by Jillian Neal
“I thought I got to go with you.” Her sleepy voice reverberated right next to his heart.
“You really want to get up that early?”
“I think so, but I don’t know.”
Chuckling, Brock stood, scooped her off of the sofa, and laid her in their bed before he returned to put out the fire. Hopefully, the house would hold the heat in for the night.
When he returned she was seated on the bed, shedding her clothes. She pulled off the long-sleeved undershirt and sweater she’d been wearing. Her breasts were far too large for the bra making a valiant effort to keep them contained. Her flesh spilled over the white lacey undergarment. The rosy hue of her tightly puckered nipples made him salivate. A low hungry groan escaped his lungs. “Keep going, sugar.”
Staring up at him, she popped the clasp of the bra and shimmied it down her arms. He took it from her and tossed it away.
“Is this okay? Is it okay to want you as badly as I do?” Confusion fractured her plea.
“I’m standing here gettin’ harder than a damn railroad spike, admiring my gorgeous wife while she gets undressed. That’s the way it’s supposed to work, sugar. Now, keep going for me.”
Her bottom lip slipped through her teeth. He knew they were walking a thin line. Sex wasn’t always going to be the answer, but my God she was so damn tempting, he couldn’t help himself. The warmth that had been absent from her for so long settled in her cheeks and darkened her nipples. She stared up at him in hopeful expectation.
“What do you want, darlin’? Tell me.”
“You …” Her breaths began their customary pant that drove him wild. “But shouldn’t we …?”
He halted her protest with a drawing kiss. His tongue explored her mouth, drinking in her taste, a heady cocktail of sweet seduction.
Her fingers trailed over his cock as it throbbed anxiously against its denim trappings. A timid moan quivered from her throat, igniting the air between them.
Breaking from the kiss, his mind was receiving just enough blood flow to debate how he should proceed. “Shouldn’t we what, baby? I’ll do anything you want.”
Based on her next move, what she wanted was his cock. He raised his left eyebrow in intrigue just before his head fell back in ecstasy as she lowered his jeans and boxers enough to lap her sweet mouth at the head.
A groan reverberated from deep within him and air escaped in a low hiss between his teeth. His right hand tangled in her hair, guiding her. She gave one timid sucking lick then turned her head and sucked him harder. You need to stop this. Don’t keep making the same mistakes, Camden. Using every ounce of fortitude in his chiseled musculature, he stepped back. As badly as he wanted to beg her to suck him off, to drain him of all of the tension and confusion that had come between them, he wasn’t giving in this time, not yet, anyway.
Stripping, he crawled into bed beside her. His heart located a steady, contented cadence when she laid on his chest. “I want you so bad, honey. I can hardly think straight, but I kind of think you were about to say something along the lines of – ‘shouldn’t’ we finish talking first.’”
She gave him a begrudged nod that made him chuckle.
“Trust me, I’ll make it worth your wait, and when there’s nothing between us, it will be so much better.”
“Yeah, I know you’re right. I think it’s just …”
“Just what?” He cradled her head in the gentle strength of his hand and then ran his fingers through her long, blonde hair. Tears pricked her eyes. He forced himself to let her have them. “I’m right here, sugar. Please just talk to me.”
“I think that when we have sex … it just makes me feel like you’re here with me. Like I don’t have to compete with the cows, or horses, or fences, or whatever else. I know that’s selfish and stupid. I think I started relying on it. Having sex with you is something you only do with me.” She shrugged and buried her face in his chest.
Brushing a kiss on top of her head, he hugged her tighter. “It’s not stupid or selfish. It makes total sense to me, and I was using it for all the wrong reasons, too. I can’t ever resist you, so I just went with it. I knew making you talk, making you confess that you didn’t like it here, was going to hurt both of us. At the time, I didn’t know how to fix it. But sex can’t replace talking. We need to be able to talk before, after, hell, even during if you want. We have to make time for every part of this relationship, not just the physical one.”
