by Nikki Attree
“Nice place you’ve got here. A bit bigger than my pad.”
“Yes, I renovated it with my ex. It was practically falling down when we bought it. No triple glazing, no underfloor heating, no lift, no hot-tub, only a couple of en-suites ... a bit of a disaster really. We came up with some quite interesting design ideas, and it was featured on television actually.”
“Ah yes, I thought I’d seen it on ‘Grand Designs’. I remember the bit where the presenter told you off for building a disco in the basement. Didn’t he call it a bit “bling”?”
“Yes, well Kevin does have quite a wicked sense of humour, doesn’t he? Anyway, I can’t spend all day talking about the house, as much as I’d like to” she smiles rueful. “You wanted to show me some evidence that the dogs are not being maltreated?”
“That’s right” Annie says, opening her briefcase. “Is your daughter in? Let me show this to both of you. I’m sure she’ll feel a lot happier when she sees it.”
Elizabeth goes upstairs to find Miranda, telling her that Ms Ace Ventura is downstairs with some good news. The teenager slouches into the living room, sinks into the sofa, and grunts a “hi” in Annie’s direction. The pet detective greets her warmly and proceeds to set out her findings, listing the clues that point to the photo being a fake, showing them enhanced close-ups, and pointing out the tins of luxury dog food.
“So, to sum up: I don’t think that we’re dealing with ruthless sadists here. As I mentioned at our previous meeting, it definitely has all the hallmarks of professional criminals trying to scare you, but the evidence in this photo all points to them actually taking good care of the dogs.”
It’s like Annie has just zapped Miranda with a remote control. It’s as if she’s been a still frame, paused, and Annie has pressed “play”. Her bowed head lifts, her tear-shot eyes light up, and for the first time that day she smiles and communicates something other than a grunt. “Really? You really think that they’re going to be OK? You’re not just saying it cos you’re paid to say stuff like that?”
Annie laughs. She must admit, there have been occasions when she’s decided that it’s within her remit to put an optimistic gloss on an unpromising situation to give her client hope, but this is not one of them. “Yes, really. I think that they’re actually being perfectly well treated, but I don’t want to get your hopes up too high just yet. We still have to find a way to get them back. I’m working on it and I’ve got some ideas, but no concrete leads yet.”
Elizabeth again refrains from making the obvious joke about leads for missing dogs. She is certainly relieved to see her daughter perk up, and grateful to Annie for defusing the tension between them, but she’s still preoccupied with the same dilemma: wanting to get the dogs back safely and needing to generate the maximum publicity from their disappearance.
The phone rings. It’s Nikki calling from Tenerife again. Elizabeth excuses herself, and takes the call in her study. As soon as her mother is out of the room, Miranda starts speaking to Annie as if she’s an old friend. The two conversations: Nikki / Elizabeth and Miranda / Annie happen simultaneously ...
Gizmo’s owner is again distraught and angry: “Elizabeth, I just watched your interview on the news channel, and I saw that horrific photo of my Gizmo ...” She grinds to a halt, sobbing.
Elizabeth interrupts: “oh hi Nikki. I was just going to call you. Listen, you don’t have to worry about that photo. Apparently it’s a fake.”
“What do you mean? I saw it. Gizmo had blood all over him for God’s sake! It’s him they’ve been torturing. Your dog’s OK. No wonder you don’t care!” She breaks down again.
“Just hang on. Of course I bloody care. But like I said, don’t worry, we know now that the blood in the photo isn’t real. Gizmo is fine.”
“How can I believe you? You’re just saying that, to ...”
Elizabeth interrupts again: “you don’t have to believe me. It was the private investigator who worked it out, and she’s here right now. Hang on a minute, I’ll pass the phone over to her, and she can tell you herself.”
Elizabeth returns to the living room, where in her absence Annie has been bonding with her daughter ...
“It’s so cool what you do!” Miranda gushes to Annie. “You know, like Ace Ventura. The way you figured out about Gizmo was awesome. You know, my mum didn’t think I’d care about Gizmo as long as Doodle was OK. Can you believe that?”
