She couldn’t help herself. She climbed onto the bed next to him and cuddled into his side. She would worry about what to tell him when he was well. She didn’t know how long they lay together. She must have fallen asleep, too, probably because she was exhausted from sitting up with him all through the nights in case he awoke, because when she stirred he was curled on his side, looking at her.
“What nefarious activities that Stewart is mixed up in did you particularly want to tell the magistrate?”
Her heart literally stopped beating. Oh, my God, she’d made a mistake.
“Shooting you, for one. Stealing Jonathan’s horse, for another.” She just couldn’t tell him. Not like this. Not when he was recuperating. She wanted more time. Time to show him she was falling in love with him. The suspicion faded a little bit in his eyes. “What else would I be referring to?” She went on the defensive. “Have you found out something about Stewart? Did he kill Carmichael?”
She felt like a piece of dirt when the suspicion faded completely from his eyes at her question.
He reached up and cupped her chin. “No. I’m sorry we are still no nearer to learning what happened to Carmichael that night. And now the one person I think can tell us has escaped.”
“You don’t think Stewart will return to Seaford?”
“He’d have to be desperate to be that foolish. But you are right. We still have the magistrate to question, and I’m sure if we presented all Jonathan and I have learned to your brother, he’d convince the courts that it was the smuggling venture Carmichael was in that got him killed. It would certainly be enough for the sister of a duke to be above reproach.”
“What have you learned? You have not shared his smuggling activities with me.” She knew what they were and if Stephen knew, too…he could never tell her brother. What would her family think of her?
He pressed a kiss to her lips. “That fine French brandy in your house most likely. The villagers told us that the town was flooded with brandy when the smuggling started.”
She had never felt so relieved. “So it’s over?” He didn’t answer, merely smiled at her. If it was over, did that mean he would leave her? She should be ecstatic because she could start her new life with her house and money. A big, lonely house. All she could think was how empty it would feel without Stephen.
“We don’t have to think about that yet. It’s going to take me a few days to recover my strength, but I will write to Sandringham and tell him everything.”
When she didn’t say anything, he softly asked, “Why did you come here?”
This was the time. The time to be brave and tell him how she felt. “I didn’t think. I heard you were hurt and had to see you.”
“Out of guilt?” Her heart bloomed at the hope she read in his gaze.
“No.” Without hesitation she uttered, “Because that is what you do when you hear the man you love has been shot.”
He briefly closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. “I had hoped, but to hear you say the words means more than you’ll ever know.”
This time she reached out to touch his face. “I don’t care whether you lose your sight or not. My world needs you in it. Wants you in it, and it’s your fault. I was quite content on my own not knowing what I was missing. You have given me such joy and shown me true happiness I can’t turn back.”
“Another man. A man with two good working eyes could give you joy and happiness.”
“No. I know it’s because of you. The man you are. Kind, generous, loyal, courageous, sexy…All the things I have always wanted. The fact that you are so handsome you take my breath away is a bonus.”
He laughed before his smile disappeared. “You left off damaged. What about children? I would marry you and give you what you want. A child. But it might suffer from my affliction. Can you bear that?”
“Or it might not. Your sisters’ eyes are fine. Or I may never be able to give you a child. I was married for six long years.”
She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. “Does the idea of a child going blind scare you? It should. It’s a terrible affliction to pass on.”
She hesitated and decided to voice her true fear. “No, it doesn’t frighten me. Will I hate it if they suffer the same affliction? Yes, of course. But what frightens me the most is that if you do go blind, you would follow in your father’s footsteps. I would have your word before we marry that you would stay to see any child grow up. I could not survive if you chose to leave me, if you chose death over our family.” She couldn’t help it; a sob escaped.
“If I have you, if I have your love, I think I will be strong enough to deal with whatever comes.”
“Think? I have to know you are sure. I can’t fall any further in love with you and then you decide it’s too much.” She was still crying but she had to know he would never do what his father did. She had to know that together they could face anything. “I would have your word. A vow that no matter how hard life gets we will stay together.”
They lay facing each other; she could still feel the tears flowing down her cheeks. Finally, he spoke as a single tear fell from his damaged eye. “I vow that as long as you and my family walk this earth I will be there for you all. No matter what.”
She smiled through her tears and kissed him. When he drew back he asked, “You haven’t asked me why I have not said I love you.”
“I don’t care. It’s enough for me to know you do. It would be nice to hear you say the words but I know you love me a lot.” At his frown she added, “You are willing to give me what I want, even when it scares you. A child. And I know how difficult that offer was for you. You are doing it for me, and the only reason I can think of is because you love me.”
His forehead touched hers. “I do love you. Very much. So no more fear. I would never leave you. You are mine now. Forever. Everything I have is yours including my body, my heart, and my name.”
Her heart felt as though it would burst with love and happiness. She never dreamed she would find this sort of love. She pushed to the back of her mind what might happen if he learned the truth, but he’d said it could end now. That they had enough for Sandringham to confront Rotham and put an end to his accusations.
