‘I’ve missed you,’ he breathed.
The air was sucked out of her, reality crashing down like a derelict building—ugly and grey and harsh. ‘No.’
‘No?’ He pulled his mouth away from hers, his dark brows crinkled above his nose.
She pushed against his chest until he released her, her sneakers hitting the ground with a thud. ‘You don’t get to say that to me.’
‘What?’
‘That you missed me.’ She was breathing as heavily as if she’d run a marathon, her chest rising and falling rapidly. ‘You don’t get to talk to me like you wanted it any other way.’
‘Damn, Elise.’ He shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. ‘You kissed me.’
‘I didn’t know what else to do.’ She glared at him, the old feelings of anger and shame returning with force. The feelings roared within her, crashing into one another and fighting for her attention, but she swallowed them down.
‘And kissing is your go-to move?’ he cried. ‘How am I supposed to respond to that?’
‘Oh, so you only kissed me because I kissed you first?’ Her chest burned, the heat clawing at her neck and face.
‘That’s not what I said.’
‘What are you trying to say, then, Col? You’re not being very articulate.’ She looked around for her handbag. ‘Or is that because all your blood has rushed away from your brain?’
‘That’s a cheap shot.’
‘If the shoe fits.’
He looked exasperated. ‘That doesn’t even make sense.’
‘Forget it ever happened, Col. A momentary slip.’ She found her bag on the floor next to the couch. ‘It won’t happen again.’
‘Ellie, wait.’ He reached out to her.
‘Forget it. We should have kept this to business like we agreed.’ She strode to the door, his footsteps close on her heels.
‘Then why did you kiss me?’ He spun her around so that she was sandwiched between the front door and the expanse of his chest.
Why did she do it? Because after all he’d done she still wanted him as badly as she did before? Because he was the only guy who’d ever been able to get close without spooking her? She’d had two short-term relationships since he’d left and both of them ended the same way: swiftly and without the opportunity for reconciliation. The last guy had left her with a parting shot that stung for weeks and weeks. He’d called her an emotionally devoid robot. The other had said he couldn’t be with someone who was so distant all the time, who couldn’t talk about how she felt, express what she wanted.
‘Why, Ellie?’ he pressed. ‘Answer me.’
She couldn’t do it; her throat closed around the words and stifled them until they disappeared. Her mouth opened and closed, almost involuntarily. She felt herself shut down; it always happened when she was trapped. There was no way for her to express herself that she knew. She couldn’t cry; she couldn’t be honest. So she simply closed up shop and berated herself on the inside.
‘I see.’ He nodded, stepping aside to give her space to leave.
She bit down on her lip so hard the metallic twang of blood seeped onto her tongue. What would a normal person do? They would scream, they would let the feelings out, they would at least say something...but her tongue was a dead weight in her mouth.
He stayed silent as she opened the door and slipped out, shame compressing her chest. For the first time since he left, Elise understood why Col had left her.
SIX
As the sound of her footsteps faded into nothingness Col let out every expletive he knew. He should have guessed her kiss was too good to be true. How could he have let himself slip like that?
He shook his head, leaning back against the door to survey the house and clear his head. Why did he want so desperately to hear the words from her lips? It was exactly the reason he’d called up the PR and Communications Manager at Google to change his mind and say he would come to Australia after all. No, he wasn’t going to do this now. He had a house to clean and business to take care of.
Soon he’d be back in the US and in the comfort of his own home, his own office. An empty ache opened up in the pit of his stomach...but what then? He’d known before he came back to Australia that his life had stalled. He was frequently frustrated, lonely...isolated. The only family he’d ever known was Elise, Rich and their parents. He had no one else, apart from his PR manager, Pete, who wanted him for something other than his fortune. Even Pete was still on his payroll. Elise was different.
But he had to face facts. Elise didn’t want him at all. That was clear from the fact that she could turn her passion on and off like a switch...that wasn’t true feeling. That was a game, but he wanted so much more and nothing would change that.
After Col had filled six garbage bags to the brim and taken them all out to the Dumpster outside, he stood on the front steps looking out into the street. The neighbourhood hadn’t changed much over the years; it was still quiet and while it wasn’t exactly the home of the white-picket-fence dream it was simple and tidy. Unsurprisingly, his father’s house was still the eyesore of the whole street.
Col’s phone vibrated, bringing his attention back to the present. ‘Hello?’
‘Hey, man.’ The voice of his friend and head of PR for Hillam Technologies came down the line.
‘Pete.’ Col grinned. The heavy New York accent always put a smile on his face. ‘Have you landed?’
‘I landed this morning, but it was stupid early.’ Pete yawned. ‘I’m thinking it’s beer o’clock by now. We should meet so I can go over the conference schedule with you.’
‘I’ll meet you at the hotel.’
Half an hour later Col and Pete were seated at an open-air bar close to the hotel, two pints of pale ale and a full itinerary for the conference in front of them. Though Pete might have looked like the kind of guy who lived a laid-back lifestyle—with his overlong blond hair and lazy smile—he ran Col’s public relations department with the kind of militant attention to detail better suited to an intelligence operative.