“Yeah, I really miss the talking part, and the longer we went without really talking, the easier it got to keep everything to myself. It was kind of like I got out of the habit of telling you everything. That’s not how marriage is supposed to work.”
“No, it isn’t. Actually, I have a theory about all of this.”
“What’s your theory?” She gave him her sweet grin. It gently mended just a little of the damage they’d inflicted on their relationship.
“It’s a little like we rushed to build this relationship, because for me it was like I finally had a chance at the life I always wanted. But maybe we can’t rush to build this anymore than we can rush to build a house. We tried to construct a marriage without much of a foundation. We never really combined our lives, sweetheart. We spent a few months living in your rental back on the beach before we moved up here, but we pretty much just had sex constantly. When I wasn’t banging you, I was trying to learn to read. We never figured out how to really live together. If I did something you didn’t seem to like, or something confused me, I just threw you in the bed again and jumped on top of you. It was a hell of a honeymoon, but probably not really the best way to put together a life. Having incredible sex with you always makes sense to me, but sex isn’t always the answer.”
“Well, I certainly never complained.”
Unable to help himself, he brushed his lips across her smile. It had been missing for far too long. “Well, I’m glad, Mrs. Camden, but we might’ve let the lust side of things take over the love side of things. We got a little out of balance.”
“Yeah, but we both did it, not just you. I think sex is part of a healthy marriage, but you’re right, we have to find a balance that works for our family.” She placed her hand on her stomach, and Brock couldn’t help himself. He eased the blankets back and dropped tender kisses in a line from between her breasts down to her bellybutton.
Her sweet grin delighted him as he worked his way back up her body. “What else do you want to talk about, darlin’?”
“We covered the house, and my work, and you promised to be here more. I want you to teach me to drive, and I want to go with you in the mornings some.” She shrugged. “I think it will take us a while to figure out the pregnancy. I think we should try to take it one day at a time.”
“Agreed.”
“Other than the poodles and Kara Seeton invited us over to their house. She said you and her husband were in riding club together or something. And Carson Rupp said to tell you hello. I think that’s it.”
Brock chuckled to cover the momentary pain of the memory that played in his mind. “Want to hear a story about Pearl and Sally?”
Hope shifted to her side to stare up at him in intrigue. At one time he’d promised to tell her all of his stories. He was certain that would take a lifetime, and he was glad.
“Yes. I love your stories.”
Smiling, Brock gently tucked a stray of her long silky hair behind her right ear. “I was maybe six or seven. Mick had come home late the night before drunk off his ass, as usual. I knew it would be bad when he woke up. I could always tell by the number of broken bottles on the front porch. Mama went to work early that morning. She knew, too.
“I got up early and tried to make some cereal without waking him, but I accidentally dropped the bowl. It shattered, and a second later I heard him coming. I took off for Ev and Jessie’s, but he came after me. I made it their house before he caught up, and of course, Aunt Jessie gave him what-for and told him to get the hell home that she was taking me to school. I came out of
school that afternoon and saw him waiting on me. He was still furious and had a whiskey bottle in his hand. He’d started drinking again as soon as Jessie sent him home.
“Luke fished a quarter out of his pocket. He and Austin called Uncle Ev at the payphone near the school. Grant went to get our teacher, but I turned tail and headed into town. I couldn’t wait on Ev to get there to save me. Pearl and Sally saw me slink against the brick wall of the beauty shop trying to make it into the church. Dad was afraid of the preacher, so I hid out there when I could. Pearl saw Mick coming down the street. She came out and got me to come inside the beauty shop. Sally went to Saddleback’s and got me a cheeseburger and more French fries than I’d ever seen. They gave me quarters out of their tip jars so I could get sodas out of that old Coke machine. I was terrified of what Mick might do if he found me in there eating, but I was also starved.
