“You said that was what you wanted.”
“Please. Begin at the beginning, I have it now. I can do it properly.”
June was shaking her head at her, but she was laughing. “Okay. Now it’s a third start. It’s not really fresh anymore, but okay, we can do it again if you want.”
“Come on then!” Trish said.
June held her hand out again and this time Trish clasped it for even longer before letting it go. Trish leaned over the counter, pushing her hair behind her ear.
“Hello, I’m June. You must be the new librarian here?”
“Yes, I am, my name’s Trish. And what’s your purpose here, June?”
“I’m actually not a student here, I use this library to work on a book I’m writing. And I’m a tutor at the university.”
“You are? That’s wonderful. It sounds to me like there would be no ethical conflicts here for me at all. And exactly how old are you, June?”
June tried to not smile and failed. “I’m twenty-six years old. How do you feel about younger women?”
“That’s barely any younger than me at all. Why should age matter anyway?”
“Indeed,” June agreed. “I don’t see why it should.”
“I would really love to take you out. What do you think about that?”
June looked down at the desk between them and when she looked up, her eyes were clear and calm. “I’d like that a lot.”
They failed miserably in carrying out their plans of going on a date.
June had offered to pick Trish up on her bike. After riding over to Trish’s house, she stood looking up at it, hoping that she hadn’t made a mistake. Then she decided she didn’t care if she had; her stomach was doing somersaults at the thought of being with Trish again.
June climbed the steps, enjoying the delicious anticipation of knowing that Trish would be waiting for her on the other side of the door. She’d dressed in black jeans and a patterned black-and-white button-up, and she unzipped her jacket so Trish could see it.
Trish opened the door, stunning in a green dress. June greeted Trish with a kiss on the cheek, standing close to her. Before she leaned in, Trish eyed her body admiringly. Then Trish moved to June’s other cheek to kiss her too.
June felt the soft brush of her lips, and Trish’s hand lightly but confidently gripping her elbow. The smell of Trish’s hair came to her, so lovely. June put a hand on Trish’s shoulder and they stood in place for a moment together, breathing one another in. Finally, Trish turned her head and captured June’s lips. The sweetness of them slid over June’s mouth. Trish gripped her waist, making her weak.
After a few minutes of fevered making out in the doorway, Trish pulled June inside. She took June’s wrist and walked them directly to her bedroom, then started to strip June efficiently, unbuttoning her shirt. June let it happen while she watched Trish’s face, loving the expressions that passed over it. Trish splayed a hand across her stomach and June shivered as Trish’s hands reached up to her breasts.
Trish slowly pushed June’s shirt from her shoulders and June leaned in, kissing Trish again.
June walked them forward, feeling the jolt as the back of Trish’s knees hit the bed. Trish guided them down onto the mattress and June climbed on top of her. The two of them kissed hard, and their ragged breathing filled the room.
June reached between them and slid her hand up and underneath Trish’s dress, grabbing Trish’s thigh as Trish’s legs came around her waist. Trish sighed out her name, and June kissed her open mouth.
“I’ve really missed you,” Trish whispered.
June kissed Trish’s neck softly, then moved her mouth close to Trish’s ear. “I missed you too.”
June was going to show her exactly how much. She reached up higher, edging her fingers closer to where she wanted them to be, a hand slipping around to touch Trish’s inner thigh. Trish sighed into her ear and June kissed her neck, Trish squirming deliciously underneath her.
June drew back and stood up, intending to take the rest of her clothes off, but she only got as far as her shoes and socks before Trish’s mouth was on her again. Trish sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed her by the hips, kissing her stomach, reaching for the button of her jeans. June looked down at her upturned face, putting a palm to her cheek.
Wordlessly, June undressed, not taking her eyes from Trish as she did the same. Trish shyly unhooked her bra, working it down her arms and dropping it on the floor before stepping out of her underwear. June had seen Trish naked before, but she’d never felt like they had all this time, and now she drank in the sight. The curve of Trish’s hips, her beautiful skin. Trish sat on the bed, looking back up at her. The sight of her stopped June’s breath.
“I think you missed something. I mean, if you don’t mind?” June said, gesturing to Trish’s hair.
Trish smiled at her and loosened her hair from its ponytail. “You’ve got a thing about that, don’t you?”
“It does seem that way.”
“What are you still doing standing all the way over there?” Trish asked.
“Looking at you,” June said. “You’re so beautiful.”
Trish closed her eyes, her chest rising and falling with deep breaths, and she then moved back on the bed to lie down. “Hurry up and come over here.”
June followed where Trish had led her, then they lay face-to-face. Trish pulled her close to embrace her, and their skin was touching from their feet up to their foreheads. It almost felt like enough to just lie here like this. But then Trish kissed her, and she knew she needed more.
June rolled Trish underneath her, and ran the tips of her fingers down Trish’s ribs and then her stomach, watching the sharp intake of breath. Trish put an arm around her neck and through her hair, and June leaned down toward her.
Their kisses were unhurried, and June had never experienced anything like the slow burn that built between them as they pressed themselves together.
