I wanted to ask if there was any news about Sean but I couldn’t mention his name. Over the past few days, all the shadows he’d cast on my life had been swept away. I didn’t want to be dragged back into that. If there were any updates, Belle would tell me anyway. I didn’t need to ask.
She talked about her course and the things she’d been doing.
I loved talking to Belle but today it brought my life crashing down. This was temporary. It was all just as transient as those damn cherry blossoms everyone here loved so much. I hadn’t counted the days left here but they were numbered and passing fast.
I had a whole other world I lived in and this situation was just a break from that. My plans to stay longer had disappeared when the Tachibanas offered me that big wad of money. I had other plans now. Belle and I could move into the city, closer to my school and easier for her too. We’d get an apartment in one of those fancy buildings that have security to keep people out. Sean wouldn’t find me that easily and, hopefully, I could finish my course in peace. Then I’d move again. Somewhere far, far away.
As much as I wanted to tell the Tachibanas to stick their cash, the real world shattered that idea. This thing with Junichi was a nice distraction, a very nice one, but it wasn’t my real life. Soon, I’d go back home. I was more than halfway through my exchange now. And, when I left, I’d leave Junichi behind me. My insides hurt at the thought but I couldn’t deceive myself. It was sex and nothing more.
He’d go on to his well-planned life, eventually marrying his perfect partner. God, I hated her. I imagined her something like Kyoko Tanaka, all softly-spoken and nicey-nice on the surface but rotten at the core.
I’d go home and would have to deal with the mess there. Dad and Sean and all the troubles that tangled like octopus tentacles around my life.
I had to be safe. That was the main priority. Nothing else mattered.
I’d been living in this blissful bubble where nothing mattered but Junichi and I. That bubble was filled with sunshine and happiness. It was a place where I felt good. But that bubble wasn’t real, and the gloomy clouds of reality threatened my happy rainbow world.
“Are you okay?”
“Yep, sure.”
“You just had a funny expression on your face.”
“Just thinking. If we had money, what could we do?”
“Get a big screen TV.”
I laughed. “I mean more like leaving everything behind us and getting away. A new start, just the two of us. Dad is never going to change.”
Belle shrugged but didn’t answer. I didn’t want to tell her about the apartment idea until I got home. I wanted that money in my hand, and a good cover story about how I got it.
We talked for a while, not saying much but, by the time the call finished, my resolve had hardened. It didn’t matter that I actually enjoyed sex with Junichi or that I wanted to have a bit of pride. The long term situation was more important. He’d forget me as soon as my exchange ended and I’d have to forget him. I couldn’t let my feelings get in the way.
What a mess. What did I even feel for Junichi?
Nothing.
It was just sex. Just sex.
CHAPTER 20
“I won’t be home tomorrow. I’ve got a study group.”
What? Junichi had said nothing about that to me. Not that he had to, I guess. He was free to do what he wanted.
Even though we’d agreed to ignore each other during meals and any other time we were in front of the rest of the family, I glared at him. Was he sick of me?
I couldn’t question him about it. I didn’t want to act like a jealous girlfriend. That wasn’t me at all. Screw him, I’d go out with Ingrid and have some fun. I wasn’t tied to him either. It was just that I’d been anticipating some more fun. There’d be an hour or so that we could’ve had alone and he was letting that go to waste?
Then I looked again. Something about his expression made me reassess the situation. He wasn’t studying. His band was playing somewhere. He’d not told me. He’d not invited me to go along. Well, screw that. I wanted to go. I wanted to see him onstage again. As soon as I got him alone, I’d get the information out of him.
“Yeah, we’re playing again,” he said when we were alone.
I stroked along his hipbone, my fingers teasing down lower.
“I want to go too.”
He sucked in his breath as I kissed his belly.
“No.”
“No?”
“It’ll be boring for you.”
I moved away from him. It would not be boring for me. That was just an excuse because he didn’t want me there. I really wanted to watch him play. And, if I was honest with myself, I really wanted to have sex with that on-stage Junichi.
“Truth.”
I didn’t want to play games but I didn’t rush to touch him again. I needed to know what he was thinking.
“It makes me nervous, okay.”
Whoa, I’d never thought that. I’d never imagined that Junichi had a moment in his life where he felt nervous. If anything, he was too confident, too in control.
“I’ll be super quiet. It wasn’t like it was a problem last time.”
My hand went back to his stomach. I loved playing with his stomach. I loved playing with him. I ran my nails down the ridges in his abs, tracing those lines.
“I didn’t know you were there until I’d finished playing last time.”
“Just pretend I’m not there this time.”
“Yeah, like I can do that.”
He sucked in his breath as my fingers went lower. I wasn’t going to turn this into sex though, not when we had to talk about things.
“I can be quiet and sit in a corner. It’s not like you aren’t playing to a bunch of people anyway.”
“Strangers are different. I don’t want you judging me. I don’t want to fail in front of you.”
“It’s not a thing you can fail, Sunshine. It’s making music. There’s no grades, no assessment.”
He scrunched up his face. He seemed to take that information in, process it like it was something new to him.
