Playing games with Col Hillam was not something she should be doing, yet the back and forth was like a drug. One she should stay the hell away from.
‘I can hear the cogs in your brain turning from here.’ His deep baritone jolted her to the present.
The hallway was silent, making all the more obvious her forced, even breathing. She hoped that the thundering of her heart couldn’t be heard, nor the rushing of her blood as she maintained a respectable distance from Col while they walked. If she reached out and touched him she’d surely be zapped.
He swiped the card against the panel on the door and pushed it open, motioning with his other hand for her to go ahead. She could feel his eyes on her as she entered in front of him, her skin burning where the cotton of his shirt brushed seductively against her.
Though she’d already seen it the view still struck her with full force. The glittering lights of Melbourne swept along the room’s length in a dizzying spectacle of colour.
Col came up close behind Elise, his presence making her bare skin under his shirt tingle with awareness. Her nipples beaded, pushing against the soft cotton. His breath came in hot bursts against the back of her neck, making her body throb with need.
‘It’s just sex,’ she warned him.
‘Right.’ It came out as a growl, the sound and emotion reverberating against her neck as his lips hovered close without touching.
His hands skimmed her hips, sliding over her curves as though he were born purely to touch her. Without thinking, without deciding, without rationalising she arched. Her bottom came into contact with him and if there’d been any doubt of his feelings towards her, they were clarified with the hard press of his arousal.
‘Elise.’ The ‘s’ came out as a hiss of appreciation and his fingers splayed against her hip bones, pulling her hard against him.
Heat gathered between her thighs, a desperate ache settling there. She longed to grab his hands and put them where she needed release, make him feel how much she’d missed him in only one day since they were last in his bed. She bit down on her lip; her head lolled to the side and rested against the hard wall of his chest.
What had happened last time she decided to see if Col’s flame was as hot as it looked? She’d got burned, scarred and permanently disfigured on the inside. She couldn’t go back there...again.
Yet his hands on her brought all the memories from last night flooding back. The image of him above her, his blue eyes engulfed in mirrored ecstasy, would haunt her forever.
A knock on the door caused Elise to jump, stumbling forward as Col left her and stalked to the door. A room-service cart appeared with two silver serving trays and a bottle of red wine. Col tipped the waiter and wheeled the cart towards her.
‘When did you order this?’ Elise planted her hands on her hips.
‘About four o’clock this afternoon.’ He grinned, shoving a hand through his short dark hair. ‘I got a Red Hill Pinot Noir. You love a Peninsula red if memory serves me correctly.’
Elise wasn’t sure whether to be furious at Col for being so presumptuous, or furious at herself for being so damn predictable. He knew she wouldn’t back down from a challenge and she’d eaten right out of his hand.
She opened her mouth to snap at him when he lifted the silver lids and a stream of delicious steak scents wafted out. ‘Oh, God, I am so hungry.’
‘Fighting or medium-rare steak...what’ll it be?’
She sighed. ‘Steak.’
‘Excellent choice.’ He held out a plate containing a very delectable-looking steak and a pile of greens.
‘You’re a real piece of work, you know.’
‘No need to get angry.’ He followed her to the coffee table and brought the wine with two glasses. He poured the glowing red liquid without spilling a drop. ‘It’s not my fault you can’t stay away. That feels like more than sex to me.’
‘I have needs.’ She sliced off a piece of steak and speared it with her fork. ‘You’re...good.’
Real articulate there, Johnson.
‘Good?’ he asked, his brow raised. ‘Samaritans are good. What we did last night was not...good.’
He said the word as though it left a bad taste in his mouth.
‘Fulfilling.’
‘Try again.’ Col sliced into the tender meat, cutting off a bite-sized piece and lifting it to his mouth.
‘Do you really want to talk about it?’
‘Yes.’
‘It was...’ She trailed off. ‘Spectacular.’
‘Now you’re getting warmer.’
He took a hearty gulp of his wine and she had to stifle the urge to kiss the flavour from his mouth. He’d undone another button on his shirt and his skin gleamed with summer heat. In the muted lighting of the hotel room he looked gorgeous, but with the restless beauty of a caged exotic animal. The fancy hotels weren’t him, she knew that. He was stifled by his lifestyle, but so determined to make something of himself that he put up with it.
‘Col...’ She wanted to open up; there was so much to tell him.
She was cut short by the buzzing of his phone. To her surprise her brother’s face flashed up onto the screen. Had they kept in touch the whole five years after he moved to the States? Had they talked and confided in one another while she’d heard not a word from him the whole time?
Col hesitated. He looked at her and she pressed her lips together, holding the words in. Grabbing the phone from the table, he tapped at the screen to answer it. Before a word had even come out of his mouth, Elise could hear the lecture from the other end of the line.
‘What are you talking about?’ he asked, rolling his eyes and shaking his head as her brother continued his tirade.
Col said nothing while he crossed the room and opened his laptop. Soon a search page of images filled the screen and Elise wandered over to see what the fuss was about. There were pictures of them kissing in the hallway at the conference, already uploaded for the world to see. Some were blurred iPhone snaps but others were sharp and clear. His hand was tangled in her hair and their bodies fused together.
