by Cate Beauman
He glanced over his shoulder, wearing jeans, a black sweatshirt, and hat as he glided along the ice. “Morning.”
“Taking the day off from home repairs?”
“I’m waiting for Billy to help me hang a couple of huge-ass mirrors. I figure I’ve got a few hours to kill after the amount of alcohol he consumed.”
“He was pretty tanked.”
“Just a bit.” He held up his thumb and index finger as he turned effortlessly, starting another path through the six or seven inches of snow.
“I’m impressed. You’re staying upright.”
“It’s been awhile, but I’m managing.”
Chase had always moved well in a pair of skates. “Mind if I join you?”
“It’s your ice too.”
She sat on the bench and changed into her skates while he cleared away the final bit of snow, making fairly decent banks along the side. She tied her second lace as he set down the handheld snowplow-like device and cruised around.
“I forgot how good this feels.”
She stepped onto the frozen pond and skated large circles around him, warming up her muscles and giving him plenty of space to maneuver. “I guess tracking down terrorists didn’t leave a whole lot of time for hockey.”
He huffed out a laugh. “I tried to pencil it in, but you know how it goes.”
She smiled. “How about a race when you’re steady?” She’d never been able to beat him, but she had the advantage now. “Once around the ice.”
He shrugged. “I’m ready now. Go!”
They took off in a dead heat and he had her, his long strides too much for her short legs, until she tucked her head, giving it her all, and pulled ahead of him at the last second. “Yes! Yes! Finally, I beat you.” She laughed and spun around, barely out of breath. “You’re slowing down, Grandpa.”
“Hell no. I’m just rusty. Give me an hour and we’ll try again.”
“You’ve got a deal.”
They skated around and Chase practiced his skills—moving backwards, speed drills, stopping quickly with plumes of scraped ice.
“See? I’m coming along just fine.”
“Not bad,” she agreed, breathing deep and smiling, perfectly content. “How many Saturdays did we spend just like this? For a couple of weekends, anyway.” She’d always hated when Chase and his parents packed up and went back to Seattle, especially after Christmas. The six months to summer vacation passed in an eternity. “Right now, it feels like nothing’s changed, except we were shorter back then.”
“I was anyway.” He sent her a teasing grin.
“Hey.” She smiled back.
“What no comeback? Now who’s slipping?”
“I’m thinking.”
“It’s too late, Jules. The moment’s over.”
“I’m sure I’ll have another. That can’t possibly be your last joke about my height.” She skated backwards, gaining speed, and landed a flawless triple Lutz. “Do you remember the old routine?” She wiggled her eyebrows.
He groaned. “How could I forget?”
Long ago, they’d choreographed a dance for Gram Keller’s Christmas present. Gram had always wanted her to skate pairs. One Christmas morning, they gave Gram her wish. “She loved that gift.”
“I wouldn’t have done it for anyone but her.”
“What was that, thirteen years ago?”
“Something like that.”
She held out her hand. “How about once for old times’ sake?”
Chuckling, he shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“Whatever, Grandpa.” She shrugged and dropped her hand, moving into a scale spin. “All that brawn and no balls.” She shook her head mournfully. “I thought bodyguards were made of tougher stuff. I mean you looked pretty tough on the red carpet, but…” She shrugged again, letting her insult hang.
He narrowed his eyes. “Fine. One time.”
Direct hit to the ego. She grinned. “Let’s go.” She pressed the button on the remote in her pocket, and Austin Mahone and Pitbull’s Mmm Yeah blasted through the window in the shed. “Not our old song, but it’ll do.”
“Warm up lap.” He took her hands, moving backwards as she skated forward. As he cut back, he pulled off her gloves, shoved them in his pockets, and settled her palms in the warmth of his. “I’m ready if you are.”
She smiled. “Let’s do it.”
He turned so they were side by side, and they glided forward as he settled his hands on her waist while they moved into a pairs camel spin. He lifted his leg behind him and wobbled before he controlled his position. “Shit.”
