by Lesley Crewe
“They said they’re gonna kill your friends if you don’t bring the bear to Central Park.”
“What?”
“That’s what he said, man.”
“He said ‘the bear’?”
She pulled out of his grasp. ”Yeah, the bear. What are you, deaf?”
“Where in Central Park?”
“Um…I forget.”
He shook her.
“Chill out, man. I think he said 97th and 5th…walk towards the… um…bridge.”
Blue looked around in a daze. “If I want to see my friends alive? Where the hell is Starr? Do I have any other friends?”
“If you do, which I highly doubt, that guy obviously has them.”
Blue shook his head. “What the fuck is going on? They’ve got Starr? How the hell did that happen?” He jumped back up on the chair and threw the tile on the floor, then reached inside and took out the package. He put it under his jean jacket.
“What’s that?”
He didn’t answer her question. “What the hell is he talking about? What’s a bear?”
“It’s a brown furry animal with big teeth and claws.” The girl cracked her gum. “I’d bring one if I were you. That guy sounds pissed.”
“Where am I going to find a bear at this time of night?”
“Use a bear trap.”
“Piss off.” Blue jumped off the chair, grabbed his phone, and then lurched out the door, panic bubbling up inside his throat.
Gemma, Augusta, Gracie, and Keaton were stuck in a back room that might have served as an office at one point. There were a few filing cabinets around, a table, and a wheeled chair that was crooked and rusty. Some old metal blinds were stacked in one corner and a pile of garbage bags in another. There were windows overlooking the warehouse, but they were frosted. Only shadows were visible through them. That’s how they knew that Dumber was standing guard outside the door. Dumb sat on the chair in front of them and looked vacant.
When they were herded into the room, the first thing Gracie did was unwrap poor little Keaton from the sheet around her body. “He needs to get out of this.”
“The poor little darling,” Gemma said. “He’s overheated. Put the sheet on the table, Augusta, and we’ll undress him.”
“Hey, stop that,” Dumb said. “People have to eat off that table.”
Augusta pushed past him. “I don’t see anyone with a turkey dinner around here, do you? We’re not putting this child on the floor.”
She spread out the sheet and Gracie laid Keaton down. His head was covered in sweat, but he looked much happier being able to move his limbs about.
“Oh, what a lovely boy,” Gemma said. “He’s adorable.”
“I think so,” Gracie smiled.
Gemma turned to Dumb. “We need some water. Go get some.”
Dumb pointed at her. “Don’t order me around, lady. I don’t got to do nothin’.”
Gracie quickly took off Keaton’s diaper and let the aroma fill the air.
“Aw geez, not the shit again. Is that all that kid does?” Dumb said.
Gracie shrugged. “You’d better get used to the smell if you’re not going to give me water to clean him up.”
“Why do I get stuck with these broads?” He went to the door and knocked on it.
Dumber opened it a crack. “Wha?”
“Get us some water.”
“Water? Where am I gonna find water?”
“A tap,” Gemma said.
“Just get it, it reeks in here.”
They watched the shadow leave. Dumb stood in front of the door with his gun holster where they could see it, but they didn’t pay any attention to him. They were transfixed by the dear little boy who smiled and waved at them, happy to be released from his swaddling sheet.
Dumber came back with a bucket of water. Gracie tore off part of the sheet to clean Keaton off, and she still had a few diapers she’d tucked away inside the sheet. Once he was changed, the friends insisted Gracie sit down on their coats so she could nurse him. They sat on the floor on either side of her and held up the sheet to give her some privacy, since Dumb tried to sneak peeks at her.
Once the baby was fed and growing sleepy, the friends told Gracie to lie down with her baby and try to rest. Augusta used her soft leather purse as a pillow. They put the sheet over the two of them and they were both out like lights in a matter of minutes.
Dumb went back to the chair and sat like a bored gargoyle.
“I feel bad for Linda and Bette,” Gemma whispered. “They’re going to be frantic when they see we’re not back.”
“You don’t think they’d call home and tell them we’re missing, do you? The girls would go out of their minds.”
“They’re not stupid, and I’m sure they’ll think up an excuse if someone calls to speak to us.”
Augusta gave her a weak smile. “The girls will wonder why I have the cellphone turned off.”
“We’ll tell them we went to a movie.”
“Gem, what are we going to do?”
Gemma looked fierce. “I won’t let these bastards harm one hair on Gracie or Keaton’s head. We’re the mamas here, Augusta. These children are depending on us. If these were our kids, you know damn well we’d fight these scumbags to our last breath. That’s what will keep us strong. I’m not worried for myself. I’m worried about these children. We’re going to get out of here because we have to. It’s as simple as that.”
