It complained with a sad sound. "I'm actually surprised she the right colour. Not pink or so."
Esmee croaked with indignation.
"Step back, kids, I'll make her herself again," Babs announced. Hilda and William moved to the side, Babs used the counter-spell, and Esmee was Esmee again. Esmee shrieked, because she was naked. A flick of Babs's wand later the pink witch was decent again.
"I was naked!" Esmee exclaimed, her face red, her arms still covering her barely present bosom. This rather loud revelation attracted the unwanted attention of some servants who suddenly were in earshot.
"Keep your voice down, Esmee," Babs calmly said, "and sit down here. You've just been a frog, you may be a bit unsettled still."
Hilda guided Esmee to the bench and they waited for the pink witch to come to grips with herself again. "So, how was it?"
Esmee shook her head, sending her short blond curls dancing. "It was so strange," she said, "everything is the wrong size. I never knew that grass can be so big. And there were beetles and worms and-"
"Eeeeew..." said Hilda. "I lay on worms?"
"Only a few," Esmee said, trying to make it sounds less bad. "And never prod a frog please. It hurts!"
"Oh. Okay, won't do it anymore." Hilda grinned. "Nor any less."
Esmee did not put enough venom in her stare to be impressive.
"So, did it hurt when you were turned?" Baba Yaga asked.
"Well, becoming a frog didn't hurt. The change in view and how I felt was so different that I had no time to think about that. And when I was turned back into me, uhm, the first thing I noticed was that I didn't have my clothes on. I didn't think to feel pain or so."
Hilda nodded. "Right. Seems that we have our answer. It probably doesn't hurt enough, if at all. Given the absence of clothes."
William remarked that perhaps they should find a way to change the reversing spell a bit, to do something with the clothes of the person. Hilda and Babs were strongly against that. "That would take all the fun out of it, William! And while we're talking about fun, wizard, what was the reason for you to grin when we left the castle?"
William grinned again as he thought back to the conversation with Prince Jordan. "Oh, it's just a little thing." That made him burst out laughing, invoking more curiosity with the witches. "We may have to cover Esmee's ears," William then laughed. "Remember when I talked about the little procedure of Jordan's 'down there', and the fact that it would be painful?" The witches nodded. "Well, I am sure it can be done painlessly. The magic is there for it," William explained.
"Right...," said Hilda, "so why did you claim it would be painful if there is no pain?"
"Listen, sweetwitch," William said, "I did not say there was no pain. Without any discomfort to think back to, it won't be a big deal to him. He strikes me as the kind of prince-guy that needs some thing inflicted onto him that is unpleasant, to remind him of what he's done. And why."
Baba Yaga looked at him, no expression on her face. Esmee stared at him in disbelief. Hilda kissed him on the cheek. "That's my wizard."
"He's a natural," Baba Yaga had to admit. "Only wizards and certain witches come up with things like that."
William was proud with all that praise. "Coffee anyone?"
-=-=-
Th
e day got tired of the sunlight and set out to chase the offending heavenly body away. The witches and the wizard mounted their brooms while dusk was still struggling for a foothold. They had agreed to make a sweep over the area before it was completely dark. Perhaps they could find the owner of the large paw prints, and if not then they'd had a nice evening flight.
The forests were still very much alive, with small animals running around and birds tuning their beaks for the next morning. Esmee was falling behind rapidly as they passed over an open field where deer were grazing.