All She Wanted (Letting Go)

by Deese, Nicole

  I smiled at her, thinking of the perfect match Tori and Kai were.

  “Well, I’m very excited for you, Tori, both for the wedding and for your marriage. Kai seems like such a great guy…you two are really an inspiration.” My throat grew thick with emotion.

  The two of them reminded me why love was such a gift. I had forgotten that truth over the last six months. I had recently begun to question if I had even known it at all. There was a dramatic difference between my relationship with Alex and what I saw between Tori and Kai.

  “Thank you, Charlie. We weren’t always an inspiration though, I can assure you. In fact, there were many months that I doubted we would end up together at all. That was a very difficult time…for both of us.”

  My face must have registered a look of shock, because she smiled sincerely at me before taking another sip of her coffee. I waited for her to continue; I wanted to hear more.

  “There is a long history to our story that I will have to tell you another time, Charlie, though I promise you I will. It would likely take up our entire time this morning if I tried to attempt it now. But yes, in short, there were about three months that I thought it was over, for good. I was very stubborn,” she said, smiling. “I had actually made plans to go to Africa for a year with a mobile medical team. Our time apart was by far the most difficult time in my life…Kai would say the same,” Tori said.

  “But how did it work out? What happened?” I asked.

  “The crux was I had to let go of a lot before I could let him back in. There wasn’t room for Kai to be in my heart amidst all the other baggage I carried.”

  “I never would have guessed that…” I said, letting my voice trail off.

  “Everyone has a past, Charlie.” She took another sip as I thought about her words.

  My mind wandered down a trail leading to Briggs, and the secrets of his past that he had trusted me with. The conversation had been a painful one, but it had also filled in a lot of gaps for me. His honesty had made me respect him even more. Briggs was likely the most honest man I knew apart from my father. My heart warmed at the thought.

  Tori’s voice brought me back to the present.

  “So what has it been like—being back home?”

  I bit my lip, thinking. I would have answered that question so differently a few weeks ago, but now, so much had changed.

  “Surprising,” I said, “I was so angry when I first got here—broken, but I don’t feel that way anymore.”

  “Why is that?” Her smile was contagious.

  I laughed, “Well, it’s multi-faceted, but yes, I’ll say it…Briggs is one of the reasons.”

  As if on cue, her phone buzzed on the table.

  Briggs

  Tori laughed, “His ears must have been burning. Do you mind?”

  I shook my head, heat flushing my cheeks.

  Within ten seconds of Tori answering the phone, she was laughing. I couldn’t help but laugh as well, knowing the man on the other end like I did. She would listen and gasp and then listen some more. Finally, I saw her reach for her purse to grab a pen, writing down an address on her pastry napkin.

  “Okay, so you’ll text me about an hour before to make sure? Alright, but you think roughly around noon? Sure, yeah. Well…I will not be held responsible for any part of this, but I am more than happy to watch! See ya then. Bye.”

  She hung up, shaking her head, a look of mischief in her eyes.

  “Dare I ask?” I laughed.

  “Charlie, what are you doing around noon on Saturday?” She raised her eyebrows in expectation.

  “Is the right answer, whatever you’re doing?”

  “Yes. I’ll pick you up at eleven.”

  Briggs

  I hadn’t seen Charlie since Tuesday at lunch, and I was certain I was starting to lose my mind. The weekend had been reserved for Kai’s bachelor party, but I had a hard time justifying why I shouldn’t be able to see her today—Friday. The line between friendship and more than friendship needed to be redrawn for me. Everything I thought or did in regard to Charlie now had a new tag line attached to it, “Is that what a friend would do?”

  Charlie texted me before I could answer.

  Miss Strawberry Shortcake: Did you fall off the face of the earth? Should I call out a search party? If so, you’ll want to remove any traces of bacon from your clothing. I hear the dogs can get pretty vicious, and I’ve seen the way you eat breakfast.

  Me: Thanks for the warning, though I can’t help but feel insulted—I eat breakfast just fine, thank you very much. What are you up to?

  Miss Strawberry Shortcake: Just finished practicing and had to reply to a few emails from my professors—big day so far! Haha! I’m starting to go a little stir crazy.

  I felt myself twitch with indecision. I did have to pick a few things up to take with me to the cabin Saturday night. Would running errands together be okay? Is that what a friend would do? I hated that question.

  I picked my phone back up, ignoring the whisper of caution in my head.

  Me: Feel like going on a covert mission for bachelor party supplies?

  Miss Strawberry Shortcake: Do I get to wear camo and combat boots?

  Me: No.

  Miss Strawberry Shortcake: Geesh, grumpy much?

  Me: I have a feeling that your version of camo and combat boots wouldn’t quite be up to military standards, Shortcake. I’m banning whatever plan you have for a camo mini-skirt comeback right now.

  Miss Strawberry Shortcake: You have no vision when it comes to fashion. And for the record, it wasn’t going to be that mini.

  Me: Do you need my definition on the purpose of pants again? See ya in an hour?

  Miss Strawberry Shortcake: No, once was enough! An hour is good.

  I smiled at her cheekiness. Charlie was many things, but dull would never be one of them.

