by Nikki Ashton
“Maybe the end of the making out session, but,” I said, glancing at my watch, “I still have a whole half hour before I need to take you home.”
“You don’t want me to go now?”
“No way,” I replied, moving gingerly to drop my feet to the floor. “I want to spend as much time with you as possible.”
“You’re sure?” She was uncertain and began to chew on her thumbnail.
“Yeah I’m sure, Katie Cat. But one thing.”
“What?”
“Just don’t touch my balls.”
Katie
As Dex drove me back home, I kept sneaking glances at him – well his balls to be exact, but they didn’t appear to have swollen to a huge size. But, whatever size they were, I felt like shit about putting them in danger.
“Are you sure you feel okay?” I asked, staring at Dex’s profile.
“I’m fine, I told you. The fucking excruciating pain has turned to a dull ache now.”
As I groaned, Dex turned and flashed me a grin.
“I’m kidding darlin’.” He reached across and took hold of my chin and as we slowed to a stop, then pulled me to him and kissed me softly. “Now stop. Okay?”
I nodded and gave him a tight smile, still not convinced he wasn’t in pain.
“So, here we are. I got you home right on time – in fact, we ‘ve gotten ten minutes to spare.”
I looked through the side window, up to the house. I could see the flickering light of the TV through a small gap in the curtains and knew Mum was probably snoring in a chair.
“How’s your mom getting home?” Dex asked.
I turned back to him. “On her moped.” I pointed to the bright pink moped parked behind my car.
“That’s your mom’s?” he asked incredulously. “She safe on that thing?”
“Oh god, yeah. She’s only going around the corner – she lives five minutes away.”
Dex drew his brow together for a few moments and then nodded. “Okay. I could give her a lift though.”
“Honestly, she’ll be perfectly fine. She rides it a lot. Anyway, she’s bound to want to quiz me about tonight.”
Dex looked up at the house and then back to me.
“I guess we’d better do some makin’ out then. Give you somethin’ to tell her about.”
His mouth landed on mine, and soft lips and perfect kisses sent me all hot and bothered for the next ten minutes.
“So, did the big, blond idiot behave himself, or did he frighten that nice, young man of yours off?” Mum patted the orange mass on her head and settled herself back in the armchair.
“He was fine. Dex gave him a sheet of information about himself and Carl seemed happy with it. He was pleased that he’d offered Isaac a job too, so it was all pretty amicable.”
I flopped down onto the sofa and flipped off my shoes. They’d been bloody killing me all night, apart from the time I’d taken them off at Dex’s apartment, but I’d hidden it and made it look as though I wore shoes only wide enough for a small child all the time.
“Did he ask after me?” Mum asked.
My head shot up to look at her. “Who, Dex?”
“No, Carl, of course. I was his mother-in-law for a long time. Although,” she said, giving her head a little wobble, “did he?”
“No, neither of them did.” I rolled my eyes. “They obviously forgot.”
Mum’s mouth turned down. She was truly disappointed that she hadn’t been the topic of conversation – like I’d said, Carly Simon’s song was definitely for her.
“I suppose they did have other things on their minds. So, why didn’t Dex come in? It would have been nice to have a chat with him.”
“Because,” I sighed. “Carl doesn’t want him around the kids just yet.”
“What a bloody load of cow shit,” she cried. “Like he didn’t have that little floozy hanging around with them as soon as he’d enticed her with his money and stupid blond hair.”
I let out a laugh, loving my mother’s irritation of my ex-husband, even though it wasn’t always founded.
“He didn’t introduce them straight away.” I corrected her. “And it was me who insisted that he didn’t.”
“Huh, so it’s just tit for bloody tat then. Stupid tool.”
“Mum,” I gasped. “You can’t call him that. He’s the father of my kids.”
“That as it may be, he’s still a stupid tool with stupid blond hair.”
I was beginning to think she had hair color envy where Carl was concerned.
