And then I added a simple title, which was anything but simple: BRIGGS.
The only thing waiting to be written in our future was an ending.
Briggs
I pulled up to Charlie’s house, overcome by the reality of the moment that lay ahead. After waiting so long, it hardly felt real. I knocked lightly on the front door, but like countless times in the past, there was no answer. I was certain she was either asleep or playing the piano. I cracked the door and listened. Sure enough, the sounds of heaven met my ears.
I wanted to rush in and beg her to hear me out before she had the chance to erupt again, but more than that, I wanted to give her the ability to choose.
This decision needed to be hers alone.
When I saw her phone sitting on the coffee table, I had an idea. I was in and out in just under a minute.
Charlie
I reached for my keys on the table and picked up my phone, scrolling through my missed texts. I’m not bringing you a Coke, dad. And then I saw it. I blinked over and over again, trying to understand how and when Briggs had gotten to my phone.
Truth or Dare: If you choose to accept this dare, I promise to give you nothing but the truth. I’ll be on a bench near the pond on the south side of the hospital at 7 tonight. Please come. We need to talk.
Thirty minutes. I grabbed my jacket and scarf, and headed out to my car.
It was time to have this conversation; it was time to complete our composition.
Briggs
I didn’t realize how nervous I was until I saw her on the path, walking toward me. Her nose and cheeks were pink from the chilly night air. She had her hands tucked into her red coat and a thick scarf wrapped her neck. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
She came.
I walked toward her, unwilling to wait another minute.
“Charlie, I-”
“Briggs, I-”
Apparently, I wasn’t the only who had something to say.
Charlie looked up at me, her voice soft. “May I speak, please?”
I nodded, noticing for the first time the space she had placed between us—she stood just outside of my reach. A pang hit the pit of my stomach, hoping that the distance was not as symbolic as my mind was leading me to believe it was.
“I came to tell you I’m sorry. You are not to blame for any of the decisions I made, Briggs. I was cruel to suggest that you were. I hope you can forgive me-”
“Of course, Charlie-” I took a step closer, reaching out for her hand as she slipped it away from my grasp while retreating several steps back, leaving a wider gap between us.
Everything stopped in that moment—my words, my breath, my heart.
Her eyes were full of silent torment, but she held my gaze nonetheless. “There’s more I need to say to you.” She took a breath, “Although I’m ashamed of how I treated you after all you’ve done for my family this last week, I can’t do this anymore—I can’t do us anymore. I used to believe that I could love you enough to stay your friend, but I don’t just love you enough Briggs, I love you too much.” She put her hand over her heart, her voice strained with emotion, “I’ve been drowning in denial for too long, and it’s time we finally say a real goodbye, it’s time we let each other go. I’ll never forget you, Briggs. Goodbye.”
She turned away from me without another word, walking quickly down the path. I had watched her leave one too many times, and it wasn’t going down that way tonight.
Not again.
“I’m in love with you Charlie Lexington!”
She stopped immediately as I jogged to catch up with her.
“The first time you called me your manny I was ruined, and I’ve loved you too much ever since.” My heart pounded wildly as she faced me—the face of the woman I wanted more than anything else in the world.
“What did you just say?” She whispered the question; her eyes were huge with shock.
“Charlie, you are everything I want, and yet nothing I deserve. All the months I’ve waited for this moment have proven only one thing to be true over and over again. I am hopelessly, miserably, and so out-of-my-mind desperately in love with you.” I cupped her face, warming her cheeks with my hands.
Though her face still held the look of utter disbelief, she didn’t flinch at my touch.
“You’ve...you’ve loved me for months?”
“Many.”
“I don’t understand, Briggs, you said-”
“I know, Shortcake,” I shook my head. “Until you, I never believed I would fall in love, much less desire a future with a woman long-term, but you changed all that for me. I wanted to tell you how I felt Charlie—believe me I did, but I needed to do it the right way, for you. When I told your dad my feelings for you last spring, I wasn’t sure I would ever get his blessing…until tonight. I never wanted to hurt you or confuse you—I only wanted to love you in the way you deserve to be loved.”
She opened her mouth twice before any sound came out, “My dad? You waited all this time for his blessing?”
I smiled in response to her squeaky voice and leaned in close, “Yes, but I don’t think I can wait one more second to do this.” I pressed my lips to hers, claiming her mouth with mine as my hands moved from her face to her hair. She wrapped her arms around my neck as our kiss deepened. This kiss was worth every minute of agony I had struggled to endure over the last eight months, and by the way Charlie was kissing me back, I hoped she felt the same way.
As we broke apart Charlie laughed, breathlessly. “I just can’t believe it...”
“Believe it,” I said pulling her close again, and kissing her temple. “And whatever this means for your dreams and your future in music, I will support you, Charlie. I don’t want you to give anything up for me.” I wrapped my arms around her.
She shook her head, “I’ve learned something recently: Dreams are as fluid as time. If they don’t adapt with us, they fail to remain. I used to think I couldn’t live without piano, until I thought I was going to have to live without you. There was no comparison to which sacrifice would be worse—all my dreams are meaningless if you’re not in them. I love you, Briggs.”
