Alarm, understanding, they managed to filter through all the other thoughts circling through his head. Blake narrowed his eyes. He pulled on her wrist and moved closer. “Let me see your wrist, Dee. Now.”
“Let me go,” she said. Her voice was shrill, panicky. In the dim moonlight, she looked whiter than death.
“Let me see your wrist,” he repeated.
Del twisted violently in his arms and he ended up backing her against the tree. She went crazy. She struggled against him, brought up her knee to rack him, tried to bite him—even managed to sink her teeth into the muscled part of his forearm. He just barely avoided her knee, catching it on his thigh and hissing at the impact. “Calm down,” he ordered.
But it was almost like she couldn’t even hear him. Dee’s struggles grew even more frenzied. She was strong and she fought like a demon, too. A demon who knew how to fight. She slammed her foot down on his instep and he grunted in response. In self-defense, he whirled her around and wrapped her in a bear hug to pin her arms. At that angle, she couldn’t do much more than kick at his shins. Or so he thought. She reared back with her head and caught him in the nose. Pain flared hot and bright but he didn’t let go.
He almost did, when she started to cry. Rage burned inside him, a slow fuse at first, but with every soft, muffled sob, it grew hotter and brighter until it felt like a supernova had settled inside his gut. He wanted to tear something apart with his hands. No. Someone. But he couldn’t do that until he knew who it was he had to kill.
There was a someone, too. He had no doubt about that. This kind of reaction didn’t come from nowhere. As soon as Dee said the name, Blake was going to kill him. Screw his badge. Screw his job. He was going to kill the bastard that had put this fear inside his girl.
His girl… Fuck.
How weird that he realized it here, in the dark woods, while she struggled and cried and fought to get away from him. She’d been out of his life for twelve years and during that time, the both of them had gone through different kinds of hell. But Dee was still his.
Slowly, her struggles slowed and then she stopped fighting. Her head fell forward and she stood there, sobbing and trying hard not to.
Del was suffocating. Air wheezed in and out of her lungs in harsh, painful gusts and she still felt like something was smothering her. There was a soft, soothing rumble at her ear and dimly, she realized it was Blake, talking to her. His hands no longer restrained her and for a second, she almost broke away.
She wanted to run, run away, as far as she could go, as fast as she could go. But her legs wouldn’t move and she couldn’t breathe past the sobs that were choking her.
Gently, he turned her around in his arms, so that she was sobbing against his chest and this time, when he tried to look at her wrist, Del didn’t have the energy to fight him. His thumb stroked down the scar. It was long and thin with an almost surgical neatness. He lifted the other wrist and studied the matching scar and then he cupped her chin in his hand. “If I ask why, will you tell me?”
Del shook her head, mute.
His eyes went hard. Then his lashes lowered and when he looked back at her, there was nothing of the anger she’d sensed inside him. “You will. Maybe not now. But you will.” Then he lifted her hand and pressed his lips to one scarred wrist, then the other.
She gasped at the feel of his lips touching her. Del hadn’t willingly let a grown man this close to her in years. More than a decade. It wasn’t exactly an innocent touch, his warm mouth pressing against the scars. But it wasn’t a sexual touch either, no matter what she had seen in his eyes earlier. All better…
If only it was that easy. “Let me go,” she whispered, her voice hoarse. Her throat hurt from the crying jag and her head was all muffled. All she wanted was to go home. But home was too far away right now and Del had promised herself she’d stop running.
So Manda’s. She wanted to go back to Manda’s, climb into her bed, cover her head and go to sleep. But Blake wasn’t letting go. Not anytime soon anyway. His hand still grasped her wrist lightly and his eyes stayed level on her face. He stood in the shadows, but the moonlight fell through the trees in a way that she could look into his eyes and there was a look there she recognized.
Determination.
With a half-hearted gesture, she tugged on her wrist. “Blake, I just want to go home.”
“Fine. I’ll take you. We’ll talk there.”
Panic sizzled through her veins. “No.” Shaking her head, she jerked on her hand again and said, “No.”
