The Opposite of Never

by Mary Kathleen Mehuron

  The truth—and Georgia was loath to admit it to herself—was that she didn’t care what Jack thought of her anymore. She felt it would be dangerous to allow his opinion to be the yardstick of her self-worth. When she was younger, her life’s mission had been to please the man, but after many years, she had accepted she could never earn his consistent approval. Instead of worrying about her husband, she focused on her family life. However, once the children left and there were just the two of them, she rallied and hoped for a shift in her marriage to something new. Something better.

  She tried to look at her feelings of isolation in a different light. Raising children was a strain, and parents were often in conflict about the best strategies to discipline them. Maybe she and Jack had become polarized when the children reached difficult periods. Now that they were launched and grown adults, Georgia wondered if they could rediscover why they’d fallen in love in the first place. She wanted to be closer to her husband, to share intimacy as well as a life together.

  In the beginning of their empty-nest adjustment, as part of their exploration, she and Jack had taken to mountain biking on the Kingdom Trails in the northern part of the state. It was a fun new hobby to share, and they had several unusually romantic weekends at two of the strategically placed and opulent inns in the area. Georgia was thrilled when Jack proposed they buy a cabin up there as a getaway. “If you find the perfect place, I‘ll buy it, but don’t ask me to look at a property unless it meets my requirements.” Apparently, he assumed she would jump at the chance to search the real estate market.

  She did think it odd that he said, “I’ll buy it,” but was so hopeful about their future that she agreed to tackle the project as soon as the words came out of his mouth. “What are your requirements?”

  Georgia stood on her tiptoes leaning toward him, excited, as she drew him out, and together they made a list of his specifications. He wanted at least one hundred feet of waterfront facing due west, to be able to watch the sun set. At least three bedrooms at the best point of land on one specific lake were also necessary. Georgia knew he was demanding a lot given the budget he set for the proposed purchase, but she thought this was a chance to begin the next phase of their lives. She worked like a dog to make it happen. Georgia spent much of her summer driving four hours a day round trip to look at properties in the Northeast Kingdom, and she stayed in touch with the realtors by phone. Late in September, she got a phone call saying the perfect camp, on the perfect pond, at the perfect price was about to go on the market.

  Jack was away at a conference with other accountants. She drove up herself and took photographs of every possible angle of the cabin and the waterfront. When she emailed them to Jack, he called and said, “Give me the realtor’s number.”

  “Jack, they are going to put the sign up tomorrow. It’s going to go fast.”

  “And, it’s exactly what I have been looking for.”

  What he’s been looking for? Georgia wondered when he had done any looking.

  “At least, it looks perfect from the pictures you sent me. I’ll drive straight up Route 91 to the camp in the morning. You don’t need to come. I’ll probably make a full-price offer and get a recommendation for a lawyer.”

  “I’d like to come. This is exciting after all the work I’ve put into it.”

  “I wouldn’t call it work—but suit yourself.”

  They met at the cabin—called a “camp” by Vermonters—and the realtor led them through the house and around the property. Georgia added information and observations that she’d made when deciding that this was the right place. Once Jack was satisfied the cabin was, in fact, ideal, he told the realtor, “Full price, all cash. I want to close next week.” Georgia had never been more turned on by her alpha male husband.

  They discovered during the tour that the door of the camp’s screened-in porch didn’t have a lock or even a latch. So, after filling out the paperwork at the real estate office and making their offer, they snuck back with a bottle of wine. Though it appeared that there was no one around for miles, they enjoyed a guilty pleasure by trespassing. She kept the screen door from slamming, eased it to a closed position softly and scanned the yard. Certain they were alone, Georgia turned and wrapped her arms around Jack, pressing her body against him.

  She was moved that he’d offered up a chunk of his investments to make this happen. He wants a fresh start too. I remember a time long ago when we could make each other laugh. I am going to commit to working harder at flirting and having more fun.

  She bit his ear gently and whispered, “Kiss me, you Adonis.”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s me.”

  “After what you pulled off here, you are a Greek god.” She giggled like a much younger woman as she playfully nibbled on his neck. “You’re so strong. So powerful.” Georgia’s voice turned to a more serious tone. “I’m proud of you, honey.” At that, she kissed his lips and she felt a wave of true passion hit her so that her knees nearly gave way.

  “You wanton seductress. I’m going to ravish you right here on this couch.”

  Again she whispered in his ear, “Ravish away.”

  What they both experienced was epically satisfying. Afterward, they reclined in the twilight, wrapped in an old afghan they’d found, their bodies intertwined as they sipped their wine and watched the sunset across the pond.

  Georgia whispered, “Jack—let’s try to make this last. Let’s intentionally try to have more times like this. It makes me so happy to feel close to you. The camp can be our place, a place for us to play together, maybe get to know each other all over again.”

  Jack didn’t answer her, but that was his way. She really didn’t expect him to say anything; it was enough he was listening to her and not objecting. His arms around her were powerful and she allowed that, as the Irish say, he really was a lion of a man.

