Hard to Hold On

by Shanora Williams

  “Natalie’s been calling you,” I mutter, taking a step towards him.

  He lifts his chin, aiming to be bold. “I know.”

  “Why haven’t you been answering her?”

  “I’m sure you’re glad I haven’t been answering her.” He smiles cockily but I rush for him and pin him against the glass window by his throat. “What did you do to her? Why did you leave her out there alone?”

  “I don’t have to explain shit to you, you prick,” he grunts through his teeth.

  I grip his neck tighter but the doors of the museum push open and Mills and Dino, my manager, storm out. “Nolan, what the fuck are you doing, man?” Mills asks, his green eyes wide.

  “Let ‘em go, Nolan.” Dino marches forward to pull me away and I swear Tyler is lucky I don’t want to lose my job.

  “I should fuck you up!” I growl, pointing a finger at Tyler who’s holding onto his neck. “Come around Natalie again and I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

  “Natalie,” Tyler says, laughing hoarsely. “I’ll have that in the bag soon. After I’m done with her, you won’t have to worry about me fucking with Natalie anymore. She might not even want you after she’s had a dose of me.”

  A flash of red blinds me and I charge for Tyler but Mills grabs my arm to hold me back. Mills is stronger than me but I fight my hardest to try and get out of his grip.

  “Take your ass home!” Mills shouts at Tyler.

  “I swear to God I’ll break his fucking neck!” I snarl.

  “Chill out, Nolan.” Mills pushes me back while keeping his grip tight on my arms.

  “Get the fuck outta here,” Dino yells at Tyler.

  With a chuckle, Tyler turns and begins to walk away. He glances over his shoulder to wink and smirk at me and I jerk forward but Mills reels me back again. “He’s not worth it, Nolan. Chill out. He’s trying to get under your skin.”

  “Well it worked. I wanna rip that fucking smirk off his lips.”

  “He’s not worth it,” Mills repeats, his eyes stern. “Calm down and let it go,” he says slowly. “You’re going to see Natalie tonight. He’s not. Let it go.”

  After a few seconds of panting and clenching my fists, my hands loosen and I snatch the collar of my shirt away from Mills. “You only have thirty minutes left,” Dino sighs, checking his watch. “How about you just take off. We’ll cover the first floor.”

  I nod and then pull my keys out of my pocket but I’m still pissed. I’ve boiled over and I know the only way I’ll completely calm down is if I see Natalie. “Are you good?” Mills asks, smirking. “Remember that kid at the park that shoved you into the lake when you were thirteen? After he did it, I held him down and you whooped his ass.” He chuckles as he looks down at the pavement. “Can’t believe you still got it in you, you son of a bitch. That’s the last time I remember you getting this mad around me,” he says, aiming to lighten the mood. “Should’ve let you beat his ass.”

  To my surprise, it works because I laugh a little while running a tense hand through my hair. “It’s been a while.”

  “A long while,” he says as he and Dino make their way towards the museum door. “Have fun tonight, alright? Tell Natalie happy birthday for me.”

  Nodding, I turn around and make my way towards the parking lot. Mills may have lifted a little of the weight from my shoulders but I meant what I said about Tyler. If I see him again, he’s fucking dead.

  I have to get to Natalie.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Natalie

  The text message I received from Nolan caught me completely off guard earlier.

  Nolan: I love you more than words can explain. We’re going to make this work.

  After I received it I wanted to call but I knew he was at work. I just got a text saying he’s changed clothes and will meet us at dinner so I guess I can bring it up there.

  It’s my birthday so I’ve decided to do it a little big with Harper. The restaurant we’re going to is the same restaurant with tables on the deck that face the ocean. It’s going to be a cool night so I’ve decided to wear my hair down.

  I picked out a long-sleeved, horizontal-striped white and black dress with sequined black stilettos. Harper curled my hair and I love it. The black hair with the black and white is amazing. Who knew I would turn out like this? I feel so alive. So different. I’d even snapped a few goofy pictures with Harp to send them to my parents, like I had promised.