“Okay, come along if you want. It’s just that I never play in front of anyone I know.”
“You’re good.” I put my lips back on his belly. He shuddered. I ran my tongue down his hipbone.
He was good, in every single way.
CHAPTER 21
I spent the day in the studio, working on my painting but my mind was way off in the clouds. Junichi said he’d meet me in the car park after class and we’d both go to the club where he was playing. It was like a date or something. We’d never really been on a date. We just had sex. And while I had no complaints about the sex, dating was a whole other matter.
It wasn’t a real date. I had to keep reminding myself of that. It wasn’t like he planned to declare himself to me in front of the world. And while I knew that was for the best, it hurt.
The shitty little canvas I worked on really annoyed me. It cramped my style and made me get all narrow in my work. I didn’t have narrowness in me. I needed a giant canvas that I could cover with broad brush strokes. I was filled with colour and wanted to get that out.
Happiness and depression warred in me. I kept replaying everything in my mind. The sex, the kisses. And the fact that I was leaving soon. Since the call with Belle, I’d tried to push that from my mind. Live in the moment and all that.
I sighed and put the canvas away to dry. According to the clock on the wall, I had three hours until I had to meet Junichi. I wasn’t sure if that clock was right, though. The hands barely seemed to move.
Shit, I’d gotten paint on my skirt. I couldn’t meet Junichi with paint on my skirt. I ran to the bathroom to clean it off. Why hadn’t I just worn something old and tatty to the studio?
Damn pride, that’s why. I didn’t want to leave the house in some outfit that looked horrible. I could’ve taken a change of clothes or even got some kind of smock thing happening. But no, I wanted to look cute. I wanted to
look cute for Junichi even when he wasn’t around. I had a clean t-shirt to put on before I met him but I’d planned to wear this skirt to watch him play.
I couldn’t get my skirt under the tap in the bathroom so I stripped it off. That stain would take some serious work to get out. At least it was water-based paint. If it’d been oils, I’d have ruined it.
As I stood there in my panties and t-shirt, I had wild fantasies of Junichi discovering me, with wild bathroom sex following. Why he’d be in the art faculty, let alone the women’s bathroom, I hadn’t reasoned out. He’d just walk in and throw me against the wall, crazy with lust, and he’d…
That was the problem. What would he do? I wasn’t complaining about the frequency or quality of our sex lives, just that I was always the one to initiate and take the lead. I didn’t mind most of the time but just once in a while, I’d like him to take control.
I put the skirt under the hand dryer. A girl walked in but acted like she saw half-naked people in the bathrooms every day.
When she came out of the cubicle, she just said excuse me and then used the hand dryer.
The mark hadn’t completely dried but I put my skirt back on. Then I got my makeup out of my bag and fixed my face. I wore my usual face. Bright red lipstick, winged eyeliner.
Even with my face done, I had heaps of time to kill. I couldn’t focus on painting. I’d get nothing done anyway. I thought about seeing what Ingrid was up to but she’d been pretty busy herself lately. Since the night we’d gone to the bar, she’d been seeing the skater dude pretty regularly. We’d even stopped having lunch together, since it was usually after lunchtime when I left the house. I’d not told her about Junichi but I was pretty sure she’d worked things out for herself.
I walked back to my studio space. I’d no motivation to keep working on my canvas but I had to get something done. I’d barely even been in the studio for a week. All this sex took up a lot of time.
When I got back, Junichi sat at the big table in the middle of my studio. He looked so out of place in his super conservative polo shirt and blazer amongst all the paints and mess. Who the hell wore a blazer to university? Still, my insides churned. He’d come here to see me. In public. Where anyone could see us.
I rushed toward him, intending to throw myself into his arms. Then I stopped short. Maybe he didn’t want that. He wasn’t rushing to kiss me, that’s for sure. I should just be grateful he’d come to see me rather than waiting for me in the car park.
“What are you doing here?”
“I decided to leave early. So, this is your studio?”
“Yep.”
He looked around. “It’s a whole different world. You’re lucky to have so much freedom.”
“It’s good and bad,” I said. “I have to be extra motivated. No rules, no guidelines. No just memorising things from books.”
I walked around packing up my stuff.
“Show me your paintings,” he said.
That shocked me a little. I’d not really talked about my work with him. I figured he wouldn’t be that interested. I got out one of my earlier canvases and held it up.
“That’s amazing.”
Yeah, well he had to say that. He couldn’t exactly say it was a pile of shit, could he? Although, it was one I was particularly proud of. I got out a few others to show him.
“The colours are incredible.”
“This one isn’t finished yet,” I held out another canvas.
He put his head on the side. “So you just come in here and paint? I mean, this is what you do. All this comes from you.”
He looked like it was more than he could comprehend.
“Yep, that’s me. Painting genius.” I raised my eyebrows to show I was joking.
“What are you going to do when you graduate?” he asked.
“I’m not sure, probably teach.”
I waited for a crack about how poor people like me should study things with better job prospects but it didn’t come.
“That’d be a waste,” was what he said instead. “A waste of your talent. Aim higher.”
