Possibility Days

by Mary Ramsey

  “I respected your family—”

  “Only when we were doing things on your terms!”

  Johnny got between the two girls. “Stand down!”

  London was about to shove Johnny off her, but her rage subsided at the sight of me in my wheelchair, holding Shauna.

  Shauna opened her sleepy eyes. “London!” She jumped down to give her a hug.

  London touched the little girl’s face, nearly losing it at the sight of her swollen lip. “How could any mother do this to her own child?”

  I looked from Jen to London, feeling the weight of my wife’s crushed spirit. “She feels bad enough about it, okay?”

  London kissed Shauna’s bruised cheek. “You were very brave.” She straightened up. “How about I take my best friend and his little girl out for breakfast?”

  “You can take my van,” Johnny suggested.

  “Yuck, no, I wouldn’t be caught dead in that creepy thing. We’re going on my motorcycle.”

  Jen got between London and the door. “That’s insane!”

  “Shauna, I need you to hold on to your daddy’s back, like a piggyback ride. Then we’ll put Daddy’s jacket over you, to secure you in like a baby kangaroo.”

  “Johnny, please say something.”

  For a moment I was hurt she didn’t even look at me.

  Sara shook her head. “Let London do whatever she wants; at least she cares about Sean.

  Jen gave Sara a look of pure venom, and I couldn’t really blame her. This was about keeping Shauna safe. It wasn’t supposed to be an opportunity for point-scoring. I was relieved as Johnny stepped up, placing a hand on Sara’s shoulder.

  “Now is not the time.” He turned to London. “Take my van, for the safety of Sean and his young daughter, and for the sake of your public relations team. I’m sure they won’t enjoy scrubbing your mugshot off of social media when you’re arrested on your million-dollar bike.”

  “Fine,” she said with a sigh, holding out her hand. “I’ll drive your trashy van.”

  “Uncle Johnny’s van’s not trashy, it’s beautiful,” Shauna said sweetly.

  I had to agree. Despite being one step away from the junkyard, the van was covered in Johnny’s hand-painted murals: cartoon characters, flowers, and other cute imagery, all of which he’d painted with or for Shauna.

  “Aww, thank you, sweetheart. I want you to do have a nice time with London while Auntie Sara and I work on figuring things out, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Once I was dressed and ready, London helped me in to the van before loading in Shauna and my wheelchair. “I’m sorry I kinda blew up in there.”

  “I expected as much. I mean, when I called you, part of me wanted to see my wife fight my best friend,” I said with a chuckle, but felt shitty as soon as I’d said it. It all came from frustration. I had no real idea why I called London. Jen was my wife, my partner. Sara was my wise sister, and if I needed spiritual guidance, I had Johnny. Why did I get London involved? Maybe because she was so much like me.

  “Sean, your daughter’s listening.”

  And Shauna was. “If you fought my mommy, would you get to be my new mommy?”

  London didn’t reply as she started down the road.

  To cut through the awkwardness, I decided to change the subject. “Where are we going?”

  “Well, since we’re not restricted to a short bike distance, I figured we’d go to a place I used to head to after a crazy night. It’s a place where I find my peace.”

  We drove thirty minutes to a retro-looking diner and London asked the waitress for a table rather than a booth.

  The middle-aged waitress dragged her fingers through her hair, dyed an unnatural shade of red, and motioned for London to take any table. London took a four top, she and I sitting on one side with Shauna sitting across.

  “Is that your little girl?” asked the waitress, her gaze flicking between Shauna and London, who had similar dark hair.

  “No, she’s his miracle baby, I’m just a friend.”

  The waitress stared intently at me, and then at Shauna. “I uh … I once read an article about a man with multiple sclerosis. His wife beat him in front of his children just to assert her authority. You know there are hotlines to report that kind of thing.”

  “That kind of thing isn’t happening,” I said a little too fast.

  Shauna frowned at me. “My mommy hit my daddy, and then she hit me.”

