She walked towards the door, “Now, get your head straight, and come and see what your fiancé cooked up for you.”
She left me reeling. Who did she think she was? Coming into my home and telling me what I can and can't do. She was my mother, that was who she was. Thinking she knew what was best for me and, at times, I had to give her credit, but this was not one of those times. Yes, my aunts didn't appear to love their husbands, but I knew my parents loved each other fiercely and I wanted that type of love.
Still, I took her advice. To do what I had to do, I had to be calm, be the woman I knew myself to be. I was Alexa Marsh, attorney at law, not a rebellious child who didn't want to listen to her mother.
Taking one last cleansing breath, I gripped the doorknob and opened it. I could do this. I would do this.
“Is everything okay?” Malachi got to his feet as I approached the dining table.
“I’m,” I glanced across at my mother then back to Malachi. “I’m fine,” I said, taking in the potato au gratin, the pork chops, the vegetables and the bottle of red wine. Malachi knew the finer things about me, even my favorite red, but we, as people, didn’t match.
Sinking into the seat across from him, I made an attempt at a smile, “This looks delicious, thank you.” Even to my ears, I didn’t sound right. Below the table, I spun the ring, popping it over my knuckle. This would be harder than I thought.
“Mala-“ A sharp pain shot up my forearm. Rubbing where my mother had pinched me, I looked across at where she sat beside me. A tight frown on her face as she shook her head dissolved into a smile as she picked up the platter of pork chops.
“Are you sure everything is okay, Alexa?” his brows furrowed as Malachi studied my face.
“Yes, everything is fine,” I took the platter from my mother. “How was your day?”
The tension melted away as Malachi recalled his day. With mom’s prompting him to continue, there was no room for me to end the engagement. Every time I spoke, my mother gave me a death stare. The whole experience would have been comical if it wasn't so frustrating.
My frustration soon led to a splitting headache which was excuse enough to call it an early night. I all but shoved Malachi out and closed the bedroom door on my mother, making promises of talking to them in the morning. I saw the relief on my mother’s face as he pecked me on the cheek good night after hugging her. Perhaps she thought she had stopped me from making a mistake, all she did was postpone the inevitable.
Chapter Four
“Hi Alexa,” Diane, Malachi's secretary looked up when I walked up to her desk. “Malachi is finishing up with a meeting, but I’ll be able to let you see him before his next one.”
“I’d appreciate it, Diane.” It wasn’t a planned visit, but it was one that was overdue. The ring had become heavier with each passing day and I was desperate to be done with it. “I’ll just pop into the restroom,” I cocked my head in its general direction.
“Yeah, sure,” Diane replied already distracted with the task before her.
Washing my hands, I looked at my reflection in the restroom mirror. Time had been kind to me and if I did away with my makeup, I would have looked like I did when I was sixteen. It was amazing how time flew by, still, so much has happened since then and now. If I had taken a different path, I would have had a sixteen-year-old of my own, but I didn’t. I wasn’t my sister, I was the good girl. God, I was tired of being the good girl.
I quickly dried my hands and hoisted my bag onto my shoulder. My steps were measured and still, I made my way back to Malachi's office. I was almost there when I had come to an abrupt stop when I saw who came out of Malachi's office.
As usual, the slender woman wore a dress with an amazing fit and if I didn’t know better, it was designer. Her hair, the one she bought, tumbled over her dark shoulders. Red soled stilettos tapped a rhythm as she strode towards the exit. As though it was an afterthought, she tossed a 'bye' at Diane, but it was obvious that she was more interested in what was on the screen of her phone. Naomi didn’t see me even though I was but a few feet away.
“Uh… Diane,” I approached her desk once more. “Who was that?”
“That,” the secretary sat back in her chair. “Is Naomi St. Pierre. All I know is the two of them are working on a special project. She comes in once a week.” She looked in the direction my friend went, then glanced up at me. Diane gave me a tight smile, then leaned forward and picked up her phone, “I’ll go ahead and let Malachi know you’re here.”