The itinerary was highlighted and labelled with colour-coded tabs. Pete’s precise handwriting added extra notes and instructions.
Col took a swig of his beer. ‘It looks like you’re planning to break into Fort Knox.’
‘You don’t pay me to wing it.’ Pete’s eyes wandered as a waitress in a pair of tiny shorts walked past. ‘And this conference is a big deal. The kind of exposure we’re going to get is massive. This could be what helps us break into Asia.’
Pete’s eyes glittered and Col thought to himself, for what must have been the hundredth time over the last five years, that he was glad to have met him. Hiring him was an even better decision.
With the way he’d left things in Australia, Col’s friendship with Rich hadn’t exactly been in the best condition. As the years had crawled by they’d spoken less and less, and Col couldn’t even ask after Elise without her brother making a snide remark about broken promises. Pete had been Col’s first friend in America; he was the wacky guy who lived in the apartment next door and who was always spouting grand plans and ideas for business world domination.
Turned out, some of those ideas were actually pretty lucrative. When Col’s previous PR manager had left to join Google he’d hired Pete and never once regretted it.
‘I can feel in my gut, man.’ Pete slapped his palm against the table, causing some of his beer to slosh over the edge of the glass. ‘Your keynote speech is going to set the tone for next year. I can see TED talk invitations, LinkedIn will be after you for their influencer program...’
‘Let’s take it one step at a time.’
Close as they might be, Pete was unaware of Col’s issues with public speaking. He had assumed that, like many technologists, Col was a bit on the introverted side. But the two men often battled abo
ut whether or not Col should get more active in the media, and Pete was dogged in his attempt to turn Col and Hillam Technologies into the IT company of the social-media generation. Unfortunately for Col, that meant constant requests for him to appear in the public eye as not only the face of the company but as an industry personality.
‘How’s everything going with your dad’s stuff?’
The sudden change of topic caught Col off guard and he clutched his beer for a moment while he thought how to answer the question.
‘It’s...’ he sighed ‘...getting there.’
Pete chuckled. ‘That was a non-committal statement if I ever heard one. Don’t tell me your reluctance to talk has something to do with a certain female.’
‘A certain female?’ Col zeroed in on his friend. He’d never mentioned Elise before, at least not to anyone he worked with.
‘An ex-ballerina, perhaps?’
‘How do you know about that?’ He took another swig on his beer, wondering why his life was of so much interest to others. Couldn’t they just leave him alone to do his own thing?
‘That darling assistant of yours mentioned something about having to get all PI and find a phone number for you. She stumbled across a bunch of photos of this very good-looking ballerina.’ Pete grinned. ‘So who is she?’
‘Dammit, Chelsea,’ Col cursed under his breath. His assistant should know better than to divulge information to anyone.
‘Don’t blame her. I happened to walk past her desk when the photos were up and, well...’ He chuckled. ‘You know she’s susceptible to my charms.’
‘You’re full of it.’
‘I’m not letting you change the topic.’ Pete signalled for the waitress to bring them another couple of beers but Col changed his to a soda water.
‘Why is my love life of such interest anyway?’
‘Who said anything about a love life?’
Col sighed. ‘She’s an old friend. I wanted to see her while I was here. That’s it.’
‘If that’s it then why are you getting your panties in a twist?’ Pete narrowed his light eyes and studied him. ‘You slept with her, didn’t you?’
‘Not this time,’ Col grumbled.
‘Oh, come on! You can’t clam up now. I’m living vicariously, man.’
Pete was halfway through a bet with his brother that he could go without sex for a whole year. There was a vintage E-type Jaguar up for grabs and Pete was, as always, determined to win.
‘It’s been six months, come on. Tell me at least one of us is getting laid.’
Col sighed. ‘I’m afraid not, my friend. That ship has sailed.’
‘Why? I don’t believe for a second that you lost interest. Ballerinas are smoking hot.’ Pete waggled his brows. ‘And bendy.’
‘Interest wasn’t lacking, that’s for sure. Unfortunately there was a whole lot of baggage. I was best friends with her brother and he wasn’t exactly cool with us being together.’
‘Oh.’ Pete nodded sagely. ‘Older brother?’
‘Yeah. Protective as all hell. It was pretty much the reason I left Australia.’
‘And now?’
‘Now.’ Col sighed. ‘It’s still as damn complicated as it ever was.’
‘But she’s worth it, right?’
Unfortunately Col’s head and heart couldn’t quite agree on the answer to that. Gut feeling said he would never find another girl who made him feel the way Elise did, but his head always pointed out the obvious fact. Even if he did accept his feelings for Elise, could she return them?
* * *
The next evening Col found himself unable to unwind. He’d spent the day signing documentation for the estate, going over the details for his father’s funeral and working through some last-minute details for the Hillam Technologies conference stand with Pete. Now his head was filled with too much information, too much emotion and a healthy dose of sexual frustration, thanks to the memory of his kiss with Elise.
