by Cate Beauman
Finally she spotted the tiny green light on the security panel in the shadows and started down the road, walking faster, craving distance. This wasn’t going to work. Being here in Boston was a bad idea. Why did she come? How was staying with Neve solving anything? Forty-eight hours. She’d put in her two days and had more questions than answers.
She made her way down another block and slowed as she came to the park lit up by lamps scattered on opposite sides of the path. A good three inches covered the blacktop, but she started forward anyway, finally feeling the weight lifting off her chest. She passed abandoned swings and the vacant slide as she walked over a charming cedar bridge and stopped when she saw it. The fountain from her dreams. The fountain where she and a boy tossed coins into the water. “No.” She shook her head. “No more.”
She stumbled back, her breath heaving, and she took off her heels, the icy cold of the snow barely registering as she ran, slipping and sliding twice on her way back to the Porters. She reached the wall and punched in the security code for the door—Alyson’s birthday, but it didn’t work. “Come on. Come on.” She tried again, growing more frantic as the seconds ticked by. Finally the light blinked green and she sprinted to the door closest to the old servants’ quarters, desperate to get her things and get the hell out of here.
Chapter Twenty-four
Chase stood under the shower’s hot spray, blowing out through his mouth as water rained over his head and trailed down his face. The warmth was welcome after the last couple hours of hell, but he needed to get out and find Jules…in one more minute.
The ride back had been brutal. A crappy jack, four rusted lug nuts, three inches of snow, and Boston traffic at seven had made for a damn mess. He’d just gotten back ten minutes ago, hurrying up the Porters’ front steps, filthy and frozen but hoping he was in time to sit down with Julie and the people who were more than likely her long-lost family. Unfortunately he missed the meal by a good fifteen minutes—and Julie with it. Neve had been gracious and alarmed by his appearance, and her friend Elaine just as kind, shoving a cup of coffee in his hand on his way up the stairs. But it was Julie who needed him.
Her room had been empty when he stepped in, and she hadn’t answered when he called her name down a couple of the halls. She was somewhere around this huge place. He just needed to figure out where.
He shut off the water, toweled off quickly, and pulled on his sweatpants, not bothering with a shirt when he heard footsteps on the stairs. “Jules—” He opened his door and stepped into the hall as Ferra stopped, gasping with a plate of food on a tray. “Sorry. Have you seen Julie?”
“Not since dinner, but this is for you.”
He took the tray, looked at the plate heaped with meat, potatoes, and the bowl full of salad. “This looks great. Thanks.”
“If you need anything else, Mr. Chase—”
He and Ferra looked down the hall as Julie hurried their way, her jacket covered in flakes of melting snow while she carried her high heels.
“Jules—”
She didn’t bother to answer as she stormed past him and the Porters’ housekeeper and cook. Her long damp hair curtained her face, making eye contact impossible as she walked in her room and shut the door.
He winced as his gaze met Ferra’s. “I think she’s a little pissed.”
Ferra nodded, taking back the tray. “The Porter women have a fine temper. Call when you’re ready for this, and good luck to you, Mr. Chase.” She turned and walked away.
“I’ll take it,” he muttered and sighed, rapping his knuckles against Julie’s door. “Jules.”
She didn’t answer.
“Jules.” He twisted the knob anyway and walked in as Julie let her jacket fall to the floor and hurried into the bathroom. “I know you’re mad. I’m sorry I missed dinner. I wanted to be here for you.” He jammed his hand through his hair when she still said nothing. “The jack wouldn’t cooperate, the nuts were rusted on the tire, and the snow made the conditions awful.”
She had yet to speak as she came out with her toiletries and grabbed her suitcase, flinging it onto the bed.
“What are you doing?”
“Leaving.”
“Wait, what?” He grabbed her arm as she headed for the dresser for her clothes.
“Don’t.” She yanked away.
“Jules.” He turned her back, realizing she wasn’t angry; she was pale, and her eyes were devastated. “What’s wrong?”
“I need to get out of here,” she choked out as tears rolled down her cheeks. She freed herself of his hold. “I need to go.”
“Julie—”
She whirled. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” Her voice broke. “Who am I, Chase?”
She looked at him with such hopelessness, such sadness, his heart broke for her. “You’re Julie.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.” Her breath shuddered in and out. “I saw the fountain from my dreams. I knew the bear’s name.”
“Come here.”
She took a step back, shaking her head for the second time. “Nothing’s right anymore. I don’t even know my birthday. Nothing’s the way it was. I want to go home to my house and my friends, but that doesn’t feel right either—like Bakersfield is my place. Nothing feels warm and comfortable. ”
“Come here.” He pulled her to him and held her tight.
She wrapped her arms around his waist and clung. “I feel like I can’t go forward and I can’t go back.”
He slid his hand down her hair. “So stay right here with me, Jules. Just right here.”
She lifted her head off his chest. “You’re—you’re the only thing that makes sense.” More tears flowed free. “You’re the only thing I understand.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She settled against him, weeping, her shoulders shaking with the depths of her pain.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. There was nothing worse than when Julie was sad. “Don’t cry, Jules.” He cupped her face in his hands. “We’re going to figure this out together.”