  I stopped at the bank before picking her up. I hoped that I wasn’t making a mistake by spending a few hours with her today, but it had to be better than the alternative.

  At least, that’s what I told myself on the drive over.

  Charlie

  I took a deep breath. The worry I had been feeling for the last two days was finally dissipating as I exhaled. These texts today had finally felt like us again. He had barely texted with me on Wednesday, and Thursday his funk had still not lifted entirely. I was starting to wonder if I had done something wrong, but a flood of relief filled me when I saw his truck pull up out front.

  Things are normal; we are normal. Whatever that means.

  He came inside and gave my mom a hug as I headed to meet him at the front door.

  “Briggs, it’s so nice to see you. Max said he thanked you for us both at the station the other day, for staying here while we were away?” Mom asked him.

  Just briefly I saw a look of surprise pass over his face, but it vanished quickly. He raked a hand through his hair, and cleared his throat.

  “It was my pleasure, Mrs. Julie,” Briggs said, glancing in my direction.

  “Good…well, don’t make yourself a stranger around here. Charlie told me what a great chef you are,” she continued.

  I felt myself flush. Thanks, Mom. Why don’t you just tell him that I talk about him non-stop while you’re at it.

  “Well, growing up around your kitchen, I’ll take that as a high compliment,” Briggs said.

  “You’re too kind. She also said-”

  “Okay…thanks Mom. We gotta run,” I interrupted.

  Mom smiled at us and nodded. Briggs laughed as he waited for me to step outside, shutting the door behind us.

  “Glad to see you’re in jeans. Makes my heart happy,” he said, tapping his chest dramatically.

  “Whatever I can do to make your life easier,” I laughed.

  “If only…” He mumbled something under his breath as he opened my door.

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing, ready for the errand run of your life time, Shortcake?”

  “You betcha.”


  Briggs

  My rules for maintaining a friendship-only status with Charlie:

  1. Stay in DENIAL of all non-friendship feelings. If it doesn’t fit into the platonic box, it doesn’t belong in my head.

  2. Do not make eye contact for longer than 5 seconds at a time.

  3. Do not breathe through nose when she is near—peaches are a powerful scent.

  4. Never get closer than six inches in proximity to her, but twelve is preferable. This will help with #3.

  5. If any of these are broken…retreat immediately.

  The day went smoothly as long as I kept my list at the forefront of my mind. Only once did I inhale too deeply, her scent carving into my heart like a knife, but I recovered by sticking my head into the dairy freezer.

  We filled up several carts of groceries and supplies for the cabin at Lake Owens. The chief had offered it to me with no questions asked, of course this meant he was also extended an invite, but he would have been invited regardless. Over half of his men would be attending and he wouldn’t want to miss out on at least a couple of the activities Jack and I had planned. I was in charge of part one of the weekend, while Jack was in charge of the second half.

  I smiled as I headed down an aisle looking for a blindfold.

  “What is this for?” Charlie asked, holding up the bandana I had thrown in the cart.

  I grinned.

  “You know you look creepy when you do that, right?”

  “Yep.”

  She laughed and threw it back into the cart again. The damage at the register was high, but oh, it was going to be so worth it. Kai was only getting married once, so it had to be done right. There wouldn’t be a second chance.

  Tori had given me her permission, I needed nothing more.

  As we made our way through the parking lot, Charlie turned to me, “I’ve been thinking about when I came to see you at the station on Tuesday.”

  I stopped dead, suddenly giving her all my attention. “Yeah?”

  She smiled faintly, “I think you should teach self-defense.”

  “What?” I laughed, jumpstarting my heart again.

  “I’m serious, Briggs. You’re really skilled. I know you gave up fighting, but you don’t have to throw away all your years of training, too. What would you say if I told you I was going to give up my music?”

  I stopped laughing. “Don’t ever give up your music, Charlie. Not for anything.”

  She pushed my arm, “It was just an example—relax, but I do think you should really consider it.”

  “Consider what, exactly?” I said, opening the tailgate of my truck.

  She huffed, “Teaching self-defense classes. Think about a room filled with women like your sister…you could really help people, Briggs.”

  I looked at her, breaking rule #2 as the seconds ticked by, “You’ve really put some thought into this, haven’t you?”

  She nodded, her eyes bright with enthusiasm, “I may have even found you a class that needs a new instructor at the Women’s University.” She shrugged, tilting her head.

  I couldn’t help but laugh as I tossed another package of water bottles into the back, “You might have been given a little too much ambition.”

  “So? Will you do it?”

  “I’ll look into it, Charlie…it sounds like something I should consider.”

  She jumped up, clapping her hands as if she had just won The Price Is Right.

  “Good, ‘cause there’s just one more thing?”

  “What’s that?” I said before I grabbed a bottle from the last pack and uncapped it, pouring it into my mouth.

  “I want you to teach me, too.”

  I spit the contents onto the asphalt, narrowly avoiding Charlie’s shoes.

  I hope she’s joking. But her look told me otherwise—she was serious.

  **********

  As we drove back to her house I had hoped the conversation had ended with my volcanic eruption of water in the parking lot, but no such luck. Charlie was convinced she wanted to learn a few moves—from me.

