by Nikki Ashton
“So what did they want? Was it about your ex-boss, like you thought?”
Dex shook his head and exhaled. “You remember my ex who died?”
I nodded. “It was about her?” I frowned, wondering why on earth they’d be calling about a dead woman.
“Well, kinda...shit.” He blew out his cheeks and then cleared his throat. “She had a kid she never told me about.”
“And what?”
The way his eyes brimmed with tears and his Adam’s apple wobbled, I knew what he was trying to say.
“No way,” I gasped.
Dex nodded, his bottom lip starting to tremble.
“Hey you lot,” I heard my mum say, “how about we go and watch that cheeky TV show.”
I was too busy watching Dex to notice, but gathered that she’d ushered them out of the room. A few seconds later, Isaac placed a glass of brandy in front of Dex.
“Thanks, love,” I muttered and then heard the door close. “So what exactly did they say?”
I reached for Dex’s hand and pulled it onto my lap, nestling it between both of mine and rubbing it, trying to get some warmth into it.
He reached for the brandy, took a swig, and then turned to me. “I have a kid, Katie. A four-year-old kid that I knew nothing about. A kid who has been living with her grandma since Cherry died.”
“So why call you now, after all this time?”
Dex’s eyes teared up again as he looked up at me, total desolation written all over his face.
“Cherry’s mom died two weeks ago. Massive heart attack, and she – my kid - sat with the body for hours before a neighbor called around and found them. She thought her grandma was sleeping.”
I slapped a hand to my mouth as my stomach turned over. “Oh my God, the poor little thing.”
Dex nodded. “I can’t imagine what she must have gone through, Katie. Shit, darlin’, it doesn’t bear thinking about.”
I pulled him into a hug and kissed him softly on the cheek. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“You got nothing to be sorry for, Katie Cat. It’s me who’s sorry…sorry that I never knew I had a kid and sorry that Cherry hated me so damn much she felt the need to keep her from me.”
“Why do you think she did?”
Dex shrugged. “No fucking idea, other than I was probably a dick to her when I ended things. But apart from that, I don’t know. I was always good to her, or so I thought. She was pregnant when I left her, and found out a few weeks later according to a letter her mom left, so maybe if I was a dick that would explain it. Fuck, she could have told me when we bumped into each other, just before she died. In fact, was that what she was trying to tell me, when she said we could have a family, if I went back home with her?” he asked, anxiously dragging a hand through his hair.
“I don’t know, Dex.”
I tried to put myself in Cherry’s shoes, but I had no idea whatsoever why she would keep Dex’s child from him. I didn’t know her, I didn’t know Dex when they were together, so it was probably pointless me even trying to wonder what she was thinking.
“Fuck if I know either. All I do know is they want me to go over to Houston,” Dex said, rubbing at his temple.
“To meet her?”
He nodded. “Lucy, Cherry’s mom, had left the letter with her attorney. It stated that I was her father and I should be contacted in the event of anything happening to her, if Savannah – that’s her name – was still under the age of twenty-one.”
“Savannah?” My eyebrows rose as her name skipped off my tongue like a melody. “That’s beautiful.”
“Yeah, Cherry always liked it.” Dex lifted the brandy to his lips again, closing his eyes as the liquid slipped down his throat. “They wanted to know if I want custody of her.”
I nodded, watching him carefully. “And?”
“I don’t know, Katie. I mean they dropped it on me that I had a kid one second and then the next ask me if I want custody of her because some cousin of Cherry’s would be happy to take her; like she’s some fucking second hand sofa that’s being given away,” he snarled out the words as he flopped back into the chair, slamming his brandy glass onto the table. “Fuck, what the hell do I do, Katie Cat?”
“I have no idea, love. I think you should definitely go out there and meet her.” I held his hand tighter, giving it a little tug. “Are you scared about meeting her?”
He looked up at me and smiled softly. “Fucking petrified.”
I nodded. “That’s totally understandable.”
“Is it? I’m a grown man of forty-six, scared of a damn four-year-old child. Pathetic if you ask me.” He turned to look at the brandy glass, which was almost empty.
“You want some more?” I asked.
“No thanks, darlin’. I’m going to need to drive home.”
“You can stay,” I offered, hoping he would. “The kids will be fine about it.”
Dex leaned forward and kissed me softly. “As much as I’d love to, I can’t lay all this shit on you because I doubt I’ll sleep much tonight. Plus, I need to give my attorney a call first thing in the morning and run it past him. I need to know what I should expect. What I should do?”
“I think only you can make that choice, Dex.”
“I know, but I think legally I should know where I’m at.”
“Yes, you should. So, the cousin, I take it they know Savannah.”
Dex shrugged. “No idea. The guy just said they wanted to adopt her, but Lucy’s letter stated who I was and that she wanted S-Savannah to come to me. She wanted her to have a relationship with me.”
I smiled softly as Dex stumbled over his daughter’s name. It was all so alien to him. He’d reached the age of forty-six childless and suddenly, in the space of two months, got himself a girlfriend with three kids and found a long-lost one of his own.
