Darcy placed his quill back in the holder and looked at his cousin, a grim expression on his face.
“What is wrong? Where are they?” When no answer came in the few seconds of silence, he sat up straighter, “Where is Mary?”
Darcy stood and went to the sideboard, poured two drinks, then turned back and handed one to his cousin. Fitz put it down on the desk with a heavy hand, pushing it away, “Isn’t it a bit too early to start today?” When Darcy drank his down in one gulp, Fitz could not help but stand and, in agitation, ask again, “Where is she? What has happened?”
Darcy sighed heavily and answered, “She has gone to stay with her uncle and aunt for now.” Fitz turned to leave the room but Darcy caught his arm, “She was not feeling well this morning, but she insisted on going.”
Fitz cursed loudly and slammed his fist down on the corner of Darcy’s desk, then picked up the drink and swallowed it quickly as he sat back down and held out the glass for his cousin to fill again. When the glass was returned to his hand, he once again emptied it just as quickly.
Darcy sat back down heavily. “We are to go there tomorrow evening for supper.”
Fitz nodded slightly, though the knowledge did not ease his mind. He then stood, “I need to get out of the house.”
“Are you going to Brunswick Square?”
“No,” he stated flatly. “I do not wish to force my presence upon her; as you said, we are to go there tomorrow.”
“Where are you going?”
“I do not know; I just need to get out of here. It feels as though the walls are closing in around me. I will be back in time to leave tomorrow.”
Darcy nodded and watched as Fitz left his study. He put what he was working on away and went to find his wife to apprise her of his cousin’s reaction to the news.
Fitz was tired when he arrived back at Darcy House, but he was determined to put on his best clothes and attend to Mary this evening. As he climbed the stairs wearily he heard his cousin come into the hall below. “Do not worry, Darce, I will be ready in time to go.”
Darcy quickened his pace and was now standing at the base of the stairs, “Actually, our plans have changed. My wife is already with her. I was awaiting your return before I go back myself.”
“You have already been there today?”
“We received word this morning that Mary has taken on a small fever, so we went immediately.”
Fitz flew back down the stairs and called to the butler to have a fresh horse readied.
Darcy interrupted, “There is no need; my carriage is awaiting us. Perhaps it would be best if you change first though.”
Fitz looked down at his grimy riding clothes, then turned and took the stairs two at a time in his haste. “Give me five minutes.”
Darcy nodded to his cousin and called for the carriage to be pulled around to the front. Soon they were seated opposite each other as they made their way through the streets. Fitz could not help the agitation that built up in his body, and soon his foot was tapping up and down on the floor.
“It is nothing to worry about,” Darcy tried to assure him. “It is merely a trifling cold.”
Fitz turned his gaze from looking out the window back to his cousin, “I should be by her side and I am not. How would you feel if it was Elizabeth?”
Darcy nodded, quietly saying, “I would feel much the same.”
Fitz looked down at his hands. “I should have talked with her when we came in from the ball, but I did not have the chance before she retired. I should have gone to see her yesterday, but instead I spent my day in bed because of drinking too much and then roaming around the countryside, trying to forget the abysmal way my family has treated the woman I love.”
“It is not your fault. You knew they would react strongly to any lady they did not choose for you.”
“Yes, but I did not expect them to claim so vehemently that she should be in an asylum. I certainly did not expect my parents to allow my brother to do as he wished with your wife’s own sister.”
Darcy could see the anger rising in Fitz’s face. “Your parents have long ignored Milton’s behavior, and their reaction to Mary has always been that she belonged in an asylum. They stated as much the night they first met her at my house all those months ago.”
Fitz sighed heavily, tears beginning to form in his eyes. “If anyone deserves to be loved, it is Mary.”
The rest of the ride was spent in silence, Darcy allowing Fitz to gain more control of himself before they arrived at the Gardiner’s home. When they finally pulled up to the familiar facade, they alighted from the carriage and Fitz bounded up the steps to knock quickly on the door.