It was Friday night and the city was ablaze with people enjoying the hot summer’s evening. Col had gone out to get some air but the area surrounding his hotel was densely packed and noisy. He was restless, it wasn’t yet late enough to call his office and deal with work problems but he had nothing else to do. Practising his speech had turned him into a bundle of agitated energy and he had the feeling it would only make matters worse if he kept at it.
He played with his phone, turning it over in his hand. He was about to tap his pin to unlock the screen when Elise’s face flashed up.
‘Ellie?’
‘Hey, Col.’ She sounded nervous; he could hear the slight lift in her pitch as she said his name. ‘Look, I wanted to say sorry about yesterday. I...’
There was a pause on the other end of the line. Her breathing came in unsteady little puffs.
‘I know I went from hot to cold and I flipped out. I was the one who started the kiss and I...’ She sighed. ‘I didn’t know what to do.’
He swallowed. This might just constitute the first apology he’d ever received from Elise. Perhaps he was wrong...perhaps she had changed. That thought was a confusing can of worms, because if she had indeed changed then things might have been different between them.
But he couldn’t deal with that right now. ‘It’s fine.’
‘Look, I have another performance-related activity for you...if you’re up to it?’
‘I guess that depends on what it is.’ He frowned. ‘This better not include any toddlers.’
‘No toddlers,’ she said with a laugh. ‘The dance company that Jasmine is with has rehearsals tonight. They often have family and friends watch.’
Going to the ballet felt like a stretch. ‘And that will help me how?’
‘When they practise they make mistakes. I want you to see that the world won’t fall apart if you make a mistake while someone is watching.’
Hadn’t that been the exact reason he’d hidden away his whole life, carrying with him that dislike of being in the spotlight well into adulthood, driving Pete crazy with his constant questioning of why he needed to be at certain events? It wasn’t as if he were the recluse people said he was, he was just...private. The less attention he drew to himself, the better.
‘It’ll be good for you, Col. Plus, I’ll shout you a drink afterwards...to make up for yesterday.’
‘Where should I meet you?’
She gave him the address and he was grateful to escape the oppressive weekend crowd in the city. The drive was short but traffic was as thick and heavy as the summer air. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, tapping an erratic beat while he waited to approach the turn-off to the rehearsal venue.
After he parked his car he sat for a moment, contemplating how to deal with Elise and her hot-cold attitude. He raked a hand through his hair and got out of the car. He was a sucker for punishment where Elise Johnson was concerned, and that hadn’t changed a damn iota in five years.
The theatre was old, a heritage-listed building, with ornate plasterwork and faded red and gold carpet all the way through. It was the perfect contrast to the ultra-modern, bordering-on-strange music that floated up to the high ceiling. A group of dancers stretched out on stage, Jasmine amongst them.
Elise was sitting in the front row; he recognised the back of her blonde head instantly with all its wispy hairs escaping into a soft gold halo. She turned, waving and motioning for him to join her. He wasn’t sure how this was supposed to help—dancers on a stage felt so far removed from his situation. How would his mind make the connection? Was there a chance she asked him here just to spend time with him?
‘Hey.’ Her face tilted up to his as he came closer; she bit down on her lower lip and patted the seat next to her.
‘Hey.’
He lowered himself next to her, totally aware of the
closeness of their thighs, their shoulders. If they turned to face one another they would be a hair’s breadth away from kissing. Heat crawled through him, making his limbs heavy with wanting. As much as he knew he should stop thinking about their kiss the day before, he couldn’t. As soon as he’d lowered his head to hers the old desire had come flooding back, brighter and more intense than at any point in the last five years. It was a lesson he couldn’t learn, a memory he couldn’t forget, a desire he couldn’t deny.
The dancers set up on stage, the choreographer standing with his back to the small and scattered audience. He barked orders in a thick German accent and the dancers assembled; slow and haunting music filled the room punctuated by violin and a heavy beat.
He watched Elise from the corner of his eye. She sat, enraptured. Her hands gripped her knees, white-knuckled. Her beautiful twilight eyes were wide, shimmering.
The spell was broken when one of the dancers stumbled out of a lift, falling backwards and bumping into another pair with a loud ‘ooof’. Col scanned the audience. No one appeared to be laughing, pointing, smirking. They simply waited while the dancers reassembled themselves and started over.
‘Jasmine looks like she’s doing well,’ Col said, turning to Elise.
He’d known the serious brunette nearly as long as he’d known Elise. Those two had been inseparable growing up...except for the times that he and Elise had stolen a secret moment away when her brother wasn’t watching.
A sad smile passed across her lips. ‘She’s made a lot of changes in the last few months. She met someone a while ago and he’s done her a world of good.’
Jasmine’s willowy frame stretched out on stage, her long limbs forming beautiful and unusual shapes, but Col couldn’t pay attention. His eyes kept drifting to Elise and the way she bounced her knee rapidly as she watched the stage, her lips pulled into a line.
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