‘I know what you told me, Rich,’ Col snapped. ‘But she’s an adult and so am I.’
More yelling on the other end. Confused, Elise turned to Col and stuck her hand out, demanding the phone. He brushed her away and turned to the wall, the phone still at his ear.
‘This is ridiculous. You need to calm down. I’m not taking any of this crap from you anymore.’
When he turned Elise grabbed the phone from his hands. ‘Rich, what the hell is going on?’
‘Where are you?’ The voice of her older brother came down the line, tinged with a hint of the English accent he’d picked up from living over there for the last few years.
‘I’m with Col.’
‘Where?’
She could practically see his face. He would be red-cheeked and his pale eyes would be alight but his voice was sharp and ice-like. Each word was spoken with frosty precision; he had a kind of chilling detachment when he was angry.
‘In his hotel room.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t understand—what’s the matter?’
‘The matter is, little sister, that I told our dear friend Col to stay the hell away from you. I warned him when we were young, I warned him again after he broke the rules and now I’m doing it for the third time.’
‘You told him to stay away from me.’ Understanding spread through her like poison, deadening her limbs and making her head heavy. She shouldn’t have been surprised; it was just like Rich. After all, he’d told her not to kiss Col. It shouldn’t come as a shock that he’d had the same conversation from the other angle.
The night before Col left he’d come to her, wanting to know how she felt, needing something from her that she wasn’t able to give. He’d wanted her to open up, to be vulnerable to him... He’d w
anted to know if she was worth fighting for.
‘Yes, I was trying to protect you. It’s what a big brother should do. It’s what he should have done.’
‘He’s not my brother, you are.’
Rich let out an angry huff on the other end of the line. ‘That’s exactly why I told him to stay away.’
‘I can speak for myself. I don’t need you looking after me. I’ve done all right ever since you bailed on Mum and I.’
‘That’s not fair, Ellie.’ The strain in his voice came through loud and clear; she’d got him there. ‘His family is no good. You deserve so much better.’
‘You’re right, Rich. I do deserve better. I deserve to have a brother who would stick by me, who would be happy for me to end up with someone as amazing as Col.’
In the silence her brother’s anger simmered. Her eyes flickered to Col. He stood at the window with his back to her, hands clasped behind him.
‘I didn’t want you to get hurt, Ellie.’ There was a long sigh on the other end of the line.
‘He was your best friend, Rich. You should have been happy for us.’ Now that the shock had worn off Elise’s blood boiled. Her brother had been controlling, even when they were kids, but this was ridiculous.
‘Happy for you to end up with him? He was my friend, Elise. Mine!’
Her chest constricted. Sibling rivalry had been a bit of an issue in their house growing up. Her brother had a competitive streak that could rival that of an Olympic athlete.
‘You never did want to share your toys, did you?’ She rolled her eyes. ‘I should have guessed.’
‘I always had to play second fiddle to you,’ he sneered. ‘You were always practising your ballet in the lounge room, wanting everyone’s attention. You were always the good little girl, Daddy’s angel.’
Her stomach twisted. It seemed that Rich thought she’d taken more than her share of their parents’ very limited attention growing up, and then she’d taken his best friend as well.
‘But that wasn’t enough, was it? Oh, no, you couldn’t just be the star at home but you had to go after Col too.’
‘Well, it looks like the truth has come out. This was never about whether you believed Col was good enough for me, was it? You would rather lose him altogether than share him with me.’
There was silence on the other end of the line and Elise knew she’d finally found the true motivation for her brother’s actions.
‘You lost the right to pass judgement when you left me here to deal with Mum all on my own,’ she continued. ‘Frankly, there’s no place I’d rather be than with Col right now. So I’m afraid you’re going to have to get over your issues with it.’
She hung up the phone. Rich, like her, wasn’t very good at expressing his feelings but that didn’t give him the right to interfere with her life. She could see now, with a few more years of maturity and this recent revelation on her side, that Col had wanted her permission to stay all those years ago. Only he hadn’t known how to ask the question and she sure as hell hadn’t been equipped to answer it.
‘What did he say to you?’ she asked.
‘You heard him.’ Col spat the words out without turning around. ‘He thinks I’m trouble, no good...certainly not good enough for you.’
‘I meant after we slept together...the first time.’ Her tongue was heavy in her mouth, nerves on high alert. But she had to know why he left, the real reason.
‘He said if I ever touched you again he’d make me pay for it. He’d tell your dad how I violated everything they’d given me, every ounce of support and care. He said they’d never want to have anything to do with me if they knew.’
She swallowed. ‘But you left it all behind anyway.’
‘I couldn’t be in the same house with you and not feel the way I did.’ He turned to her, dark brows crinkled. He rubbed a hand along his jaw. ‘It was easier to put myself out of temptation’s way than stay and fight it. Better to let your parents think I was off following my dreams than know that I’d screwed their daughter.’
He said it with such a harsh edge that Elise winced.