“They let me hide there all day and well into the evening, until they knew Mick was back at the bars. Sally went and got me a handful of those Matchbox cars from Wilton’s, a cap gun, some crayons, and some coloring books. They told me I could come there anytime I wanted and stay as long as I needed to. They used to keep all the toys they had for me in a little shoe box under the record-player counter thing. Promised they’d never tell Mick where I was. I remember them saying that Mick wasn’t man enough to come into a beauty shop, so I was safe there. Probably the only seven year old in the history of the world that felt manly because he hid out in a beauty shop after school.”
Hope’s tears carried Brock back to the present. “The point of that whole story is Pearl and Sally are a little crazy, but they’re really sweet. Might’ve saved my life. I wish I could give you some kind of logical explanation for the poodles, but I got nothing, sugar, other than they really do want to give love to things that need to be loved.”
“Brock, I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him and mended his battered heart with her love.
“Nothing to be sorry over, darlin’. I have you right here in my arms. That makes up for anything I ever had to endure.” He brushed a kiss on her cheek.
“Now, I really want to let them do my hair and hug both of them.“
Laughing, Brock nodded. “And Kara Bowden must’ve married Ken Seeton. I remember Ken shoving me out of a seat in first grade when I tried to sit by Kara.” Their laughter dried Hope’s tears as Brock shook his head at the memory. “As for Carson, dude’s been an ass-kisser for as long as I’ve known him. I couldn’t stand him when I was eight. He probably wants me to take out a loan he’ll make a shit-ton of commission on. Next time you see him, flip him off for me.”
Hope’s laughter was cut off in the wake of a deep yawn. “We can talk more tomorrow, right?”
“Tomorrow, and the next day, and forever. This marriage is forever, Hope. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But we have to build forever together, every single day. But there is one more thing we need to discuss.”
He watched his wife cringe. “I was hoping you’d forget about that.”
“Are you kidding me? Thinking about you in that lingerie has been taking over my brain all damn day. How do you think I’m still going after only having four hours of sleep in the last two days?”
“See, you need to sleep. We can talk about later.” She was far too quick in her attempt to bury her feelings again. He was going to have to put a stop to that.
“No, ma’am. Come on. It kills me that you wanted to explore and that it was taken from you, from us. Believe me, people will run their mouths about it for a while, but then they’ll move on. I decided to just let them be jealous. I get to be married to someone as beautiful and sweet as you are that’s willing to buy stuff like that to wear for me.”
She rolled her eyes.
Irritation surged through his blood. “Listen to me, and listen good. You are stunningly gorgeous, Hope. Everything about you is beautiful, inside and out. You drive me wild. I know you feel my cock throbbing against you. That’s what you do to me. God, you’re my every fantasy, baby. How do you not understand this? I know you’re embarrassed, and I hate that. If I’d had any idea you were planning on ordering lingerie, I would have stopped you, put you in the truck, taken you to Lincoln, and let you shop for as long as you want … as long as I got to pick out a few things for you as well.” He winked at her.
“I just thought it might be fun.” Her cheeks glowed crimson now.
“Since I am the guy that I’m praying you bought that for, how about not being embarrassed with me, please?”
“But it is embarrassing. I don’t know. I just missed all of that exploring we used to do back when we first started dating. There’s still stuff I want to try out. But if I go with you to Lincoln for lingerie, I don’t get to surprise you with it. You’d know I have it. If no one knew I’d ordered it, I was safe. Plus I’m pregnant now. I don’t even know if wearing lingerie is allowed.”
Furrowing his brow momentarily, understanding finally settled on Brock. “If you got ballsy enough to put it on for me, we could explore. If you didn’t want to, you could stick it in a drawer and not think about it.”
“Exactly.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to wear it for me, darlin’? And why on earth wouldn’t you be able to wear lingerie while you’re pregnant, other than the likelihood that it’ll cause me to come in my shorts as soon as I see you?”
Another eye roll said she still didn’t really believe him. “I don’t know.”
