"Lizabeth?"
It was Matt. And it was too late to sneak away. He stood at the head of the stairs, his body backlit by the kitchen light. He seemed impossibly big, slouched in the doorway. "I was just getting ready to go home," Lizabeth said, sliding past him.
"So was I. And then I realized I had this problem." His voice was weary. "I couldn't figure out where I lived."
He wore a dark pin-striped suit that was perfectly cut to his broad shoulders and slim hips. His white shirt was open at the neck. His tie had been loosened. The slightly pleated slacks clung to his muscular thighs and gracefully fell to a pair of black, Italian leather loafers. He looked more like a CEO than a carpenter. And that's exactly what he is, Lizabeth thought with a jolt. He and Frank Kocen, his hospitalized partner, were the executive officers of Hal-Cen Corporation. It wasn't General Motors, but it was a respectable little construction company, and from what she could see it was growing at a slow but steady pace. They weren't taking any chances. They were building good homes at a reasonable price and reinvesting their profits.
She watched him go to the refrigerator and take out a can of cold beer. She'd never envisioned him in a suit. In fact, she had never thought that he might own one. A five-o'clock shadow was darkening his jaw, whitening his teeth, emphasizing the hard planes of his face. If she'd met him on the street she might not have recognized him at first, but she sure would have given him a. second glance. She half expected to see women lined up on the front lawn like cats in heat. He was awesome.
"You're staring," he said.
"I'm not used to seeing you In a suit."
He grunted, oblivious to his own image, and took a swig from the can. "As the company grows, I find myself spending less time on the job site and more time closeted with bankers and lawyers and real estate agents. Especially since Frank broke his hip. It's not something I enjoy. I chose construction because I like the hands-on part of building things."
"When Frank comes back will you be able to retire your suit?"
"Pretty much. As long as you stay in the office. You were right about needing more support staff. Frank and I can't handle it any longer." He finished the beer. "How do you feel about that?"
"I like working In the office."
He wasn't really asking if she liked it. He wanted to know if she was going to stick around. He knew the thought of marrying him gave her a headache. That wasn't an encouraging sign. Last night he'd felt desperate as she curled next to him in bed. He'd only just found her, and he was afraid he'd already lost her. He couldn't even figure out what had gone wrong. One minute they were friends and lovers, and the next thing he knew, she was furious because he'd charged off after the flasher. The memory brought a smile to his mouth. He had to admit he'd felt foolish standing there buck naked in front of her neighbors.
Lizabeth almost fainted when he smiled. It was the small, unguarded smile of a man laughing at himself. It was a little embarrassed and utterly charming. It almost broke her heart. He was so damn lovable! "What are you smiling about?"
"I guess I was a real bozo last night."
Lizabeth laughed. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. "You were sweet."
"Really?"
"Mmmm. I was the bozo. I overreacted."
"No, no. You were right," Matt said. "I went berserk. I lost control."
"True. You did lose control."
"I had good reason to lose control, Lizabeth. The man is a nut-case. And now he's resorting to violence."
Lizabeth rolled her eyes. "He got frustrated and threw his shoe at my window. I'd hardly call that violent. You, on the other hand, are prone to violence. You even enjoy violence. You keep a whole cardboard boxful of violence. And you watch hockey! You probably like boxing and wrestling too."
"So sue me. I'm a man. Men like those things."
"Not my men, buster!" she shouted.
"Unh!" She thunked her fist against her forehead. She was doing it again. What was wrong with her? She was unreasonable. She was making a mess of things. She took a deep breath. "Maybe we should go home."
Matt vented his exasperation on the beer can, crushing it flat. "How many homes are you talking about? Are we still married?"
"We're talking about my home . . . our home," she corrected. "And we're still married. At least until I can come up with a better story. Is that okay with you?"
"Anything's okay with me as long as I can get out of this suit."