“Hey, no worries. I’m just pleased to be able to give you some good news,” Annie replies. “It must be such a stressful time for you.” They smile at each other warmly. “I’m still on a bit of a learning curve with your mother though. Is she really as tough as she makes out?”
“You know, I can’t figure that out either. I know how important work is to her, especially this film. I think she’s been under a lot of stress from her boss since the dogs went missing, but I still don’t understand how she can put her work ahead of their welfare.”
Before Annie can comment, Elizabeth walks into the room and passes the phone to her, saying that Gizmo’s owner is on the line and needs reassuring. She smiles at Miranda, whispering that she looks much happier, and goes back to work in her study.
Annie spends a few minutes explaining the evidence to Nikki. It does the trick. Nikki is happy to believe anyone other than Elizabeth, and they talk on the phone for a few minutes. Annie mentions that she’s been following Nikki’s social networking campaign to find Gizmo, and will be in touch via Facebook if she needs to contact her. Nikki says that she’ll check out the ‘Happy Tails’ website and put a link to it on Gizmo’s Facebook and Twitter pages. Annie thanks her, says goodbye and puts the phone down.
With her mother out of the room, Miranda resumes her conversation with the pet detective. “You know it was actually me who found you online. Mum doesn’t have much idea how to use the internet really.”
“Well I guess she doesn’t have much time for chatting online, and don’t forget, your mum actually predates smart phones and Wasap. I know it’s difficult to imagine life without stuff like that, but apparently people managed somehow. Anyway, talking of which, I saw your Facebook and Twitter campaign to find the dogs. Excellent job. Keep it up. The more it gets shared, the more people will be looking out for them.”
Miranda smiles shyly. She has really warmed to Annie. It makes a change to find an adult who can actually connect with her. Not only does the pet detective seem able to deal with her mother, but she also shares Miranda’s newfound passion for animal welfare.
Annie gathers her various bits of evidence, printout, and hand-scribbled notes, stuffs them into her battered briefcase, and heads for the front door. “So, it’s been great talking to you Miranda, but I better get back to work looking for Doodle and Gizmo. Tell your mum that I’ll be in touch soon, and try not to worry too much. Like I said, I have the feeling that whoever has your dog is actually looking after her OK.”
Miranda is genuinely disappointed that her newfound friend is leaving, but her face lights up at the reassuring advice. They walk outside to Annie’s rust-bucket of a car, covered in cute animal stickers. “Oh wow, what a cool car!” Miranda gushes. “Why can’t mum drive something with some style like your little Renault, instead of everything having to be silver or black?”
Annie laughs as she waves goodbye and drives off past Elizabeth’s shiny new Merc into the quiet Hampstead avenue. She’s soon fighting her way through the North London traffic, until eventually she’s crawling up Stoke Newington High Street, and finally the usual maddening search for a parking space anywhere near her office.
Some time later she squeezes her jalopy between a jacked-up 4x4 with blacked-out windows and amour plating, and an equally enormous people carrier, and walks the half mile back to the ‘Happy Tails’ office above Sid’s pet shop.
He greets her warmly and they share a laugh at her client’s fear of small mammals and reptiles in cages. “Yes, Elizabeth is not your run-of-the-mill animal lover” she says as she climbs the stai
rs, narrowly avoiding tripping over Dougal, her elusive rabbit.
As soon as she’s back in the office Annie grabs her laptop and gets straight back to work. Checking her e-mails she finds a reply from Mr Charmley-Walker, the manager / executive client liaison at Wags dog hotel. He’s not exactly pleased to hear from her, stressing that Wags admits no liability for the dogs’ disappearance in ‘circumstances beyond their control’. However, he is of course prepared to meet her, ‘without prejudice’, provided he can find an opportunity in his busy schedule.
Annie replies that she also has a full diary, but that she looks forward to his cooperation in helping to track down the criminals who have breached Wags’ stringent security and stolen her client’s dogs from ‘under his nose’. She tells him to expect a call from her soon.