  “The situation’s being handled,” London explained. “And we’re ready to order.” Once the waitress, whose name tag read Lily, had gone to the kitchen, London turned her attention to Shauna. “Sweetie, you shouldn’t go around telling strangers that your mommy hits you.”

  “But it’s true,” Shauna muttered, her eyes to the table.

  Lily came back with hot chocolates for all three of them, along with a piece of chocolate cake. “This is courtesy of the cook for the brave little girl.”

  London put her arm around me, letting me rest my head on her shoulder until the food arrived. I could tell something was wrong. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing, I’m just tired. I did ride here from Vegas.”

  “No, there’s something else,” I said, looking her in the eyes. “You know you can tell me anything.”

  London glanced around as if checking for cameras. “Lana and Tommy are getting a divorce.”

  “What?”

  “When the story hits the press, they’ll cite irreconcilable differences, but the truth is … he fell out of love with her.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He got tired of being a husband and father. He wanted his freedom while she wanted him to stay by her side. So, she left with little Zoe, and they’ve been staying with me for the past month.”

  “Lana and Zoe have been traveling with you?”

  “My sister didn’t want to be alone, and Zoe’s always been homeschooled.” London paused. “Crap, I should probably call her, let her know I arrived okay. I kinda left in a hurry.”

  “You left them in Vegas?”

  “My family has a timeshare on the strip.” London pulled out her phone and stood up. “I’ll be just be a second.”

  After she’d taken the call outside, Shauna turned to me. “Zoe’s mommy and daddy are getting a divorce?”

  I sighed. “Apparently.”

  “But Zoe has a good mommy and daddy.”

  I chuckled at the implication—if anyone should be getting a divorce, it should be me. I ruffled her hair. “Sometimes mommies and daddies just lose their way. They fall out of love and just have to try to find a way to be … happy.” The words caused a sharp pain in my chest. I couldn’t remember when Jen and I were happy together. How did we get to this?

  “Do they come back?”

  “To what? To love?” I met her eyes, not wanting her to know too much too early. “Some do.”

  I was about to add more when I heard children crying. A few tables away was a young Hispanic man with three kids; two boys around Shauna’s age were throwing typical tantrums while he held a baby in his arms. A woman emerged from the restroom and the boys rejoiced. Even though my Spanish wasn’t up to much, I could tell what was happening; they were tattling on their dad. There was a screaming match between the adults, resulting in the boys leaving the restaurant with the mom. The man was left with the now-crying baby and the check.

  Waitress Lily walked over to him. “I can hold Olena until your next break.”

  “Thank you.” The man nodded as he put on his apron, and then he trudged back to the kitchen.

  London came back to the table, saying a passing hello to the man, then the baby.

  “Poor guy,” she muttered as she sat down. “He started dating a wannabe actress, a single mom from Texas with two kids. She was doing okay for a while and he thought he’d hit the jackpot, but it turns out she was just looking for a free babysitter to watch her hell-spawn while she went on auditions. Too bad he got her knocked up; now he’s stuck with her. But
that’s just the game of love—play dirty until one person finds a way to leave the playing field.”

  “I guess,” I replied, nervously looking at Shauna’s reaction. Thankfully she was watching the kitchen hatch, where our food was being placed on a tray.

  “Remind me never to fall in love,” London said as the food was brought to our table. “Except with those pancakes; those are love at first sight.”

  London shared eggs and bacon with me. Shauna, giddy with excitement, dug her spoon into a massive hot fudge sundae on top of pancakes drenched in strawberry syrup.

  London reached her finger into the whipped cream and placed a dollop on Shauna’s nose.

  “Now do it to Daddy,” Shauna said happily.

  “I guess today I get to feed you.” London swiped her finger through the chocolate and cream, and then touched it to my lips.

  I couldn’t help but smile.

  Shauna ate her pancakes while London helped me tackle the scrambled eggs, since my hand-eye coordination was still more than a little crappy. It was more affection than I’d experienced in a long time.