“No,” I said a little too quickly. “I want it to be a surprise.”
Confusion morphed into a small smile and Diane nodded as she returned the handset to the cradle.
With a sharp rap on the oak door, I let myself into my fiancé’s office. Many a late night and lost weekends had afforded Malachi James Stevens this office. It was tastefully decorated with heavy wooden furnishings and textured fabric. On the walls were artwork by African and contemporary artists. When asked he would say he had hand-selected them, but those in the know knew he used a bonus check to hire an interior decorator.
Normally when I came to visit Malachi, he would be at his desk poring over paperwork, barely pulling away to look up at the person who had entered his domain. That was not the case, this visit, he was at the large window looking down.
“Quite the view, isn’t it?” I asked.
Malachi spun around, his eyebrows rising, but the gears behind them spun recklessly. “Oh, yes,” he walked towards me. The hug he gave was cautious at best, the scent rising from his skin that was far from masculine.
I waited for him to point out the obvious, for my fiancé to mention that my friend had just left his office, but all he said was, “This is a surprise. What brings you to this side of town?”
Now that I was put on the spot, my tongue felt heavy. The time had come. “We have to talk, Malachi. It’s about the engagement.”
The look of shock flashing across his face made me pause. Malachi ran his hand over his low cut hair and perched on the side of his desk. “What is it, Alexa?”
I felt like his eyes were digging, searching for what I was about to say. I looked away, crossing my arms, I walked to the window he had been looking through. Instead of looking out, I closed my eyes.
“I don’t think we should…”
Malachi had come up behind me, the heat of his body was so familiar, the way he brushed my locs aside, exposing my neck was so familiar. The light kisses he tattooed on my skin as his arms pulled me into him was what I knew.
My breath caught on the jagged edge of the little word, “No.”
When I turned around, I intended to argue for my freedom, instead, Malachi claimed my lips. His thick lips crushed mine, his teeth grazed my lower lip before his tongue delved in, twining with mine until we were left breathless.
This is not how this was supposed to go, a little voice screamed in my head. A little voice that broke through the fog of pleasure and the familiar dragged me back to sanity.
Immediately, I pulled away. “I can’t marry you, Malachi,” I pulled the ring off and held it out. “I can’t make this type of commitment.”
Looking up into his eyes, my resolve wavered, still I held the ring out.
At first, all he did was shake his head, then he took the ring and stared at it. “What happened between when you said yes and now?” his already deep voice had dipped even lower.
“I made a mistake,” I admitted. “I shouldn’t have said yes.”
“How do you know you are not making a mistake now?” When I didn’t answer he asked, “Does this have anything to do with Naomi?” The diamond captured the light of the sun and shot rays of light onto the walls.
“My decision has nothing to do with Naomi. Why-”
Forming a fist around the ring, Malachi interrupted, “It’s nothing.” He took my hand and looked into my eyes. “Your saying 'yes' was not a mistake, this is the mistake. Don’t throw away what we have, Alexa. I love you. You are the one I want
now and forever.”
Lifting up my hand with the palm up, he held his fist over it and released the ring. I felt it grip me like a shackle.
I started to say no, I held up my hand, the ring my offering to him but he released me and my hand and turned away. Malachi walked around his desk and began to leaf through a document.
“Now if you will excuse me,” he didn’t look up. “I have a meeting to attend. We’ll talk later.”
“No, we won’t Malachi,” I walked over to his desk and placed the ring in the center of it. “I loved you, but this is not the direction I see this relationship going. We probably had another year, two the most.” I added with a sigh, “I can’t and I won’t marry you.”
I didn’t wait for a response, I just walked away and with each step, I felt lighter, happier. At the door, Malachi called out to me but I didn’t dare look back.
“We can make this work,” his voice was thick with emotion. “Just give us a chance.”