  “I’m ready, Nat!” Harp calls from the living room.

  “Just a minute!” I apply some lip-gloss to my lips, grab for my white clutch, and then scurry out of the room after turning the lights off. As I round the corner, Harper is standing in front of a wall mirror with the blue dress on that she’d bought from the mall earlier along with some new white stilettos.

  “Decided on the blue, huh?” I ask, meeting at her side to check the mirror as well.

  She puckers her lips to put some pink lip-gloss on and then turns to face me. Her blonde hair is slick and straight against her shoulders. Her makeup is beautiful—far from trashy. “The pink didn’t feel like enough. I wanted to look like I belonged,” she says, smiling. “So, you ready?”

  “Yep but you’re driving,” I yell as I pull the door open.

  “Oh, come on, Nat! You know I hate driving!” she yells at me. I hurry for the elevator and push the down arrow. She shuts and locks the condo door behind her before clunking her way towards me in her heels. “Just because it’s your birthday doesn’t mean you can get everything you want.”

  “What else are birthdays for?” I tease, winking at her as the elevator doors slide open.

  ****

  Perhaps I’m dreaming. I might just be seeing things right now.

  Spotting Nolan sitting alone at a two-top table completely takes me off guard. I expect Dawson to be at the table with him, but he’s not. I stop in my tracks, observing the way Nolan’s fingers are folded on top of the table and his gaze is forward. He doesn’t see me and I’m glad because I can’t help but stare.

  He’s wearing a plaid lavender and white button-up shirt, khaki’s, and of course sneakers. I didn’t expect him to get too dressy. It’s not in his character. His hair is still in the purposely messy/sexy style but he’s shaved his face. He’s not as gruff as he was before. There isn’t any stubble at all. He looks delicious.

  Harper clears her throat and Nolan looks in our direction quickly. As he looks at me and his eyes travel southward, his mouth gapes but he stands in a flash. Finally blinking, he looks from Harper to me.

  “We brought you a little gift,” Harp chimes to him.

  “Um . . . what’s going on?” I ask, switching glances between them.

  “Nolan decided to be a gentleman tonight. It was a last minute thing,” she says, rolling her eyes and waving her hand, “but I thought it was really sweet of him and decided to let him have his fun.”

  “Where are you going to go?” I ask.

  “Dawson and I will be at the bar. Don’t worry.” She winks, then spins on her heels. “Later!”

  I watch her slip inside before turning to look at Nolan again. He’s still staring at me but his head is tilted; his grey eyes are softer than ever before. Slipping his fingertips into the front pockets of his khaki’s, he reveals a full smile and takes a step around the table. “Too much?” he asks, wincing.

  “Nolan—” I break off, my gaze drifting to the white candles that are on the table and then the bottle of champagne sitting in the bucket. “Nolan, it’s beautiful.”

  “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, taking a step closer to me. As he reaches me, he studies my attire once more before looking into my eyes. “I want this birthday to be one of the best birthday’s you’ve ever had. I want your head to be cleared—for all of the worries to go down the drain. I want my Bunny happy and while you’re with me, I’ll promise not to argue, fight, or hold back on anything. I’m here for you. I want to see that smile more than anything else tonight. I want to hear you giggle lik
e a little girl again and have you tell me everything that’s on your mind. I want you to remember that when it all boils down, nothing outside of us matters. It’s just you and me tonight, Bunny.” He leans forward and places a kiss on my forehead. “You and me, alright?”

  I stare at him for a brief moment, my heart beating a mile a minute. Hot tears creep to the rims of my eyes and then, without thinking, I crush my lips against his. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I reel him in closer and groan, indulging in his embrace—indulging in what we really have. Love. The sparks fly and as I pull away, I nod. “You and me, Nolan,” I whisper against his lips.

  Smiling, he kisses me again and then hugs me. I rest my head against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. It feels amazing to be with him again. To have him this close makes me never want to let go for the life of me.

  “I ordered an appetizer,” he says, pulling back. “Mozzarella sticks?”

  I smile up at him, taking the hand he offers. “Sounds awesome.”

