by Cate Beauman
He stopped, turning back. “My first meeting’s at eleven thirty, so probably right around eight fifteen.”
She pressed her lips together and nodded, loathing the idea of being here on her own in a house full of strangers.
“You wanna come with me?”
“Yes.” But she wouldn’t figure this out in Maine. The sooner she did, the faster she could go home. “But I’m going to stay right here.”
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I know.”
“Probably by dinner.”
She could make it through the day without him—just a few measly hours. “Okay.”
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night.”
“Night.” Chase closed himself in his room.
Sighing, she shut her door and walked to the windows, looking out into the dark, waiting to be overloaded by some wave of recognition. For surely the Porter children had run around on the huge lawn or built snowmen with all the snow piled on the ground. She could remember doing those things with Chase if she thought about it hard enough. Focusing again, she stared at the pine trees mixed among the denuded maples and smiled with the next rush of relief. This definitely wasn’t her place. This was never her home. Poor Alyson Porter had been snatched away into the night, but she wasn’t her.
With the weight on her shoulders suddenly lighter, she closed the drapes and dug into her suitcase, taking off her clothes, and pulled on her comfy thigh-length t-shirt.
There was a knock at her door, and she glanced at the solid wood, weary all over again. Whoever stood on the other side wasn’t Chase. When he knocked, he always gave a quick rap of his knuckles and said her name. Bracing herself for Neve or the unsettling man who’d attempted not to gape, she twisted the doorknob. A short, redheaded older woman dressed in crisp black pants and a white shirt gasped quietly as her bright blue eyes widened. “Ms. Ally,” she whispered with a hint of a lilt in her voice. “Thomas said… It really is you, Ms. Ally.”
She shook her head as the sinking feeling rushed back to her stomach. “I’m Julie.”
The woman gave a brisk nod. “Yes. Yes, of course you are. I’m Ferra. I’m sure you don’t remember me, but I brought along some snicker doodles fresh from the oven and a glass of milk.” She lifted the tray.
Julie wanted to tell Ferra, who wouldn’t stop staring, that she wasn’t hungry, that she didn’t want any damn cookies, but instead she took the tray. “This is very nice. Thank you.”
The woman slid her hand down Julie’s hair as her eyes welled. “I powdered your bottom a time or two and told you stories about fairies and sprites. Now look at you—all grown up and beautiful just like your mother.”
Julie stepped back from her touch.
“Good night, Ms. Ally.”
“Good night.” She closed her door, set the tray on the dresser, and sat on the bed, pressing her face into her hands as her door opened. She rushed to her feet when Chase stepped in, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt. “I don’t know her. I don’t remember this place,” she said in a rush, knowing he’d heard her exchange with Ferra. “I’m not Alyson Porter.”
He walked to where she stood and wrapped her up in a hug.
She held on, more shaken than she realized as the doubts she’d arrived with came back with a vengeance. “I’m not Alyson,” she repeated with her cheek pressed warm and safe against his chest.
~~~~
Chase held Julie close, breathing in her shampoo as she clung to him. He settled his chin on top of her head, steaming out a breath as he slid his hand down her hair. He hated that she was going through this, that there was nothing he could do to change it. They hadn’t even been here for an hour, and everyone was coming at her full-steam. Her potential long-lost family was eager to reconnect with the little girl who’d vanished so long ago, but they were going to have to give her some time.
He’d called Agent Tillis the moment he set foot in his room, telling him to back off for a few days, but convincing Neve to do the same wasn’t going to be so easy. She wanted her daughter in her life even if her daughter didn’t reciprocate her feelings. And tomorrow, he was leaving Jules here to deal with everything alone. Sighing again, he eased her back, looking into her miserable eyes. “Rough start.”
“You could say that.”
“Do you want to get dressed? We could take a walk. The stars are out, and you can clear your head a bit.”
She shook her head. “I want to go home.” She stepped out of his embrace. “Better yet, I want to wake up and realize all of this has been a huge nightmare.” She sat on the bed, her t-shirt riding high with the movement. “Tell me this is just some horrible dream, Chase.”
He sat next to her. “I wish I could.”
“Do you think I’m her? Do you think I’m Alyson Porter? I know I’ve asked you before…”
He suppressed a wince as she held his gaze. The reactions of Neve’s staff to their first glimpses of Julie and everything he’d read in the case files kept pointing him toward yes. “I think we need to take this a day at a time, and do the DNA testing—”
“I can’t.” She rushed to her feet. “I can’t do that.” She paced back and forth in front of him. “That’s the solution, right?” She huffed out a humorless laugh. “Just a simple DNA test, but I can’t do it.”
Because she wasn’t ready for the truth. He snagged her wrist as she started in his direction and tugged her back next to him. “There’s no rush. You’re in charge of this whole thing.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t feel like it.”
“You decide how this is going to go. While I’m gone tomorrow, spend some time with Neve. Get to know her better. No matter how this turns out, she seems like a nice woman.”
She raised her eyebrow, tossing him a glance that said he was full of shit. “Right.”