Of course, I wanted more than that but I had to support myself while getting established. I didn’t want to go into all that, though.
“What about you? You write songs for the band. It’s a similar thing.”
He grinned. “Not on the same level.”
I reeled back, fake shock on my face. “What’s that? Modesty. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
“The band is a hobby. I muck around on the guitar.”
“Still, you’re good at it.”
He stood up and put his hand on my back. It was a tender gesture he’d never made before.
“True. Are you ready to go?”
I nodded and he took hold of my hand. Even though we’d done all kinds of things, that gesture seemed particularly intimate. Sex was sex but that was something else. A girlfriend/boyfriend thing. And he did it on campus where anyone could see us. It seemed like a public declaration.
His hand warmed mine. Being with him felt good.
CHAPTER 22
We got to the storage place we’d gone to last time.
“I’m not waiting in the car at this freaky place,” I told him.
“It’s not even dark,” he replied but then he grinned. I jumped out of the car and went with him. We walked beside each other, not holding hands not but with our arms rubbing against each other as we walked. Every brush of his arm against mine sent shivers through me.
We got to his locker.
“Are you going to strip off now?” I said, licking my lips.
Instead of answering, he moved in on me, forcing me back against the metal door of the storage locker. That gesture, so wild and unexpected, zapped through my whole body. His mouth came close to mine but not kissing. Just teasing. I wanted to pull him to me but needed to wait to see his next move.
With one swift movement, he stripped off the polo shirt. His arms closed around my waist, pressing me tight against his naked chest.
We kissed. We kissed pressed up against that locker. And his kiss had changed. Somehow hungrier, more demanding. I responded. I ran my fingers up his chest, caressing the muscles. His lips moved to my neck, finding that spot that drove me crazy.
We couldn’t do this here, though. Anyone could walk in and see us. He’d stop. He’d stop any minute and I’d be left frustrated and crazy. I tried to push him away but he didn’t stop.
His hands moved under my skirt. That got my heart racing. He gave me a look to let me know he’d not stop. Hell, this was amazing but it was so not like him.
He pushed down the waistband of my panties, rubbing his fingers against me. Those fingers probed even further, slipping inside me. I wanted to tell him to ease up but my words just came out as a moan.
“I’ve been thinking about this all day,” he said.
A shot of lust flooded through me with those words. I’d been thinking about this too but I’d not expected him to be the one taking control. I wanted to reply but my words came out as whimpers. He’d found my sweet spot.
I grabbed his shoulders, needing to hold something to stabilise myself because my legs turned to jelly. I wasn’t sure if I could stand for much longer and as he fingered me hard, I dug my nails into his flesh.
My mouth searched for his but he pulled back. Watching me. My face revealed all under the harsh florescent lights.
My nails clawed into him as the intensity overwhelmed me. I shuddered and groaned then, as the sensation reached its peak, bit into his shoulder to stop myself from screaming.
Holy fuck, did he just do that?
The sex had been good before but he’d just taken things to a whole other level. I lolled against the metal door, too shagged out to think properly. I’m sure I had a goofy smile on my face. Junichi reached for me, straightening my skirt and pulling it down.
Then he reached into his storage locker, grabbing a t-shirt and pulling it on. He got out his guitar case.
“Come on,�
� he said.
“Now?”
I was sure that was just a prelude but he wasn’t joking around. I wasn’t even sure I could walk back to the car. My legs were like a newborn foal’s. He put his arm around me and we walked together.
The feeling inside me was nothing I was used to. Not the normal sex feeling. It was all warm and fuzzy, like my edges had blurred. There was definitely some crazy post-sex brain scrambling going on.
It was only when we got back to the car that I realised he hadn’t gotten off himself. That seemed awfully selfish of me. I reached over to kiss him on the neck, my hand resting on his knee, but he pushed me away.
“Later.”
Damn. “When later?”
“After I play.” He grinned at me. “We don’t have to go straight back home. I’ve got plans.”
I grinned back.
The club Junichi was playing at was different to the one I’d gone to before. Still quite small but it was packed with people.
I went backstage with him to get ready. The two other guys in the band were already there and he introduced me.
“This is my… this is Audrey.”
I wondered if he’d been going to say girlfriend. It seemed like it. Was that what I was? I said hello to the guys then they got all talking about technical music stuff in Japanese so I zoned out.
Did I want to be Junichi’s girlfriend? I guess he couldn’t exactly say I was his host sister that he was shagging. That was a bit too blatant. We weren’t a couple. We didn’t go on dates. We didn’t say sweet things to each other. We barely talked. All we did was have stolen moments of sex.
Again, the other side of Junichi surfaced when he was with his band mates. He was much more confident, much more alive. When he talked about music, his face was more animated than I’d seen it about anything else. Well, except for maybe sex.
The other two guys in the band had done nothing to get my attention when they’d played and even now, seeing them again, they were nothing on Junichi. That wasn’t just my sex brain talking either. The two of them were just bland. Maybe they played well but off stage, they’d never draw attention.
Seduction Game (Art and Soul) Page 11