“No choice, sweetheart. You can’t get there walking. You came down here with Manda and if she sees you right now, she’s going to want to know what’s wrong. Plus fifty other people will see you and want to know what’s going on. So you’re stuck with me.” He shifted his grip so he could link their hands. “Come on. I’ll call Manda from the car.”
Too numb to resist, she followed along meekly as he led her through the wood. Blake didn’t speak. He didn’t ask anything, he didn’t say anything. Once they were on the road, he made a call to Manda to tell her he was dropping Del at the house and after that, he didn’t say another word. Del opened the door to climb out before he even had a chance to put the car into neutral. But halfway up the sidewalk, her hopes that she’d make it inside without talking to him did a fast crash and burn. Behind her, she heard the door open and close. She braced herself and turned around, facing him with a lot more bravado than she felt.
“I’m tired. I want to go to bed.”
In a soft voice, he murmured, “You want to hide.” He nodded towards her wrists. “You want me to leave, then tell me why. I’ll go.”
She sneered at him, her lip curling before she could stop it. Under her mortification and her shame, she felt a whisper of anger. Del nourished that ember of anger, fanned it to life. That ember flashed, flashing into a full, vibrant life. Shoving her hair back, she said in a cool voice, “Tell you why? Blake, what makes you think I should have to tell you anything? I haven’t seen you in twelve years.”
“Because you left,” he said softly. “You just disappeared out of my life. I’m not asking you to tell me everything that’s happened since you left and I’m not expecting you to cry on my shoulder. I just want to know why.”
He reached out. Instinct had her flinching away but pride kept her from backing up even though she wanted to. He closed his hand over her wrist and lifted it, turning it up, baring the long, thin scar. His thumb rubbed over it and he glanced at her from under the shield of his lashes. “Tell me why.”
The look in his eyes was uncompromising. He wasn’t going to leave until she gave him something. She had a trite, pat answer that she used on the rare occasion somebody figured it out and asked. It probably wouldn’t work on him, even after all this time, he read her better than most. But she wasn’t going to go any deeper than that with him.
“Same reason as anybody else does it, Blake. I was screwed up in the head. For a long time. I’m fine now.”
Nope. He wasn’t buying it. “Screwed up how?”
“Blake…”
He stepped closer until their shoes were touching. This time she couldn’t keep herself from backing away. Blake watched and Del couldn’t help but feel like he was cataloging and filing away her every move.
“Don’t. Don’t try to hand me some trite line and don’t lie to me.” He rubbed his thumb over the thin scar as he slanted a look at her. “If you don’t want to explain these, then tell me why you’re so afraid of me.”
Del stiffened and tried to jerk away from him. “I’m not afraid of you.”
“The hell you aren’t. You’re afraid of me and any other guy that got within five feet of you.”
He knew. Shit. She could tell by the look in his eyes he had recognized the fear inside of her, and worse, he knew what had caused it. Hell. She shouldn’t be surprised. Del had seen her own hell reflected in the eyes of some of the kids she cared for. She could hide it from people who didn’t know what to look for b
ut somebody in law enforcement, even in a rinky-dink town like Prescott was going to recognize it.
“It doesn’t concern you, Blake,” she said. He opened his mouth to argue and Del lifted a hand. “Please. Don’t. I’m holding together by a thread here. I can’t handle this right now.”
He lifted his hand and this time when he touched her, she managed, just barely, not to flinch. Blake’s thumb rubbed over her lips and he whispered, “Twelve years, Dee, and I can’t even go a week without dreaming about you. Thinking about you. You didn’t even tell me good-bye. You disappeared from my life and I never even knew why. Now you’re back here, looking at me with sad, scared eyes and you don’t think it concerns me?”
“Blake…”
He placed a finger on her lips and shook his head. “I don’t want to hear it, Del. I don’t want excuses, I don’t want brush offs.” He dipped his head and pressed his lips to hers, quick and light. Then he moved away before Del’s mind had even processed that he had kissed her.