They lay hugging each other until a growl from Stephen’s stomach broke the mood. “Sorry, but I don’t think I’ve eaten for a few days and I’m hungry.”
She pushed out of his arms. “I shall go and organize some food for you. The doctor said a light broth.”
“I’d prefer a side of beef, I’m that hungry.”
“You shall follow the doctor’s orders.” At his childlike pout she relented a little. “At least until tomorrow.”
“Can you organize a bath while you are at it? I’m beginning to smell, and yes, I promise not to get the bandages wet.” He sent her a scoundrel’s wink. “Perhaps you should help me bathe to ensure I don’t slip and drown.”
She gave him her best matronly stare but as she reached the door she let her look turn saucy. “I could do with a bath too. Perhaps I could bathe with you.”
He lay back on the pillows looking like a Greek god. “I knew there was a reason I loved you.”
She laughed like a giddy young girl as she slipped out the door to organize food and a bath.
* * *
—
His smile faded as she closed the door. He was happy with—hell, he hadn’t really proposed and she hadn’t exactly accepted, but they both knew where they stood. He would propose when he was in a condition to do so. He wanted his proposal to be perfect. He would announce it in the papers and to the world. She never had that the first time, and he wanted to show society how much he loved this woman. It would help with the scandal surrounding her husband’s death. He felt confident that Sandringham would stop Rotham from besmirching Penelope’s name.
He would, however, not stop looking for S
tewart. He not only had a score to settle for this bullet hole, but he was also determined to stop this despicable trade before Penelope heard the truth about her husband. He wanted it shut down now so nothing could come back to haunt her. She’d had one marriage built on scandal. He refused to let their marriage be tarnished too.
Just then the door opened and Alex walked in. “Your lovely Penelope tells me you are hungry and want a bath. I’ve had a tub put in your dressing room. It will be filled with hot water soon. Would you like the use of my valet or would you prefer a fair-haired beauty for that job?” Alex’s knowing smile irked. “She has not left your side in two days.”
“I’m going to marry that woman so be careful what you say.”
“I think that is one of the most sensible things I’ve heard you say in a long time. It’s time you settled down and had children. You have no idea how much joy Christopher has brought me and Hestia.” His friend knew him too well and must have noticed the stark look on his face. “You do want children, don’t you? Oh, she’s a widow. Married for six years. Do you think Penelope cannot have children? You must love her very much to marry her knowing that.”
“I really don’t care if I have children.”
Alex hissed through his teeth. “I doubt you mean that. I suppose you’re about to tell me you don’t wish to be Christopher’s godfather or guardian.”
“Sit down, Alex. I have much to tell you.” He watched as Alex sank into a chair near his bed and then he started his story.
By the time he’d finished he was shaking and Alex was pacing the floor. “So you see I’m not the man you want to be Christopher’s guardian. I’m going blind and it was likely my fault you got captured by Murad all those years ago. I should have told you I could not see properly.”
Silence stole into the room for quite some time.
Finally, “How long have you been holding on to this guilt?” Alex asked.
“Since I realized it was my fault the Turks crept up on us. Only a few years,” he said drolly.
He watched Alex swallow hard, shaken by Stephen’s words. “I wish you had told me sooner. I finally understand why you are behaving the way you are, why you are reluctant to be Christopher’s godfather. And it makes me very sad. Sad that you had so little faith in me you could not share your fears.”
Alex pulled up a chair next to the bed and leaned forward with his arms on his thighs. “I will say this only once. It was not your fault. They crept up on both of us. Neither of us saw them coming or heard them coming.”
Stephen looked at him starkly, his eyes welling with unshed tears. “I wish I could believe that. I’d only just begun to realize I had something wrong with my eyesight. Rather than sharing it with you, I panicked. I kept seeing images of my father’s brains all over his study desk, and I thought that would be my fate too. So I kept it all inside, scared that if I told anyone, it would come true. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Shh.” Alex cut him off, coming to sit on the bed next to him, putting his arm around him in a brotherly type half hug. He let Alex hold him like that for a long moment, his mind going back to that fateful day on the battlefield against the Turks. He leaned his head against Alex’s and prayed for his forgiveness.
“You are, and always will be, my best friend,” Alex whispered. “We have been through so much together and we will get through this problem with your eyes. Don’t think that this changes anything. I would be proud and honored to name you as Christopher’s godfather and guardian should anything happen to Hestia and me.”
Stephen wiped a tear off his cheek. “Are you sure? What about what I’ve just told you?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. You have been a true friend to me, and your courage, honor, and loyalty are an example I would gladly share with my son. I can think of no better man to look after Christopher should I ever need help.”
Alex stood. “So we will hear no more talk of guilt or blame. Nothing you have told me here today changes the way I feel about you. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time and were merely unlucky. That time in our past is gone. We are both looking at such bright and happy futures. Let’s not ruin it with dark memories.”
“Thank you,” he said softly.
