by BL Mute
His stare darkens as he leans down. He pushes my hair behind my ear, then whispers, “Too bad I know older men are Carmen’s thing, not yours. Try again, Bunny.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I’d let Daddy Mac fuck me any day over you,” I hiss, turning back around and hurrying down the rest of the steps.
When I make it to the kitchen, the only person in sight is my mom. She smiles. “I’m making your favorite.”
I nod and take a seat at the table across the counter. I don’t trust myself to even reply right now. I’m so angry. Angry with myself, angry with my mom, and most of all, angry with Malcolm. The entire drive home, he knew what I would be walking into and didn’t even think to warn me. I know he did this on purpose.
“It smells good, Mom,” I remark, wanting to have some sort of conversation rather than sit in silence.
I can’t really fault my mom either. It’s not like she knows what Malcolm and I have done, and she’s right. She coped in her own way, just like I did. I just wish she could have chosen someone else to find comfort in.
“It’s eggplant parm. Figured you’d enjoy something you like with it being your first night home.”
I nod again and change the subject. “Why him, Mom?”
She gives me a weak smile before turning back to the stove. “I know you won’t understand, but I almost feel close to your dad in a way when he’s around. You were my only connection, but you left, and I’m not upset. I just needed a way to move on without forgetting who your father was.
“Malcolm helps me do that. He doesn’t get upset when I talk about your father or bring up the good memories I have. He’s very patient and understanding.”
I can hear the smile—real smile, not the fake one she gave me—in her voice as I look at her back, and it makes my chest tighten. I want to be happy for her, hell, even with her, but I can’t get past the fact of who it is we are talking about.
“Mom,” I start, trying to think of the best way to word what I want to say. “I know he may make you feel all of these things, but Dad warned us about him.”
She turns around hastily. “What are you talking about? Your father only ever had great things to say about Malcolm.”
“Before he…” The word lodges in my throat like it doesn’t want to come out. “Died. Before Dad died, he told me Malcolm was a great business partner but not a very good person in general. I just want you to be careful.”
She inhales through her nose, then lets it out, almost like she’s releasing all her uneasiness. “Honey, I know you’re just worried, and that’s okay, but I am an adult and can handle these things myself. Trust me, if I didn’t feel I could trust him, I wouldn’t have married him.”
I shake my head and look away from her as I move to the table. I said my piece. I can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do or see anything she doesn’t want to see, so I’ll mind my business and avoid Malcolm at all costs.
“It smells delicious, sugar,” Malcolm calls from the entry of the kitchen.
I stay positioned in my seat with my back to him. If I’m going to avoid him, it starts now.
“Thank you. You and Carter can take a seat. I’ll bring it to the table in just a second.”
I hear both sets of footsteps creep closer and closer until they’re both in my peripheral vision. My eyes stay glued to the tabletop in front of me as Carter takes the chair to my left and Malcolm takes the one in front of me.
“It’s nice to have you home, Lydia,” Malcolm says.
I glance up and shoot my eyes to his. A fake smile is plastered on his face, making the corner of his eyes crinkle up, really showing his age, and it makes me want to gag. I shouldn’t have slept with him the first time, and I definitely shouldn’t have slept with him the second time, but here we are.
I stay silent and wait for my mom to come to the table. She starts arranging all the dishes in the center. “Okay, guys. Dig in,” she shrieks excitedly.
Malcolm serves himself first, then my mom, and I don’t move. My appetite is gone. Carter leans forward and scoops some of the eggplant onto his plate and a small portion onto mine. I side-eye him and give him a small smile. Carter is no better than Malcolm, but at least he’s acting like a decent person in the moment.
When my sights leave him, I glance back to Malcolm. He’s working his jaw and burning daggers into Carter with his eyes. “Lydia is capable of feeding herself, son.” His words come out in a subtle hiss my mother doesn’t even catch, but I do, and so does Carter.
Just like a scared puppy, he nods once and looks down. I tip my head at the exchange but don’t question it. Everyone knows Malcolm and Carter don’t get along.
I push my food around my plate but never take a bite. I can’t sit here and act like everything is okay when it isn’t. Of course I want my mother happy but not with him. She’s too pure—too innocent. He’s nothing but a dark cloud that will take away the sunshine my dad loved.
“Can I be excused?” I blurt, laying my fork onto my plate.
“Lydia, this is your first night—” Malcolm starts.
My mom reaches out and grabs his arm. “It’s okay, Malcolm.” She looks at me. “Go ahead, honey. I know you’re probably tired from the trip.”
I give her a curt nod and stand. I maneuver around the empty seat to my right and glide out of the kitchen. Padding quickly through the hall, I make it to the bottom of the stairs and go up quickly. I can still avoid Malcolm; it will just be harder to do since he’s in my house.
I push my bedroom door open and shuffle inside before closing it behind me and locking it.
After a while, I hear Carter’s door open, then close along with my mom’s. Since I didn’t eat at dinner, I sneak out of my room and down the stairs. When I make it back to the kitchen, before I enter, I peek around the corner to make sure no one is there.