  “What in the world happens if we put chocolate cake on the bacon?” London asked Shauna. She loaded her fork and passed it to Shauna. “Open.”

  Shauna ate it quickly, and then said the words that would melt London’s heart. “I wish you were my mommy.”

  London put some cake on a small piece of bacon, then held it on two fingers. I ate it out of her hand, feeling like the humble eighteen-year-old boy she first met on his very first audition.

  That was when she kissed me. She held it for the full moment it took her to figure out I wasn’t responding, then pulled back immediately, her eyes red.

  I put my arm around her, a little too startled to know what to say. I always figured that if something happened between us, it would be me making the badly-timed pass. After nearly a year of emotional abandonment, I should have felt love. But all I felt was the betrayal. I loved Jen. My heart belonged to Jen. “I’m sorry. But … you’ll always be my best friend.”

  “But you guys … you weren’t happy.”

  “We’re trying to be.”

  London leaned her head on my shoulder. “Okay. If you’re sure. I don’t want to be the one to pull you away from the game.”

  It seemed like hours before we finally made it back to the condo.

  We entered the house to the sight of Sara on the computer, having an animated, loud discussion with someone.

  “Sean’s here,” she called, waving me over to the screen. “Hey, guess who got in touch?”

  The man had my face. At that moment I was seven years old again, looking into the eyes of the kind nurse with the long hair and surfer voice.

  Sara held my hand. “Sean, meet Jayden Clarke—your biological uncle.”

  All the pieces fell into place. Minus the corn rows and scrubs, Jayden Clarke looked exactly as he had in my dream. His striking blue eyes were hidden by the reflections on his rectangular wire-rimmed glasses.

  Sara squeezed my hand to the point of crushing. “You going to say hello, or what?”

  I cleared my throat. “Uh, hey. Sorry. It’s just a surprise. Wow. My mother’s brother … I can’t believe Sara found you.”

  “Hey,” Jayden said, his voice breaking. “Long time no see.”

  “Understatement of the century,” I said with a laugh. “You received my messages?”

  “Yes, I even decoded the ones that appeared to be made up entirely of emojis.”

  “In my defense, I was pretty high on meds. And with the way things were going, I was starting to think you were a mythic creature or a figment of my imagination.”

  Jayden smiled. “I assure you, I’m very real. I’m sorry it took so long to get back to you.” Jayden paused, pursing his lips. “We won’t go into the details of your email questions right now, but it would be great if you guys could discuss the logistics of spending a little time with me in Portland.”

  I was beyond relieved at his discretion—the one thing I’d asked him was for help in talking through my options for assisted death, which was legal in Oregon. I was even more relieved to see Jen’s eyes light up at the prospect of time away from this condo, which was now stained with bad memories.

  “I’m glad I found you,” I told Jayden. Now I was the one on the verge of tears.

  “And now you have. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways.”

  Shauna ran to the chair and held up her hands for Johnny to pick her up so she could see the man inside the computer.

  “You must be Sean’s daughter,” Jayden said.

  “Are you a grandpa?”

  “I’m not that old,” he laughed. “You can call me Uncle Jayden.”

  “Can I come stay with you, Uncle Jayden?”

  “It’s something that your mom and dad need to talk about. But the offer’s open.”

  Shauna moved even closer to the webcam. “What do you do in Portland?”

  “Shauna, darling, I’m a doctor. You and your family can come live with me and my little girl.”

  My daughter’s eyes lit up. “How little?”

  “Just a little older than you.”

  “If you’re a doctor, can you make my daddy better?”

  Jayden met my eyes, his steady gaze a promise that he’d handle Shauna gently, but be straight-up with her. “I promise I will do everything within my power to make your daddy better.”

  Shauna smiled. “Thank you, Uncle Jayden.”

  A weight lifted from my heart. The door of opportunity had just swung open. I could only hope I could talk everyone into letting me walk through it. Though at some point, I’d have to tell them my real reason for wanting to move there.

  That was going to be rough.

