CHAPTER 70
So, sometime next week, we’ll be setting sail for Africa.
King Solomon’s mythical mines, filled with diamonds and gold, are real and just waiting for us to excavate their treasure. Dad and Mom might join us on the hunt.
If the CIA can follow through on its plans to rescue Mom.
And if Dad really is alive.
That e-mail Beck read? I wrote it. Uncle Timothy had talked me through how to send it from the nearby Internet café so it’d look a lot more legitimate than that fake e-mail Beck had tried to fool the cop with when we were fleeing the Cayman Islands.
Hey, I warned you not to believe everything you read.
Of course, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
Because, deep in my heart, I really do think Dad and Mom are still alive. In fact, they’re the two treasures at the top of my treasure-hunting list.
Beck’s, too.
How can I be so sure?
Easy.
It’s a twin thing.
JAMES PATTERSON was selected by readers across America as the Children’s Choice Book Awards Author of the Year in 2010. He is the internationally bestselling author of the highly praised Middle School books, I Funny, Confessions of a Murder Suspect, and the Maximum Ride, Witch & Wizard, Daniel X, and Alex Cross series. His books have sold more than 275 million copies worldwide, making him one of the bestselling authors of all time. He lives in Florida.
CHRIS GRABENSTEIN is a New York Times bestselling author who has also collaborated with James Patterson on the I Funny series and Daniel X: Armageddon. He lives in New York City.
JULIANA NEUFELD is an award-winning illustrator whose drawings can be found in books, on album covers, and in nooks and crannies throughout the Internet. She lives in Toronto.
For more great reads and free samplers, visit
www.LBYRDigitalDeals.com
BOOKS BY JAMES PATTERSON
FOR YOUNG READERS
THE MIDDLE SCHOOL NOVELS
Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: Get Me out of Here! (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: My Brother Is a Big, Fat Liar (with Lisa Papademetriou, illustrated by Neil Swaab)
Middle School: How I Survived Bullies, Broccoli, and Snake Hill (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
THE I FUNNY NOVELS
I Funny (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)
I Even Funnier (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)
THE DANIEL X NOVELS
The Dangerous Days of Daniel X (with Michael Ledwidge)
Watch the Skies (with Ned Rust)
Demons and Druids (with Adam Sadler)
Game Over (with Ned Rust)
Armageddon (with Chris Grabenstein)
OTHER ILLUSTRATED NOVELS
Treasure Hunters (with Chris Grabenstein and Mark Shulman, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
Daniel X: Alien Hunter (graphic novel; with Leopoldo Gout)
Daniel X: The Manga, Vols. 1–3 (with SeungHui Kye)
For previews of upcoming books in these series and other information, visit www.MiddleSchoolBooks.com, www.IFunnyBooks.com, and www.Daniel-X.com.
For more information about the author, visit www.JamesPatterson.com.
AND IN THE MEANTIME, MEET THE PLANET’S FUNNIEST KID COMIC!
AVAILABLE NOW! TURN THE PAGE FOR A SNEAK PEEK!
Have you ever done something extremely stupid like, oh, I don’t know, try to make a room filled with total strangers laugh until their sides hurt?
Totally dumb, right?
Well, that’s why my humble story is going to start with some pretty yucky tension—plus a little heavy-duty drama (and, hopefully, a few funnies so we don’t all go nuts).
okay, so how, exactly, did I get into this mess—up onstage at a comedy club, baking like a bag of French fries under a hot spotlight that shows off my sweat stains (including one that sort of looks like Jabba the Hutt), with about a thousand beady eyeballs drilling into me?
A very good question that you ask.
To tell you the truth, it’s one I’m asking, too!
What am I, Jamie Grimm, doing here trying to win something called the Planet’s Funniest kid Comic Contest?
What was I thinking?
But wait. Hold on. It gets even worse.
While the whole audience stares and waits for me to say something (anything) funny, I’m up here choking.
That’s right—my mind is a total and complete blank.
And I just said, “No, I’m Jamie Grimm.”
That’s the punch line. The end of a joke.
All it needs is whatever comes before the punch line. You know—all the stuff I can’t remember.
So I sweat some more. The audience stares some more.
I don’t think this is how a comedy act is supposed to go. I’m pretty sure jokes are usually involved. And people laughing.