Eight
Lizabeth dropped a cotton nightshirt over her head. She fluffed the pillows on her bed, turned down the sheet and summer comforter, and set the alarm. What she needed was a good night's sleep in her nice comfy bed, she thought. She needed space, some time to think. And she needed rest. She crawled into bed and groaned out loud as her spine relaxed and her bare legs slid between the cool sheets. The sound of swearing carried to her from down the hall. There was a loud crash and more swearing. A door opened and then slammed shut. It was Matt. Now what? What more could possibly go wrong? They had snapped at each other all through supper. After supper she had refused to go riding on his motorcycle, and he had refused to watch Out of Africa, saying it was a sissy movie. Now he was stomping around like a bear wearing lead boots.
Matt looked at her closed door and counted to ten. Calm yourself, he said. You know how she hates violence. You know how she hates when you lose control and go running around naked. Okay, he had that one covered. He'd put on a pair of pajama bottoms.
He knocked on the door.
"Yes?"
He sucked in a lungful of air. "I have to talk to you."
"I'm tired. Can't we talk tomorrow?"
"No. We can't talk tomorrow. We have to talk now."
"I don't want to talk now." She didn't want to talk to someone who called Out of Africa a sissy movie. And he'd implied her mashed potatoes were lumpy. And he'd yelled at Ferguson just because Ferguson had eaten his shoe. And more than that, she wasn't up to having him in her bedroom. She couldn't get a grip on Her emotions. There was love and fear and anger all jumbled together, and she couldn't stop them from tumbling out. Ever since last night she had been saying things she regretted, and yet, she kept saying them.
He did some deep breathing, counted to ten again, tried the doorknob, and found it was locked. More deep breathing. More counting to ten. "Oh hell," he said. He gave the door a good kick and broke the lock.
Lizabeth sprang up to a sitting position, too astonished to be angry. Her eyes were wide, her mouth open. "You broke my door!"
Now that he had kicked something he was feeling much better. He was even able to speak without shouting—just barely. "That isn't all I've broken. I've also broken Jason's bed. I don't fit in a twin size-"
"Have you tried the couch?"
"Ferguson's sleeping on the couch." He slapped the spare pillow into shape and turned back the sheet.
Lizabeth felt panic claw at her throat. "You're not sleeping here!"
"The hell I'm not." He rolled in beside her and gave something that was close to a growl. "I don't fit in this bed either. Every bed in this house was designed for midgets."
"I didn't hear you complaining last night."
"Last night I wasn't interested in sleeping."
"And I suppose the only thing you have on your mind tonight is sleeping?"
"You got it."
How insulting! They'd been married for less than twenty-four hours and he wanted to go to sleep. Of course, it wasn't a real marriage, but it was insulting all the same. She glared down at him. "Well, since you don't fit in this bed you might as well go somewhere else. Why don't you go kick Billy's door down and ruin his bed."
"Don't push me, Liz. I'm a man on the edge."
She gave him a long, considering look and decided to let him teeter. "Hmmm," she said, slithering down beside him.
"What's 'hmmm' supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Just hmmmm." She shut the light off and smiled in the darkness, deciding she l
iked having him next to her. She liked the way his warmth cut through her nightgown. She liked listening to him breathe, liked the way he made her feel safe from whatever terrors the night might hold. Now that she had a chance to reconsider, she might even like to make love to him. " "Night," she whispered, rustling closer as she turned her back, not so Innocently snuggling her bottom into his hip.
He didn't respond. He couldn't. Not without giving himself away. He'd made a colossal mistake. He'd been hurt when she'd suggested he sleep in Jason's room. As the night wore on he'd become more and more frustrated. The bed had been the last straw, but in all honesty, if he hadn't been thrashing around in a snit, the bed would never have collapsed. Now he was next to her, and he was miserable. He'd told her he was only interested in sleeping. Yeah, he thought, and cows can fly. Every muscle in his body felt as if it were tied in knots. He was hard—everywhere. And he was supposed to sleep?
He turned toward her and put his hand to her waist, feeling the flare of her hip. She would have been pretty when she was a teenager, he decided. But as a fully grown woman she was magnificent. Her breasts were full, her nipples large and dark from nursing two children, and her lips were as soft as her breasts. He liked the way she tipped her head back and laughed deep in her throat. Honest laughter. And he liked the way she made love to him. Honest loving. His thumb stroked over the ridge of hipbone. "Lizabeth?"