Then she has another quick browse around Facebook. Miranda has already started to sound a lot more positive, telling all her online friends about ‘this awesome pet detective who’s doing a fab job looking for the dogs - just like Ace Ventura!’ Annie grins. It’s not the first time that someone has compared her to the film character. After all, for many of her clients he defines the role.
She logs on to Twitter (as Sparkle the cat) and again sifts through the canine tweets. Miranda’s trend: #FindGizmo&Doodle has prompted a whole thread of responses. Most of them just express general sympathy and concern, but one tweet leaps out at her:
Basil @BasilTheYorkie
Don’t know if it helps, but I had a good woof with two cute Doodles in Clissold Park.
Annie stares at the screen (and Sparkle’s whiskers twitch). Her detective instincts respond immediately to the mention of Clissold Park. “Isn’t that where Jack takes Harry’s dogs?” she asks herself. “Perhaps I can get him to keep an eye open for these two Doodles.”
Annie replies to the tweet, and asks Basil’s owner if they remember what the dog walker looked like. ‘Basil’ tweets back that it was a good-looking tall slim man in his mid thirties, and then adds that she hasn’t seen the dogs since then, but she’ll look out for them and try to find out more about their owner.
Scrolling further through Miranda’s thread Annie comes across a familiar furry tweeter. It’s ScruffyLad - the Labradoodle-on-the-sofa, who shared a bit of cat-dog banter with Sparkle earlier. He’s been tweeting his sympathy to Miranda:
ScruffyLad @ScruffyLad
Sorry to hear that your dog’s been stolen @Doodle&Gizmo. Don't worry I’m sure she’s being well looked after :-)
“That’s sweet of him” Annie thinks to herself. “There again, maybe he shouldn’t be tweeting stuff like that. After all, how can he possibly know that her dog is being treated well?”
Miranda is glad of the good will, but his use of the word: ‘stolen’ reawakens painful memories for her:
Miranda @Doodle&Gizmo
Really hope so. Can't stop crying. Wish I’d spent more time with my furry friend :-(
ScruffyLad @ScruffyLad
Know how u feel. Dad got rid of my best friend when I was a kid. Still miss him :-(
Annie decides to test this apparently sympathetic Doodle owner, who seems so confident that the stolen dogs are in good hands, with a bit more feline teasing:
Sparkle @sparklegirl
Miaow to u again @ScruffyLad. How R U?
ScruffyLad @ScruffyLad
Had a bit of a tummy ache but my human bought me some expensive food for sensitive stomachs!
Sparkle @sparklegirl
That’s dogs for u! Chased any pussies l8tly? Bet you can’t catch me!
ScruffyLad @ScruffyLad
Dogs bark to wake u up if the house is on fire. Cats just sneak out the back door!
Sparkle @sparklegirl
Dogs tilt their heads & look stupid when humans talk to them. We just yawn & close our eyes.
ScruffyLad @ScruffyLad
Ever tried taking a cat for a walk?
Sparkle @sparklegirl
So u like walkies? Where do u go?
The thread goes dead at this point. ScruffyLad is suddenly too bashful to reply, and that gets Sparkle’s whiskers twitching and the cogs turning in Annie’s detective brain. This is someone hiding behind a dog’s alias, with at least one gorgeous Doodle, who seems to know that the stolen dogs are being well treated, and who doesn’t want to reveal their own location.
“Hmm, I wonder if ScruffyLad has more than one lead...?” she ponders, scratching her head, but her cogitations are interrupted by a gnawing feeling from the other end of her body. It’s Dougal, demanding a carrot and chewing a toe until he gets one.
13 STAR CROSSED LOVERS
Jack hasn’t heard from Annie for a few weeks now and he’s beginning to suspect that his ‘Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder’ strategy (or as he calls it: “AMHGF”) has backfired. There has been plenty of Absence, but no sign of a Fonder Heart. He’s a bit worried that it’s actually her who’s been playing AMHGF with him, because the longer he leaves it, the more he misses her.
