I heard a sound, then another. I followed the series of sounds to the kitchen where Clark stood in front of the stove.
“I already like you,” I said, more like croaked.
He turned around and smiled, “But I want you to do more than like me.”
A laughter bubbled up, it felt so refreshing that it dulled the ache, pushing aside the gloom that darkened my world. Now I stood in the golden sunlight in my kitchen with a millionaire cooking me breakfast after being my anchor the night before.
When the last of my laughter subsided, I found Clark watching me. “What?”
“You are so beautiful,” he said.
“Don't say that,” I rubbed my eyes. “I look like hell, my eyes feel puffy and God only knows what else looks like I've gone to hell and back.”
Clark turned off the stove and moved the pan to another burner. Then he walked over to where I stood. He touched under my left eye and traced his fingertips to my lips then along my jaw line. “You will always be beautiful to me, Alexa.”
I bit my lip. I was in trouble... I was falling hard for this man. He was doing everything right, he was everything I wanted and needed in a man. But not now, not when everything was so wrong in my life. I didn't even know what to do or say in this moment.
I didn't have to as he leaned forward and claimed my lips. I fell into the kiss, embraced his strength in body and spirit. I didn't care about the bet, my father's condition was not front of mind. This was what I wanted.
Unfortunately, it came to an end with the ringing of a phone. With disappointment on his face, Clark pulled away and reached for his phone. Looking at the display, he frowned. “I have to take this call, it's work.” As he walked out the room, he pointed out the different parts of the breakfast.
Watching him go into work mode snapped me back to reality. Looking at the clock on the wall, I saw I had a little over an hour to get ready. As I settled in with my plate of eggs and sausage with a cup of coffee on the side, Clark walked in.
When I looked up, I knew that the call had changed the mood of the morning. “I've got to go,” he said through a tightened jaw.
“Okay,” I tried to hide my disappointment, I got to my feet and walked with Clark to the front door.
“Are you going to be okay?” he turned to me at the door.
I nodded, “As soon as I get to work, I'll be fine.”
“Don't overwork yourself.”
“I can't promise you that,” I shrugged.
He sighed, “I'm sure I would have said the very same thing if I were you.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and said, “Then you know I'll be fine.”
He leaned forward and kissed me, it was a goodbye kiss but we wanted it to be more. When he pulled away, Clark said, “I'll call you later.”
“Okay,” I watched him open the door and close it behind him. I didn't walk away. I didn't return to the kitchen and my breakfast. I stood there, remembering every moment from Thanksgiving morning to this very moment.
No tears were shed, just a sad smile. It was going to be okay. We will make it through this and somehow I had a feeling that Clark was a part of that 'we'.
Chapter Thirty-Five
I had spoken truth into reality and I threw myself into work. I found it easier to work on my clients' cases than to take stock on the issues of my life. While others left early to go Christmas shopping, I stayed back, poring over documents to better serve Masterson and a handful of clients. The office felt safer than my empty apartment.
“Another late night, Alexa?”
I looked up to see Mr. Weiss standing in the doorway. By the way he was dressed, I couldn't tell if he was coming or going.
Sitting back in my seat, I rubbed the bridge of my nose, “Yes, just tying up some loose ends with the Masterson case.”
“Loose ends?” Weiss strolled in. “Thanks to you, that case is tied up tight than a drum. What loose ends can it possibly have?”
“I just don't want any more surprises,” I said, looking down at the paperwork in front of me.
“What's going on, Alexa?” my mentor asked.
I looked up and saw the concern written across his face, I also saw that he wasn't going to let this topic go, even I tried to shirk it off with an “Everything's fine,” answer.
“My father is dying,” to my ears, the statement lacked feeling. I had reduced the emotional roller coaster to four words and made it sounded like any other fact.
Immediately, Weiss sat down. He had met my father a few times and they had gotten along. They were from different backgrounds, had different professions and yet they were capable of having long conversations. On more than one occasion, they complimented each other to me without my prodding.
“I'm sorry, Alexa,” Weiss said with a slight hitch in his voice. “But I'm sure there is something that can be done, perhaps a treatment?”
I shook my head, “He's too far gone and I've done my own research. There's ... there's nothing we can do.” The words felt heavy on my tongue.
“I'm sorry,” Weiss said after a brief bout of silence. “If you need any time off, let me know.”
“Actually,” I leaned forward, resting my forearms on the surface of the desk. “I'm almost done with my open cases and I'm looking to have them squared away by the end of next week. Can I take the second half of December off... to be with my family?”
“Of course,” Weiss got to his feet. “Take as much time as you need.”
“Thank you,” I gave him a weak smile.
“Well, I better let you work so you meet can your target,” he made his way to the door and stopped. Looking back, Weiss said, “And for the record, Masterson is very impressed with your work. He said he'll be sending more cases your way.”
“You mean our way.”
“No, he specifically said your way. According to him, you’re the best lawyer he's ever had. Don't tell Marcus,” he smirked as he referred to one of the partners.
“Don’t worry, I won’t,” I said with a chuckle. “Good night, Mr. Weiss.”
“Goodnight, Alexa. Don’t work too late,” Weiss said before leaving.