She twisted in his arms until she was facing him, her breasts brushing against his bare chest, her face inches from his.
Matt feathered his lips against her forehead when he spoke. "I think our marriage hasn't gotten off to a good start."
"I've noticed that, but I don't know how to fix it. Maybe it's unfixable." Sometimes love just Isn't enough, she thought. Sometimes there were differences that couldn’t be bridged. Sometimes there were personalities that couldn't adapt. Some people simply weren't meant to be married. Maybe she was one of those people. The possibility brought a new rush of sadness, and she sought solace from it in Matt's embrace. She was tired of being sad. She had spent too many sad nights with Paul. She raised her mouth to Matt, and her lips trembled when he kissed her. Lord, how she loved him. if they had only met at another time— when the boys were grown, or before they'd been born. His kisses were gentle but persistent. His hands moved under her nightshirt and the feel of his calloused palm on her bare belly pulled her away from thought. Desire warmed her, drugged her. She gave herself up to it. needing to be part of him for a little while longer.
Lizabeth woke to the aroma of coffee brewing and the smoky smell of bacon frying. It was six A.M. and responsibility lay heavy on her. So heavy she could barely open her eyes or raise her arms. She was going to have to cut Matt out of her life, and the wound was going to be unbearably painful and impossible to heal. She'd been a fool to let things go this far. She'd had some misgivings before—silly ones about tattoos and education, but when Paul left with her kids it had triggered an anxiety attack that had raised serious, legitimate questions. When you combined the serious questions with the silly misgivings it didn't seem like the relationship had much of a chance for long-term success. She was a mother. That was the bottom line. And the mothering part of her was strong. So strong there was a tendency for it to squeeze out everything else. Perhaps because all her life she'd been Mac's daughter or Paul's wife, now she couldn't keep herself from being Jason and Billy's mother. She'd make a terrible wife. She didn't know how to divide herself up so that there was some for Billy and Jason, and some for Matt, and some for Lizabeth. Matt would be neglected, she thought. In a small corner of her mind she couldn't help compare Matt to Paul and wonder if Matt would eventually find comfort in other women. Even as she thought these things, a tear trickled down her cheek, and she wasn't sure if it was for Jason or Billy or Matt or herself.
Sirens wailed in the distance, and she absently wondered if it was the police chasing down the flasher. No, she decided, the flasher wouldn't be running around at six in the morning. Anyway, there were too many sirens. She could hear the throaty blast of air horns now. Fire trucks. And they were getting closer. She got out of bed and dragged herself to Elsie's room at the front of the house. She looked out the window and watched the trucks turn onto Gainsborough. They swung wide at the corner and headed In her direction, lights flashing. She looked down the street, hut saw no evidence of a fire. No smoke. No flames. No unusual activity. Two large trucks and a smaller rescue vehicle stopped in front of her house. She could feel the vibration of the engines deep in her chest, felt the lights pulsing against her nightshirt.
They were obviously lost. Someone's house was burning to the ground and the firemen were lost. Who cares, Lizabeth thought. She was depressed. She wasn't even sure she'd care if it were her house that was burning. That was when she smelted the smoke. That was when she noticed her eyes were smarting. That was when Matt opened the front door just below her and waved to the firemen. The lethargy Instantly lifted and was replaced with panic. "Matt! What's going on?" she shouted.
He looked up at her. "HI, honey. Don't worry. Everything's okay. I just burned the bacon a little." Did she believe that?
"What are these fire trucks doing here?"
"The bacon kept smoldering. And I figured better safe than sorry." He flashed her a reassuring smile.
One of the firemen rushed past Matt. He was in full protective gear, carrying a fire extinguisher. He grinned and shook his head at Matt. "Burned the bacon a little? Man, I got a look at the back of this house when we turned the corner. You barbecued your kitchen! You're In big trouble. She's gonna kick your butt all the way around the block."