I kissed her again. “I love you, and you don’t have to worry…I’m not going anywhere.”
I tightened my grip as she said, “Do I have your word on that?”
“Shortcake, you have my heart, I hope that ranks higher on that screwy point system of yours.”
She laughed, “Oh it does…no doubt.”
Charlie
I put my hand on my hip and stared at my dad, “I can’t believe he talked to you eight months ago?”
He pushed himself upright, sitting with his back against the headboard.
There was a huge part of me that wanted to be furious with him. All this time he was the one who had held the key to end my misery, and yet, the last hour I had spent with Briggs had easily been the best minutes of my life. My emotions were in a tug-of-war.
“Come here, sugar.” I went to him, sitting down on the edge of his bed as he took my hand in his.
“The day you came to live with us—the day you became my daughter, I vowed I would protect you at all costs. I made it my life’s mission to keep you safe, to push you toward a path that would lead you far away from heartache’s door.” He stopped, clearing his throat before continuing, “But you did get hurt again, Charlie…and I felt like I had failed you.”
I knew instantly he was referring to Alex.
“Daddy, I brought that heartache upon myself. You and mom did your best to warn me, but I was still the one who chose, and I chose wrong,” I whispered, feeling my throat thicken with emotion.
Tears pooled in his eyes. I had never seen my dad cry until this moment.
“When Briggs came to me, I was scared for you, Charlie. I didn’t want to lose you again, or watch you throw your dreams away. I have loved Briggs like a son for years, and though I never doubted he was a good man, I did doubt the timing of it. You had just been through so much, but now,
as I look at you, I can hardly believe how much you’ve grown over this last year. And I have never been more proud of you than I am right now. I love you, sugar.”
I watched two tears roll down his cheeks, and my heart warmed with love for him.
Just outside the door was the man who was my future, but sitting here in front of me, was the man who had redeemed my past. I hugged him.
“I love you too, Dad.”
I heard a soft knock just as our hug released. Briggs stepped inside, smiling as our eyes met. My heart fluttered in response.
Maybe life wasn’t a fairytale after all…maybe it was better.
Epilogue
Briggs
The night I told Charlie I loved her was the night my countdown began.
These past five months had meant dozens of road trips to Austin, countless video chat hours, and a lot of long-winded texts. And she was worth every minute.
I would have waited forever for Charlie.
As I entered the auditorium with her parents, my heart swelled with pride at the thought of her walking across that stage. We took our seats, Chief patting me on the back as I scrubbed my hands over my knees.
The countdown was finally over.
Tonight was it; tonight was the night I would ask Charlie to be my future.
Several hundred students filed in, but I didn’t see her. Even after the Dean’s welcome speech to the friends and family of the graduates, I still had not zeroed-in on her strawberry locks, which were usually quite easy for me to spot. When Dean Thomas took a step back from the microphone and introduced Professor Wade, I re-focused my attention to the podium.
He was Charlie’s favorite professor.
“It’s true that every one of my students is talented, and each one of them can give an extraordinary performance, but sometimes it’s not about either of those things. There is a lot to be learned in music, lots to be practiced, memorized and understood, but there is one thing we cannot teach: Passion. Passion can inspire, it can transform, and it can create, but it cannot be learned in a classroom. I’ve been lucky enough to have a student who has reminded me time and time again that music begins in the heart. Charlie Lexington, can you please take the stage?”
What? Charlie?
I looked at Chief who seemed equally as befuddled. Charlie floated across the stage, her eyes focused on the piano straight ahead, which sat off to the side, only she stopped several feel short of it. Every hair on my neck stood at attention as she adjusted the microphone on the podium.
I couldn’t breathe.
“Good evening, my name is Charlie Lexington.” She paused, taking a deep breath before looking out into the crowd. “I was extremely honored when Professor Wade asked me to play one of my compositions tonight. But before I make myself at home on the piano, there are a few things I’d like to share with you first. Like so many of us here, music has been a constant companion to me, a source of strength, comfort and security—attributes that were far from what I knew as a young child.
“I was five years old the first time I heard the notes of a piano, yet I didn’t realize then just how significant that moment was to my future. The memories I have of my early childhood are not pretty, and they are not easy to talk about, but they are apart of me nonetheless.
“The day that music found me, was the same day my mama committed suicide—a day marked by abandonment, rejection and fear. Every certainty in my life became uncertain and every known became unknown. Yet, as lost as I was that day, I couldn’t let go of the sound I had heard, a sound I’m now convinced was my light in the darkness.
“I didn’t understand all the trials I would face, or the heartache I would experience due to my mama’s choice, but God gave me a family who did. My parents—Max and Julie Lexington—are not only responsible for taking me into their home and caring for me like their own, but for cultivating my talent and passion as well. Their sacrifice, love and devotion have been a constant example to me over the years, and the only reason I can stand here today is because they refused to give up on me. I love you mom and dad, thank you.”