When I see the coast is clear, I flip on the light and walk to the fridge. I pull out the leftovers I knew would be there. I grab a plate from the cabinet and set it on the counter before scooping out some of the eggplant onto it. I drizzle some of the red sauce over it and grab the shredded parmesan. I sprinkle extra on top, then pop it into the microwave.
I watch it go round and round and get lost in a trance, not noticing when someone walks into the kitchen. “I had a feeling you’d be back down here.”
I jump at his voice. “You’re kidding. Just leave me alone, Malcolm. You got what you wanted from me.”
He steps further inside. “Not exactly. I have a proposition for you.”
“Fuck your proposition.” I wave him off and turn back to my food in the microwave.
“I think you want to hear it before you dismiss me, Lydia.”
I hear something hit the counter with a thud. I turn and see a pile of pictures of myself at the club and meeting with Jake in the alley. That’s only what’s on top, but I don’t dig through them. I can already guarantee what else there is is probably worse.
I cross my arms over my chest. “What do you want?”
“First and foremost, this is to keep your mouth shut about that recording.” He throws a stack of cash on the counter next to the pictures. “You’ll get a bundle like that every week.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want your fucking hush money, Mac.” I push it back toward him.
“You’re eighteen now, and I refuse to let you live off me and your mother much longer. You’ll either take it and save it, or I’ll go give all of this to your mom right now.” He motions to the pictures.
I bite my lip, then snatch the money. I’m broke and have nothing, and if it will make him leave me alone, even better. “That’s it?”
The wicked smile he wears so well graces his lips. “Of course not.”
I huff. “Spit it out.”
“You’re going to fuck me anytime I want.”
I rear my head back. “The fuck I am.” I throw the money at him. “You can show my mom, tell her whatever you want, I don’t even care anymore.”
My heartbeat speeds up, and my hands start to shake. “You’ll just be outing yourself,” I hiss.
He shrugs. “I’ve wiggled my way into your mother’s heart so much and so quick, I doubt she’ll even care as long as it comes from me. I’ll tell her you seduced me, drugged me, something. Remember, it’ll be my word against yours, and after she sees everything I have on you, who do you think she will believe?”
Tears sting the back of my eyes. “Then why pay me to keep quiet?”
“Because if anything comes to light, I want it to come from me.”
Anger flares inside of me. He wants to keep me quiet so he can be the one to bring things up. If he says anything, I already look guilty. I’m sure all anyone would think is why I waited so long to come forward, why I would live with the monster, and so much more. It’s classic victim blaming, and everyone always seems to jump on fucking board.
“Why do you want to fuck me again? Couldn’t get enough of this young pussy? Is that it, Mac?” I snap back.
A dark chuckle bubbles from his chest. “No. This may be my proposition, a way to keep your snarky mouth shut, but don’t act like you don’t want me. I’m simply offering you a service because I know my cock is superior.”
I huff. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m more into guys my age. You know, the ones that can keep it up and don’t have to pay.”
Something flashes in his eyes as he steps swiftly toward me. Anger maybe?
His hand wraps around the base of my neck as his fingers rake into my hair and pull. His chest is so close to mine, brushing the fabric of my shirt with every inhale he takes, making my heart beat faster than before, but I do my best to conceal it.
“I think you and I both know that’s a lie. Just look at you—” He releases me with an aggressive push. “—I can smell you. You’re basically coming all over the marble from my touch. I bet if I reached up those shorts, my fingers would be drenched.”
I give him a disgusted look, and I’m not sure if it’s disgust with him or myself from being so turned on because this is definitely not a time I should be wanting him. “Fuck you, Mac.”
His lips purse. “You act like it would be so bad. I know you’ve done worse.” He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a folded picture, and hands it to me. I snatch it and open it. Jake’s back is to the camera, his bare ass showing as my arms drape around his neck.
My mind flashes back to that night. I knew I saw something, but I was too high to look into it further. I’m such a fucking dumbass.
He laughs again. “You have until tomorrow to give me an answer.” With that, he turns on his heel. “Oh, and you’ll start work at the club tomorrow too.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“You’ll need an explanation as to where you got the money.” He winks, then leaves.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LYDIA
I tossed and turned all night. I don’t know if I should accept Malcolm’s offer or say fuck it and hope for the best, but I know he’s right. No one will believe me. Especially if they know I practically went off the deep end. If he knows and has evidence of me sleeping with Jake and meeting up with him, then I’m sure he has even more on me from when I was in Pine Hills. Things I don’t even like to think about. Things I know could ruin me. Like all the times pills, weed, and booze weren’t enough, so I turned to other things.
I push the thoughts away as I pull up to the iron gates of Walton McLane Country Club. A place I haven’t been since that day. I almost don’t even remember what the inside looks like, let alone the outside.
I stop my car by the fountain Carter used to chase me around when we were younger. Getting out, I study it for a second. The stone is no longer fresh and white. Instead, there is algae growing on its surface, hiding the beauty it used to possess. The cream walls are dingier than I remember but still look luxurious with the cornice at almost every peak.