“You’re doing fine.”
They grabbed hands again, spun in a circle, and took three back cross overs in perfect sync, gliding in the dance they knew so well. She moved in front of him, and he lifted her, aiding her in her simple loop jump. They clasped hands and held each other’s waists, staring into each other’s eyes as if they danced at an elegant ball.
“Are you ready for the finale?”
He grimaced. “If you are.”
“Only if you think you can do it.”
“That mirror I’m going to dick with weighs more than you, Jules.”
“Okay.”
They glided away from each other, and she laughed in surprise when he pulled off a decent sit spin, mirroring hers. She trusted him wholeheartedly when they skated back together and his hands fastened tight on her waist, lifting her high.
He moved backwards, crossing ankle over ankle, ready to complete their final spin, and caught a piece of uneven ice. “Fuck!” he hollered, bringing her back down, pulling her close against him, protecting her face with his chest as they hurtled to the ground. She gasped with the impact, even as Chase took the brunt of the fall, managing to land them in one of the snow banks he’d made. “Fuck,” he muttered again. “Are you okay?”
She eased back, staring into his eyes, and nodded as her heart pounded in her throat. “Are you?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“That was really scary.” She grinned. “And kind of exciting.”
He chuckled. “I’m pretty sure my right ass cheek is going to be numb for a week. And bruised.”
She winced. “Do you need a doctor?”
He shook his head. “An ice pack definitely, but I don’t know where I’ll find anything cold.” He rolled his eyes as they both looked around at their frigid surroundings.
She nibbled her lip, doing her best to suppress a giggle as she lay on top of him with his arms wrapped around her waist and her legs tangled with his. The rough impact had sent their hats flying a good six inches behind them. The entire situation was ridiculous. She snorted out a laugh. “I don’t know why this is funny. It shouldn’t be, because you’re hurt.”
He grinned. “I’ll live.”
“I think our pairs days are over.”
“Long over.” He shook his head and started laughing.
He was back, the lighthearted boy she recognized from so many years ago. The person she’d always adored. Without thinking, she pressed her palms to his cheeks and squished them like she’d done a million times before. In her delight, she added a quick, noisy kiss to his lips.
He sobered instantly and yanked her hands away. “What are you doing?”
Her smile faded and she sat up as he moved out from under her. “Chase—”
“We’re not going back there. I’m not doing this with you.”
She swallowed, completely taken aback by his abrupt change in mood. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“Well, you did.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated.
“Just because last night happened doesn’t mean anything else is going to. It was one stupid kiss.” His eyes were cold, his voice harsh. “We’re over. Way over.”
She stood before he could, staring into glinting gray as he clenched his jaw—the stranger who easily appeared with the snap of a finger. “I don’t know who you are anymore. What happene
d to you?”
“Nothing. I’m just not interested—haven’t been for a long time.”
She flinched with the sting of his words. “I just wanted to be your friend again.”
He huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “Like Bryce?”
She absorbed the next cruel blow. “I made a mistake. Ten years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life. One summer my mom and Gramps died, then the next you left for your FBI internship and stopped e-mailing and calling.”
“I didn’t call or e-mail for two weeks. Two weeks out of a whole summer, Julie.”
“I was lost and alone. I needed someone, and Bryce was here. Maybe that wasn’t right, but I needed someone,” she said, her voice breaking. “You were so wrapped up in yourself you couldn’t see that.” She shook her head. “But it doesn’t matter anymore.” She couldn’t let him matter anymore. She’d wanted him back in her life more than she realized, but now she could see that he didn’t belong there. They couldn’t go back, and there was nowhere to move forward to. On a quiet sigh, she met his eyes again and skated over to the bench. She pulled off her skates and put on her boots. Blinking back tears, she looked his way. “Goodbye, Chase.”