I had left the office shortly after, it had become harder to read and I found myself reading the same paragraph multiple times and still, I didn’t understand what I had read.
My late night was bookended with an early morning. With traces of dreamless sleep in my eyes, I went to the coffee shop near the office. A cup of my favorite brew was what I needed to get my day started.
As I stepped out onto the sidewalk, I walked right into someone walking by. More focused on not getting the coffee on me, I didn’t look up at who I had bumped into.
“Alexa?” It was a voice I was too familiar with. Be it in the dead of night or early morning, I knew his voice oh, too well.
“Oh,” I looked up. “Malachi… sorry about that,” I stepped back, more interested in making an exit than catching up with my ex.
“It’s all good,” he indicated to the front of his clothes. “So, how have you been?” there was an intensity in his eyes.
“I’m fine,” I lied. He knew I was lying. It was one of those things with people who were once a couple. They knew so much about each other, every nuance, every quirk, they knew their partner almost as much as they knew themselves. Then one day, they are relegated to the status of near strangers and still they knew so much.
After clearing my throat, I asked, “What brings you to this side of town? Are you going to see a client?”
Immediately, Malachi looked away, “I’m, um, going to a doctor’s appointment.”
“Is something wrong?” I stepped forward.
Shaking his head, he looked at me and I regretted my question. “It’s not for me… It’s for Naomi, she’s-“
“I know,” I interrupted. “She told me over Thanksgiving. I guess congratulations are in order.”
“It’s…,” he sighed, running his hand over his low cropped hair.
“I’ve got
to go, Malachi,” I held up my hand to stop his explanation. I didn’t need an explanation. I was beyond an explanation. I turned away, bringing our conversation to an end. There were no guarantees that I would never see Malachi and Naomi, but I could choose not to entertain them.
“Alexa,” Malachi called out to me.
“Goodbye, Malachi,” I said without looking back. “Goodbye.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Jennifer’s head appeared in the doorway as I spoke on the phone with a client. She was the last person on my call list and the most talkative. Seeing my secretary, I used her as an excuse to end the call.
“Oh,” Jennifer stepped into the office, her bag on a shoulder. “It’s nothing work related, I was just letting you know that I was leaving for the day.”
“It’s that late?” I looked at the time in the corner of my laptop screen. “It was two just a while ago.” I rubbed between my brows, thinking it would ease the headache that had turned from a dull ache to a sharp throbbing pain.
“I know you are trying to clear your desk by Friday but you will be no good to your dad if you’re burnt out,” Jennifer looked at me with concern.
“I know, I know,” I got to my feet and stretched. What didn’t snap, cracked or popped. “It’s just a few more days,” I assured her.
“Uh huh,” Jennifer said, hiking her bag up further onto her shoulder.. “Knowing you, you will be working just as hard when you go home.”
“Am I so predictable?” I fell back into my chair, already feeling my body give into fatigue.
She shrugged, “I wouldn’t say predictable, more like it’s your character to keep busy, especially when you’re worried.”
I didn’t have it in me to argue, all I could do was nod. After a brief bout of silence, I said, “Well, I’ll try not to overwork myself.”
“Good,” Jennifer said with a small smile. “I don’t want to lose my boss, she’s the best I’ve ever had.”
“You better be careful,” I laughed. “All those kind words will go straight to my head. And may I add, you’ve made all this possible, I honestly don’t know what I would do without you.”
“You would survive,” Jennifer said, turning towards the door. “Goodnight, Alexa.”
“Goodnight, Jennifer,” I called out before turning my attention to the paperwork in front of me.
A part of me wanted to call it a night, but if I did, I would be thrown off my schedule. I almost gave into procrastination when my phone rang.
“Ms. Marsh,” the security guard on duty spoke. “There is a Julian Cole here to see you. Should we send him up?”
I couldn't help but smile, it was deja vu. I was working late and Julian had come bearing food. I recalled that the last time he come, I had the strength to put in a few more hours. Maybe this break is exactly what I needed.
“Yes, Sherman,” I replied. “Send him up.”
After taking a quick inventory of my appearance, I made my way to the lobby of Jones, Weiss & Fairchild. Like the time before, I let Julian in and greeted him with a kiss of gratitude. It was almost as if this was our thing, I worked late and he would bring me dinner from the Missy Lou's.
“So what is the latest on your dad?” Julian asked, digging into his bowl of gumbo.
My hand halted as I speared a crawfish from my container, but it lasted mere seconds, soon followed with a shrug. “For the most part, it’s the same. I suppose that is a good thing as it means he hasn’t gotten any worse.”
“When are you going, again?” I had told Julian and Clark my plans, they were understanding but I knew they were also disappointed that I was going to be scarce during the holiday season.
“Saturday morning,” I replied, popping the shellfish into my mouth. We continued to speak about our plans for the holidays as we ate. Julian was going to spend them with friends, although he would rather spend it the way he had intended on spending Thanksgiving.
“There’s always Martin Luther King Jr Day,” I pointed out. In part, because it was the next holiday after the new year and in part, because by then the bet would be long over.