I was done thinking about it and I said as much, then slid out the door. The click of it sounded so final. It was final. I avoided making a terrible mistake.
With a genuine smile, I said goodbye to Diane and Malachi's world. Now to return to mine and ignore the space he once occupied until it shrank into nothing.
Chapter Five
I told myself that I was staying back at work to tie up some loose ends on cases that were coming to a close. I refused to admit that I didn’t want to go home because Malachi might be there. Or my not answering the constantly ringing phone, now set on silent, had anything to do with ending the engagement. I was good at lying to myself, it’s lying to others that I have a problem with.
“Alexa?” David Weiss, one of the partners of Jones, Weiss & Fairchild, the firm I worked with, was exiting his office as I was passing by. “What are you doing here?” he looked at his Tag Heuer watch. “At ten o’clock?”
“Oh,” I came to a stop. “Just getting some work squared away.”
His bushy eyebrows rose as Mr. Weiss scrutinized me. His thin lips became a line and the man who reminded everyone of Winston Churchill opened the door to his office. “Do you think you can spare me a minute?”
“Of course, Mr. Weiss,” I replied. Not only was Mr. Weiss, a partner at the firm, he was my mentor. I trusted his advice and it had gotten me to where I was.
The office was dim with the exception of a desk lamp. When Mr. Weiss turned on the overhead lights, I took in an office that was barely used. My mentor spent most of his time at country clubs and in the finest restaurants in the city drumming up business for the firm. He was a font of information for the power players and he was always happy to direct them to one of the helpful lawyers at Jones, Weiss & Fairchild.
Instead of walking to the massive desk, Mr. Weiss made his way to the well-stocked bar. With the cock of his head, he instructed me to take a seat on the plush leather sofa. Without asking, he poured out two glasses of brandy.
As he walked over to where I sat, I looked across at the picture of his son. “How’s Peter?”
“Peter,” Mr. Weiss handed me a glass. “Has made me a grandfather.”
I hid the smile on my face by taking a sip of the liquor. It was a bittersweet relationship between father and son. The older lawyer was proud of his architect son but he loathed the woman he married. “He and Bethany must be over the moon,” I said.
“I suppose,” Mr. Weiss settled into the armchair across from me. “But I didn’t ask you here to talk about my…. family.”
I waited for him to continue but all he did was sip his brandy. “So why did you ask?”
“A few days ago, you had a bauble on your finger and now you don’t,” he said, at last, leveling a stare at me.
Instinctively, I clenched my left hand and slipped it out of view, but recognized it was a foolish act and removed it from its hiding place. Clearing my throat, I said, “It’s nothing really.”
“Is it being resized?”
“No, it was returned,” I took another sip of the brandy.
“Stevens?”
I nodded.
“Your decision or his?” The interrogation continued.
“Mine,” I kept my answers short, not wanting to reveal too much.
“Are you satisfied with it?”
“Very.”
“Then that is all I need to know,” Mr. Weiss said with finality. “You are a promising lawyer, Alexa, and I would hate for you to be distracted by personal matters.”
“I assure you, Mr. Weiss,” I met my mentor's gaze. “I would never let my personal life affect my work.”
“Good, now tell me how the Alexander case is going?” And like that his concerns were addressed and it was back to business.
He sipped Remy Martin as I brought him up to speed with the case. And at the end, I barely had time to drain my glass before he dismissed me.
Walking back to my office, I looked at the display of my phone, twelve missed calls from my mother, ten from Malachi and a handful from various family and friends. There was also more voice messages and text messages than I cared to go through.
No, I was not going to let my personal life get in the way of my work. I sat behind my desk and plowed through another couple of hours until I was too tired to think clearly.
By the time I got home, I was relieved to find no one was there. And in a couple days I wouldn't be here either. God, I was looking forward to this weekend.