He watched her bop her leg about, the way she did when she was riddled with nerves. “How about a movie or something on TV?” He gestured to the flat screen on the dresser by the foot of the bed. “There’s gotta be one of your Christmas movies on.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to watch Christmas movies here. When I go home, I only want to have memories of watching Christmas movies at my house, not this one. Maybe that sounds silly, but negative associations—”
“I get it, Jules.” He looked around and stood, walking to the built-in bookshelf, and grabbed a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. “We’ll read.”
Her eyes held his as he walked back to the bed. “We’ve already read that one.”
The summer of their junior year, the summer things changed between them, they took turns reading to each other, getting through their required reading lists together. Some of his best memories were of Jules and him lying in Nana’s backyard hammock, exploring dozens of literature’s most revered works. “A long time ago.” He took his seat next to her. “It’s a good one.”
“It’s a classic for a reason.”
He crawled across her mattress, pulled her covers back, and lay against the pillow. “Come read with me, Jules.” He patted the spot at his side. “Come on,” he encouraged again when she stayed where she was.
More seconds ticked by before she followed and lay at his side.
“No covers?”
She pulled the blankets up over them, hesitating, then laid her head on his chest.
They’d loved each other as teenagers, had been lovers, but this was the first time they cozied up in bed with a book on a night when he wanted to bring her comfort. He wrapped his arm around her and opened to the first page. “Chapter One.” He read the first chapter, getting lost in Macomb and its cast of characters.
Julie took over at chapter two, her confident voice quiet as she read on, bringing them further into the story. He picked up where she left off, absently sliding his fingers through her soft hair after each turn of the page. He stopped when he reached chapter four, ready for her to continue, and looked down as sh
e slept. She was beautiful and just as kind and sweet as she’d been on those long, lazy days in the hammock. But nothing was quite so simple; the life she had known was being ripped apart. If the evidence kept leading them down the path to Alyson Porter, it was going to get much worse before it got better.
He set the book on the nightstand and moved to get up and go to his own bed, but Julie settled more fully against him, draping her arm across his chest. Clenching his jaw, he stared at her pretty face, then up at the ceiling. They’d spent nights together in backyard tents, and she slept next to him for a couple hours the night they lost their virginity after her senior prom, but they never stayed together like this—and they weren’t about to start now. This right here was the danger zone. He and Jules were heading down a slippery path. She was vulnerable, and he wasn’t quite over her the way he’d sworn he was. If he didn’t get out of this bed right now, he was sunk. He lifted her wrist to pull himself free of her, and she opened her eyes.
“Chase?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know what I would do without you,” she mumbled, closing her eyes and snuggling closer again.
Rubbing at his jaw, he swore. Why the hell did she have to say that? He debated for another minute, and shut off the light with an aggressive twist. This didn’t have to be a big deal. It was just one night. His friend needed him. He hooked his arm around her waist and closed his eyes. Being Julie’s friend didn’t have to mean he was sunk, it just meant he needed to be very, very careful.
Chapter Twenty
Julie stretched and opened her eyes, looking around and blinking in her strange surroundings. She yawned, staring at the gauzy drapes covering the windows, waiting for her sleep-fogged brain to kick into gear. She knew she was in the Porter mansion with Chase and that she didn’t want to be here, but— Her thoughts vanished as voices carried in through the door from the hallway. Swallowing, she pressed her hand to her chest as her heart kicked into a wild gallop, recognizing Ferra’s voice. Ferra’s Irish lilt so unfamiliar last night now seemed like something she’d heard before—and not just hours ago when the cook or housekeeper or whoever she was brought up a tray of cookies and milk.
Julie rolled to her back with the latest sense of unease, intending to get up, and realized Chase slept next to her, sprawled out on his half of the mattress. She breathed in his cologne and reached out, touching his hand, eager for the comfort of the familiar.
He opened his eyes, staring at her, still half asleep but alert nonetheless. “Hey,” he said with his cheek squished into the pillow.
“Good morning.”
“What time is it?” he mumbled, his voice extra deep as he sat up, scrubbing his hands over his face.
“Seven.”
“Seven.” He collapsed back against the pillow. “I need to get ready.”
She smiled. “Then why did you lie back down?”
“I have to get up.” He rolled to his side, facing her. “That doesn’t mean I want to.” He yawned. “How’d you sleep?”
They’d never woken together like this—maybe twenty years ago when they slept in tents in their backyards, but they hadn’t been man and woman with a complicated past and an even messier present. “Surprisingly good. I wasn’t sure how last night was going to go, but I slept like a rock. I think that’s probably thanks to you.”
“That’s what friends are for.”
Friends. They were certainly giving it a try. “Thanks for staying with me. I didn’t realize you had until a couple of minutes ago, but it was nice to roll over and see you here.”
“No problem.” He pulled the covers back and stood. “This is me getting up—not liking it, but I’m on my feet, which is half the battle.”
Chuckling, she knee-walked her way to his side of the bed, knowing they had to start their days, even when she wanted to hide with him right here in this room. “Off to the shower?”