  Twelve

  In the cruel summer heat Sara and I drove up in her truck while Johnny, Jen, and Shauna rode in his van. It would be a sixteen-hour drive. They both had GPS units with Jayden’s address entered so they would be able to find their own way in case of emergency. But Sara and Johnny differed in opinion when it came to the choice of rest versus making it to Portland around midnight.

  “He’s trying to bypass San Francisco,” Sara groaned as Johnny’s van pulled ahead, potentially aiming for the far-left lane. “Get on your phone and tell my fiancé that if he doesn’t stop in San Francisco, he’ll have to explain to Jayden why he’s arriving without us.”

  “Sure.” I dialed Jen’s number since I knew Johnny would be driving. “Hey, Jen, Sara says we’re stopping in San Francisco regardless if Johnny chooses to.”

  Jen sighed. “I’ll pass along the message.”

  I listened as she shouted to Johnny over the roar of the engine.

  “We don’t have to stop,” Johnny yelled back. “We’re making great time.”

  I repeated this to Sara.

  “You tell Johnny I’m the one starting my medical residency this semester, so the least he can do is—”

  Johnny’s van slowed until both vehicles were side by side. Jen rolled down the window and motioned Sara to do the same. “Johnny says we can stop in San Francisco if you agree to a date night with him?”

  Sara smiled with delight. “I love you, Johnny Phoenix!” She floored the gas, pulling ahead of the van. “Tell Jen I’m picking the hotel.”

  “It’s okay, I heard,” Jen said.

  “Thanks.” I hung up and went to hotels.com to make sure there were actually rooms available to book. “Two questions: where are we heading and are you seriously starting your residency this year? What about grad school?”

  “For the hotel, look up anything close to Pier 39. That’s where I want to go on my date,” she said sweetly while keeping her eyes on the road.

  “Ok, got it.” I worked on the bookings for a few minutes. Although it was summer, it was surprisingly easy to find free rooms. Once I’d punched in the credit card details, I tried pushing the subject of her career again. She was so prickly about her studies these days. “So … about your graduat
e degree? I know the AP class credits helped you blast through the undergraduate years, but—”

  “Jayden pulled some strings. I’m going to complete my thesis work, and whatever professional experience hours I accumulate will count towards my residency.”

  “Wow. You know I’m the one living on borrowed time, not you.”

  “Sean,” Sara sighed, “no one on this planet has unlimited time.”

  The next morning, we woke at first light to drive the next ten hours to Portland. Jayden lived a few miles outside the city on a two-hundred-acre plot of land.

  “He owns a winery!” Sara squealed. The gate was iron-welded in the shape of two hands, as if the property itself were welcoming us.

  Jayden Clarke emerged from the front doors of the main house to wave us in, motioning for us to park by the side. The house—no, mansion—was a beautiful ivory Colonial overlooking his vineyard. Jayden wore sunglasses, a white polo shirt, and khaki pants,; his shoulder-length hair hung loosely around broad shoulders. Once we’d rolled to a stop Sara ran out immediately to hug him, forgetting that I would need help getting to my wheelchair in the bed of the truck.

  “He looks like a porn star,” Johnny snickered as he brought over my chair.

  “A filthy rich porn star who’s going to be paying your way through nursing school,” I reminded him. That was part of the deal—Johnny wanted to give the caring profession a second shot. Things were fine with Lita, his boss, but doing tattoos all day every day wasn’t pushing his buttons anymore. Having made my decision to move, I wanted each member of my family to have the chance to make a fresh start.

  Just then a beautiful girl ran in from the vineyard. From a distance, she looked to be in her early teens. Her skin was the color of coffee with cream, but her hair, worn in a short afro, was very light brown and didn’t look in any way bleached.

  “God, does this guy have servants?” Johnny asked out loud.

  “Daddy!” the girl shouted as she ran into Jayden’s arms.

  “Question asked, question answered,” Jen said, shaking her head. “Seriously, Johnny?”

  “I’m not a racist. This guy owns a fortune and she came in from the fields!”