“How was Charlie, anyway?” I asked. “He’s not shown any signs of being sick again, has he?”
“No, he’s right as rain. He told me that Sophie Tit Wank woman made some bloody food that probably made him ill.”
“Mother!” I exclaimed. “You shouldn’t be calling her that.”
“Why not?” she asked, furrowing her brow. “Everyone else does.”
“Well you don’t even know her for a start. You can’t call people names when you don’t even know them.”
My mum curled her lip. “I can if I want to. She took your husband off you.”
I sighed heavily. “How many times do I have to tell you – Carl did not leave me for Sophie.”
“So he says,” she grumbled. “But I’m betting he already had his eye on her. Are you sure those bosooms of hers aren’t fake?”
“Bosooms?” I cried. “What the hell are bosooms?”
“Like Bosoms but with an ‘oo’. When you look at them you can’t help but go, ‘oo’.” Mum looked down at her own chest, which was much more a bosom than a bosoom. “I know mine are good for my age, but doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a much better pair.” Her gaze then darted to mine.
“What? What’s wrong with mine?”
She thought for a few seconds.
“I think it’s the foundation garments. I think you need something more substantial. I don’t know, maybe a Miss Mary of Sweden.”
“And what the bloody hell is one of those when it’s at home?”
“A pantie corselet,” she replied as though I was the thickest person on the planet. “It holds you in and pushes you out.”
To demonstrate, she smoothed her hands down her sides and then pushed her boobs up with force and started shaking them about a bit.
“Mum, please don’t do that,” I groaned.
“Why not? They’re mine, I can jiggle them if I like.”
“Okay,” I replied on a heavy breath. “You carry on jiggling.”
She shook her head. “No, I’ve had enough jiggling for one night. I’d rather hear about your young man instead.”
I rested my head back against the chair and looked up at the ceiling. Did I really want to talk about Dex and potentially jinx it? Of course I did, because I was far too excited about it not to.
“Bloody hell Mum, he’s amazing.” I almost squealed out as I danced my feet on the spot. “He’s such a gentleman and he’s funny and interesting and…he likes me, Mum.”
My last words came out whispered because I couldn’t quite believe it. I knew we’d only had a couple of dates, but I had a feeling that he didn’t care what was going on in my life, or that I had three kids and a crazy, orange haired mother. I doubted he’d even care that I had to wear panty liners, or that my boobs needed a Miss Mary of Switzerland, or whatever her name was. He didn’t care that I’d almost broken his balls and he certainly didn’t care that I was forty-five years old. I didn’t know him well, at all, but I had a feeling that he wouldn’t think his life needed a twenty-two-year-old in it to make it better.
My mum got up from her chair, and joined me on the sofa, throwing an arm around my shoulder.
“Oh sweetheart, of course he likes you,” she said, giving me a squeeze. “You’re amazing. You’re beautiful and you’re a little bit daft at times, but all that makes you so special, my sweet girl. That big, blond idiot never appreciated you, even before he had his mid-life crisis.”
“He didn’t have a m
id-life crisis, Mum,” I replied, leaning my head onto her shoulder. “We weren’t happy with each other, it was a mutual decision.”
“Because he made you feel as though you’d drifted apart, when actually it was him that decided that he wanted to drift away from you and tether himself to a younger model because it was a bit more exciting.”
I felt my body stiffen and my heart beat quicken.
Was that really what had happened?
“I wasn’t happy either,” I replied, my voice soft and a little uncertain.
“Because he gave up on you, Katie.” As I snuggled closer to her, Mum took hold of my hand. “You know, when someone is absent for so long, you get used to it and forget what life was like with them around. Carl went missing and you forgot about the life you’d had, you just knew the current one wasn’t what you wanted. It wasn’t good enough for you – he wasn’t good enough for you.”
“You never did like him, did you,” I stated.
“I didn’t dislike him. Eric and I just thought he was coasting at being a husband and father. He did the minimum and let you carry the load.”
“Do you think he ever loved me, Mum?”
