“Fair enough…” She hesitated, as if she’d rehearsed asking me something and now needed to work her nerve up to ask, and I gave her time to figure it out. Finally, she said, “I realize this isn’t a socially acceptable question for a second date, but I need to know before I’m in too deep.”
I nodded because she seemed to need encouragement, and she went on. “Even if you paid a quarter what your house and land are worth — between your home, vehicles, and weapons, you have to know you’re living way above your means.”
Well, fuck. I wasn’t prepared to tell her how I earned so much money, but I wasn’t surprised she wanted to know. I looked at her a few long seconds as I figured out how to respond, and I finally nodded slowly in agreement. “The only thing I feel comfortable telling you right now is that I have a whole lot of lines I won’t cross. I go by my own moral code for right and wrong.”
“Do you kill people for pay?”
So blunt and up front. I could easily fall in love with this woman, but I sensed the red flags all around me and there was no way to answer this question. I can lie without my scent giving it away, but if I told her ‘no’, she’d eventually learn the truth and walk away because I’d lied. However, if I told the truth right now we might never get started in the first place.
And if I refused to answer, she’d correctly assume it’s because I do.
I stood and walked to her sink and looked out the window at the creek and willow trees. She’d surrounded herself with the beauty of nature, and I wanted her in my life so much, the idea of losing the possibility of what we could be together hurt.
“If someone were aware of an Alpha in another state who forced the women in his pack to have sex with him, and who insisted he be the one to take every female’s virginity on their twelfth birthday, though most had been giving him blowjobs and taking him up the ass long before they were twelve… and if he was attached to the local supernatural community in such a way that to go in and take him out publicly would mean war where a whole lot of people died… but if a sniper could take out the top three people, and everyone is fairly certain numbers four and five will change everything for the better… would you look at the sniper who took them out as a murderer, or as someone who managed to do a job no one else could do without a much larger loss of life?”
“How can you be sure of the facts?”
“I have my ways, and I don’t accept a job until I’m certain. You understand you must never mention the story I’ve just told you, right?” Gavin would be all kinds of pissed if he knew I’d talked to someone about the specifics. It wasn’t at all professional, but in that moment it seemed a better idea to risk my life — to trust her with my life — than to say goodbye to her forever.
I met her gaze and let her see how serious I was. “If it got out I’d told you even that much, your life would be in danger along with mine — but I don’t want to lie to you about who I am or what I do. I want you in my life, and I want to be a part of your life.”
She nodded, but she was responding to some inner thought of her own and not to my words. Finally, her eyes focused on me and she said, “Come sit down and eat. Thanks for being honest.”
10
Tippy
I’d asked, he’d answered.
I’d already known, though. In my heart, I’d already known he was still using his sniper skills. I’d known when I had sex with him, and I’d known when I invited him to dinner. If I pushed him away now because he was honest then I’d be the dishonest one.
So I gave him as much truth as he’d given me. “Part of me wants to be pissed you gave me information that could put me in danger, but that’s just the part of me looking for an excuse to push you away. I’m terrified of losing myself in a relationship again, and yet the way I feel when I’m with you — it gives me hope of finding a healthy relationship. Healthy, as in I get to keep who I am and I don’t have to fold myself into your charm. Healthy because it won’t be me becoming your partner because we both change for each other. I don’t know if it’s actually possible because I can never promise you monogamy, but I’ve looked forward to seeing you as well, and we don’t have to figure everything out right now.”
“He made all of your fantasies come true?”
The question seemed to come out of left field, but I answered it without hesitating. “All of my sexual fantasies, yeah.”
“You have nonsexual fantasies?”
Yeah, coming home to someone who loves me, who knows me. Jinn had loved me as much as he was capable of loving another, but he had so much love for himself there just wasn’t much left for the other people in his life. It wasn’t his fault, and I’ll always love him — I just can’t be in his life anymore. I couldn’t tell Nix any of this though, so I just shrugged and said, “Yeah, but I think maybe we’ve had enough deep sharing for one day.”
* * *
Nix
The rest of our dinner conversation stayed casual, and yet I still felt as if I got to know her better.
I helped clean the dishes when we finished eating, and cautiously asked if she’d show me her gun shop.
“Sure, I could do with a walk after eating. I’m guessing you’ve probably worked on your own guns some, so you know the basics of what I do.”
I nodded. “I can adjust the trigger pull on most weapons, and the military taught us enough so we could do basic repairs in the field, but I’m not an expert.”
I’d thoroughly enjoyed working with her on my range the other day — she’d been a joy to teach. Now, it was my turn to learn what she had to teach me, and she spent hours showing me cool tricks and answering all my questions.
When she finally locked up and we headed back to her house, I asked her, “Will you change for me, so I can see you?”
I sensed her fear before I smelled it, and I said, “Sorry, it’s okay. You don’t have to.”
“No,” she answered, “I think I kind of do. I mean, if I’m going to be afraid of you, I should be afraid no matter what form I’m in.”