“I just want what’s best for her, Katie,” he whispered, his voice breaking slightly. “And maybe that’s going to live with the cousin. And maybe it’s best for her if she never meets me. I mean, that’d mess with her head wouldn’t it – meeting me and then me handing her over to someone else.”
“I’m sure they’d handle it carefully,” I replied. “They probably wouldn’t tell her who you were, for that very reason.”
“You think?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, but yes I’m sure they’d do something like that. I just think if you didn’t go and at least see her, you’d always be wondering.”
Dex nodded and then pulled me to him, this time him hugging me tightly.
“Thank you, Katie Cat,” he murmured into my hair. “I just don’t know how to deal with this, and you’ve really helped.”
“So you’re going to go?”
My heart thudded as I asked the question, for as much as I thought he should, I didn’t want him to. Something about him going ‘back home’, filled me with dread. It petrified me that I might be about to lose him.
“Yeah, I’m going to go,” Dex said, pulling back from me and running a hand through my hair. “I need to figure out what’s best for her.”
“You or the cousin?”
“Yeah, me or the cousin. Should she have a home here or Texas?”
My throat constricted.
What if he decided it was him and Texas?
“When will you go?” I asked, my voice sounding too small and too hesitant.
“As soon as I can, I guess. She’s in a real nice foster home apparently, but being in the system can’t be a good thing for any kid…shit, I can’t believe all this.” Pushing the heels of his hands against his eyes, Dex let out a groan. “Fuuucck. What the hell, is this a fucking dream?”
“No love, it isn’t,” I said soothingly. “You have a daughter, Dex.”
He looked up at me, his eyes wide as though I’d just shocked him with the news.
“Fuck, I have a daughter,” he repeated. “And I need to step up to the plate.”
“I think you do.”
I knew he would, he
would do what was right, but I had a feeling doing what was right for Savannah wouldn’t be good for me – for us, and call me a selfish cow, but I’d only just found him and I wasn’t ready to let him go. I couldn’t, because finding Dex had meant I’d found myself too and if I lost him, I knew I’d end up hidden away forever.
Dex
“I’ll be back before you know it,” I whispered against Katie’s forehead, as she clung to me at the airport.
“You need to stay as long as necessary,” she sighed. “But I’m still going to miss you.”
Since the call about my daughter, I’d spent three days speaking to my attorney, organizing flights and a hotel, and generally running around like a headless rooster. Katie had helped too, packing for me and getting me some gifts for Savannah, and making sure I ate and actually tried to sleep. She’d stayed at my place with me, seeing as her kids had gone away with Carl for the weekend, even Isaac had gone, probably sensing I needed his mom and I wouldn’t want to take up her time if any of her kids were around. Katie seemed to think he was building bridges with Carl too, which was a good thing.
My head had been fucking mush since finding out about Savannah. One minute I was angry at Cherry for keeping her a secret, then grateful because I didn’t think I’d be any good as a dad, and then I was downright heartbroken that I’d missed four years of her life – I just didn’t know what to feel. What I was certain of, was that I felt petrified of meeting her.
“I’m gonna have to go darlin’,” I said, gently pulling away from Katie. “I need to get to my gate.”
She nodded and giving me one last squeeze, let me go.
“Ring me when you get there.”
“I will. I’ll miss you.” I kissed her forehead and breathed her in, not knowing when I’d get to smell her scent again.
I’d been waiting in the reception area of the Social Services offices for almost an hour, and despite the AC pumping out cold air, I was hot and agitated. My appointment time had been and gone and according to the pinched faced women in charge of the phones, Mr. Jenson was running late and would get to me ‘all in good time’. Well I didn’t have time, I was desperate to see my daughter and get her out of the system, whatever decision I made.
“You’ll wear a hole in our carpet, Mr. Michaels,” the woman griped, without even looking up from her typing.
“I’m just anxious to get this sorted,” I replied, stopping in front of her. “I’ve traveled all the way from the UK for this meeting.”
“Well, like I said, he’ll be with you all in good time.”
Rolling my eyes, I stalked back to the hard plastic chair, which made my ass sweat.
Finally, after another twenty minutes, a tall, bulky guy with black hair and wearing an ill-fitting grey suit came over, holding his hand out.
“Mr. Michaels?”
“Hey,” I said, standing up and taking his hand. “Please call me Dex.”
“James Jenson, I’m Savannah’s case worker. Come on through to my office.”
I followed him into a small, air free office which had a portable fan working away in the corner, but it seemed to be slowly swirling the warm air around and little else.
“Please sit down.” James, sat behind his desk and reached for some papers before turning to his computer screen. “So, how was your flight over?”
He flashed me a smile and sat back in his chair, waiting for a response.
“Great. So you wanna tell me all about my daughter. When can I see her, and when can I meet the cousin?”
James nodded. “Of course, I understand you’re anxious to move forward, but we need to handle this delicately. Savannah is still a little fragile over her grandmother’s death and add to that she doesn’t even know of your existence, and things could go badly wrong if we don’t take care.”
“Yeah, I get that, I do, but is there no way I can get to see her without her knowing who I am?”
“That’s what we propose. We need to see how she interacts with you, whether she’s comfortable with you, before we let Savannah know who you are.”