Jack would normally be quite happy to play the waiting game with a girlfriend (“not that I can even call her that” he thinks). By now it would usually be the woman who would be pestering him, increasingly anxious that she might have been jilted. If Jack found her sufficiently attractive he’d eventually break his silence, and the resulting waves of gratitude would usually propel him into her bed. After which he’d go AWOL again.
He’s not exactly panicking about the lack of communication from Annie, but it’s definitely time to ditch the AMHGF strategy in favor of a more ‘hands on’ approach. Of course he’d love to get his hands on her but he knows that she’s quite different from his other girlfriends, and he’s prepared to take as long as it takes. She offers him an escape from the grim chaos of Harry’s world; an oasis of sanity in the desert of his life; and yes, he’s admitting it, he misses her. So he picks up his phone and texts her: hi how R U? haven’t heard from U for a while. R we still friends?
To be fair to her, Annie hasn’t had much time to socialise since their ‘interesting’ evening in the ‘Bucket of Blood’. She has thought about him sometimes, but her thoughts haven’t always been completely positive. She recognises that there’s a spark between them and she does miss his sense of humour, but she has her doubts too. It would be a shame though, to throw away her best chance of a relationship since that lecherous lecturer messed up her life. So she texts him back: of course we R! LOL been very busy l8tly x
Jack is relieved that the channels of communication are open again. He’s missed her far more than he’d like to admit, and he doesn’t want to think about how he’d feel if she’d continued to ignore him.
“Right Lad” he thinks, thumbs hitting keys furiously, “let’s strike while the iron’s hot ...” ok no worries. flicks 2night?
She needs a break. Her life has been a bit ‘all work and no play’ lately. So with a smile she replies: y not?
He signs off: its a D8! C U L8R and searches the local cinemas online for a suitable film. He’s looking for something they can watch together, and share. Something that might erase that embarrassing evening in the pub, and re-light the spark between them. Something with some emotion, some humour, maybe a romantic comedy?
Then he sees it. The perfect feel-good movie for a couple of animal lovers. It’s ‘Retro RomCom’ night at the Odeon in the High Street and they’re showing ‘Marley and Me’.
After their exchange of texts Annie gets back to work, sifting through possible leads (again we’ll resist the obvious pun). She’s been thinking about the person who tweeted that they’d seen two Doodles in Clissold park. Of course, Jack mentioned that he takes Harry’s dogs there, so she decides to tap into his local knowledge and combine business with pleasure.
When he calls with details of the film she asks him if he’d like to go for a walk in the park, before the cinema. Jack is unenthusiastic: “nice idea, but I don't think we’ll have time."
He’d actually love to go for a walk with her, but definitely not in the
local park. He’s been avoiding it since the incident when the Doodles were recognised, and now he’s worried that one of the other dog walkers will remember him.
Annie: “that’s a shame. I was rather hoping that we could take Harry’s dogs for a walk, and you could show me Clissold park. I think they have a little zoo there, with deer and other animals?”
“Yes, that’s right. We’ll definitely have to go one day, but not this afternoon. Harry’s got the dogs today, and anyway, it’s supposed to rain later. Let’s meet at the Odeon at half seven, OK?”
Annie says she’s looking forward to it, and puts the phone down. She’s actually a bit disappointed that he seems intent on confirming her doubts about him. It was difficult enough persuading him to show her his local pub, now it’s like the park is off limits. He seems to be quite a secretive person, and she starts to wonder what he is really hiding.
Despite the doubts, their evening is a great success. Jack’s choice of film was inspired. They are both in fits of laughter at Marley’s antics, just as they were at the dog show, and share a few tears at his exquisitely sad demise. Annie is impressed by the range of emotion that Jack is happy to display. They remain seated in the cinema, holding hands, as the rest of the audience file out, and it’s something of a romantic moment.
Afterwards they go for a drink, and this time Jack is able to persuade her to give the ‘Bucket of Blood’ a miss. They talk about the film, and then he again mentions that he’d like to make a career move as soon as his current project with Harry is concluded. He’d really like her to help him come up with a dog-related business plan.