I’m momentarily paralyzed by the power of his words. Never in my life has anyone said something like that to me before. If there was ever anyone I would want to let in, it would be Jess Parker, but yet again my fear gets the best of me.
“Thank you, Jess. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.” I say this softly to him. This guy is starting to chip away at the walls that have been protecting me for years. Maybe that isn’t a bad thing.
“If I were ever to talk about it, it would be to you,” I say before closing my eyes.
October 2014
Ribs
It’s been two weeks since the night at Dina’s. Things between Viv and Will are definitely looking up now that she’s been honest with him about her family. There’s something different about them, a sense of peace that wasn’t there before.
I’ve been exceptionally busy the past two weeks with Roger and have barely had time to see anyone. Vivian seems bothered by the fact that I’m not as available as I used to be, but with juggling Roger and classwork in both hands, I haven’t even had a moment to scratch my head.
Then there’s Jess. His team is doing exceptionally well and is away more times than not. If I’m correct, they only got back from Connecticut this morning.
Finally, Viv and I are having a girls’ night together, filled with Hollywood’s hottest hunks, tequila, and popcorn. Our version of a movie night.
As I’m preparing the finishing touches on our movie snacks, the front door opens and a giggling Viv enters the apartment.
“Hey, someone is in a cheery mood,” I say as I place the popcorn on the coffee table.
“Oh my god, Ellie, I’ve had the greatest afternoon with Will!” She pauses while putting her bag down on the couch. “Things are so much better since I told him about my family.” She squeals as she falls onto the velvet sofa, then wraps a thin blanket around herself.
“That’s fantastic news, Viv,” I say with all sincerity. I was worried that the fight between them might have ruined things, but I think it has just made them stronger. Viv loves with all her heart, yet another reason I love her.
“I’m glad to see you’re in higher spirits today. I was starting to worry about you,” I say in the most casual way I can. I turn to look at Viv, and I notice that her smile has thinned out and her eyes are doing that thing where they look anywhere but at me.
“Listen, Ellie, I know I’ve been moody this week. I’m just bummed we never see each other anymore, and I feel like you spend most of your time with Jess.” She pauses and focuses her attention on the small hole in our green couch. It’s the same couch I stayed on five years ago when I first met Vivian. What can I say, we’re sentimental.
Although I can tell Viv feels sad about the lack of time we spend together, I know there’s something else weighing on her. As if Viv can read my mind, she continues.
“If I’m being honest, Ellie, I feel guilty,” she whispers.
I walk over to the couch and sit next to her. Whatever she feels bad about must be really eating away at her, because I think she’s about to cry.
“Now what in the world do you have to feel guilty about, Viv? In my books you haven’t done anything wrong.”
Viv closes her eyes tight and takes a breath before speaking. “I’m the reason you spend so much time out. I’m the reason you’re stuck seeing Roger all the time.”
As if realizing I need more context, she continues.
“I know you say only part of the reason you agreed to go out with Roger was because it would get Dean off my back, but I feel like that was the only reason you did it. And I’ve just felt so guilty all this time, because I’m annoyed I don’t get to see you but I know at the same time it’s my fault. I am so sorry, Ellie. I’m a horrible friend.”
I can’t help but smile when I realize what’s been going on.
“Are you seriously laughing right now?” a traumatized Vivian asks.
“Viv, I’m not laughing at you at all! I’m just so relieved. This whole time I thought you were pissed at me for spending so much time with Jess! I thought you thought I was choosing him over you! Which, may I add, will never happen.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re constantly stuck seeing Roger because of me,” she says hopelessly.
I pull myself together and look Vivian in the eye. “Do you know me?” I ask a confused Vivian.
Her forehead wrinkles and she just looks at me.
“Well, do you?” I push.
“Of course I do, Ellie. You’re my best friend,” she says with all sincerity.
“Then you know that no one can make me do anything I don’t want to. Correct?”
