by Hilary Dartt
“Delaney, you’re pregnant.”
At first, Delaney didn’t respond. She chewed on another olive as if Summer hadn’t spoken.
Summer looked at Josie as if to ask so many questions at once. Did she hear me? Should I repeat myself? What should we do? Should we take her beer away? Will she be happy?
Just as Josie slid Delaney’s beer across the table to the empty spot, Delaney heaved a big, dramatic sigh.
“It explains everything,” she said. Her eyes filled with tears.
***
“Seriously,” Delaney said. “I can’t believe this is the first time we’ve ever done this. We’re thirty-four, we’ve known each other since we were fourteen and we’ve never come to the drug store for a pregnancy test.”
The three of them were crowded into the Good Health Pharmacy’s single bathroom stall, which smelled overwhelmingly of cinnamon spice air freshener and toilet cleaner.
“Remember when Summer first got pregnant with Sarah?” Josie said. “You showed up at Happy Hour with a bottle of sparkling cider and had the whole place cheering. I loved that moment.”
Summer sighed, and Josie noticed she had placed a hand on her lower abdomen.
“Me too,” Delaney and Summer said.
“How much longer?” Josie asked. “Should we have set a timer for this bad boy?”
“Probably,” Summer said. “It can’t have been more than a minute and we’re supposed to wait what, like five?”
“Four,” Delaney said. “You should know.”
The last three words came out a mumble.
“Oh, my gosh, Delaney’s nervous!” Josie said. “I’ve never seen you this nervous.”
“Yeah, you have,” Summer said. “The first time she went to prom. Remember? She was practically throwing up until we got to the restaurant.”
Josie laughed. Delaney groaned.
“I just can’t believe I might be pregnant when I’m supposed to be shopping for wedding dresses. I mean, the timing is pretty crazy, right?”
Summer nodded. “What will Jake think?”
Delaney groaned again. “I’m not sure. I mean, we want to have kids and everything. We just hadn’t really talked about the timing. You know? Since we’re not even married yet. I just imagined a very romantic honeymoon with lots of Guinness.”
“He can have lots of Guinness,” Josie said. “And you can watch.”
“Maybe it’s just nerves making me crazy forgetful,” Delaney said.
When Summer and Josie looked at each other over the top of her head, Delaney laughed.
“I think it’s time to check it,” Summer said.
Delaney put her hands over her face. “You guys check it. I can’t.”
Josie lifted the pregnancy test off the top of the toilet paper dispenser, being careful to hold it parallel to the floor, and to avert her eyes so she and Summer could look at the same time.
Summer counted to three, and because the bathroom’s fluorescent lighting was so dim, they both squinted to see the little plastic window.
Josie felt a smile spread across her face, and looked up at Summer to see a matching grin on hers.
They both looked at Delaney at the same time, and each of them reached for one of her hands.
“Congratulations, Dee,” they said. Summer started to cry. “You’re a mommy.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
After her first personal training session with Scott, Josie debated (again) whether she should find a different trainer. Even now, a week later as she drove to the gym to meet with him, she went over both sides of the argument in her mind. Scott was obviously new to personal training, and she could use that as an excuse for switching or even quitting if she had to bring it up to Summer and Delaney. She didn’t even have to mention his name. She could just explain that Ronnie had called her trainer, “The new guy.”
On the other hand, if she did quit Scott, it would take a while to get another trainer. And by the time she did, that stupid race would be coming up really fast, and she wouldn’t have time to train properly.
More importantly, Josie felt traitorous hogging the limelight with her insignificant marriage and exercise issues when Delaney was now planning for a wedding and a baby.
She pulled into the gym parking lot and chose a spot at the far side. Not to give herself a little extra time, but to force herself to burn more calories by walking several extra yards. Before she got out, she carefully applied lip gloss. Nothing too flashy, just enough to give her some shine. She ought to be able to spend an hour each week in close proximity with Scott without going weak in the knees or getting quivery all over, she thought as she got out of the car.
Squaring her shoulders, she walked through the parking lot. It’s only eight weeks. She pulled open the front door, and smiled at Ronnie, who gave her a friendly wave before pointing to the free weights area where Scott waited. He was flipping through the papers on his clipboard.
What will Paul think?
Well, she didn’t want to think about that. Did it matter? Who knew if he’d ever move back home? She certainly didn’t. And wouldn’t it be good for her to have someone … um, special… to hold her accountable to working out?
Summer and Delaney would never know. Paul would never know. She walked toward him, raising her chin just a little to convey some kind of confidence. Then Scott smiled at her. The thought of keeping yet another secret, and worse, another secret with Scott, did send Josie’s stomach churning like the disgusting smoothies Summer made in her high tech blender. But what if she didn’t think of it as a secret? She could instead consider this personal training thing small potatoes. Not a big enough deal to even mention.
She smiled back.
Eight weeks. She could do this.
***
“How long does a wife keep coming to marriage counseling alone?” Josie didn’t expect Dr. Strasser to give her an answer, which was why she asked her reflection in his office’s bathroom mirror. She shrugged. “As long as it takes, I guess.”