“And the cousin, what’s the situation there?”
“Mr. Henry. Jackson and his wife Olivia are both lawyers and childless. They’d like to adopt Savannah.”
I tried to trawl through the family members that Cherry had ever mentioned, but a lawyer didn’t come to mind.
“I wasn’t close with Cherry’s family, but can’t say I recall a lawyer.”
James looked down at a piece of paper on his desk. “He’s actually a second cousin, or is it third cousin, I never know.”
He smiled at me, but I looked back, blankly, anxious for him to just get on with it.
“He’s the son of Mrs. Colby’s cousin, Miranda,” he finally finished.
I nodded, remembering Lucy’s cousin Miranda from a Christmas party that Cherry had taken me to one year.
“Mrs. Henry is going to stop practicing for a while, until Savannah is settled in, and then she’ll return to work on a part-time basis.”
“They good people?”
I didn’t know what I hoped James would say to that. Good people would make my decision harder, bad people…well there’d be no way I’d let them take Savannah.
“Yes Dex, they are. We wouldn’t even be considering them if they weren’t. They’ve had all the checks done and had just been independently accepted for adoption before the situation with Savannah arose.”
“So this would be an easy process, if I were to agree to give up my rights?”
James nodded. “Fairly easy, depending on how Savannah adapts.”
“What if I want her?” I asked, the thought of taking her home with me scaring me, yet exciting me at the same time. “Do I need to go to court or something?”
James shook his head. “You’re named on her birth certificate, Dex, so you’ll automatically be Sole Managing Conservator.”
I frowned. “I wasn’t at the birth, I thought I had to be to go on the certificate.”
James held up a piece of paper and handed it to me. “Is that your signature?”
I studied the letter and nodded. “What does this mean – a declaration of paternity?”
“Exactly that. You signed to declare you were Savannah’s father.”
I opened my mouth to ask how could I, when I had no idea she existed, but James held up his hand.
“Dex, I’ve seen your daughter and it’s quite obvious she’s yours. I don’t want to know how her mother got you to sign this, but if you’re sure that it’s not forged and it’s most definitely your signature, then that’s fine with me.”
I looked at the huge pile of files on James’ desk and reckoned this was a minor detail in his already heavy workload.
“I just want what’s best for Savannah,” he said with a sigh. “And getting your signature in a nefarious manner won’t alter my decision. Now, we can take a DNA test if you’d like, but I also took the liberty of checking your blood type, and both you and Savannah are a B – Miss. Colby, I believe was type A.”
“I wasn’t doubting she’s mine, if that’s what Cherry said, then it’s true – the times fit. I just don’t want this,” I shook the paper at him, “coming back to bite me on the ass at a later date if I do decide to take custody of Savannah.”
“You have my word.”
I nodded and looked back at the letter, racking my brain as to when I might have signed it. It had to have been when we bumped into each other just before she died, but I definitely didn’t sign anything on that day. Then it struck me, about a year after I left, Cherry sent me some papers to sign. Apparently they were to take me off the health insurance that she got through work, and I had to admit, I didn’t read them, just signed where she’d stuck some labels. Shit, she really took a chance, but then again, Cherry knew what I was like about reading forms – I fucking didn’t.
“You’ll have sole responsibility for Savannah,” James continued. “If you decide you want custody and it’s what’s best for Savannah, then
that will be the final decision. The courts in Texas are increasingly supportive of the rights of unwed fathers, so as long as you can prove you can financially and emotionally support Savannah, there shouldn’t be a problem.”
“How long will all that take?” I asked, passing back the letter. “It’s just I have a business back home in the UK.”
Plus I had Katie and being away from her was harder than I’d expected it to be so soon into our relationship. I wanted us to work, real bad, and I was afraid not being around would give her time to rethink things – or give Carl time to get in there and put thoughts into her head.
“A month at most.”
James must have seen the way my mouth gaped in shock.
“But, like I said, you’re on the birth certificate. Lucy’s letter states she wants Savannah with you, and you’re financially stable, so as long as the visits go okay, and add in the fact that you need to be back in the UK, I think we can speed the process up.”
I nodded slowly and blew out a breath. “Okay, can we go see her today?”
James picked up the receiver of his desk phone. “Let me make some calls.”
As he dialed the number, nerves overtook me and suddenly I felt the need to puke.
Dex
From the minute I saw the black-haired, blue-eyed little girl playing with her dolls, I was completely in love. My heart felt as though someone had reached inside my chest and given it a squeeze. She was perfect, with deep pink Cupid’s bow lips, a button nose and a mass of long, black hair. She was beautiful. She was the image of my momma, the image of me. James had been right, there was no doubt she was mine.
“We’ve told Savannah you’re an old friend of her momma’s,” Allison, her foster mom said. “She doesn’t really remember her mother, but we thought it better than saying her grandma, in case she asks you questions and you weren’t sure of the answers.”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath, my eyes on my daughter the whole time.
“She’s a bright child and I’m pretty sure she’d know when you were guessing.” Allison put a hand on my bicep. “It’ll be fine Mr. Michaels. Just be yourself.”