“I guess,” she says, “but—”
“No buts, Vivian. You didn’t make me enter this business, and you didn’t force me to start seeing Roger.” I let out a huff, and a sympathetic smile forms across my face.
“What you did do was save me, Vivian Marie Clark. You took in a complete stranger on the word of your wonderful yet crazy cousin Winona. You didn’t have to let me into your world, but you did. You showed me that when everything seemed it would never be right again, there could be light at the end of the tunnel.”
Viv’s eyes begin to well up, and replacing the cold sadness that was there mere seconds ago is a small happiness, almost as if a weight has been lifted from her shoulders.
Seeing as I’m getting through to her, I continue. “I owe you more than you could ever imagine, Viv. You have been the family I lost and you have gone to great lengths to protect my secrets. So if seeing Roger can make your life a little easier, then yes, I’m willing to do it. But don’t think for one second that you’ve made me feel obligated to do this. This is our life, this is what we do, and we are good at it. I love you, Viv, and I would do anything for you. You should never feel guilty over that. Understand?”
A small smile creeps across her face, and the next thing I know she’s in my arms, giving me her signature bear hug.
“Ellie, I don’t know what I would do without you. Thank you for everything,” she says as she pulls away from me. As Viv wipes under her eyes to ensure no makeup has smeared her face, I take a deep breath and stand up. After the crazy couple of weeks we’ve both had, we really needed this.
“Okay, well, I think that’s enough love for one night. Shall we start our movie? I’ve got Magic Mike or—” A knock interrupts my sentence, and Viv and I look at each other curiously.
“I’m not expecting anyone,” Viv says with a crinkled forehead.
Neither am I.
Realizing I’m not wearing a bra and am in my polka-dot pajamas, I wrap my hands over my chest as I answer the door. Who greets me at the other end shouldn’t even be a surprise at this point.
“Well, someone is ready for bed a little early, but don’t get me wrong, you know I totally dig the no-bra thing,” Jess Parker says with a cheeky smile.
“I don’t recall inviting you to my slumber party,” I say, placing my hands on my hips. Jess eyes me up and down with a grin, and I realize I’m no longer covering my chest. I quickly pull my long hair forward and yet again cross my arms. Jess doesn’t even try to stifle his laugh.
“You know I can’t resist a good pillow fight,” he whispers with a smug smile.
“Jess? What are you doing here?” Viv is behind me now and has the same confused look on her face as I do.
“We’re going out!” he exclaims as he walks into our apartment without waiting for an invitation.
“No, Vivian and I are staying in,” I say, holding my ground.
Jess puts on his signature puppy-dog face that works with most women. Too bad I can see right through him. If only Vivian could too.
“Come on, it will be fun. This is the last night we can go out until next Friday because of our upcoming games. Everyone is gonna be there. Will really wants you to be there, Viv,” he says, giving her a knowing smile.
“And Els, I want you there too,” he says as he helps himself to my mov
ie snacks. Slowly, he pops one Milk Dud into his mouth at a time.
Fuck. The boy is good. I look over to Vivian and know I’ve lost her.
“Fine, we’ll go get dressed,” I say as I walk to my bedroom.
I guess we are going out then.
In a matter of minutes, I’ve slipped into a red halter mini dress with a low back and some black pumps. I pull my hair into a high ponytail in order to show off the back of the dress. What can I say? It’s a sexy dress.
I quickly apply some red lipstick and take a final look in the mirror. I have to say, for a ten-minute outfit, I don’t look half-bad. I grab my black clutch and head toward the living room.
Jess is talking on the phone to whom I’m assuming is Will due to the extensive hockey talk, but he stops midsentence when I enter.
This is either an extremely good thing or a very bad thing, and I can’t read which one it is from the stunned look on Jess’s face.
As I began to reassess my outfit, I hear Jess mutter, “Wow.”
His stare intensifies and becomes almost hungry. I shift uncomfortably as he just keeps staring at me, his mouth open as his gaze searches my body, causing me to feel naked and surprisingly vulnerable.