  The real estate closing for the place was scheduled two weeks later in the conference room at the local bank. As enthusiastic as she had been about the purchase, it felt uncomfortable that Jack discouraged her from coming with him as the day approached. “You don’t have to be there. The money’s all coming out of my investments and trust fund. I’m the only one who has to sign the checks.”

  “You’re making it all about money when you know perfectly well how much time I put into finding it. There wouldn’t be a closing to go to without my hard work.”

  “I’ve said this before; it was nothing close to work.”

  “How would you know? It’s not like you put any time into the research yourself.” Georgia was suspicious which made it all the more important to her that she go with him to the closing.

  At his attorney’s office, she discovered Jack was buying the camp in their three children’s names. While she had been dreaming of a closer marriage, Jack’s focus was to give his kids a piece of Vermont.

  He told the realtors and attorneys present, “The way the prices and taxes are going up—who knows if young people are going to be able to buy property. This is something to enjoy now and pass along later.”

  The group congratulated him for being forward thinking.

  That morning, as she sat in the carefully decorated room, Georgia thought it was worth noting how articulate Jack could be when he wanted to be. He made lighthearted chitchat with the attorneys, the banker, and the agent until she impatiently asked him to get on with the matter at hand. Yet he hadn’t said a word to her about his plans for the Kingdom property. It was clear he didn’t feel the need to explain anything to her.

  As Georgia sat at the long, polished conference table listening to him make small talk in his self-congratulatory tone of voice, she turned red and felt like a fool. Eventually she grew overheated and the room started to spin a bit. She felt panicked, finally thought, Screw this, and excused herself, walking into the lobby and right out the main door.

  Jack knew immediately he had overestimated Georgia’s usual willingness to go along. He could see her get into her car through a window in the conference
room where he sat. Her engine roared and gravel scattered as she shot out of the parking lot. He deduced, There will be hell to pay now.

  When he walked through their kitchen door late that afternoon, his first words to Georgia had been, “It’s my money. I can do what I want with it.”

  He hadn’t expected the fervent calm that she exuded when she lifted her face to him and made piercing eye contact. She fixed on his gaze long enough that he fought an almost desperate need to blink, but Georgia held his eyes firmly. Finally, she spoke to him in a hushed tone more commanding than any shout, “Yes, you have proved to me that you can.”

  With that, she stormed out of the kitchen and drove to her favorite restaurant in town where she treated herself to a sumptuous dinner, complete with an excellent bottle of Barolo. Afterward, she went to a movie she hadn’t really wanted to see. She was killing the time she needed to examine her roiling despair. Somehow, she would have to get it under control before she went back home again. She fidgeted in her seat, turning her legs this way and that. The theater was nearly empty; its red seats had seen better days. She didn’t feel a bit guilty when she put her feet up on the upholstered chair in front of her and lounged backward. At one point in the movie, she was so disengaged she got up on the pretense of using the ladies room and wound up wandering around the lobby for five minutes.

  Finally “THE END” appeared on the screen in an elaborate font. Credits rolled, and she stayed to listen to every note of the play-out song. She sat very still and read names that appeared at the top and then scrolled down to the bottom of the screen. Like it or not, she had to head home. It was eleven o’clock when she slipped in the front door, went into her office that also served as a guest room, and locked the door.

  By this time, Georgia was completely unhinged.

  For weeks afterwards, she stumbled through her workdays, teaching her classes, doing housework, making dinner, and then cleaning up. She barely spoke to Jack and spent her anguished evenings drinking way too much wine. She was furious with herself.

  What? Did you think he was going to turn into a romantic all of the sudden? If you are waiting for that, missy, you will wait forever. You never should have opened yourself up to this kind of heartache.

  Did you really believe that—oh, if I only find the right camp we will be in love again?

  What are you—a teenager?

  Soon, the day dawned when she looked at herself in the mirror and discovered a woman who was both haggard and bitter. The space between her eyebrows had become a deep scowl that she massaged in an attempt to soften the lines. Georgia bent her head closer to the glass so she could see into the chasm of her own light brown eyes.

  Fine. You are deeply disappointed. Heartsick even. But you need to make a decision right now. Are you going down the rabbit hole? It’s certainly one way to go. I give you permission to do that, but if you are not going down, you’d better get your effing act together.

  To save herself, she began to make lists of all the things she had to be grateful for, all the ways she could still enjoy what was left of her life, romance or no romance.

  She was still lamenting Jack’s deception when he suddenly died. Almost immediately afterwards, the kids decided to put the camp on the market and sell it. This added a jolt of fresh pain to her already raw injury. Unfortunately for the children, it was a buyer’s market. Jack must be rolling over in his grave knowing he lost money on a piece of real estate. Oh well, at least, they each got a chunk of change out of the deal. Georgia never saw the cabin again.

  No, I don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I have no room to judge.

  As the dawning light in her bedroom grew brighter, her thoughts shifted to Yvonne. She prayed that her friend would reflect on her mistakes, too. Surely, Yvonne would remember the crazy weekend in high school when members of their class had gone to a chorus competition. The contest was in Boston, which was the big city, especially compared to their small town that didn’t even have a traffic light or a post office. It turned out that Yvonne had not been able to handle the freedom they were given on that field trip.