  He leads me to the table, pulls my chair out, and I sit as I smile at him. He takes the seat across from me and as soon as he’s comfortable, he looks me over. My cheeks heat up as I look down. “Why are you staring?” I ask.

  “How can I not stare?” I look up and he reveals a full smile. “You look good, Bunny. Did you get this hot for me?”

  “Maybe,” I wink.

  He winks back. “I love it.”

  A waiter comes up with our appetizer and tells us he’ll return to take our entrée orders when we’re ready. With a nod, he leaves and I grab a mozzarella stick. Nolan dips his into his tomato sauce and my nose crinkles as I watch him devour it. “I hate tomatoes,” I tell him.

  “What?” His eyes widen as he laughs. “How can you hate tomatoes? They’re two things—a vegetable and fruit. You can never go wrong.”

  “I don’t know but I hate ketchup, too. And tomato soup. It’s all thick and . . . bleh.” I pretend to gag and he chuckles, shaking his head.

  “You’re insane, you know that?”

  “I’ve been told,” I sigh.

  He swallows his food and then his eyes grow serious. “I ran into that “friend” of yours today.”

  “Who?” I ask, although I know exactly who he’s talking about.

  “Tyler.”

  “Where?”

  “At work. He almost got his ass beat.”

  “By who?” I ask, frowning as my voice raises an octave.

  “Me, Natalie. Who else?”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “Why would you try and fight him, Nolan?”

  “You wanna know what he said to me earlier?” he asks, ignoring my question. “He said after you’ve had a dose of him, you won’t be running back to me. The guy’s a dick, Natalie. I really don’t want you to talk to him again. He only wants one thing—”

  “Oh, like you didn’t?” I counter.

  “I’m not like that anymore.” His voice is gruff.

  “Tyler is a really nice guy, Nolan.” I say it but I don’t know the truth. While we were at the mall earlier Harper brought up what happened to me last night, too, but I just can’t believe it. I really can’t remember a thing after talking to Tyler at the shore of the lake. After that, it’s just blank. It makes me kind of nervous.

  “I’m just telling it like I’m seeing it, Natalie,” he says, reaching for my hand. His fingers entwine with mine as he stares into my eyes. “I’m trying to make this right. I’m trying to make it better. We can’t move forward if you don’t leave him behind. I don’t want you seeing him again. Don’t call him, text him . . . anything.”

  Pulling my lips in, I bite on them, looking away. The breeze brushes against me and I’m glad because it’s cooling me down. I watch as the waves drift towards the shore, the way the moonlight reflects off of the massive body of water.

  “Natalie?” Nolan calls, bringing me back. I look at him, blinking quickly. “You know I love you, right?”

  “I love you, too, Nolan.”

  “Do you love me enough to take me back?”

  I frown with a smirk. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t like that you’re single and can do whatever you want. I want you to be mine again. Mine only.”

  I laugh, squeezing his hand. “I’ve always been yours, Nolan. Just because we took a temporary break—which was needed—it doesn’t mean we were going to be done forever. Although I felt you wanted it to end, I wanted you to have your space. I wanted you to think about if I was who you wanted to be with.”

  His lips twist as he thinks on it. He then nods and brings my hand up to kiss it. “So can you explain to me why you love me now?”

  “I could tell you . . .,”

  His head tilts. “But?”

  “Then the night will feel short. I’d rather tell you later on tonight—when we have nothing else to talk about.”

  “Fine. Later on tonight—after we do what we’re best at.” He winks and I bite on a smile, my cheeks burning.

  The waiter comes back and takes our orders. After we’ve ordered we talk some more about little things. We joke around, laugh, and sip champagne. It’s a great feeling. A feeling I’ve missed. I feel whole again. Nolan seems way happier than I expected him to be, especially after telling me he ran into Tyler.

  I debate on whether I should tell him what Brittany said about Tyler and just as I’m on the verge, our food arrives and we eat. Nolan tells me about the check he received for selling his mom’s house and how excited he is to get a place of his own. He then goes over how much he misses his guitar and how he’s going to write a few songs about us tonight. I smile at that and I can’t help but notice the boyish smile that’s been on his face all night. He’s adorable and I can’t break it so instead I drop any other conversation about Tyler and focus on what he said to me earlier. Tonight is about us.