Chapter Six
“We're going to Delmonico's,” Toya stood on the other side of my desk. She must have taken Jennifer off guard and barged in.
I sat back in my chair and sighed, I was almost finished looking over a motion and I was looking forward to a glass of wine and a Netflix movie. No more chill for me, just Netflix.
“What if I said I had something planned?” I countered.
“I'd call bullshit,” Toya dropped her handbag on the chair beside her and perched on the corner of the desk. “For one, you are avoiding everybody, so you're most likely going to hold up at home with a glass of wine and a movie.”
When I rose my eyebrow, Toya snorted, “Girl, I know you. I was your roommate, remember. I know things about you that you don't know about yourself.”
“Like what?” I crossed y arms.
“Like you need someone to talk to,” Toya's voice softened. “Someone who isn't coming at you with an agenda.”
“And the person who was going to plan my wedding doesn't have an agenda?”
“I am your friend longer than I was your planner,” she replied. “Now finish up here while I get back on Jennifer's good side.”
I watched Toya bustle across my office. As she opened the door, a large smile was on her face and the big schmooze was already in play. I could have lied, I could have been insistent but Toya was right. I needed someone to talk to. In the quiet moments when I wasn't occupied with work, my mind would wander and I would question if I did the right thing. What if Malachi was my last chance at a loving marriage? What if in the end I got married just because? What if I never got married? The questions would build and build until they became a twister that threatened to devastate my resolve.
I completed my review of the motion, slipped it into a file folder, then packed up the office for the day. Coming out of the inner office, I saw that Toya had been successful in currying my secretary's favor. Handing the folder over, I gave Jennifer instructions to enter the edits first thing in the morning so it can be sent to the court early.
“Goodnight, Jennifer,” I said before turning to Toya. “I'm ready.”
On the walk to the popular bar down the street from my office building, we spoke on every topic but the one that would take up the bulk of our evening.
“What can I get you, ladies?” the busy waitress asked even before she reached our table.
“Sex on the beach,” Toya smiled up at the woman with fiery red hair and a sprinkle of freckles about her button nose.
“A mojito,” I replied, shooting a glanc
e at my friend, the constant flirt. “Not tonight, Toya,” I said when the waitress moved on to another table.
“What?” she balked. “She's cute, but okay. So what's up?”
“I couldn't do it,” I answered. The words were but a trickle at first, but as the alcohol began to flow through my system, they tumbled over each other until Toya held up her hands in surrender.
“Okay, okay, you two are not star-crossed lovers,” Toya chuckled. “But would you consider it?” The look I gave Toya made her wince, “I was kidding. And I understand. Do you know how many brides I've met who said yes for the wrong reason? But who am I to say 'No, don't throw those hundreds of dollars at me to create your fantasy wedding to your toad of a fiancé'? And in the end, the only good thing of the marriage was the wedding.”
“I dodged a bullet,” relief drenched my doubts.
“You dodged a bullet,” Toya raised her hand, catching the attention of our waitress. After we gave her our new order, Toya looked across at me, “So what now?”
“I learn how to be alone,” I replied, then added, “What?” when I saw a smile creep across my friend's face.
Toya smiled broadly, “You? Be alone?”
“I can do it,” I shot back as Freckles placed a fresh mojito in front of me.
“Thanks, hun,” Toya said to the waitress. When we were alone, she asked, “How long were you 'alone' after you broke up with Jason and when you met Malachi?”
“A week,” I mumbled before taking a sip of my drink.
“I didn't get that?” Toya leaned in.
“A week,” I said louder. “But I wasn't looking.”
“You never are,” Toya pointed out. “How much you want to bet that you meet someone new?”
“I'm not- you know what?” I rose my chin. “I'm going to take your bet. I bet I can make it to the New Year without entering a new relationship.”
“That's too easy,” Toya shook her head. “You'll just tell the would-be boyfriend that you can't go steady until the New Year and then with the stroke of midnight you will be a couple.”
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