Alex nodded and paused in the doorway, giving him a look of reassurance. “Let me give you some advice. Don’t live in the past. Living for the future is far more interesting and stimulating. I shall leave you in Penelope’s capable hands, but if you need anything, you know where to find me.” With a wink he left the room.
Once the door had closed Stephen drew in a deep breath. That conversation had gone completely differently than how he’d imagined. Perhaps Alex was right. There was no point in focusing on the past when you could not change it.
Just then the door opened and Penelope entered. With startling clarity he realized she was his future. Alex was right. Nothing good came from the regrets of your past. Suddenly it was as if the weight of the world was removed from his shoulders.
“Would you like the food first or your bath?” she asked with a saucy smile.
“Bath. But only if you join me.”
He loved the pretty blush that scored her cheeks. “Bath it is, then.”
As she drew back his bedcovers and helped him stand, he felt right with the world. And as he watched Penelope’s little tongue lick her bottom lip, and noted the rapid rise and fall of her chest, he suddenly thought, It’s good to be alive.
Chapter 18
It was two weeks past and while Stephen’s shoulder wound had healed, his arm was still stiff and sore. He could barely move it properly. Penelope helped by rubbing liniment into it each morning.
They had stayed at Alex’s while he healed because there was no point going back to Hadleigh Park as Stephen needed to go via London to see Sandringham. Pen’s brother had already had one meeting with the magistrates and now they simply awaited Stephen’s verbal report. Which he would give in two days’ time. He was leaving Alex’s tomorrow morning to go to London while Pen went back to Hadleigh Park.
They had also stayed for Christopher’s christening and he’d stood proudly with Pen by his side as he vowed to be the boy’s godfather and the papers making him Christopher’s guardian had also been signed.
These two weeks had been the happiest of his life. Hestia and Pen became firm friends, and watching Pen with Christopher he ached to give her a child of her own. He could see the longing in her eyes every time she held the baby.
He was sitting, smoking a cheroot with Alex, the ladies having gone to bed. The men had finished three games of billiards, Alex winning two of the three, Stephen’s eyes not helping his chances. It suddenly occurred to him as he sat quite content with a fine brandy and a cheroot that he didn’t even notice his bad eyes. He was too happy to worry about what may or may not be.
“I had word this morning that Jamie Stewart has been seen in Glasgow. He’s run home. I think he got in over his head and is more afraid of the Frenchman than of you. I doubt we will see him in Essex ever again.”
Stephen had to agree with Alex. “I suspect the Frenchman threatened him if he did not continue with the trade. Or maybe he simply wanted Carmichael’s distribution contacts and thought Stewart would know them.”
“I want to help you stop the Frenchman.”
He took a sip of brandy and then a drag on the cheroot while he considered Alex’s offer. “Thank you but you have a newborn son to think about and a wife. Stopping a smuggler dealing in young girls will be dangerous.”
“You are doing it.”
“That’s because…” He was about to say that Alex was married but he had a woman waiting upstairs whom he had promised himself to. If something happened to him it would devastate Pen. He cleared his throat. “Nicely done. Perhaps we should leave it to the revenuers.”
“With a little help, of course. Why don�
�t I accompany Pen back to Hadleigh Park tomorrow while you go to London? Then we can both brief the revenuers on your return and help them in their hunt for this smuggler.”
“I would feel better knowing you traveled with Pen. But we both stay away from any action. We leave the revenuers to do their job, with our guidance.”
Alex slapped his knee on his thigh. “Done.”
“Shouldn’t you ask Hestia first?”
Alex smiled. “I already have. Her friend Lady Constance is coming to stay. I won’t be missed at all. Once Constance leaves, Hestia is going to come and join us at Hadleigh Park. She wants to introduce Christopher to the sea.”
He held up his glass in a toast. “We shall wait for Hestia to arrive before we hold our wedding, then. That’s the least I can do and I know Pen would love to have her there.”
“Let’s hope it won’t take long to capture this man. I want a relaxing seaside holiday with my wife and son.”
“Speaking of wives,” he said, finishing his brandy in one gulp. “My fiancée is waiting and I’m a clever man. I don’t think I’ll keep her waiting any longer as she might fall asleep.”
Alex laughed. “That’s one of my favorite pastimes, waking my wife. I thoroughly recommend it.”
Stephen walked up the stairs toward Pen’s bedchamber with a smile on his face. He suddenly hoped Pen was fast asleep because he knew exactly how he wanted to wake her.
He opened her door and a smile curved his lips. She was propped up on the pillows, a book fallen out of her hand beside her. She had obviously tried to stay awake for him. Her mouth was slightly open and she gave that quiet, dainty snuffle; not a snore exactly. Her lush hair cascaded around her shoulders and she wore a thin linen negligée he couldn’t wait to kiss off her. She looked beautiful and he drank her in. He would always remember how she looked in his bed. She was now so engrained in his heart that even if he completely lost his sight he would always be able to picture her.
Drawn to the Marquess Page 18