“Listen to me, Hope Hendrix Camden, you are my wife, and that makes me the luckiest guy on the planet. We just agreed that having sex is part of a healthy marriage, and believe me, having a healthy marriage is about the best thing we can do for our kids. You are gorgeous. I want you every second of every day. If you refuse to believe me, I guess I’ll just have to show you.”
“So you think it’s okay for us to keep exploring and having lots of sex while I’m pregnant and once the baby gets here?”
“I’m gonna go ahead and assume you’re not gonna want me jumping on you right after you deliver, and we’ll take everything day by day like you said, but yes, unless the doctor says otherwise, I think having sex while you’re pregnant is perfectly okay. We just can’t use sex to keep us from talking.”
“Okay, good, because I think being pregnant might be making me horny.” She wrinkled her nose. The pink heat that had settled in her cheeks turned back into a crimson fire, giving credence to her concern.
Unable to help himself, Brock laughed. “So, how many kids do you want, sugar — ten, eleven, we could have one a year?” He winked at her and listened to the melody of her sweet giggles. “How about if I just promise to be here for anything you need for every day of this pregnancy and every day of your life.”
“That sounds perfect.”
“And the lingerie?”
“I’ll wear it for you, just give me a little time to work up the courage.”
“You know I would never push anything on you.”
With that, she lifted her head from his chest. Her eyes held a timid hunger, one he recognized all too well. Fear staged an uprising with abandon in their emerald depths, so many questions. He’d answer every single one.
She wore nothing but the low lamplight in their room and a slight covering of sheets and blankets. Perfection. He was mesmerized by the need in her eyes. But this was different. He wouldn’t allow it to be an act of concealment. There would be no more hiding. No, this would be discovery and affirmation. She needed so much more than lust-filled sex. She needed to be worshipped, adored, and set free. They needed to make love thoroughly. He sought to rectify everything that had gone wrong, to reassure her that nothing would come before her again.
“So beautiful.” He cupped the globes of her breasts in the gentle strength of his hands. They were fevered and swollen. “They hurt don’t they, darlin’?”
A timid nod and a decadent roll of her body was her only response.
“Need me to make it feel better?”
“I’ll be so gentle, sugar. Soft and gentle.” Brock lowered his lips to the stiff peak of her right breast. He was starved for the taste of her. The hunger radiated throughout him, but he suckled gently, just as he promised. Her eyelids drifted closed. She trembled then melted against him. He had so much to make up for. Rectification was his only goal.
Hope’s senses had been frantic every hour of this endless day. As Brock lifted his mouth from her right breast to draw on her left, they centered solidly on how good that felt. She’d been dizzy with emotion. Now, against his steady strength, his gentle touch, his hungry sucks, she stilled. It was different this time. He took his time showing her his love. He sought the balance they needed. Her hips lifted against his, desperate to push the world away.
A low tortured moan escaped him. “I’ve got you, sugar. I’m right here. Just be with me. Let me love you.”
With that, he pressed deep, hungry kisses against her stomach and settled between her legs. He used the ample width of his broad shoulders to hold her legs apart. Hope’s body twisted with need. She needed him. Every cell in her body needed him to make love with her. She quaked as he gently traced his fingertips down her slit, driving her into a frenzy of wanton desire. All thoughts of her lingerie being displayed in a drugstore or of the freezing cold snow melted in the heat he drew from her pores.
Unable to help herself, the need far too strong, she thrust upwards towards his mouth, back and forth, desperate for him to begin.
“I’m trying to go slow, baby. You’re not helping. You showing me what you need me to lick? I’m so hungry for that honey you make all for me.” He tracked his tongue between her swollen lips then spun it around her clitoris in a move he knew she loved.
“Yes, more,” she begged. She knew what he loved as well.
“You gonna fuck my tongue, sweetheart? Fuck it until I let you come?” His hands curled around her hips.