  After our table is cleared, I look into his eyes and squeeze his hand. “Thank you, Nolan.”

  He looks me over, his head tilting curiously. “For what?”

  “For this. For letting us be us. I’ve missed it.”

  “I have, too, Bunny. More than you think.”

  I grab his other hand and press my lips together. “Let’s agree that the next time something tragic happens, we won’t avoid or run away from one another. We’ll talk about it and try to get on good terms. We’ll be mature and actually start acting like adults. I don’t want that to happen again, Nolan. I don’t want us to be torn apart because of temporary emotions.”

  He stares at our hands for a while and I grow impatient, waiting for him to respond. Just when I’m about to fix my lips to ask him what’s wrong, he nods and looks into my eyes again. “Nothing will tear us apart again, Bunny.”

  Releasing my hands, he slides his chair to my side and cups his hand around the back of my neck. He kisses me gently, but it begins to grow harder the longer our lips are glued together. Our tongues collide, coax, and our panting picks up as our chests rise and sink against one another’s. All I want to do is take him to the condo. If there weren’t people out on the deck, I would take him against the railing. I’d take Nolan anywhere.

  Of course, Nolan has other plans. As he pulls away, he grips my hand and stands from his seat. “What are you doing?” I breathe.

  He doesn’t answer. He tugs on my arm until I’m standing and I follow him across the deck. He goes all the way to the far end—far away from everyone else—and as soon as a door comes into view, he opens it and takes a look around. It’s a janitor’s closet. I gasp and he smirks, grinning devilishly. “No one’s around, Bunny.”

  “And that means,” I ask, my voice wavering.

  “I think you know exactly what it means,” he murmurs against my neck. My legs stiffen and my stomach spirals with heat as he picks me up and places my back against the wall. The coolness of the wall seeps through my dress but it feels good, considering how hot and flushed I’m becoming.

  His fingers slide beneath my dress, moving up my thigh and touching
my panties. With one yank, he pulls them down and then lifts me in his arms. My back presses against the wall again and I move my hands down to unbutton his khaki’s. I can already feel his arousal. We’re both throbbing, ready.

  His lips touch my neck and my head falls back as he moves them up to my jawline. Cupping my ass, he adjusts himself to get me centered between his body and then I feel him poke against me.

  Groaning, my lips mold with his as I run my fingers through his silky hair, ruining his purposely messy style. “You feel so good, Bunny,” he says against my ear, his voice husky.

  He falls against me, bringing one of his hands down to lift my dress. His other hand sneaks its way up and cups my breast and I moan as he slowly slides inside of me. He starts simply. His strokes are defined, yet rigid. His panting picks up as he growls against my neck.

  My fingernails bite through his dress-shirt and I cling onto him, refusing to let go. He starts to go harder and I hold back on a scream. “I wanna hear you, babe,” he whispers against my ear. “Fuck everybody else. It’s just you and me, remember?”

  His voice causes a build-up within me. He picks his speed up and with each one, my back bumps against the wall. He grabs my ass, keeping leverage while lifting into me with deep strokes. This time, I shriek blissfully.

  He groans as I place my lips against his ear to let him hear my pleasure. It’s his motivation, I know it. “Shit, Natalie,” he hisses through his teeth. “I’m so close, baby. So close.”

  I bite my lower lip to try and hold back on the next scream. I don’t want the people of the restaurant to hear us but it’s a thrill to know that I can be this pleasured in such an open place.

  The build-up returns again but this time there is a throbbing between my legs. There’s an ache that causes my legs to tremble and for me to quake around him. My body needs more and after a while, he gives it to me.

  He strokes continuously and with each one, I get higher and higher. Closer and closer. He finally hisses through his teeth and I fall against his shoulder because the point of it all has arrived. I explode around him, screaming his name at least three times and moments after, he’s released as well.