Edward Gardiner dismissed the footman and answered the door himself. He greeted the two gentlemen, turning to Fitz when he said, “Perhaps it is best we speak in private.”
Fitz nodded and followed the slightly older man through the halls to his study at the back of the house. When Gardiner offered him a drink, he shook his head, “No thank you.”
“Have a seat,” Edward said, sitting in one of the chairs beside the fire. He smiled a little, “I find I do not know what to call you, as I have always referred to you as ‘Colonel’ before now.”
“My cousin calls me Fitz and my mother calls me Richard—either will do.”
“Fitz it is then. I know you must be anxious to see my niece, but she will not be down this evening.”
His face fell. “I had hoped to see her, even if she is not feeling well enough to join everyone downstairs.”
“I will inquire if she is up to a visitor, but I can make no promises.”
Fitz nodded, “Thank you, sir.”
Edward sighed heavily as he began what he knew would be a very difficult conversation. “I first wanted to speak with you about what my niece has been through.”
“I am very sorry about what happened at the ball. My brother is a cad and I should never have left her alone...”
“No, no, that is not what I meant. Mary has had a hard life, and you do not fully understand what she has had to face all these years. Darcy told me of your brother, and he has assured me that neither he nor you will allow the viscount to be around her again. That is not what I was referring to though.” He shifted in his seat, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees as he folded his hands together. “My niece has been told by some of society for many years that she is worthless. Many people in her own neighborhood have ignored her, disparaged her, and shunned her, treating her as if she is not worthy of even the most basic of concerns. She has chosen very few people to which to open her life, and I am grateful for you being one of those few. But you have to understand that acting out in anger is not what this situation needs. Mary knows not everyone will accept her, but what she needs most of all is to be protected and loved. She needs to be treated as any lady would wish to be treated by her intended. Do you understand what I am saying?”
Fitz thought in silence a moment before he answered, “I think I do. You are saying it would be best to ignore what has happened and just go on with our lives as we wish?”
“Yes, exactly,” he replied.
“I cannot say it will be easy, but I understand why it is necessary.”
“You have only been around my niece for a few short months, but she has dealt with these kinds of situations most of her life. I had a hard time at first as well, but with time, I learned it is best to just ignore what does not affect your daily lives.”
“It saddens me that my family has reacted so harshly to this news of my betrothal, but my cousin wisely pointed out on our way here that they would have reacted thusly with anyone who was not their particular choice.”
“I never had to face my parents’ derision in my choice of wife as they passed away before I was married, but I understand how hard this must be for you.”
Fitz sighed heavily, running his hand over his weary eyes. “My parents and I have not seen eye to eye in a very long time, and I cannot say I am completely surprised at the situation. It is ju
st painful to have to face such treatment now. It makes me wonder, if they feel this way about Mary when her loss of hearing was clearly from an accident, what would they have thought of me if I had returned injured from battle? I was lucky enough to go through two campaigns without so much as a scratch, but many of my fellow soldiers returned with missing limbs or vision and hearing problems. What if...”
“Yes it is difficult, and I do not envy your position, but you cannot let yourself get off into what if situations.”
“You are correct; I must just put this behind me.” Fitz had to smile slightly, “I do think, sir, that the inducement is well worth the cost.”
Edward stood, “Yes it is. Now, let us go and speak with my wife about how Mary is feeling.” When they were about to exit the study, Edward turned back to Fitz, “Oh, I have one other thing to speak with you about before we join the others.”
“Yes? What is it?”
“We feel it is best if Mary stays here with us until she is wed. We would not want to force the Darcys into being responsible for chaperoning you both at all times, and as you are living with them as well...”
“I understand completely, sir. And thank you.”
“You are thanking me? For what?”
“Caring so much for her.”
“Mary is easy to love.”
Fitz smiled, “Yes she is.”