Dr. Strasser didn’t smile at her when she sat down on the opposite side of his desk. Always so distant, so separate. Josie found herself wanting to get a rise out of him. Unfortunately, he could probably read that kind of behavior fairly well, as he had a PhD in figuring out why people act stupid.
“No Paul today?”
Obviously not.
“No, he’s still giving me time to work on my own issues,” Josie said.
“Ah. I see.” Dr. Strasser leaned back in his chair, but kept his fingertips together. What are those issues?”
“I’ll just be honest, here.”
“That’s a good start.” Now he smiled. Ice cold.
“I still have kind of a crush on my ex-boyfriend. Scott. The guy I dated right before Paul. Well, it’s not really a crush. I don’t know what to call it.”
“The principal?”
“Good memory.” Josie had the insane urge to tap the side of her nose. Right on the nose, Dr. Strasser.
“What does this crush” (finger quotes) “mean for your marriage?”
“It means Paul’s pissed off at me, is what it means,” Josie said. “It means he thinks I can’t work on our marriage just yet because I still have feelings for someone else.”
“Is that true?”
Josie shrugged. “It’s not that I have feelings for him. It’s just that I remember our time together fondly. And then I see him every day. And then, when he asks me out for drinks I have a hard time turning him down because of that.”
“Even though you know it upsets Paul?”
“I almost want to upset Paul.”
Now that the words were out there, Josie felt kind of free. Ah, this must be what it felt like to experience that famous aha! moment people talked about. Dr Strasser nodded, as if he’d known this all along.
A bit smug, aren’t you?
“Go on,” he said. “Why do you want to upset him?”
Josie sighed. She’d walked through the proverbial door
and there was no turning back. No Exit.
“I can think of a couple of reasons,” she said. “First, it means he gives a crap about something besides work. It means he cares enough about our marriage to be upset about something. Jealous, even. Second, it feels a tiny bit nice knowing he feels threatened. Like, knowing he knows he’s not meeting my needs. And if he knows, then won’t he make a change?”
Dr. Strasser didn’t answer right away, which compelled Josie to keep talking. “I mean, I know it’s childish, but there you have it.”
It took a conscious effort not to babble, so Josie pressed her lips together and waited.
“Josie. I think it’s time you communicated your needs to Paul directly, instead of sending him messages in the form of what you call childish behavior. Have you ever actually told him he’s not meeting your needs?”
The silence stretched between them. Josie’s throat constricted. Now that she thought about it, she probably hadn’t ever put the idea into plain words. Like a child, she’d thrown little jabs, little barbed comments designed to deflate his sense of well-being as a husband.
“Oh, my God. I hate myself.”
“Now, Josie, there’s no need for that. You’re here because you want to fix things, right?”
Still too shocked at her revelation to speak, Josie nodded.
“So instead of focusing on the mistakes you’ve made in the past, let’s focus on moving forward. How do you think you can do that?”
The next five minutes passed so slowly it was excruciating. Dr. Strasser insisted on a dumb role-playing exercise that made Josie feel like she was six years old, but she participated just for the sake of getting it over with. Meanwhile, she felt herself edging closer and closer to the brink of tears with each tick of the second hand on Dr. Strasser’s clock.
***
Fortunately, Dr. Strasser had another client to see immediately after Josie, and she was able to lock herself in the bathroom for a good ten minutes to sob into a wadded up paper towel. Her eyes actually ached from crying when she finally walked to her car. The more she thought about it, the more she realized the blame for her problems with Paul fell squarely on her shoulders. Because the sun scorched her eyelids, even through the dark lenses of her sunglasses, Josie didn’t notice Paul standing next to her car until she was practically bumping into him.
“Way to be aware of your surroundings,” he said.
She jumped.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. Then, realizing her tone hadn’t been very welcoming, she added, “I mean, I thought you weren’t coming. The appointment is over.”
Paul lifted her sunglasses, and when he saw she’d been crying he pulled her against him.
“What’s wrong, babe?”
“I miss you, and I just want to fix things, that’s all,” she said. “But I’m not sure how.”
“Start with dinner?”
Josie nodded against his chest. “Tonight?”
He sighed. “We can aim for tonight, but the guys have a dealer coming out of Phoenix. I might get called in.”
A tiny, resentful voice in the back of Josie’s mind piped up to point out that this, right here, was actually the root of their problems. She tamped it down. When Paul had gone undercover, they’d discussed the position at length. They both knew call-outs and late nights were a possibility, but it was something he wanted to do and, more importantly, it was better to get it out of the way before they decided to start a family.
The same resentful voice told Josie that imagining a situation before it happens is different from actually living it. Which was true.
“I’ve got a couple of errands to run,” Paul said, “but let’s tentatively plan to meet at the Mexican place at six. I’ll call or text you if I end up getting called out. Does that sound good?”
It would have to do.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
The best and the worst thing about best friends is that they hold you accountable. Josie should have expected—no, scratch that—she should have known Summer and Delaney would begin keeping tabs on her at some point as she and Summer had done to Delaney during The Dating Intervention.