I don’t know why, but I can’t help but stare back at him. My usually guarded self is feeling seriously invaded right now, yet I can’t look away.
God, I didn’t even notice how good he looked tonight when he came over. He’s wearing black denim jeans and a crisp white shirt that has the top buttons undone and sleeves rolled up. His hair is disheveled but in a sexy way, something only he could pull off. My breathing starts to pick up as our eyes make contact once again.
What the fuck is going on? Did I just use “sexy” to describe Jess Parker?
Just as the moment is reaching the peak of its intensity, like an angel sent from heaven, Viv enters the room.
“If you two keep eye-banging each other, then I’m gonna have to leave,” she says with a laugh, instantly breaking the moment.
As if we were both under a trance, Jess and I snap out of it and awkwardly look away from one another.
Pressure pounds against my skin as a cold sweat breaks out, dotting my forehead. Feeling as if I need to say something, anything, I turn to Viv. “Really, Viv?” I say with a fake smile. “You know man-whore really isn’t my type.”
Shit, that was a low blow. I know it.
I awkwardly shift in my heels, wishing I could take back what I said. Vivian seems to get where I’m coming from because she doesn’t say anything else. She just pulls at the hem of her purple silk shift dress.
I draw my attention back to Jess, but now he just looks plain hurt. He grabs his leather jacket off the sofa and heads toward the door. “Yeah, Vivian, you know my type and no offense, Eleanor, baby, but it isn’t you.” And with that, he opens the door, signaling for us to go ahead of him.
I know I have no right to be upset or even bothered by not being considered Jess Parker’s type, but I feel as if I’ve just been slapped. Yes, I called him a man-whore, but he had to have known it was only to get Vivian off our case.
The cab ride to the restaurant consists of Viv and Will giggling to one another while Jess and I sit in silence.
I can’t tell if it’s due to the moment we had in the living room or the part after, where I called him a whore and he told me I wasn’t his type. What the hell is his type, anyway? A pin-thin model with fake tits and bleach-blonde hair?
Shit.
Why the hell am I even thinking about this? And better yet, why does Jess look as if I just kicked his puppy?
As if he could sense that I’m staring, Jess adjusts himself to look out the window.
Well, tonight should be a blast.
Dinner is awkward as hell for me. As soon as we get out of the cab, Jess quickly loses his brooding attitude and turns into a grade A dickhead. Well, to me anyway. Of course Vivian and Will take no notice because they’re wrapped in each other’s arms, as they have been since the diner incident.
Throughout dinner, Jess pretends as if nothing had even happened and continues his usual flirtation with anything that moves. Anything besides me, that is. We’re out with the whole team and all of their plus ones, minus Nick, so it isn’t like I don’t have anyone to talk to, but the moment in the house has killed all desire for me to talk to anyone.
Claudia attempts to make conversation with me in the beginning, but I know she will ask me what’s wrong if we talk too much, so I pretend to be extremely interested in what Wolf’s date, Brittney, has to say.
I spend forty-five minutes talking to Brittney with “two t’s and an e” about how her beauty school is going. I basically sit in silence while she gives me advice for the perfect French manicure and blowout.
Kill me now, please.
It honestly isn’t Brittney’s fault, because she seems super sweet, but I just don’t give a crap about what she’s talking about tonight. Still, I put my best foot forward and pretend.
To top the whole night off, Roger has called me four times, subjecting me to a million questions from Brittney about who my supposed “boyfriend” is and inquiries about my relationship with Dylan. To say coming out tonight was a bad idea would be the understatement of the year.
As we head toward Viper, it’s near eleven thirty and I’m in no mood to be out right now. Luckily, Mike is at the door and pulls back the velvet rope when we walk up. I give him a hug and thank him as the others walk inside ahead of me.
Viper is crazy crowded tonight, and it’s times like these I’m especially thankful for Mike and the soft spot he has for Vivian and me.