“Oh God yes,” she replied, forcefully. “Problem was he got bored and let you think it was a mutual thing. If he’d have stuck with it and put the effort in, well, you’d have his arm around you now, not mine.”
I chewed on my lip, knowing that she was right. Carl had been the one to pull away and distance himself from us. I’d told myself he was a workaholic and was a good husband and father by being that way. It was only when I saw him now and how he ensured he was, at the very least, home early enough to put Jessie to bed, I realized he’d worked so hard before because he had no interest in coming home. I just hoped that Sophie kept his attention better than I’d been able to do.
“I have a feeling about you and Dex,” Mum said, lifting a hand to stroke my hair.
“What after two dates?” I shook my head, laughing inwardly at her ludicrous thought.
“Yes, I do. I haven’t seen you glow like this since Ryan with the big willy.”
“Mum!” I gasped and turned to look at her. “How the hell did you know he had a big willy?”
“Well no one makes that sort of noise for a tiny todger, do they?”
My mortification was huge at the realization that my parents had heard me having sex. I’d only ever done it under their roof with Ryan twice, and both times I’d thought I’d been quiet.
“Did you ever hear me and Carl?”
Mum put her head to one side and considered my question. Finally, she shook her head.
“No, can’t say as I did.”
I snorted out a laugh, seeing as Carl and I had played hide the sausage in my childhood bedroom hundreds of times.
“Says it all,” she replied with an air of nonchalance.
“Oh God, I can’t believe you heard us,” I groaned.
“Hmm, Eric thought he was killing you. Then, when he realized what he was actually doing, it took me all my time to stop him killing Ryan.”
“Shit, I’m so embarrassed.” I buried my face in my hands and groaned thinking of Eric, my step-dad, having to listen to my moans of pleasure.
“Don’t be silly. It’s natural.”
“Even so.”
“I tell you what,” she said, nudging me with an elbow. “That Dex fella looks as though he’ll make your screams heard the next street along.”
“Mother!”
She grinned at me and winked. “Ah, don’t tell me you haven’t looked.”
I gave her a wry smile and thought about how not only had I looked, but almost maimed him in the process.
Then my mind went back to when I’d accidentally touched him – yeah, she had a point.
Katie
Dex and I’d had a couple more dates since the ball busting incident and both had been perfect. One had been dinner on a boat on the river in Chester, where we’d had a gorgeous meal and then walked along the river bank, stopping for Dex to kiss me gently. It had been like a scene from a film and I thought I was going to explode with happiness. Our fourth date had been an afternoon trip out to a country pub. The kids had been staying with Carl, except for Isaac, who decided to stay home because it was closer to Heaven & Ink, only by about five minutes it had to be said, but I wasn’t going to argue with him – he was finally happy and settled. Dex had picked me up and wouldn’t tell me where we were going, all he’d say was to wear jeans and comfy shoes. I’d got ready with a little trepidation because I’d never been one for hiking, and didn’t want to disappoint Dex, or be disappointed, but our walk through some woods leading to a beautiful thatched pub, had been perfect. The whole afternoon had and because no one was home when he dropped me off, he came inside and we finished the night with some serious snogging. This time no balls were hurt in the process, but my nipples got pretty sore. Dex was gentleman enough to call a halt to things the moment I moaned out his name, otherwise, we may well have done something that I wasn’t quite ready for.
Now, like a complete idiot, I’d agreed to a gym date with him. Dex said it would be fun. He’d said we could go and do a couple of hours and then treat ourselves to a coffee in town.
I’d said Dex thought it would be fun, but it really wasn’t. The man was a forty-six-year-old silver machine. He was relentless, alternating cardio with weights. He left me to my own devices for a while, but when I saw a lithe, black-haired gym bunny chatting to him over by the leg curl machine, I finished my run – well fast walk – and made my way over.