  “Why are you being so obnoxious about this? I’m not asking you for a new pony, I’m asking you to show me a couple of moves…for just in case.”

  “There won’t be a just in case, Charlie...I wouldn’t let anything happen to you—ever. Just stay out of those stupid clubs you love and you’ll be fine!”

  “You won’t always be with me, Briggs! Think about what you’re saying…”

  I looked at her, knowing my arguments were dying a slow and painful death. I wanted her to be safe—more than anything, I just didn’t know if I could handle being that close to her…touching her. But she was right. I wouldn’t always be with her. I hated that thought.

  “Your wrist, Charlie-”

  “Is fine!” She said bending it in an exaggerated fashion to prove her point.

  I sighed heavily as she grinned in the seat next to me, “Fine.”

  “Is that a promise?” She asked, holding out her hand to me.

  “It’s a promise.” With one hand on the steering wheel, I shook her hand, breaking rule #4.

  And despite her gloating face, I was reminded of a question I wanted to ask her earlier.

  “Hey…so how is everything back at school?”

  She narrowed her eyes at me in suspicion.

  I laughed. “What’s that look for? You said you were returning emails to your professors earlier, is everything okay?”

  She shrugged, taking an extra few seconds before replying—which made me suspicious. “Yeah…things are fine.”

  I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, “Why do I get the feeling that there’s something you’re not saying?”

  “Why do you always suspect that’s the case?”

  “Because I’m usually right.”

  She sighed, “Jessica McClaren’s brother just passed away from cancer, and she was the lead pianist for the University’s summer music tour…they’ve asked me to replace her.”

  My stomach dropped, twisting itself into a knot. I was not prepared for that.

  You’re not suppose to leave me yet…

  But as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I gave myself a mental kick. I wasn’t guaranteed anything when it came to Charlie.

  “What are you gonna do?” I asked, refusing to look her way this time. I focused only on the road ahead.

  “I don’t know yet. To be honest, I’m surprised by the invite. I didn’t exactly leave on good terms, but Professor Wade loves me...I think I could set the dorms on fire and he would still hold a place for me in his classroom.”

  I nodded. I knew the feeling.

  “The tour starts June first—it’s six weeks long. They go through ten states on a charter bus and perform at all sorts of venues. If I did it, it would help me make up a lot of the credits I missed in this last term…”

  Is it getting warm in here? I turned up the a/c. I needed air—I suddenly couldn’t breathe.

  “And then what?” I asked, “You would stay until fall term starts?”

  “Well…I’d probably just stay on campus, yes. Fall term would start just five weeks after I got back from the tour. I could probably make up the rest of my work in that time—Lord knows I have plenty to do.”

  The internal battle within me was waging war. I told myself to be a grown up—to remember the resolve I had made for Charlie’s sake, pouting was not an attractive behavior on a twenty-six year-old man. But I couldn’t even comprehend how it would feel for her to leave so soon…

  I pulled into her driveway as dusk had begun to settle in for the evening.

  “Aren’t you going to tell me your thoughts on any of this?” She asked after a bout of silence.

  No. I’m about the least objective person in the world at the moment.

  Tightening my hands on the steering wheel I broke rule #2 again, and looked into her Caribbean-blue eyes. I remembered instantly why that rule had been so important, only now I didn’t care. That was the danger in creati
ng your own rules; they were easy to break.

  I knew she would hate me for my answer, but there was nothing else I could say.

  “I think you should talk to your parents about it.”

  I saw her visibly stiffen, as if a metal rod had just been shoved down her spine.

  “Do you really think I’m that much of a child? I wasn’t asking you as the manny, Briggs…I was asking you as my…friend. Of course I was planning on talking to them about it, but I hoped their opinion wasn’t the only one that mattered,” she said, opening her door and stepping out into the driveway. Her next words were spoken softly, but their blow was as crushing as if she had screamed them, “Apparently, I was wrong.”

  I was out of the driveway before the front door closed behind her.

  Rules or no rules…this sucked.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Charlie

  “So when are you going to tell me where we’re going?” I asked Tori. We had been driving for nearly thirty minutes already. The longer we drove, the farther out of the city we seemed to be heading. My curiosity was growing, steadily.

  She smiled, “Well, would you rather know now, or be surprised?”

  “How much longer till we get there?”

  She laughed, “I bet you’re a thrill to take on road trips, Charlie.”

  I laughed. I hated road trips, actually. Though I loved to drive, I did not enjoy days on end of living on the road. The irony of the six-week tour I had just been invited on had not slipped my mind in the slightest. I hadn’t given them an answer yet, but I needed to soon. They were waiting on me.

  If I said yes, I would need to leave soon after the wedding so I could learn the music before hitting the road.

  A heavy sadness sunk into my chest. Why had Briggs responded that way to me yesterday, as if he didn’t have an opinion? He always had an opinion. Did he really not care if I left?

  “We’ll be there in about fifteen minutes. Briggs just texted—looks like everything is on time.”

  And then another kick to my gut, I was going to see Briggs today.

  Great. This day isn’t going to be awkward at all.