“Yeah, but let’s hold off. For today, how about you lock yourself in your house while you watch me change outside. I’ll walk around a small area so you’ll be able to smell my wolf later, when you’re a deer and I’m long gone. I can see you in deer form another day.”
Now I smelled relief and frustration, and she was quiet a handful of seconds before saying, “Yeah, okay, but are we crazy? Or is it just me, cooking dinner for my natural predator?”
“We were both born in human form. We’re both humans first and our animals second, right? We can do this.”
“Tell me about your wildest sexual adventure.”
I shook my head, unsure of what to tell her. “I’m not really into wild and crazy. There are certain things I like to do, and I suppose some of what I’ve done would be seen as wild by most of society, but it seems normal to me.”
We walked silently, side-by-side, and I finally said, “You aren’t going to tell me any of yours unless I go first, are you?”
She remained silent so I told her, “Last week, I fucked someone’s ass while two of my brothers took her mouth and pussy. I dated a human once who was way too uptight to enjoy anal, and I took her to a tropical Caribbean island for a two-week vacation, and she spent about twenty hours a day wearing a butt plug for the first nine days — and an hour or so getting fucked in the ass the rest of those days. The last five days she managed to relax and let me in the way I wanted, so I only made her wear the plug a few hours a day. Once we returned home, if she had too much trouble relaxing to let me in then she’d wear it a few nights.”
“Four in a bed? Is that the most you’ve ever had in a bed at once?”
“We weren’t in a bed — we were on a sofa in a side room at the clubhouse. A few people walked in while we were going at it, most left, but a few stayed and watched a couple of minutes.”
“Have you ever done anything like that with someone you were close to? Or is that kind of thing only for the sluts?”
/> Ah, and now we were getting to the core of her question. “I’ve never shared someone I cared about.”
“And the fact I’ve been in a bed with three men and two women, all of whom were focused on me — does this make you think less of me?”
My cock throbbed in my jeans and I knew she’d smell my arousal, but I aimed for a mischievous grin instead of the predatory one trying to come out as I said, “No, it makes me want details.”
She rolled her eyes. “Have I mentioned I’m bisexual? I thought my next relationship after Jinn would be a woman, but then I realized I needed to just exist on my own, with no one in my life. I had to find me again.”
“How much time do you spend in deer form?” Judging from the way her little piece of forest smelled, she spent a lot of time in her other form.
“When I first had the fence built and felt safe, sometimes I’d stay deer for days at a time. I was human long enough to meet my deadlines in the shop, but life was easier as a deer. Eventually, I got back to shooting again. I picked a few other things I wanted to learn, also, and went about doing so. I’ve created a new me, but it wasn’t easy.” She shook her head. “I know you can probably smell my other form enough, you have an idea of how much time I spend as a deer. The fence I put up was expensive, and I had it made in different styles on different roads specifically so people won’t put it together that all of this land belongs to one person. If you look up different addresses, you see different corporations.”
I stopped walking, and since we were holding hands, she had to stop, too. I touched her chin, held her gaze with mine. “So much trouble and expense to stay safe, and you invited a wolf into your sanctum.”
She nodded, and when I saw she wasn’t going to respond verbally, I told her, “If we’re ever in a situation where I need to change, I’d like to know you’ll be okay around my wolf.”
“I don’t think I’ll be okay.” I smelled her fear but didn’t see it in her eyes or in her expression. Deer are known for being scared of the wind blowing, and Tippy was facing off with a wolf without backing down. So fucking brave.
“Well then, let’s make it a goal. I’d like to change somewhere on your property. You can climb a tree, or we can do it close to your house — with you locked inside while I’m outside. I want you to be able to smell me while you’re in deer form once I’m gone, so you’ll get used to being around my scent and know you’re safe.”
She looked like she was going to argue, but then changed her mind. “I have a garden I don’t go into as a deer, only as a human. If you change in the garden, the deer will smell it without having to be right on top of it.”
11
Tippy
This was probably a super-bad idea, and yet I wanted to see his wolf. The deer was beyond terrified but the human was curious.
I’d spent some time sitting on a bench and watching some wolves in a zoo, once. I’ve also spent more than a few afternoons watching the coyotes at our tiny little Chattanooga Zoo. They tried to attack me through the Plexiglas, and I left for a little while because they terrified me, but then I went back and stood and watched them.
And realized even predators have a soul. Feelings. Heart.
So I stood in my living room and looked out, and watched a very naked Nix shift into a beautiful, large, terrifying wolf. The speed and grace of his change emphasized how strong he is. I’d known already, but seeing it made my deer all the more nervous.
We stared at each other through the glass for several long moments, and I leaned forward and opened the window. I wanted to smell him, and I forced the deer down so she couldn’t make us run to the saferoom and lock us in.
I wasn’t expecting her to chill out when his scent hit us, though. She’d started equating Nix with safety, and even in wolf form she knew he represented protection and not danger.
I walked to the door, opened it, stepped through, and closed it behind me.
The wolf was beautiful, but I knew the thoughtless savagery the animal was capable of, when hungry. This wasn’t just any animal, though. This was Nix. “If you can understand me, will you lay down? I want to pet you but I need to come to you, please.”