I had never been a particularly jealous person. I trusted Carl and I was sure I could trust Dex – not many men would give up a fuck buddy in case they managed to snag a date with another woman. What I didn’t trust was the way she was flicking her glossy ponytail around, like it was a horse’s tail swatting at flies. I also didn’t like the way she was suddenly sticking her boobs out – boobs which were most definitely bosooms. Dex, to his credit, kept walking towards the machine, but each time he took a step she said something else to him. No, she definitely needed to be made aware that I existed.
As soon as I was a couple of steps away from them, I immediately wished I’d ignored her flirting. I felt so old and inadequate when I looked at her.
Wearing a crop top and skin tight leggings, I could now see her six pack and the bulge of toned biceps in her golden tanned arms. I looked down at my little pot belly pushing against my ancient ‘Frankie Says Relax’ t-shirt, which wasn’t even an original but a cheap Ebay imitation that I’d got for an 80’s themed party. I was also wearing leggings that had a tiny hole in them and a bleach stain on the bum. Thank god Frankie was long enough to cover it up. The only decent thing I had on were my trainers and that was because they were Annie’s – the bottoms of mine had dog muck stuck in the ridges of the sole and I’d forgotten to clean them.
I sighed with disappointment at my soft and a little bit lumpy in places body, comparing it to the hard and streamlined figure of the woman in front of me. Even her hair was poker straight, unlike my sweat-frizzed mass that was piled on top of my head.
“Hey,” I said, still trying to regulate my breathing.
Dex gave me a beautiful smile and looked me up and down. “Hey darlin’. You ready to go?”
“No,” I replied, swallowing back the ‘fuck yes’. “Thought I’d come and do weights with you.”
“Really?” he asked, reaching to cup my elbow. “You’ve done an awful lot of cardio. You feeling up to it?”
“Yes,” I snapped, wondering if my jelly legs would actually work for much longer.
“Okay, let’s get to it.” Dex flashed a smile to the girl. “Nice talking to you.”
“Maybe I can buddy up with your friend,” the woman said before turning to me. “Hi, I’m Jenny.”
“Thanks Jenny,” Dex replied before I had time to answer. “But Katie, my girlfriend, and I, well we like working out just the two of us.”
I looked over at him an
d grinned. The little liar, this was the first time, and probably the last, of us working out together. Dex winked at me and suddenly I didn’t care that I looked a complete wreck, or that the woman trying to entice my boyfriend was younger, thinner, and sexier than me. I was also a little thrilled too that despite saying we were dating, he’d called me his girlfriend – maybe things weren’t so different than when I was younger. It must have been the snogging and dry humping that we’d done on my sofa a couple of nights before.
“Oh,” she uttered, her mouth dropping. “Never mind. I’ll just go and…” She nodded to the elliptical. “Climb a few flights of stairs.” She giggled nervously and skipped away.
“You really want to do weights?” Dex asked with a smirk, not even glancing at her tight arse.
I thought about it, considered saying I really wanted to go home and get into a warm shower, but when I looked at Dex’s expectant gaze and hard gym body, I nodded.
“Yeah, let’s do it.”
“Gimme those lips darlin’,” he said, leaning forward.
“I’m all sweaty,” I protested.
“Don’t care.” He pulled me to him and planted one on my lips. “And just for the record, you are a thousand times more beautiful and sexy than any other woman I have ever set eyes on.”
I gasped at his words. I knew he found me attractive, but he’d never said anything like that before. Although I wasn’t sure how he could think that; I was a complete sweaty mess and when I wasn’t, I was an average six out of ten at best.
“Hey,” Dex said. “Stop over thinkin’ things.”
He then slapped my backside and walked towards the machines, leaving me watching him and wondering what I’d done to deserve him.
“Okay?” Dex asked.
“Yep.”
I was breathing heavily, but felt okay. I was beginning to wish I’d carried on playing netball after I’d finished high school, but didn’t feel as bad as I’d expected.
“You sure?” His eyes were full of concern as he smoothed back the sweaty strands of hair that had escaped my top knot.