I fidget with the locket around my neck and get lost in all the memories. Memories of my dad, of Carter and me, and Malcolm. I almost unclasp it, wondering why I even put it on this morning, but another car pulls up, and I’m dragged back to the reality in front of me. I take in a deep breath and start through the big doors.
“Lydia!” I hear someone squeal to my right.
I turn and see Candace, the receptionist, coming from behind the counter. I give her a tight smile as she stalks toward me.
“I heard you were back. It’s so good to see you, darling!” she expresses. “But I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting to see you so early in the day.”
I shrug. “Well, today is my first day of work.”
“Oh!” She claps her hands together excitedly. “How amazing! Your father would be so proud.” Her smile falls the slightest bit.
My chest pangs, and it takes everything in me not to bring my hand up to try and comfort the ache because I know that’s a lie. My dad wouldn’t be proud of anything I’ve done in the past year.
“Thanks. Do you know where I’m supposed to go?”
She nods enthusiastically. “I do. Head to the kitchen and find Carter. He’ll be able to help you.” She rubs my arm, then gives me a light squeeze before walking back behind her desk. “Good luck, darling!”
I nod in response with a smile of my own, but there is nothing real about it. Of course Carter would be here and I would have to speak to him just to do a job. I sigh and make my way through the lobby, then the dining area, all the way to the kitchen.
I grew up in this club, but not this side of it. We were always here for parties or expensive dinners. Sure, my dad worked here, but I don’t think he worked behind the scenes like I’m sure I’ll have to.
I push through the double doors and am met with noise and clatter that can’t be heard from the other side. The doors swing closed behind me, forcing me further inside. I glance around and see waiters in white jackets placing plates on platters and chefs shaking pans over open flames.
I wiggle closer to the wall to stay out of the way, then start the hunt for Carter. Everyone looks the same in identical uniforms, but then among all the white and bow ties, a splash of black stands out. Carter is leaning against the wall, looking over a clipboard, decked out in black jeans, a tight black V-neck, and black boots. The only indication he even works here is the shiny gold name tag pinned to his chest.
I release a breath as I inch closer to him. Once I’m beside him, I finally speak. “Hey.”
He turns his head, his hair falling over his forehead and brushing his eyelashes in the process. “Hey. I was just going over your schedule for the day. Luckily, nothing will change too drastically day to day. Your tasks will always be listed here—” He holds up the clipboard. “—so you’ll be able to see what you’re doing before your shift starts. With the exception of events or parties, this will never change.”
I’m a little taken back by the way he’s speaking. Quick, clipped, straight to the point. There is no insults, banter, or hatred mixed in, and it’s odd.
“Okay…” I trail off. “Are you going to show me how to do all of that or what?” I point to my name and all the tasks listed beneath it.
He nods. “Let’s go.”
I watch his back as I follow him out of the kitchen. Did I do something? Does he actually take his job this seriously? Like, what the fuck is up with him. I shake away the uneasiness I feel with how stiff he is as we start up the stairs in the lobby.
He stops on the landing once we are at the top and turns to face me. “From 11:00 to 12:00, you’ll be with Mac for business management training. Until then, you’ll tend to the guests, serve drinks, and make sure things are where they need to be.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to reply before he’s walking again. This time, he stops in front of one of the many doors along the hall. He
pulls it open to reveal a janitor closet neatly organized with cleaning supplies, clean linen, and other things like light bulbs and tools.
“This is where the cleaning staff keeps their supplies. Off the back of the kitchen is the laundry room, which I’m sure you know, where you can find all the linen to keep it stocked. They already work hard enough. There is no reason they should have to run around to find the supplies they need. Understand?”
I nod.
“Perfect. And you’re able to use the business elevator in the back if you need to bring more supplies up than you can hold. But don’t give anyone your code to ride. It’s for employees only.”
I nod again, shocked by this side of Carter. Him appreciating the small dogs of the company, but then it clicks. His mom did this job when she was still around. From what I hear, Mac scooped her in from the streets when they were both young. When the club started, she didn’t want to be a part of running it. She would rather do what she knew: clean and cook.
Her life was cut short by her own hand though, and then his older brother disappeared not long after.
Without much thought, I blurt out, “Do you miss them?”
He tips his head as his forehead scrunches. “What?”
“Your mom and brother. Do you miss them?”
The hint of confusion he was showing disappears and is replaced with a frown before the anger starts to seep through. “Don’t ask me about my mom or Cyrus, okay? We don’t talk about them.”
“I was just—”
“I don’t care, Lydia. Just… don’t.”
My heart throbs for him. After losing my dad, I could never imagine banishing his memory or not talking about him. And from what I remember, Carter and his mom were really close. He even seemed to love his brother. Like, how could you claim to love someone so much, then want to forget them? Not keep their memory alive.
“Sorry,” I mumble, looking to my shoes.
“After you make sure everything is stocked first thing,” he continues, acting as if we didn’t just have the small conversation we did, “you’ll help get the breakfast out of the kitchen and into the dining room. Then, after your time with Mac, you’ll help with lunch. Everything is pretty self-explanatory, but I wanted to show you where these are.” He gestures around the janitor closet. “There is another one down the other hallway.”