Matt grinned back at him. "So, you think she'll notice the damage?"
Lizabeth raced down the stairs, struggling to get her arms into her bathrobe as she ran. She came to an abrupt halt at the kitchen. It was black. Black soot on the walls. Black soot on the ceiling. And the stove and part of the back wall were charred. Foam dripped from counters and appliances and grimy water flooded the floor.
"Nice work," one of the firemen said to Matt. "Use your garden hose?"
"Only after it spread to the outside wall."
Everyone looked at Lizabeth. She was standing perfectly still, her arms hanging limp at her sides, her shoulders slightly slumped. The silence was as thick as the foam on the stove. Finally, she spoke. "I want almond-colored appliances," she said. "Pot-scrubber dishwasher and self-cleaning oven. Butcher-block countertops. I think I'll wallpaper the walls. I always thought a small print would look nice in here."
By ten o'clock a cleaning crew arrived, followed by the electrician, and at eleven-thirty Grimm's Appliances delivered a range, dishwasher, state-of-the-art refrigerator, and microwave. Lizabeth was glad Matt was in the construction business. She would have had to wait weeks for a new toaster to be delivered.
Matt and Ferguson sat on the front porch, eating Oreos. "Guess I'm not so handy In the kitchen," Matt said to the dog. "I Just never paid much attention to cooking before. No one ever cooked for me when I was a kid. Hey, don't worry about it. I got along okay. Look how big I grew." He took the top off an Oreo and gave it to Ferguson and kept the part with the icing for himself. "Sometimes my sister Mary Ann would cook, but it was mostly from cans or hamburgers. Nothing fancy like bacon." He separated another cookie. This time Ferguson got the good part. "I know what you're thinking. I lived in that town house for ten years, I should have learned how to cook bacon, but jeez, who would have thought the grease would catch fire like that?" He put a confiding arm around the dog. "Just between you and me, my mind was wandering. You got a girlfriend, Ferguson? Maybe you're too young. Well, let me tell you, women can be damn distracting. And wonderful," he added softly. He thoughtfully munched on an Oreo. "Lizabeth is special. You're a lucky dog to be living with Lizabeth."
Miller's Furniture truck pulled up at the curb, and Lizabeth came running to the front door. "What's that furniture truck doing here? Matt! You didn't buy furniture, did you?"
/>
"It's a bed," Matt said, handing the bag of cookies over to Ferguson. "I couldn't spend another night in that little bitty bed you're got."
"You should have asked me."
"You would have said no."
"Exactly." Lizabeth napped her arms. "I don't want a new bed. I can't afford a new bed."
"I bought the bed."
"Matt, that's very sweet of you, but I can't let you buy me a bed. I mean a bed isn't like a bag of doughnuts. Men don't just go around giving beds to women. I didn't mind you advancing me money for the appliances, because I know my insurance will cover it. But a bed! You can't give me a bed."
Andy Miller and Zak Szlagy carried a metal bed frame and a queen-size box spring into the house.
"Stop!" Lizabeth said. "I didn't order this."
"It's already paid for, lady," Andy said. "S'cuse me. This goes upstairs?"
Lizabeth followed after them. "I haven't room for another bed. What will I do with my double?"
"Don't worry about it. We'll take care of the double. Why don't you put it in this room where the bed looks broken?"
"Fine. Do it." Her mind went racing ahead. If she didn't replace the linoleum in the kitchen she could probably cover the cost of the bed with the insurance money.
"We have to talk," Lizabeth said to Matt. "You have to go."
"Go where?"
"Go home. To your home. This isn't working. Every day I fall a little bit deeper in love with you, and every day it becomes more and more obvious that it isn't going to work."
She was in love with him! Deeper in love with him every day. He thought his heart might jump right out of his chest. Unfortunately, she was mad at him. He couldn't figure out exactly why she was mad at him, but he decided to go with it. "All I did was buy a bed."
"It's me. I can't. . ." Her voice broke. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "I'm not ready for marriage, and I can't let myself get pushed into something just because the neighbors saw you naked."
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