Even after the stressful, embarrassing, horrifying evening she’d had after her appointment with Dr. Strasser, Josie felt her lips twist into a smile as she lay in bed alone (again), remembering The Dating Intervention and what they’d put Delaney through. For her own good, of course.
One night when Delaney was still tending bar at Rowdy’s, Josie and Summer sat in the darkest corner of the saloon and spied on her as she flirted with a depressed, drunk, floppy-haired loser. When the two girls realized the inevitability of Delaney taking him home, Summer had raced to Delaney’s house and intercepted them, forcing Delaney to put him in a taxi and send him on his way.
Another evening, they followed her and a different guy, another obvious mismatch, through town, ending up at the Golden Lantern to call Delaney on her inability to follow their Rules and stop dating the wrong guys.
Delaney must have felt terrorized. She did, if Josie remembered right. To the point of insanity. Josie followed Delaney into the bathroom and found her talking to the serene Chinese woman in the painting on the wall.
Now, tonight, it was Josie’s turn.
After Paul left Dr. Strasser’s parking lot to run his errands, Josie decided to go for a drive. She turned the air conditioner on full blast, and headed for Copper Mine Road. While she drove, she used voice- to-text to send Delaney and Summer a text message.
“Had kind of a breakthrough today with Dr. S. Planning dinner with Paul at six, unless he flakes. I mean, unless he gets called in.”
Looking back, she wasn’t sure why she felt the need to text them. It’s not like they needed to know her minute-by-minute plans.
Summer responded first: Sounds great! Keep us posted.
And then Delaney: Good luck, and yes, keep us posted.
“Will do,” Josie said to her phone.
***
Despite Paul’s warning, Josie’s hopes were crushed when he texted her just before six to tell her he had to go into work after all. Disappointment hit her like a bucket of ice cold water being thrown over her head, traveling from her shoulders to the pit of her stomach where it sat, freezing.
During her appointment with Dr. Strasser, she felt ready to accept almost full responsibility for their marriage problems. And then this. Couldn’t he turn down a call-out? Couldn’t he choose their marriage over his work, this one night?
Apparently not. He didn’t even spare a moment to call.
She received his message while she was driving back down Copper Mine Road and this time, Josie didn’t resist the urge to throw her phone. It hit the passenger door with a loud cracking sound, and then tumbled onto the floor. She reached for it and almost ran off the road. Despite the loud sound the phone made when it hit the door, the screen wasn’t cracked and the case was still intact.
Then she made a decision. She didn’t know why she made the choice she did. Maybe it was to get back at Paul for going into work after they’d planned dinner. So what if he’d warned her. Maybe it was because she was lonely and wanted company. Maybe it was because she had her heart set on Mexican food and didn’t want to eat alone.
There’s a reason they say hindsight is twenty-twenty, she’d think later as she drifted off to sleep on waves of uneasiness.
But when she dialed Scott Smith’s number, she wasn’t using hindsight.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
He answered on the first ring. She picked him up ten minutes later, and just seven minutes after that, they sat at The Blue Fish in a two-person booth with a window looking out onto downtown.
“Best guacamole in town,” Josie said to Scott, scooping a creamy bite of it onto a tortilla chip.
He nodded, and in a move so intimate it curled her toes, gave her chills and made her want to run home to Paul (if he had been there), he wiped a bit of that guacamole off the corner of her lip and inserted his finger in
her mouth.
In what she’d later call reflex, she sucked the guacamole off his finger.
Josie’s “usual” hadn’t changed since she and Scott dated, and he ordered for both of them so casually the waiter referred to her as “La Señora” for the rest of the meal.
They both giggled every time the phrase rolled off his tongue.
So what if Josie downed three margaritas within an hour? So what if she touched Scott’s arm or his hand so frequently it became obvious she was doing it on purpose?
She was having a good time. Isn’t that what really mattered?
Her two very best friends didn’t think so. This is where hindsight would have come in handy.
***
After Josie finished that third margarita, she made a trip to the ladies’. She pulled up short when Summer emerged from the center stall. Her mouth dropped open when Delaney, too, emerged from the center stall.
“Oh. Um, hi, guys,” Josie said.
“Hey, Josie,” Summer said. “How’s your date with Paul going?”
Josie’s mind scanned her friends’ respective calendars. Monday night. Summer should be delivering Sarah to archery lessons and Delaney should be home with Jake doing wedding planning stuff.
“It’s fine. But who has Sarah? And aren’t you and Jake picking out your centerpieces tonight?”
“‘It’s fine’? Really?” Delaney said. “Because I didn’t see Paul when I came in. What happened? Did he get called to work? Or was your text earlier just an elaborate cover-up to throw us off your devious trail?”
Josie’s mind flashed to the view from the front door of the restaurant. Colorful tiles on the walls, huge pots on strategically placed shelves. The back of Josie’s head in that window booth … and undoubtedly, Scott Smith’s face staring adoringly at her.
Josie sighed.
“Caught,” she said. She smiled in a self-deprecating way she hoped they’d find humorous.