The dance floor is insanely packed, and the chances of getting a drink in under thirty minutes look slim to none. Looks as if drinking away my troubles is out of the question. Just as I’m about to retreat for the night, Vivian squeals behind me.
“Oh my god, Ellie! Nick got us bottle service and a VIP table! Could this night get any better?” She grabs my hand and pulls me through the crowd.
Although I’ve met their other roommate, Nick, once before, I don’t know a lot about him other than he is the only one who doesn’t play hockey and is a bartender at Viper.
There’s no way I’m getting out of Viper now, so I better try and enjoy myself.
One hour later, most of our group has hit the dance floor. I think the amount of alcohol everyone has consumed is what one small country drinks in a year. Still reeling from my hangover last weekend, I’ve been going slow and am only on my third drink.
Jess and I haven’t really spoken all night, keeping to our separate sides of the table. The amount of women surrounding him has only increased, yet for once, he doesn’t look interested.
As if sensing he’s staring at me, I turn to look at him and our eyes meet. The fake smile he’s subjected me to all night is gone and finally, I really see him.
Since everyone is off dancing, it’s just the two of us, so I think we both see it as a moment to clear the air. He moves around to my side of the booth and faces me.
“I’m sorry if I was being a dick earlier, Els. You know that isn’t me,” he says with all sincerity.
I put my arm on his shoulder and turn my body to fully face him. “Sorry I called you a man-whore. I honestly didn’t mean it, Jess. I just didn’t want Vivian to get the wrong idea about the two of us. You know how she gets; I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s planning our wedding as we speak,” I say with a weak laugh.
Jess’s smile widens and he drapes his arm over my shoulders. “I know you didn’t mean it, Els. I just value your opinion a lot, and for a second, I thought maybe that was how you saw me.” He pauses and drops his gaze to the floor as if unsure of how to continue.
I grab his face in my hands and look him in the eyes. “Oh, Jess Parker, I would have thought you knew me well enough by now to know I’m not one to judge.”
Oh, how little does he really know.
“You know, Els, you really do look stunning tonight.” Jess takes my hand
s in his and looks at me, like really looks at me.
The increased pounding in my chest makes me pull away from his touch, and I try to change the subject. “Mr. Parker, how much have you had to drink, because I know I sure haven’t had enough.”
I stand up and pour myself a shot of tequila. I down it before thinking and look at him. “Wanna dance?” I ask as I hold out my hand.
Jess takes my hand and leads me to the floor full of people. Red, green, and pink strobe lights are flashing while the DJ blasts DJ Snake’s newest anthem. Jess and I push through the crowd until we find the perfect spot, and he spins me around. We move along with the music and I can’t help but giggle.
He jokingly busts out some pretty ridiculous moves, including the sprinkler and his own rendition of John Travolta’s dance from Saturday Night Fever. At this point I can’t contain my laughter and jokingly hit Jess across the chest. In response, he pulls me into him.
My laughter stops, and it becomes just the two of us in this moment. Jess looks down at me with the same stare from the apartment, and I try to look away, but his hand is now on my face and tilting it upward.
A remix of Lorde’s hit song “Ribs” is playing and the crowd is going crazy, but I can’t hear them. It’s just us in this moment.
I feel a flutter in my stomach and a rise in my pulse from how close we are to one another. Jess leans down and rests his head against mine, letting out a breath. I can tell from his heavy breathing and closed eyes that this is affecting him as much as it is me.
This might be the alcohol talking, but I want to kiss Jess Parker, like, a lot. I slowly raise my head and my lips brush against his perfect jawline, sending goose bumps up my arms. Less than an inch from his mouth, I suddenly hear the song in the background again. Lyrics speaking of needing friends ring in my ears as Lorde sings, and I realize what my actions will cost me. I need Jess Parker as my friend. And even though I feel as though I need him physically in this moment, I know it can never go anywhere. I just can’t risk it.
Brief Encounters_The Encounters Series Page 10