When Mary awoke, a very faint but particular smell of frankincense and cloves greeted her. She knew before she opened her eyes that Fitz was nearby. What will he say? Will he be upset with me for coming back to my uncle’s home? She lay very still hoping he would leave, but it seemed she would not be so lucky. Finally she began to move and opened her eyes, looking around the familiar room and finally to the gentleman at her side. He put his book on the side table and took her hand in one of his, placing the back of his other hand lightly on her forehead.
“Your fever is nearly gone now.”
Her voice cracked as she asked, “You are here?”
Fitz looked deep into her eyes and replied softly, “Where else would I be?”
She did not know what to say to such a loving statement, so she said nothing as he continued to hold tight to her fingers. Her body ached and she wished to stretch more than anything, but she did not want this moment to end. Almost as if he read her mind, he stood and kissed the back of her hand, then excused himself from the room, leaving her to the care of her maid, Mabel, who sat near the door.
When she was dressed in a fresh nightgown and her hair was brushed and plaited neatly, Mary once again climbed back into her bed. She sat up against the headboard and pulled the counterpane up high, relishing in the scent of lavender that lingered on the fresh linens. She smiled at the memory of helping Elizabeth make sachets of dried lavender to use in the closets throughout the Gardiner’s home. Her reverie was interrupted when Elizabeth entered the room with the housekeeper, Mrs Walters, in tow.
Setting the tray down on the table, Mrs Walters shooed Mabel from the room, making sure she took all the old bed linens with her, and then returned to Mary’s side and began to place more pillows behind her back. She looked at her directly so Mary could easily read her lips, “Now, I have brought you some broth, and it will do you good to eat as much as you can. We will have you feeling well enough to court your gentleman properly very soon.”
Mary could tell Elizabeth was trying not to laugh at the housekeeper’s insistence, and it made her smile all the more. She sat up straighter, appreciative of the extra pillow behind her back, and laid the serviette across her lap, allowing Mrs Walters to stir the broth until it was cool enough. When Mary had eaten what Mrs Walters felt was a sufficient amount, the housekeeper excused herself, leaving the sisters alone.
Elizabeth sat beside her on the bed. Mary slid over and blushed slightly as she asked, “How long was he here with me?”
“He refused to leave after supper last night. Fitzwilliam and I went home and returned this morning to find him still by your side as when we left him. Aunt Maddie said he did sleep a few hours in the room next door, though he was back at your side before the sun was up this morning.”
Mary nodded, not sure what to say. Her fingers gently ran over the back of her hand where she still felt the effects of his kiss before he left the room. When she saw her sister’s hand gently rest against her slowly expanding abdomen, she asked, “Have you told Aunt and Uncle yet?”
Elizabeth smiled, “Yes, we told them last evening. They are so very happy for us.”
“I knew they would be.” They sat in companionable silence for a while longer until Mary felt her eyes growing weary once more. Elizabeth slid out of the bed and helped her get into a more comfortable position, then she left to allow her sister to rest once more.
When Mary awoke again a few hours later, Fitz was once again at her side, this time his fingers were entwined with her own and he was not reading. Instead five year old Henry sat upon his lap, fast asleep. Fitz’s light blonde hair and blue eyes were in contrast to the bright red hair of her little cousin; otherwise they were the picture of affection she always dreamed of seeing in her own father. She could not help but smile as she thought of him with their own child one day.
Fitz saw that Mary was awake and he shifted Henry in his arms. The boy began to stir, stretching and yawning after his invigorating nap.
“I am surprised you were allowed in here,” Mary signed to Henry when he looked at her.
He replied quickly, “Oh, Mama sent me in here to sit with you.”
Fitz chuckled, “Yes, he was charged with the task of keeping me busy. It seems he tried to help your aunt a little too eagerly with her threads this morning.”
Mary looked at Henry disapprovingly, “You know you are not allowed in your mother’s sewing box.”
“Yes, but it was a most important task,” he quickly explained. “I needed some red and blue threads to tie together your birthday gift.”