  All the competing groups were staying at the same motel and socialized freely from room to room. Some of the boys down the hall produced large quantities of both liquor and pot. Georgia tried to make Yvonne slow down as she gulped her drink of vodka and fruit juice, but she was hell bent to get drunk that night. Georgia was so upset by her behavior she went back to the room they were sharing and went to sleep early. Apparently, Yvonne longed to be the cool, crazy girl, but instead she embarrassed herself. She had intercourse that night, with not just one guy, but with two of them. That was all anybody talked about the next day. Georgia had no idea how she would live it down. In that day and age it was a scandal.

  Six weeks later, when Yvonne discovered she was pregnant, her mother snuck her quietly across the border into New York State for an abortion. It was handled very discreetly, and Yvonne came home and resumed her old life as if nothing had happened. If the parish priest was aware of the occurrence, even he didn’t dare mention it for fear of her mother’s reaction.

  Georgia asked her, “Did you think about the baby? At the last minute, did you wonder what it would look like? What about mortal sin, Yvonne? Why weren’t your parents worried about your soul?”

  Yvonne answered her factually with little emotion in her voice. “My mom wasn’t happy, but in the end, she said, ‘There’s no point in destroying your life because you made one mistake.’”

  Georgia was stunned and confided, “My mother would have killed me. She would have found some home for unwed mothers and made me go through the whole thing to teach me a lesson.”

  Yvonne’s reputation for being “easy” persisted, and Rolland’s mom was not happy when she starting dating him. In fact, they were engaged for four long years while Yvonne worked at winning over her future in-laws. It wasn’t until Spencer was born that they forgave her sullied past. Georgia hoped Yvonne would think about that after her fury of the previous night.

  She said a prayer for Zelda and Spencer. Please Lord, help Yvonne to open her heart and give those young people a chance.

  Dolly Parton began to whine, so Georgia got up to take her dog outside. When they stepped through the back door a passing shower opened up. She held her face up to the sky and let the fine mist fall on her and wash away her troubles.

  Fourteen

  “A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us.”

  —Friedrich Nietzsche

  From: Kenny Simmons

  Subject: Re: Walk?

  Date: June 10, 2015 8:14:22 AM EDT

  To: Georgia Best

  I know Linda is out of town, and obviously, I don’t want to ask Yvonne to walk today, so I didn’t include her on the email. I thought I should give her some time and space. Do you want to go anyway? Nine?

  From: Georgia Best

  Subject: Re: Walk?

  Date: June 10, 2015 8:19:06 AM EDT

  To: Kenny Simmons

  Yes, let’s do that. How about your loop?

  When Georgia parked her car, she could see Kenny waiting for her at the end of his driveway. It was unusually cool this morning, forty-seven degrees, and he had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his lined, hooded sweatshirt. Georgia wore a black neoprene jacket over a long-sleeved T-shirt with “Billy Joel” printed on it. Her hair was stuffed into a cap with a short brim squared off a bit. The day was crisp and bright, and Georgia almost danced a few times as she and Dolly Parton ran down the road headed toward Kenny.

  “You look like a teenager today.”

  “Really? Well, I guess that I feel pretty good this morning. But how are you? How on earth is Zelda?”

  “Spencer was insistent she come in to work this morning. The two of them are planning their big expedition out on the trails they may be able to use for the new equine adventures business. It sounds like a to
n of work to get it off the ground, but honestly, I think it could be pretty great. I haven’t seen Zelda this excited about anything in her life. Ever. Lord, I hope Rolland and Yvonne get to know her better and come to trust her.”

  “What do you think about her dating Spencer?”

  They had finished the short section around the pond and were just starting the climb up the first section of the logging road. Georgia reached down and unbuckled Dolly Parton’s leash. She immediately ran off into a grove of birch trees where the morning light was scattering misty sunbeams through the great canopy of leaves overhead to the forest floor. It was obvious her dog was deliriously happy to be set free. They watched the dog as she stood up on her hind legs and then darted back and forth with joy. Kenny took his time thinking about her question. He also had to catch his breath as they ascended.

  At the top of the first rise he said, “Love is always a risk. As young as they are, in their early twenties, there’s a good chance it won’t work out. On the other hand, it could, and they might build something lasting. Who knows? Better to have loved and lost and all that.” He turned to look back down at the pond. The sun was still at a low angle and the light danced across the lapping waves that flowed in their direction. “When we’re on our deathbeds, I doubt very much that we will regret the people we gave our hearts to. Just because a relationship doesn’t work out over the long haul doesn’t mean it was without value.” He sighed as he prepared himself to continue the climb. “I mean, my wife died and left me alone, but I wouldn’t trade the years we had together for anything.”

  “I think you should count yourself lucky that you can say that; not everyone can.”

  Georgia’s jaded statement caught Kenny off guard, but he didn’t push her to explain. Instead, he tactfully changed the subject. “How’s the house hunting coming?”