“A shower and a trim.” He brushed his hands over the short stubble of his beard. “Then I’ve gotta go.” He stretched his arms over his head, exposing a solid inch of muscled abs when his shirt lifted with his movements. “Are you going to be okay today?”
She wasn’t sure, but she nodded anyway. “I’ll take Neve’s tour, then maybe take a taxi into the city or something—see the sights, do some shopping.”
He settled his hands on her shoulders. “Be careful. You have my digits saved in your phone?”
“I do,” she confirmed with a nod.
“I want you to call if you need anything.”
“I will.”
“I mean it.”
“I promise I will,” she added when he continued to stare at her. “Girl Scouts’ honor.”
He frowned. “You weren’t a Girl Scout.”
“In spirit.”
He smiled.
She smiled back. “Have a good day.” She cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his cheek, testing the boggy ground that was their relationship.
He tensed and stepped away.
“Wait a minute.” She grabbed his arm and pulled him back as he measured her, his guard clearly up.
“Jules, you’re vulnerable and—”
“Probably, but I thought we were trying for friends.”
He sighed. “We are.”
“Bryce is my friend, and I kiss his cheek all the time.”
His eyes cooled. “I’m not Bryce.”
“No, you’re not. You’re Chase, the boy I grew up with and fell in love with a long time ago.”
“You grew up with Bryce too—fell in love with him too.”
She shook her head. “I wanted to love him. I tried.” But she’d never been able to stop loving the man standing in front of her.
“I’ve gotta go, Jules.”
She released him from her gentle grip. “So go.”
He walked away and opened the door.
“If we’re ever going to be friends—the way we used to be or even something remotely close—you’re going to have to forgive me for being eighteen and heartbroken.”
He paused in the hallway. “I didn’t break your heart.”
“You did, but you didn’t mean to.”
He clenched his jaw, holding her gaze. “Call me if you need me.” He shut the door behind him.
~~~~
Julie watched from the living room window as the rented Lexus disappeared down the drive. For the briefest of moments, she contemplated running after the car and tagging along on Chase’s trip to Maine after all. She licked her lips, taking two steps toward the door, and stopped, rolling her eyes at herself, annoyed that she was afraid to handle this situation alone. It was nice having Chase here with her. It was good that they were slowly and cautiously attempting to find their footing as friends, but she refused to use him as a crutch. She’d lived her life for a long time without him—had faced several challenges and gotten through them just fine. Today would be no different. Eventually she and Neve would cross paths in this huge house, and she would get through that too. But it certainly wasn’t the worst thing in the world to know that Chase would come back tonight and be a support to her as they’d been to each other for so long.
“You’re up.”
She whirled as Neve walked her way, dressed to the nines in a slimming maroon dress and heels. Julie tucked her hair behind her ear, raising her chin despite feeling out of place and underdressed in her snug jeans, sweater vest, and black shirt with black boots to complement. “I am.”
“You look adorable.” Neve beamed. “Such a natural beauty.”
“Thanks.”
“I hope you slept well.”
She crossed her arms tightly, needing to do something with her nervous energy. “I did.”
“How about breakfast?”
“I had a yogurt already, but thanks.”
Neve glanced at her watch. “I have meetings today at noon that I couldn’t get out of. We have the ball here on Saturday, so there’s a lot going on.”
“Please do what you have to. I
’m probably going to head into the city anyway.”
“Oh. If you wait until tomorrow, I can take you around. We could shop and have lunch.”
She didn’t want to shop and have lunch with Neve Porter. Chase was certain she was nice, but Julie wasn’t willing to say so just yet, especially after last night. She nodded her response, not willing to commit one way or the other.
“Would you like a tour? I imagine it would be nice to know your way around, since you’ll be staying for a while.”
“A few days. Maybe just a couple,” she corrected.
“I thought I was going to have you with us for at least a week.”
“I have a business to run.” God, she sounded like such a bitch, but as she stared at the woman she looked so much like, the symbol that her entire life may have been a lie, she couldn’t find it within herself to knock the chip off her shoulder.
“I guess we’ll take things a day at a time.” Neve sent her a small smile. “How about that tour?”
“Sure.”
“You found the kitchen.”
“I did.”
“We’ve done quite a bit of remodeling over the years. The house was built in 1910. I wanted to keep the historic feel of the place but enjoy modern conveniences.”
Her gaze trailed up the sweeping staircase that reminded her of noble gentry. “It’s very pretty.”
“The holiday decorations are coming out today, so you’ll have to let me know what you think after Ferra and Thomas work their magic.”
“I’m sure it will be lovely.”
“So where would you like to start?”
She looked toward the stairs again. “Where did Alyson—where was she—”
“Where was she taken from?”
She winced, needing answers, but understood she caused pain by asking. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay. I would be curious too if I were you. Come with me.”
She followed Neve up the steps and down a long hall in the opposite direction of where she and Chase were staying. She counted off bedrooms as she went—four on this wing, all with their own bathrooms, she imagined. “This place is pretty big.”