Fitz smiled, “Oh? Is someone’s birthday coming soon?”
Mary blushed, “It is in early December—the sixth.”
Fitz looked back to Henry and ruffled his red hair, “I think you and I need to make some plans. Perhaps we can give your cousin a few minutes of privacy while we talk of this special date, then we can return and trounce her in a game of droughts. How does that sound?”
Henry began to bounce joyfully, “You will help me? Oh, how wonderful! I will show you what I have so far.” He stood and began to pull Fitz from the chair and towards the door. When they reached it, he turned back to Mary, “We will be back,” and then they were gone.
She laughed at the display, though she was grateful for a few minutes alone. Mabel helped her with her needs, and by the time the two conspirators returned, Mary was dressed and feeling well enough to go downstairs to join the rest of the Gardiner family for tea.
As they sat apart from the others in two chairs positioned near the open doors that led out to the garden, Fitz watched his intended. Her cheeks no longer held the bright coloring that indicated a fever, and her pale skin was now back to a more natural look. Her dark brown curls were bound in a simple plait that lay across one shoulder, and when she looked at him, her dark brown eyes never stopped telling their own story. What they showed now was uncertainty.
“Are you feeling any better?” Fitz asked.
“Much better; thank you,” she said as she drew her shawl around her shoulders. “I did not expect to see you today.”
Fitz looked around, determining that the others were not paying any attention to them. He leaned forward, his face coming that much closer to hers as he silently moved his lips for only her to read what he said. “You mean everything to me; of course I wish to be at your side.”
Mary’s eyes began to fill with tears and she reached up to wipe them, finding that Fitz held out his handkerchief to her. She chuckled at how quickly he had anticipated her need. “I was not certain how you felt, especially since you were not awake yet when Elizabeth told me about what your p
arents said.”
“Is that why you decided to come back here to your uncle’s house?”
“Yes; I did not want to make you have to choose between me and your family.”
His heart nearly broke. “I will always choose you—always.”
“I was not certain since you were still abed.”
“For that I must apologize most sincerely. I let my family’s reaction affect my actions the night before, and in my anger I had too much of my cousin’s fine Scotch to drink, leaving me with quite the headache when I finally awoke late in the day.” He reached out to take her hand in his, “I promise to not let myself do that again. I do not want to be anything like my father, and yet I succumbed to one of his vices when faced with their harsh criticism. I truly do apologize.”
Mary blushed and looked down at their entwined hands. She squeezed his fingers slightly and nodded her head in acknowledgement of what he said.
“Now, we have a great deal to discuss—such as, when do you wish to marry?” Mary was uncertain what to say and was glad when Fitz continued, “I hope to have the papers drawn up this week, and if it is agreeable to you, wed as soon as the banns are read. How does that sound?”
She smiled sweetly, “I do not desire a long wait.”
“We could be wed by the end of November, then we need not be bound to remain in Town any longer than necessary, and by your birthday we could be back in Derbyshire and established in our own home.”
“Oh no,” Mary signed hastily, “I dearly love Christmastime in London.” She drew her hands to her chest, sighing and closing her eyes as she began to sign, describing her favorite time of the year as though magic was contained within her words. “The shop windows display such wondrous beauties to behold, and the bakeries provide the neighborhoods with such delightful aromas. Oh, how I love to help decorate the banisters with boughs and holly, and roast nuts and wassail over the fire. It thrills my heart to purchase special gifts for my loved ones. Then there is caroling and ice skating in the park.”
Fitz chuckled, “You make me wish to remain in Town as well, though I cannot say I have ever taken as much pleasure in the season as you seem to do.” With a nod of his head, he replied, “It is settled then—we will wait to leave until after Twelfth Night.” He looked askance at the others. Finding that they still paid them no heed, he added, “I look forward, most of all, to finding as many mistletoe boughs hung around the house as I can.”
Just to Hear 'I Love You': An Alternate Tale of Jane Austen's 'Pride & Prejudice' Page 26