She fought to school her breathing as they stared in each other’s eyes.
“No matter how this turns out, you’re still you. A name doesn’t change who you are. Whether your birth name is Julie or Alyson, you’re still sweet and smart and the best person I know.”
Her lips trembled. “I don’t know what to do.”
“It’s going to be okay.” He touched his lips to hers, needing to comfort her.
She nodded.
“We’re going to find the answers and make this right for you.” He stroked his thumb along her cheek and kissed her again, lingering.
She closed her eyes, nodding as she slowly slid her fingers up his back, to his shoulder blades, and down to his waist.
Her gaze met his, and he swallowed in the silence, his heart beating in time with the seconds ticking on the bedside clock—two, three, four. Little made sense in her life—in either of theirs—but being here with her like this did. Moving in, he captured her lips again.
She moaned, clinging and they opened their mouths in unison, sliding tongues together. She wrapped her arms tighter around him as he plundered, giving, taking what he’d needed for over a decade.
Julie combed her fingers through his hair as he tugged gently at her long locks, tilting her chin, kissing her neck.
“Don’t stop kissing me,” she whispered as heat slowly replaced the sadness in her eyes. “Don’t stop.”
He took her mouth again, sliding his hands down her back and up her sides, bringing her sweater with it. He tossed her top to the floor, and she took his hands, pressing his palms to her breasts, whimpering and snagging her bottom lip with her teeth when he swiped his thumbs over the silk of her bra and her nipples beneath.
Their eyes held while he unsnapped her slacks and let them fall, sending her panties with them with a quick flick of his wrist.
“Kiss me.” She pulled his mouth down on hers and walked backw
ards, bringing him with her to her bed as she tugged at the elastic waist of his sweats.
He stepped out of his pants, knocked the suitcase to the floor, and laid her back against the mattress, kissing her endlessly, releasing her breasts from her pretty bra and playing his hands over her soft skin.
“Mmm,” she moaned against his mouth, opening for him.
He settled between her legs, sinking himself inside her wet warmth, and closed his eyes. He groaned as he rested his forehead against hers. Finally. Finally he and Julie were one as they hadn’t been in so long. He opened his eyes, looking into hers as a tear dripped toward her temple. “Don’t cry, Jules,” he whispered, wiping the drop away.
She met his mouth as they moved together. Her breathing quickened with his lazy thrusts, and he instinctively pushed himself deeper, moving slower, watching Julie on the brink. She clutched at his shoulders, purring in her throat, and her eyes went blind as she came quietly only for him to hear.
Her surrender spurred him on, urging him to finish, but he kissed her, drawing out their ending as she built again. He took her with him and they fell together.
~~~~
Julie stared into Chase’s eyes, still trembling with the aftershocks of pleasure as he caught his breath and played his fingers through her hair. They’d taken a huge leap when he kissed her in comfort, and she pulled him back for more. Laying here like this with Chase still inside her should’ve been wrong, but feeling his tough body pressing hers into the mattress was the only thing that felt right. For so long she’d dreamt of this, of tenderness and the heat they brought to each other so easily, but everything about her life was a mess. She couldn’t afford to mess this up too.
“I can see the gears spinning.” He gently tapped her temple. “What’s going on in there?”
She shrugged. “I guess I was thinking about this. I’m not sure sex is going to uncomplicate the complicated.”
“Regrets?”
She considered for a moment, stroking her fingers over his beard, and shook her head. “No, but I don’t know what we’re supposed to do now. I don’t remember it being quite like this after my prom.” The first time they’d been together—the only time—they’d both fumbled their way through the experience. Now there was comfort wrapped up in the intensity of it all.
He grinned. “I sure as hell hope not. There was plenty of room for improvement.”
“It was special.”
“Definitely.”
“It seems so long ago—ages.”
“It was.” He kissed her again, wrapped an arm around her back and rolled, fighting with the covers, then rolled her back, covering them with the blankets.
“Not really—not in the big scheme of things.”
“We were kids, Jules.”
But they weren’t anymore. She kissed him as her troubles started creeping around the edges of the cocoon she and Chase created.
“Spill it. Those wheels are still turning.”
She sent him a small smile. No one knew her the way he did. “It’s just…this felt so good—not just the orgasm part.” She grinned as he did before her smile faded. “But being like this together again… We go home next week to our own lives.”
He steamed out a breath as he nodded. “Yeah, we do.”
“I don’t want to—I can’t—”
“What if we just enjoy it—being together again? We still care about each other. We’re still attracted. Why should we fight it?”
There were a million reasons to end this right here and now, but she wanted him, this, for as long as she could get it. “I guess we shouldn’t.”
“I kind of see this as our chance to make the most of the time we’ve been given.”
Which wasn’t much. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him, long and deep.
He slid her hair back from her forehead. “Tell me about today.”
She groaned. “It wasn’t a good day.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
“You’re here now.”