Nix’s wolf was mostly gray and charcoal, and he had the most beautiful russet eyes I’d ever seen. Not really golden and not exactly rust, and so much intelligence shining through. He sat and looked at me before he went all the way to the ground for a few seconds, and then he sat on his haunches again.
I made it to within ten feet of him before my deer’s panic rose high enough I couldn’t keep pushing it down. I barely managed to keep from turning and running, but I backed up about fifteen feet and sat on a bench. “I think maybe we’re done for the day. Can you change back, please?”
He morphed into human and put his jeans back on, but not his shirt.
“You’ll want to eat,” I told him. “Let’s pull some leftovers out.”
He didn’t argue, and neither of us spoke as I pulled the ham out of the fridge and made him a plate. When he was finally eating, I asked, “How many of the local supernatural heavyweights found ways to meet you in your first weeks here?’
He chuckled. “They didn’t find ways, they were pretty upfront about setting a meeting through Duke.” His brow narrowed a few seconds before he asked, “Who talked to you?”
“The Abbott’s third in command, as well as the local Wolf Alpha, and the Amakhosi.”
“Did they threaten you?”
I shook my head. “No, Kendra — The Abbott’s third — said they like to meet all powerful supernaturals who move into the territory, and while I may not be a supernatural powerhouse, my shooting skills were impressive and The Abbott had assigned her to check me out. As for the local Alpha, I got the idea Randall wanted to make sure I’d come to him if I had problems with any of his wolves, so I didn’t shoot them unnecessarily. He said there’d been problems with some of the younger wolf shifters scaring deer shifters just for kicks, and if I run into problems I should let him know so he can handle it.”
“And the Amakhosi?”
“I have no idea. I suppose it’s possible it was truly an accidental meeting, because he didn’t make any offers — just apologized for scaring me and assured me I was safe around him.”
“Where did you run into him?”
I didn’t want to tell him I’d seen a therapist to help me find myself again, and I’d seen him in the elevator of her building. I doubted the Amakhosi was seeing a therapist, and it was a medical building — the Lion King can change and heal so there was really no reason for him to be there. “Downtown in a random elevator.”
Nix tilted his head. “A partial truth. What aren’t you telling me?”
I shrugged and changed the conversation. “Who arranged a meeting with you?”
“It’s a given I had to meet with Randall, because the local Alpha has to give permission for any lone Wolf to live in his territory, but I hadn’t expected to be called to speak with The Abbott’s second, Gavin. I haven’t met the Amakhosi yet, so you’re one-up on me there.”
Now he was leaving something out. “There’s someone else?”
“I’ve met The Dragon King — Aaron Drake and his wife Sophia — at a few RTMC parties, but I’m pretty sure it was just a social thing and not him feeling me out.”
“His wife Sophia is the Swan Queen. She’s in in my judo class but I haven’t met her husband.”
“I don’t know the background, but she’s pretty close to Duke and Brain. If she was at a party, do you think you’d be okay? It’ll be a lot of wolves, but if she’s there then you’ll know someone besides me.”
“I’ve probably met more of you than you think. I’m mostly okay around Horse and Ghost.” I shuddered. “I’m not sure my deer will ever be okay around Gonzo. I’ve only met him once, but he seriously bothered me even though he didn’t even talk to me.”
12
Two months later
Nix
Today was a huge test, and it felt like my future w
ith Tippy was at stake. The RTMC is my family, and any woman who’s part of my life will have to be okay around them. We were going on a ride to Tellico Plains and we’d return home tomorrow. This would be in mostly neutral territory — we’d rented an entire wing of a hotel, and one of the local sports bars was expecting us to party late into the night. Horse was taking his bunny rabbit, and Brain would have his human — both of whom Tippy had met and liked.
Duke’s wife had work commitments, and Pixie would be riding with him. I didn’t know the entire story behind why she lives in this realm, I only knew Duke had rescued her from a bad situation and now the entire RTMC looks out for her. Pixies are sexual creatures, but apparently she stays celibate because of whatever happened to her.
I’ve smelled her terror when a vampire is around, so I have to assume she was abused by one at some point. Horse told me he’d also seen her freak once when an Eagle was close, so maybe the vampires were only part of the problem.
Tippy and I had been dating a few months and she was used to my bike. My little Deer has tamped down her freeze-or-flee response enough to live amongst humans, but she still has to plan out how things will go when she’s in a crowd. It took a little while, but she’s fine on my bike now, and she’s even managed to stay around me a short time in deer form when I’m a wolf. We haven’t run together yet, but the goal is for her to be able to run with me on my property.
Tonight’s objective was just to keep her from freaking out around the RTMC members, though. The MC stopped at a barbecue place when we arrived in town, and Tippy sat between me and Pixie. As far as I knew they hadn’t met before, but they seemed to hit it off right away. The two women talked and cut up during dinner, and I relaxed with the knowledge my little deer had made another friend.
Nix: The Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club, Book 7.5 Page 5