Del hadn’t been kissed in twelve years. Not since that last night at the lake with him. She hadn’t wanted to be kissed. But now, even with all the fear and memories crowding her mind, she wished he hadn’t moved away quite so fast.
“This isn’t over with, Dee. Don’t go thinking it is. Go on inside now before I decide I don’t want to be so understanding.”
He walked away without another word and Del stood there, watching as he climbed into the car. The engine revved to life but he didn’t pull out. Finally, she realized he was waiting for her go in. She turned away and ran up the stairs. She fumbled for the key Manda had given her and unlocked the door.
As she locked it behind her, she heard him drive off and she heaved out a sigh. But she wasn’t quite certain if the emotion swamping her was relief.
Or regret.
Chapter Four
It was a first for her.
Whether it was just seeing Blake again, or whether it was some fluke, Del really didn’t know.
But it was a first…she dreamt of him.
Not the ugly, horrifying dreams that so often woke her out of a dead sleep. But a sweet, hot dream that she really had no desire to interrupt. And it had to be a dream, because in real life, there was no way she could stand so close to him, his hands on her face, his mouth moving against hers, and his body aligned to hers.
His hands slid down her shoulders, his palms brushing the tops of her breasts but she didn’t feel any repulsion, nothing but a white-hot streak of heat that raced through her core and set every last nerve tingling.
“You’re so pretty,” he whispered, lifting his head and staring down at her, a naked adoration on his face. If Blake looked at her like that in real life ever again, she just might cry. But here, in the dream, she could smile teasingly up at him and it felt natural.
Felt right.
Felt perfect.
Taking his hands in hers, she guided them down to her hips and then she slid her arms around his neck and tugged his mouth down to hers. Groaning against his lips, she moved closer—felt the thick ridge of his cock against her belly—
Bare skin to bare skin—
Tearing her mouth away, she stared at him, and then looked down at herself. Her very naked self. “Oh, yeah, this has got to be a dream,” she muttered hoarsely.
His eyes met hers and he lifted a hand, cupped her cheek. “Does it matter?”
Del tried to reach for the answer to that. Did it matter that she was having one seriously nice dream about Blake? Or would she rather be awake and doing this?
But there was no sense to be made. Because she realized they weren’t alone. There was a pounding, a shrill scream…
Crossing her arms over chest, she hissed and turned her head—and that was all it took. The dream shattered around her and she jerked awake in the bed, sitting upright and staring at the pale blue walls of Manda’s guestroom.
Out in the hall, she could hear the baby crying and a horrendous clanging noise. The baby’s crying abruptly stopped, the clanging ceased and faintly, Del heard Manda murmuring to the baby.
Itchy, aching and hot, she threw the covers off and rolled up to sit on the edge of the bed. She was throbbing—all fricking over. Her breasts ached, her nipples were pulsating and between her thighs, she was almost embarrassingly wet. Deep inside, she felt empty, almost painfully so.
“Geez, Del.” Bracing her elbows on her knees, she buried her face in her hands and fought to level out her breathing. “Twelve years without any kind of wet dreams. You sure as hell know how to break a dry spell.”
After a long shower and a good thirty minutes spent trying to settle the nerves in her belly, Del left the safety of her room. It had only taken Manda four tries to get her to come out and eat some breakfast. Although Del was so tangled up inside, she doubted she could manage to eat much of anything.
Sitting across the table from Manda, she pushed the bacon and eggs around on her plate and tried to force a few bites down. But after two or three tries, she gave up on the bacon and eggs, settling for a bagel. That much, she might be able to manage.
“There was a message for you last night on the machine when I got home.”
Del glanced at Manda over the bagel and frowned. “For me?”
Manda glanced up from the baby she was nursing and nodded. A little wisp of envy curled through Del as she watched Manda with her baby. The little girl had a head of thick, dark curls and big brown eyes. From where she was sitting, Del could see that those big brown eyes were closed right now and the baby’s hand stroked Manda’s breast as she nursed. Occasionally, she made little humming sounds in her throat that made Del smile.