Julian got to his feet and began to put away his containers, “Is that a promise?”
I nodded, a sweet smile on my face, “Definitely a promise. It seems like something is alway coming up, but I assure you that MLK day is yours.”
“The weekend?” Julina looked up and met my gaze.
“The weekend,” I promised.
A smile unraveled on Julian lips and he picked up my containers, placing them in the plastic bag with his. “So what are you going to do now?”
I opened my arms to encompass the paperwork that was shoved to the center of the desk to make room for our dinner. “I’m going to be here for a few more hours.”
He shook his head and wrinkles appeared between his brows as his smile melted away. “You’re working too hard,” he said rounding the desk.
I was beginning to protest when he came to a stop behind me. His hands rested on my shoulders, then his long fingers began to dig into my tight muscles.
“You’re all knots,” Julian stated. He leaned forward and whispered, “And this is just your shoulders, I can only imagine the rest of you body.” He kissed the column of my neck.
All thoughts of work dissolved into nothing and I imagined Julian's hands massaging, kissing, different parts of my body. My eyes fluttered shut as I felt my muscles give in to his strong hands. Perhaps I would leave work early, but instead of going to an empty apartment haunted with sadness and regret, I would go with Julian and let him continue what he started. Perhaps with less… clothes.
I was so lost in the sensations and my reverie that I barely heard the tap on my door. I hardly registered the muted creak of the door being opened but I did sense Julian standing upright.
“Who are you?” he demanded, his hands had stilled.
“Is this him?” the question was directed at me.
My eyes snapped open and standing just inside the doorway was Clark. The hurt in his eyes was heart breaking. I didn’t intend for him to be.. This was not supposed to happen. All these thoughts sounded callous and I couldn’t bring myself to say them.
“Alexa, who is this?” Julian’s fingers now dug deeper than the massage required.
Maybe my silence spoke volumes, said things I could not bring myself to say. I looked up at Julian, his face awash with anger. He removed his hands and looked up at Clark.
“Tell me what is going on Alexa?” he demanded.
I cleared my thought, then chose my words with care, “This is Clark Sullivan, he’s one of the firm’s newest clients.”
“Alexa,” Clark’s voice snapped the tense air. “Is that all I am? Do you sleep with all your clients? Do all your clients come over in the dead of night when you are hurting? I thought more of you.”
The disappointment in his voice made me feel lower than low. I looked across at him, I began to speak, to explain that he was much more than what I had just said but Clark held up his hand.
“Don’t bother,” ice hung on his words. “It looks like you are already in good hands.” Without waiting for a response, Clark stormed through the door, slamming it behind him.
I felt Julian's hard stare on me, but it didn’t stop me from getting to my feet and running after Clark. Ripping open the door, I hustled through the outer office. I searched the hallway and found Clark walking not towards the lobby but towards the partners' offices. I called out, but he didn’t stop walking. I ran towards him and stopped him by grabbing his upper arm.
“From the beginning, I told you I was seeing someone else,” I said. “You knew all the time.”
“I knew that you were seeing someone,” he said, he looked down at where I held him. “But I didn’t know you were still seeing him.”
My hand fell away under his gaze.
“I thought we had something and that it was serious enough that you would have let the other person go,” Clark looked up at me. “Clearly, I was wrong.”
“I…”
“Have you slept with him, too?” it pained him to ask.
I shook my head, “No,” I whispered. Not yet, I didn’t say.
“Do you plan on sleeping with him?” when I didn’t answer Clark nodded. “So what exactly are we, were we doing?”
“We are dating,” I didn’t want to use his word. I didn’t want what we had to come to an end.
“Dating,” he scoffed. “And what are you doing with him?” he jerked his chin in the direction of my office. “Let me guess, You’re dating him too. And I guess the million dollar question is 'Who is Alexa going to choose?'.”
I bit my lip, now put on the spot, I found it hard to say anything. If I lied and said I chose Clark, I would have to end it with Julian, but I would always wonder if I did the right thing. If I told the truth that I didn’t want to choose, not yet anyway… I couldn’t tell the truth.
“Well, if you aren’t going to choose, I’ll make the choice for you,” Clark said, sharply. “It’s over, Alexa.”
“No,” I whispered, I stepped forward. “I… I choose you,” the words sounded hollow to my ears.
Clark shook his head, “I’ve got to go.” He walked the few steps to Mr. Weiss' office and walked in.
I didn’t follow, clearly Clark had gotten into the office in the company of Mr. Weiss, but we had agreed not to tell my boss about our relationship. There was no way I could go into my boss’s office and continue this conversation. A conversation Clark ended by breaking up with me.
Although I ran out the office after Clark, I was slow in returning to it to face Julian. A storm was sure to be brewing. With each step I took, I imagined his angry words, his demands for answers, questions hurled at me that were no different from Clark’s.
Outside my office, I braced myself and turned the knob. Stepping inside, I found no one. In the center of the cleared area of my desk, in front of my chair sat a sheet of paper. I walked over, I had an idea of what was written upon it, but I also had hope that my idea was wrong.
Standing beside the chair, I read Julian’s loopy script and my hope fizzled and died.
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