June lazily brought her hand down to Trish’s breast and gently ran her fingers over it, again and again while they kissed. Now and then she ran the back of her fingers over Trish’s ribs and over her hip. Trish pulled her mouth away breathlessly.
“June, please,” Trish said.
“What is it?”
“You’re driving me crazy.”
“Oh,” June said.
She rose up and grabbed Trish’s wrists, pinning them against the mattress, smiling back at Trish when she laughed. June held her while she bent and licked her way down Trish’s neck, moving down to take a nipple in her mouth. Trish cried out, her back arching as June flicked her tongue against the peak. June released Trish’s wrists now, too focused on her task for games. She flattened her tongue and ran it over Trish’s breasts and down lower, feeling Trish suck in her stomach.
At last, June moved back up and laced her arm underneath Trish’s shoulders and around her neck, cradling her. She reached her other hand down between them, her eyes on Trish’s face as she drew it lower and lower. As her fingers found Trish ready for her, she saw the moment register in Trish’s expression, full of pleasure and need. Their eyes were locked as June stroked her and their hips moved together, Trish’s head falling back against her arm. Trish’s eyes never left her own and June gazed down into them, trying to tell her with every movement of her hand and every kiss what this was to her.
Trish’s hand was pressed against her back, and the other reached up to the side of June’s face. Her leg was drawn up, bent at the knee as she pushed down into the bed, and she was biting her lip. June wanted to freeze the moment in her mind, sure that she’d never seen anything so gorgeous.
June was kissing her when Trish released a shuddering sigh into her mouth, a fist balling in her hair.
“June,” Trish said softly, just that one word, but June knew what she meant.
Trish stretched, arching her back until the sheet started to slip down her body. June looked over her naked form, wanting to see her again, and then June laid her head u
pon Trish’s shoulder. Trish’s arms were wrapped around her, her fingers in June’s hair.
“My letter must have been really good,” Trish said.
June laughed against her chest. Trish sounded so proud of herself.
“Well?”
“It helped,” June said.
“What do you mean, it helped? Wasn’t it the whole thing? I didn’t do anything else.”
“I mean, I’d been trying to get over you, and the letter helped me realize it was never going to work. I was always going to be waiting for you to do something else, hoping you’d come to me again.”
“I thought you didn’t like it when I saw you at your class.”
June shrugged, trailing her fingers over Trish’s ribs. Even though she’d been furious at Trish for coming by that day, there was still a part of her that wanted her to try again.
“Did it clear everything up enough?” Trish moved, pulling out from under June and rolling onto her side so that they could see one another’s eyes. June obliged, turning and facing her.
June’s finger lifted and traced her jawline, then ran over her lips. “It did. It explained a lot of things.”
“I know we’re joking about having a fresh start and everything, but I guess I just want to know…”
“If it really is a fresh start?” June broke in.
Trish nodded. “Exactly. You have no idea how happy I am to be here with you. But I want to start this out right. I don’t want us to start this thing but still have it hanging between us. I wouldn’t blame you if you were still mad. If you are, I think now’s the time to tell me. Let’s get it all out there and work through it, otherwise things might go bad later. What do you think?”
“I don’t think I could be here if I was still holding on to everything. When I saw you here the other day, I was pretty sure I was going to be okay, but I needed to go away and think some more after I’d seen you.”
“I was wondering what was going through your head when you came over that day.”
“It kind of knocked me down, seeing you again. So, I went away and searched myself, and I realized that I didn’t feel angry anymore.”
“So, you really do think you can forget about all of the stuff I did?”
June again put her fingers on Trish’s face, smoothing the line of her brow. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but how could I forget about it? I don’t want to forget about anything that’s happened since we met. If I forgot the stuff that caused me pain I wouldn’t remember all the happiness I’ve had, too. Now that I know you’re serious about this I wouldn’t want anything to be any different.”
Tears sprung to Trish’s eyes. “Do you really mean that?”
“I don’t say anything I don’t mean. For example, you should kiss me now.”
That night they drove to get takeout from a Chinese restaurant, then they took the brown paper bag of honey chicken, rice, and egg rolls to St Kilda beach. It was nearing the end of winter, the air still cool on their skin. They brought a checked woolen blanket from the car down to the sand, draping it over their shoulders as they walked.
There was a crowd of noisy backpackers drinking on the shore, so they moved far away, until they found an isolated spot. They sat hand in hand looking out at the moonlit water.
“When I’ve finished my book, we should go away together somewhere, even just for a few days,” June said.
“I’d love that. You know what else I’d love to do?”
“What’s that?” June asked.
“I want to introduce you to my folks.”
June bumped Trish with her shoulder. “Wow, I know people joke about lesbians moving fast but you’re not playing around, are you?”
Trish laughed. “Hey. I meant when we’re ready. You already know Leigh. You can come to one of our family dinners. I’d love to meet your mother too. Do you think she’d cook me dinner sometime?”
“I think she’d love to cook for you,” June said, squeezing her hand.