“It was Beaumont Junior. You remember him?”
Curious now, Del leaned back in the chair. “I think so.” Junior was a lawyer, practicing with his father. “Is Beaumont Senior still practicing?”
“Yep. In Hawaii right now with his wife, but he’s still going strong. Plays golf once a week, takes his grandkids fishing down on the lake. I hope I’m still living life like he does when I hit my eightieth birthday. Junior’s flying solo until his dad gets back but he seemed pretty anxious to talk to you.”
“What did he want?”
Manda shrugged. “Beats me. He just said he needed to speak with you and he wants you to call or come by the office while you’re in town.” She went back to gazing at the baby. There was a look in Manda’s eyes, a stunned, wondering kind of awe.
“She’s beautiful,” Del murmured when the baby finally pulled away from her mother. Manda shifted her up and started to pat her back. It took less than three pats before the baby burped. Del widened her eyes and laughed. “She’d put a lot of men to shame with that one.”
Manda laughed. “That’s what I thought. You want to hold her?”
No. Absolutely no. But Del couldn’t think of a graceful way to refuse as Manda rose and deposited the baby in her arms. Manda used the blanket thrown over her shoulder to wipe the baby’s mouth and then she moved over to the fridge.
While Manda got herself something to drink, Del stared at the baby. An ache settled inside her. This was perfection. Del wasn’t unaccustomed to babies. The shelter where she worked as assistant director, sometimes girls came in with babies this young. Too often, Del had been forced to call social services, even as much as hated it. But babies didn't belong in a homeless shelter and those girls, if they were willing, could get help for themselves and their children. Keeping babies in the shelter was a quick way to see the shelter get shut down.
So she wasn't unused to dealing with infants. But this wasn't the same. This wasn’t some neglected angel that needed Del’s help, but a pampered little doll that cooed and laughed. The baby reached a hand towards Del’s face and she smiled. “Hi, Avery.” Big eyes widened and the baby squealed. Unable to resist, Del brought the baby closer and nuzzled her round little tummy. The baby giggled and then grabbed at Del’s hair. She got hold of one of Del’s braids and promptly lifted it to her mouth. “You ju
st finished your breakfast. You don’t need a snack,” Del said, tugging her hair free. Spying the pacifier on the table, she grabbed it and popped it into Avery’s mouth.
Avery started to sniffle and for a second, it looked like she was going to cry. Then her gaze focused on the necklace Del wore. She wrapped her hand around the sturdy leather cord and started to pull. A chair scraped across the floor and Del looked up as Manda sat down with a glass of juice and a bowl of cereal. “Did you write Junior’s number down?”
Manda nodded towards the notepad lying on the table. “Yeah.” She gave Del an innocent smile. “So what did you and Blake talk about last night?”
“Not much.” Del shrugged her shoulders and focused on the baby so she wouldn’t have to look Manda in the eye.
“Hmmm. Going to talk about not much with him again?”
Del slid Manda a sidelong glance. “I’m leaving Monday. I live four hours away. There’s really no reason to talk about much of anything, is there?”
Manda was quiet as she sipped her juice. She looked down at her breakfast but didn’t eat anything. “I don’t think he ever got over you. Leaving the way you did, never calling, never writing. I don’t think he understood.” She looked up and Del saw the hurt in her friend’s eyes. “Neither did I.”
Silence fell and Del tried to figure out what to say. Finally, she decided she needed to be as honest as she could, without laying herself bare. “I left because I had to. I didn’t have any choice. I was messed up for a while. A long while. Took some time to get my head on straight and once I did, I just wanted to move on.”
Manda lifted her spoon but instead of eating, she tilted it to the side and watched the milk and cereal splash back into the bowl. “I don’t get it, Del. You look like you’ve seen some rough shit. But when I left, you seemed fine. What changed so fast?”
She knew her voice was harsh but she couldn’t control it. “Manda, I can’t. Try to understand, I just can’t.” She shifted the baby to her shoulder and started to rock Avery back and forth. It was an unconscious motion, more to comfort herself than anything else.
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