“Tell me,” he murmured against her lips.
“Neve and I had breakfast together, which wasn’t bad. I made her Gram Keller’s frittata.”
“Yum.”
“It was good. Then I met with Becky. She told me about the night Alyson disappeared: about how Noah and Alyson watched How The Grinch Stole Christmas. She helped Alyson brush her teeth and tucked her into bed. Noah was out of sorts because he was excited for presents and seeing Santa at the children’s hospital the next day. She finally got him to sleep, checked on Alyson, and found the note.”
“When did you see the pictures of your mother?”
“I’m getting to that.”
“Take your time.”
“Becky said she’d watched Alyson and Noah a lot that fall. Neve was busy with fundraisers. She’d taken some pictures of Alyson and Noah at the park. She handed me the stack. That’s when I saw my mom.” She freed herself from his arms and got out of bed, grabbing the pictures from her purse.
“You’re a beautiful woman, Jules.”
She watched his eyes slide over her. “Thanks.”
“Come on back.” He gestured with his head, opening the covers for her.
She crawled in and he snuggled up next to her, examining the photos of her mother with black hair. “I don’t even know how to process this, other than the obvious. She went by the name Dawn Summerman while she was here.”
He sighed. “Well, we certainly have a lead to follow.”
“I tried following one today. Donnie Dorman is disgusting.” She shuddered again. “I think he knows something. I felt like he was taunting me even though he didn’t really say anything.” She narrowed her eyes, thinking of her encounter with the slimy man. “But it was the way he was looking at me—like he was telling me he knew.”
“I’ll follow up with him—see if I can get anything out of him.”
“I just don’t understand.” She looked at the picture of Dawn Summerman again. “She was a good woman. She was my mom. She took good care of me.” She swallowed. “But who was she?” She tapped the smiling woman hugging Alyson Porter. “Who was this woman?”
“We’re going to find out.” He pulled her closer against him.
“Noah hates me,” she said in a rush, wanting to get rid of the rest.
Chase frowned. “Why do you say that?”
“He told me so—or he hates his sister. He keeps hoping they’ll find her remains. He said so many awful things. He thinks I’m here because I want the Porter money.” She looked into his eyes. “I don’t.”
“Jesus, Jules, I know that.”
“I just needed to say it to someone who knows me, who knows who I am—all the way.” She settled her head on his shoulder. “I want to go home. Tomorrow morning, I want to go back to Washington.”
“The answers are here.”
She shook her head. “I don’t care anymore. You can do your meetings by media conference?”
“Yeah, if I have to.”
She nodded, considering the matter settled. “We can keep searching from Washington.”
“Let’s see how we feel in the morning.” He kissed her temple and wrapped his arms more firmly around her. “Try and get some sleep.”
She closed her eyes, treasuring the warmth of Chase so close. “Good night.”
“Night.”
Chapter Twenty-five
Chase poured a spoonful of sugar into the steaming mug of orange pekoe he was letting steep and spread butter on the rye toast he was making for Julie: Gram Keller’s cure-all for upset stomachs or just being out of sorts. And Julie was definitely out of sorts.
He left her in bed, naked and sleeping, hoping to have the simple breakfast up to their room before she stirred. He’d been up since five thirty, staring at her beautiful face, wondering and worrying some if the step they’d taken last night was the right one. Being with Julie again felt good—right—but was rekindling the physical side of their relationship good for her? Hell,
was it good for either of them?
Julie’s life was a mess. They had a hell of a lot to figure out. And eventually they would part ways again. They lived different lives—separate lives in totally different states. A lot had changed between them over the past couple of weeks, but the distance between their homes certainly hadn’t. Even so, he wasn’t foolish enough to believe that what they had between them was finished, so what was the point in fighting it? From the moment he realized she wasn’t married to Bryce, he knew deep down they would pick up where they left off. Eventually they would part ways; they would have no choice—and it was wise to remember that. But he and Julie were here today. Tomorrow would come soon enough, and then they could think about goodbyes.
He gave the tea a final stir and set the spoon in the sink as Neve stepped into the kitchen dressed for the day in a pretty skirt and sweater. It was still such a shock to see Julie’s face in the woman smiling at him.
“Good morning.”
“Morning.”
“I hope you were able to warm up last night after your ordeal on the interstate.”
“I was, thanks.” He sipped the hot drink.
“I hope Julie wasn’t too hard on you. Ferra mentioned she was angry.”
He measured the woman standing several feet away from him, noting the hint of shrewdness along with all of the kindness in her eyes. If she wanted her daughter in her life, she was going to have to deal with the reality of the situation they were in. “Julie wasn’t mad. She was hurt. She’s planning on going home today.”
Neve’s eyes grew wide. “But she just got here. I’m just getting to know her.”
“And I’m going to talk to her.” He leaned against the counter. “Jules is all that matters to me in this whole thing. If leaving was the best thing for her, we would be on the first plane out this morning, but it’s not.”
Neve nodded.
“Julie needs to be here, to discover the truth on her own terms, in her own time. She needs to know how and why. So do you.”