~~~~
Chase steamed out several ragged breaths, watching Julie close the door behind her, and pounded the side of his fist into the snow. “Damn it.” He shook his head, as mad at himself as he was at her for making him feel things he didn’t want to.
He’d been handling everything well—the time they were spending together, last night’s kiss, even a few minutes ago when she lay snuggled on top of him while she smiled, staring down at him with her big, friendly eyes. But the familiar gesture of her squishing his cheeks and the follow-up smack on the lips had been too much—brought back too much. And his reaction had been knee-jerk—the last act of a drowning man.
He hurt her. No, he wounded her, which went much deeper and was completely unacceptable. For the last week, he’d been fooling himself, pretending there was nothing but a buried past and easy feelings between him and Julie. He grit his teeth, remembering the way tears swam in her sad eyes as they finally had it out. Her explanations as to why she’d chosen Bryce over him should’ve made him feel justified for the way he just treated her, but knowing he’d hurt her as much then as he did now made everything worse.
“You’re a fucker, Rider. There’s no doubt about that.” Sighing, he stood and walked to the bench, put on his boots, and made his way to her back door. “Jules.” He tried the doorknob as he looked in the empty kitchen, but the lock held tight. He glanced down at the bunny ears peeking from the snow, knowing a key rested beneath the flowerpot. He was tempted to use it, go inside, and apologize, but he knew her well enough to understand that Julie wouldn’t be ready to listen to anything he had to say.
“Damn,” he said again as he walked back to where their hats had fallen and picked his up, then hers, bringing the soft mauve fabric to his nose, smelling her fruity shampoo—the scent that had always been Julie.
He looked back at her house and worried, staring up at her bedroom window. When she told him goodbye, it felt like she meant for good.
Chapter Ten
Chase grabbed his keys and stepped outside, looking toward Julie’s house in the dark. Her lights were off as he cut a path to her back door, but he knocked anyway, hoping that by some chance she might be home.
He’d kept his distance over the last couple of days, giving her a solid forty-eight hours to breathe, but time wasn’t on his side when it came to making amends with Julie. Saturday was just around the corner, and he would have to leave, but he couldn’t go with the way things were between them now.
For most of the afternoon, he’d kept a close eye on the time, making certain he was finished up and showered by six thirty. The plan was to invite Julie to Sal’s for a meal. They needed to talk in a neutral setting and work everything out once and for all, but as he knocked again, he swore, knowing she wasn’t there.
Steaming out a frustrated breath, he walked down Old Hickory Lane and turned on Main Street, already catching the scent of Sal’s famous pizza sauce. Maybe he could order something, get it boxed up, and sit on her steps and wait for her to get back—a little desperate perhaps, but she couldn’t stay gone forever, and he needed to see her, to make sure she was okay.
He paused when he made it to the restaurant, listening to the noise and music inside and groaned, realizing it was Karaoke Monday. Dinner with Jules wouldn’t have worked out tonight anyway. Trying to talk over people butchering songs at the top of their lungs wasn’t exactly the atmosphere he was looking for when they sat down for their ‘let me apologize so we can clear the air’ date.
Bracing himself for what could only be a small slice of hell, he pulled open the door and walked in. He stopped dead in the entryway, watching Julie, Mindy, and Leila standing up on the small stage, dancing and singing Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” in the glow of red, green, and white lights. Jules was so pretty with her hair pinned up in a twist while she sashayed about with her friends, wearing a snug black skirt and white sweater along with the black boots that added an extra inch to her height.
She stepped up to the main mic and took a solo the way the others had. Wincing, he made his way to the counter and placed his order for a sub as Jules tried to follow the tune into some of the higher notes and killed it, murdering the song. He shook his head, chuckling when she started laughing. Julie was talented at many things, but she hadn’t been gifted a set of stellar pipes. Yet she continued on with a huge grin.