The auditorium broke into applause at her last statement, and then settled again, waiting for her next words.
“Music, like love, is a message from the soul, a divine gift that we are to cherish, nurture and express. Tonight, I’d like to do just that. The piece I’m going to play for you sat unfinished for several years, waiting for such a message to be received.” Charlie’s eyes roamed the audience until she found me. My heart stilled under her gaze. “It finally has. Thank you Briggs, for loving me enough to wait.”
Tears welled in my eyes as she sat down at the piano, the applause in the auditorium quieting when her hands moved to the keys.
And then she played.
Every fiber inside me burned and pulled and stretched as her song overtook the room. I had heard Charlie play dozens of times before, but never like this. This melody was a story; I was reading her heart, line by line. Every word, sentence and phrase matched what I felt for her. By the time her last note resonated in the room, my cheeks were wet.
I couldn’t possibly love her more.
Charlie
It was hard to focus on the speeches when I could see Briggs sitting out in the audience—waiting for me. It had been two full weeks since the last time we were face to face and I ached to be near him again. I had been looking forward to our drive home tonight for months—four hours alone with Briggs, life couldn’t get much better than that.
It had been over a year since we had lived in the same town; I was definitely over being a long-distance girlfriend.
I had kept my performance a surprise, mostly because I loved to catch him off guard, but also because I wanted to be sure that I could go through with it. The second I saw him walk into the auditorium with my parents, my courage was strengthened.
This year, I learned what it meant to fully love and be loved in return. I had reached the impossible depth of my inability to feel wanted, realizing in the process that my mama’s decision didn’t diminish my worth. Years of therapy had finally been cemented in my heart the moment I chose to believe that as truth.
I no longer felt bound by the word that had owned my childhood, or the shame I had worn because of it.
The auditorium erupted with shouts and applause as my class made its way off the stage. I linked arms with Camille, grinning from ear to ear as we looked for our families in the crowd of people outside minutes later. I didn’t have to look for long.
My feet were off the ground as I was wrapped in an embrace that sent my heart into a spastic fit.
“Shortcake,” Briggs said, “You’re amazing.”
I kissed him, oblivious to the hundreds of people swirling around us.
“Ahem…”
We broke apart just in time to see my parents smiling at us. Briggs lowered me down again, so I could hug my parents.
“Charlie…” My dad pressed his lips together, swallowing hard, “We are so proud of you. Thank you for what you said—although I might have shed more tears than mom.” He turned to my mom who was wiping her smiling eyes, “We love you, sugar.”
**********
“You sure this is everything?” Briggs asked, rolling his eyes at me. My convertible was stuffed beyond recognition with boxes and bags.
“Yes, as long as you can still fit, I have everything I need.” I smiled my cheesiest grin at him and in a second flat, he was in front of me, pulling me close.
“I’ve missed you.” He nuzzled his face into my neck, sending flames of heat throughout my body.
“Not nearly as much as I’ve missed you.”
He laughed, “You will never win that argument—ever.”
He opened my door for me, kissing me one last time before hoping in the driver’s seat. He laced his fingers through mine as I reminisced. I had shed a few tears saying goodbye to Camille, but I knew it wasn’t really goodbye, we were too close to stay apart for long. My smile was bittersweet as we headed out
of the city. All in all, Austin had been good to me.
When Briggs turned onto a side road, I thought that maybe he was looking for a place to eat, but there were no buildings.
“What are we doing?”
He only smiled in response.
We drove for a few more minutes, my curiosity mounting as I stared at him. Whatever he was up to, he was keeping me in the dark, deliberately.
And then we stopped.
I looked around; there was no sound, or lights from the city—no people anywhere in sight. It was just us, in a large field lit only by the moon and stars, parked in front of an old, vintage gazebo. It looked to be weathered by time and exposure, but it was beautiful nonetheless. I moved toward it, touching the post and feeling the texture of the chipping white paint beneath my fingers as I started up the steps. I wanted to get a better look at the acres of farmland around us.
“Wow…this is really something, I didn’t even know this was out here.” I said, quietly.
When I turned around, Briggs was reaching into the car, tuning the radio. When he found the station he wanted, he started toward me. Immediately my heart began to race. His steps were purposeful, and his eyes were focused only on me.
“May I have this dance?”
“You may.”
His hand pressed at the small of my back as he held me close, swaying to the music. The night was warm, but not stifling. It felt good to be close to him—it felt right. As the song ended, Briggs grip loosened, his hands moving slowly down my arms to my fingers as he dropped to his knee. I heard myself gasp—feeling instantly dizzy with elation.
“Charlie Lexington, I don’t know how I lived without you for so long, but I can never go back—you’ve ruined me in the best possible way. Any day I spend with you is not long enough—I always want more. You are my forever, Shortcake. I love you. Will you marry me?”
“Oh Briggs, yes!” I dropped to my knees and threw my arms around his neck, kissing his face over and over, “I’m yours, forever. I love you.”
All She Wanted (Letting Go) Page 27