“Um, hi.” I finally squeak out a few words. “The other day at school, we had this substitute teacher. Very tough. Sort of like Mrs. Darth Vader. Had the heavy breathing, the deep voice. During roll call, she said, ‘Are you chewing gum, young man?’ And I said, ‘No, I’m Jamie Grimm.’ ”
I wait (for what seems like hours) and, yes, the audience kind of chuckles. It’s not a huge laugh, but it’s a start.
Okay. Phew. I can tell a joke. All is not lost.
Yet. But hold on for a sec. We need to talk about something else. A major twist to my tale.
“A major twist?” you say. “Already?”
Yep. And, trust me, you weren’t expecting this one.
To be totally honest, neither was I.
Hi.
Presenting me. Jamie Grimm. The sit-down comic.
So, can you deal with this? Some people can.
Some can’t. Sometimes even I can’t deal with it (like just about every morning, when I wake up and look at myself in the mirror).
But you know what they say: “If life gives you lemons, learn how to juggle.”
Or, even better, learn how to make people laugh.
So that’s what I decided to do.
Seriously. I tried to teach myself how to be funny. I did a whole bunch of homework and read every joke book and joke website I could find, just so I could become a comedian and make people laugh.
I guess you could say I’m obsessed with being a stand-up comic—even though I don’t exactly fit the job description.
But unlike a lot of homework (algebra, you know I’m talking about you), this was fun.
I got to study all the greats: Jon stewart, Jerry Seinfeld, Kevin James, Ellen DeGeneres, Chris Rock, Steven Wright, Joan Rivers, George Carlin.
I also filled dozens of notebooks with jokes I made up myself—like my second one-liner at the comedy contest.
“Wow, what a crowd,” I say, surveying the audience. “Standing room only. Good thing I brought my own chair.”
It takes a second, but they laugh—right after I let them know it’s okay, because I’m smiling, too.
This second laugh? Well, it’s definitely bigger than that first chuckle. Who knows—maybe I actually have a shot at winning this thing.
So now I’m not only nervous, I’m pumped!
I really, really, really (and I mean really) want to take my best shot at becoming the Planet’s Funniest Kid Comic.
Because, in a lot of ways, my whole life has been leading up to this one sweet (if sweaty) moment in the spotlight!
CONTENTS
COVER
TITLE PAGE
WELCOME
DEDICATION
A QUICK NOTE FROM BICK KIDD
PROLOGUE: LOST AT SEA
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
PART 1: PIRATE-INFESTED WATERS
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER
5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
CHAPTER 23
PART 2: THE PIRATE KING’S TREASURE MAP
CHAPTER 24
CHAPTER 25
CHAPTER 26
CHAPTER 27
CHAPTER 28
CHAPTER 29
CHAPTER 30
CHAPTER 31
CHAPTER 32
CHAPTER 33
CHAPTER 34
CHAPTER 35
CHAPTER 36
CHAPTER 37
CHAPTER 38
CHAPTER 39
CHAPTER 40
CHAPTER 41
CHAPTER 42
CHAPTER 43
CHAPTER 44
CHAPTER 45
CHAPTER 46
CHAPTER 47
CHAPTER 48
CHAPTER 49
PART 3: IN THE PALACE OF THE PIRATE KING
CHAPTER 50
CHAPTER 51
CHAPTER 52
CHAPTER 53
CHAPTER 54
CHAPTER 55
CHAPTER 56
CHAPTER 57
CHAPTER 58
CHAPTER 59
CHAPTER 60
CHAPTER 61
CHAPTER 62
CHAPTER 63
CHAPTER 64
CHAPTER 65
CHAPTER 66
CHAPTER 67
EPILOGUE
CHAPTER 68
CHAPTER 69
CHAPTER 70
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
BOOKS BY JAMES PATTERSON
A SNEAK PEEK OF I FUNNY: A MIDDLE SCHOOL STORY
COPYRIGHT
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2013 by James Patterson
Illustrations by Juliana Neufeld
Cover design by Sasha Illingworth
Cover art by Juliana Neufeld
Cover © 2013 Hachette Book Group, Inc.
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Little, Brown and Company
Hachette Book Group
237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017
www.lb-kids.com
Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group.
The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
First ebook edition: September 2013
ISBN 978-0-316-20755-3
Treasure Hunters Page 16