God, she was stunning, so carefree and beautiful. Suddenly his heart hurt and he ached for her, yearned in a way he hadn’t let himself since he walked away from her that long-ago summer. She shimmied her hips—sweet, sexy, vivacious in a way only Julie could be—everything he’d loved about her. She used to be like that with him, tried to be like that just a couple of days ago, because that’s who Julie was. And he had messed it up.
She stepped back, allowing Leila to take center stage, and continued with backup, doing some funky move with Mindy. They clasped hands and threw their heads back, laughing as they pulled Leila into a hug when the song ended. The room erupted in applause with a standing ovation, and the ladies were met with demands for an encore.
All three bowed and obliged, taking to their mics to go another round. Julie looked Chase’s way, doing a double take. Her huge grin faded as surprise registered on her face, and the bright light vanished from her eyes. He swallowed, regretting his hurtful words all over again.
She turned away and started into Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree” with the others, but with less enthusiasm than she had before she saw him. He walked her way, needing to talk to her when the song ended, but Bryce stepped in front of him, his blue eyes hot with anger.
“I thought you being here was going to be a good thing. I was hoping you two were going to work some things out—”
Chase clenched his jaw. “It’s none of your business.”
“Maybe not, but I’m making it my business.” Bryce’s nostrils flared as he stepped closer. “She never wanted me. God knows I tried, but I’m not the one she wanted.” He shook his head. “Now you’re back, and she looks the way she did when you left, and I can’t wait to see you go. I’m counting down the minutes, man, because you don’t deserve her. You never did. Do her a favor and get the hell out of here before you ruin the rest of her night.”
He fisted his hand, tempted to punch Julie’s knight in shining armor in the face, but that would only make things worse. He looked at Julie again as she looked at him, and turned away, grabbing his sandwich and tossing a ten on the counter as he left.
He walked home at a fast clip and let himself inside, too restless to eat. Instead, he went up to Nana’s sewing closet, ready to get the room squared away once and for all. He started throwing things blindly into Julie’s “toss” pile, grabbed a stack of old CDs: Neil Diamond, Elton John, stopping when Julie
’s Final Skate 2005 in Nana’s handwriting caught his attention.
He stared at the hard plastic case for several seconds and brought it to his room, popping the disc in the old player, watching Julie take the ice. She looked so young and nervous. The camera, held by Bryce as he cheered for Julie, zoomed in on her face. The excitement that should have been there—that had always been there—was missing as her eyes wandered the video camera’s way.
The music started, and she began her program, a routine he hadn’t seen before. For the first forty-five seconds, she was technically flawless, but her energy was flat. She moved across the ice, maneuvered into a simple sit spin, and fell. The crowd gasped as she got up, continued on, and fell again moments later when she tripped over her own skate as she back-cut across the ice. It was painful to watch her finish and toss a wave to the stands. He moved to turn it off and stopped when Nana and Gram Keller both hugged her tight as she sobbed in the warm-up area.
“It’s not the same without them. I don’t want to do this anymore,” Julie shuddered out as tears rained down her cheeks. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“It’s okay, sweetheart, you don’t have to,” Gram Keller assured.
“I don’t know how to do anything else. I don’t know how to be anything else.”
“So you’ll find another way,” Nana soothed, and the video ended.
He scrubbed his hands over his face, aching for the shattered young woman he’d loved desperately, and pulled the disk from the machine, staring at the date: September 2005. They’d ended things that year—less than two months before her big skate. He didn’t remember much about that time in his life other than that he’d been miserable, missing her like crazy. He’d made his escape to Virginia, throwing himself into college life and endless internships with the FBI. And Julie had needed him. For ten years, he’d resented the devastated young woman who’d cried in her grandmother’s arms, but the only person he could be angry with now was himself.
She never wanted me. God knows I tried, but I’m not the one she wanted.
Julie had made a mistake, but they ended because of him. He’d walked away, turning his back on the best part of his life. He swallowed, shaking his head as the gravity of what he’d done ten years ago, then again two days ago, shook him to his core.