‘We never screwed, Col.’
‘Are you trying to tell me it was something more? You’ve spent the whole evening telling me how this is only about the sex. If that’s not screwing I don’t know what is.’
‘Don’t take this out on me, Colby Hill.’
‘Hillam,’ he corrected. ‘The Hill name is officially dead. And you’re right, it’s not your fault, it’s mine. I should never have come to you for help.’
‘Then why did you?’
‘Because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.’ He was almost shouting, his eyes flashing. ‘Because I put a whole ocean between us and it wasn’t enough.’
Her heart wanted to crack, it wanted to fracture straight down the middle for the anguish in his voice...the anguish she could never match on the outside. But she felt it deep down in her bones. She felt it the way she’d never felt anything else, not even when her father died, not even when she collected her mother from hospital after a bookie broke her arm. She’d shoved it all down until the hurt, the fear, the pain were as dense as concrete within her.
But the time she’d spent with Col had driven a stake into the past, causing bits of it to break off and float freely within her. She’d started to feel again.
She threw herself at him, arms and legs wrapping around him, mouth on his. She wanted to consume him, to draw in his passion and love and make it her own. She might not be able to say what was going on in her head, but she could show him with her body.
‘You can’t keep kissing with me to avoid talking to me.’ Col drew his lips away from hers but his hands didn’t let go of her.
‘You want me to stop?’
‘I want you to do both, Ellie.’ He backed her up until her arse pressed against the cool glass of the hotel window. ‘Talking and kissing.’
‘But I’m so much better at kissing.’ She demonstrated by working her way back to his mouth, tugging on his lower lip with her teeth and grinding against him.
‘I need more than kissing.’
His lips came down to the crook of her neck, sucking at the delicate hollow. Her skin burned as though she were about to go up in flames. He tore at the shirt, not even bothering to undo the buttons, instead ripping it open with passionate force. His hands found her breasts and she let her head loll back against the window. His lips took one of her nipples, the pressure sending heat spiralling down to her centre.
‘I can’t give you both, Col.’ Her breathing came fast and heavy as his hands dipped to her shorts. ‘That’s not how I am.’
ELEVEN
After another night with Elise Johnson in his bed, Col was no closer to breaking through to her. Rather than do the right thing, he’d allowed himself to give in to the insatiable desire that took hold whenever she was near. He was cheating her and he was cheating himself.
He tilted his head to the side and his neck muscles protested. He’d slept at a funny angle, not wanting to move or disturb Elise as she’d clung to him in the middle of the night. He didn’t want to risk her shifting away from him when this was likely the last time he’d ever hold her in his arms.
Dammit. Thumping a fist down on the couch, he gritted his teeth. He would have to move on. He would have to go home, throw himself back into his work and give up on the fantasy that he could have it all. He couldn’t have Elise, and without her there was no point trying to be with anyone else—at least not in any permanent sense.
There were plenty of men who chose the bachelor lifestyle, so he should be able to work it out. The thought sounded hollow in his head. Who was he kidding? He loved Elise, he had done ever since he was old enough to understand what it meant to care for another person...perhaps even before that. As kids they’d always had a speci
al bond. He’d looked after her when her parents worked late, watching while she practised her dance routines in the lounge room of the Johnson home but always being careful that Rich didn’t catch him.
Rich. That was another great big mess he’d made. They’d been best friends since they were in kindergarten and now Rich didn’t trust him at all. He should have come clean about his feelings for Elise, sought his blessing like a grown-up instead of sleeping with her behind his back. Now he’d lost them both; he’d lost his whole surrogate family.
Col’s black suit hung over the chair at the dining table and with it a clean black shirt and black tie. He’d swelter in the summer heat, but there was a strong traditionalist streak in him that wouldn’t accept anything but all black to be worn to a funeral...even if he would not be mourning the death of the person being buried. What a mess.
‘Morning.’ Elise shuffled from the bedroom, her hair sticking out in all directions like some weird imitation of a lion’s mane.
She was wearing one of his T-shirts and it swam on her, obscuring her lovely figure with the exception of her lean dancer’s legs. A lump lodged in his throat. He wanted to confess everything to her, his feelings, the desires he had about being with her...but there was no point. Even as he’d held her in his arms last night he knew it had to end. He had to be cruel to be kind. Theirs was a cord that needed to be cut and he had to be strong enough to do it.
‘I need to head home,’ she said, leaning against the side of the couch opposite him.
Figured—she was going to make it easy for him after all. He should have been relieved but her words scythed through him with an intensity that stole his breath. ‘Fine.’
‘I can’t exactly go to a funeral in a T-shirt, now, can I?’ She smiled softly.
He did a double take. ‘What?’
‘Your dad’s funeral.’ She tilted her head, brows furrowed. ‘I thought it was today.’
‘It is, but I didn’t think you were coming.’
‘I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I left you to go on your own, now, would I?’
Friend. He almost let out the bitter laugh that rang in his head. Of course she wanted to comfort him as a friend...nothing more.
Breaking the Bro Code Page 13