They took turns sharing plans and ideas. Trish listened as June’s voice hummed quietly in the night. This would be a part of her life now, the indescribable happiness of being at June’s side.
As June spoke, Trish promised herself that she would live up to the faith June was placing in her. No matter what, Trish was going to do her best to make sure that her insecurities and doubts never led her around by the nose again.
Trish was still going to do all the things that she wanted to do before this miracle had occurred. It was unfair to expect June to be everything for her. After Katrina, she couldn’t risk making the same mistake of allowing one person to rule her life so completely. Trish wanted to take command of her own fate, and she wanted to be able to come home to June every night and share it with her. Trish was sure that such an arrangement would be the only one that June could be happy with, and that was why she was special.
It was too soon to say I love you but Trish was sure that she did. She wanted to know that June felt the same way, but for now it was enough to have her here. Maybe one day soon June would tell her, and that was something to look forward to.
“What are you thinking about, looking all serious like that? I can barely see your face, but I know you look serious,” June said.
“Nothing at all. Everything is perfect,” Trish said.
They finished eating from their cartons. Abruptly, June pulled the blanket from their shoulders and laid it down on the sand, standing up to smooth it over the ground. She beckoned Trish forward and they lay down together.
Trish looked up at the stars for a moment. This moment really was perfect. She closed her eyes.
June was propped on her elbow beside her. Trish looked up at her and slipped a hand around her neck. They kissed, the spark igniting quickly between them again.
It was late, and there was nobody else on the beach. Trish looked up and around them to be certain, then she slowly pushed up June’s shirt. She found the skin warm beneath her hand, and as they kissed, she laid a hand over June’s chest to feel her quickening breath.
They made love while the waves lapped at the shore.
Chapter Twenty
Trish sipped her wine and made small talk with one of the groomsmen sitting next to her. Bobby was Andrew’s colleague and one of his best friends. Throughout the time leading up to the wedding, Trish had spent quite a lot of time with him.
“Your girlfriend seems really cool. What’s her name again?” Bobby said.
“June,” Trish said absently, because at every opportunity she had been taking in the sight of June dressed in a well-tailored, very flattering black suit. The pants gathered in at the ankle and she was wearing heels, with her hair flowing loosely. As usual, June’s androgynous beauty drove her crazy. Judging from the stares June had been getting all night from even the heterosexual women in the room, Trish was not the only one who felt that way.
The wedding was beautiful, and the reception was shaping up to be great too. Both events were held at a winery in the Yarra Valley. Though it was now dark, they had been surrounded all day by stunning mountain views. It was one of the first days of summer, and a shining sun blessed them all afternoon.
The reception hall was an old mansion, with polished floorboards and stunning antique furniture. Andrew and Leigh had chosen brightly colored floral centerpieces for the tables, and the room was lit with lanterns that cast a soft glow over the room.
Many of the guests were drunk, thanks to the countless toasts that had been proposed during the speeches. Trish and Leigh’s dad had brought the room to tears as he talked about his daughter. Now the band was playing a mixture of eighties-era covers and sappy ballads, and people were dancing.
The only problem was that Trish was seated at the bridal table at the top end of the room, where they looked out over all the guests, and therefore she couldn’t sit next to June. They had spent the last few nights apart because Trish had been so busy with her bridesmaids’ duties. Of course, Trish was happy to do it, even if having a m
an for a partner all night made her feel like she was back at one of her high school dances. Bobby was a good guy, so it wasn’t as painful as it could have been to have a whole night on his arm.
June seemed to be getting along well without her. Trish watched June pull a chair out for one of her great-aunts. It was the first time June had met most of her extended family, and she was charming all of them. At one point, Trish looked up to find a few of her cousins, together with a handful of aunts and uncles, crowded around June. They were all smiling and laughing, and Trish watched proudly as June held them in her thrall. She would have to ask later what they were all talking about.
Trish had already introduced June to her parents, who got over their fixation on Katrina right away. June had come to two family dinners in a row, so that she met their dad one week and their mother the following. Trish was so relieved at the way June talked with her mom about books when they first met, discussing her mother’s passion for Gloria Steinem and Susan Sontag. Then June spent hours discussing food and wine with her dad, debating which region produced the best shiraz, and where the best blue cheese could be found.
Trish had met June’s family, too, and had gotten along well with June’s mother, Gwen. Gwen was younger than her own parents, and dressed stylishly in vintage clothing from Fitzroy boutiques. Trish found her to be warm and funny, just the kind of person that she would have imagined raising June. It was fascinating to learn about June’s early years, how Gwen had managed working as a chef in tourist traps throughout Northern Queensland when June was a baby.
As Trish watched June talking to her relatives, June looked back over at her. They stared at one another for a moment, losing focus on the conversations they’d been having. June lifted her hands and used her fingers and thumbs to make a heart sign.
“Should we go out and dance?” Bobby asked.
“Of course,” Trish said.
Trish had shed her heels a while ago because they had been giving her a headache, so she went out to the dance floor with bare feet. A lot of the men had loosened their ties and taken off their jackets.
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