Augusta sat up a little straighter. “You’re right.”
They glared at Dumb.
“What did I do?” he yelled when he finally noticed them staring at him. They didn’t say a word, just continued to give him the evil eye. He loosened the collar around his neck with his finger. “Stupid women.”
There was a family conference at the Weinberg household. Twenty-five people all tried to talk at the same time while the women in the family were busy in the kitchen making meals to feed the troops.
Mordecai repeated Bette’s tale of woe.
“She’s got no passport and no money?” Ida screeched. “Oy vey.”
“She’ll have to sell her body in the streets,” Izzy shouted.
Ida blew up. “Everything is sex with you, isn’t it?”
Just then the phone rang. Ten people lunged for it. Mordecai got there first.
“Hello?”
“Yes, this is Detective Ames with the New York Police Department. I was…”
Mordecai yelled into the phone. “My God, what’s wrong?”
Ida tried to grab the phone. “Is that Bette? Gimme the phone.”
Mordecai put his hand over the receiver. “It’s not Bette. It’s the New York Police Department.”
Ida beat her chest. “Oh my God, my baby’s gone. Why me, Lord? Why me?” She slumped over in her chair.
“Don’t be ridiculous, old woman,” Izzy barked. “We just talked to her at the Waldorf.”
Mordecai put the phone back to his ear. “I’m sorry, officer. Go ahead.”
“We had a Miss Bette Weinberg and three of her friends here at the station earlier today and they wanted to report a crime…”
“What kind of a crime?”
Ida sat back up. “A crime?”
Mordecai waved his hand at her to keep quiet.
“They described it as a ‘kidnapping, mugging, sudden-death, car-theft, property-damage, gun thing.’”
“Let me get this straight,” Mordecai said. “Bette was in the police station today and wanted to report a kidnapping, mugging, sudden-death, car-theft, property-damage, gun thing?”
Twenty-five people in the Weinberg living room became hysterical. Mordecai had to go off in a corner to try and hear the detective.
“That’s what they said. I find it a little hard to believe myself.”
“So are you going to investigate?”
“Well, the trouble is, we had a bomb threat before I could finish questioning them.”
“A bomb threat?”
More hysterics fro
m the clan.
“It was a false alarm, but the ladies fled before they finished filing their report. Miss Weinberg was the only one who was able to give me her address and phone number before we had to evacuate the building. I’d like you to let her know that if they still want to file their report, they can contact me personally. I’ll give you my number.”
Mordecai snapped his fingers and mouthed, “A pen, a pen.”
Ten pens and an old newspaper were produced and Mordecai wrote the detective’s phone number down. “I’ll tell her. I know she said she lost her money and passport.”
“It happens all the time. I don’t think there’s any cause for alarm. They seemed fine when I was talking to them. Tell her I’ll be at my desk in the morning if they’d like to come back in. They can give me a call ahead of time.”
“All right then. I’ll tell her and thank you for calling.”
“Right.”
Mordecai clicked the phone off.
“What’s going on?” Ida wanted to know. “What sudden death?”
He told them what the detective said.
Uncle Sid shouted above the din. “I think we should go to New York.”
“Why do you get to decide everything?” Izzy asked. “I’m the papa.”
Uncle Sid pointed to the ceiling. “Because I’m the older brother and Bette is my only niece.”
“Shut up, you old windbag,” Ida yelled. “Like we need your two cents. I say we go to New York.”
Uncle Sid did a double take. “Isn’t that what I said?”
“Well, I’m saying it, and I’m the mama.”
“What do you mean, we?” Mordecai said. “You’re not going.”
Ida zipped across the room to sit in front of him. “Like you’re gonna stop me?”
Mordecai appealed to his mother. “Ma, be realistic. What help would you be?”
“She’s the mama,” Izzy said. “If she wants to go, she goes.”
Ida crossed her arms and looked triumphant.
“Pop, be reasonable.”
“It’s decided.”
“Are your passports up to date? Are everyone’s, for that matter?”
Unfortunately for Mordecai, everyone confirmed that they were.
“I always keep my passport up to date,” Ida said. “You never know when you might have to pop over to the Holy Land.”
“When was the last time you were in the Holy Land, Ma?”
“Someday I just might go.”
Mordecai looked to the heavens. “Fine, but tell me this. What are we going to do when we get to New York? What if we can’t get a hold of her? Where do we go?”
“We wait in the lobby of the Waldorf and dare anyone to move us,” Izzy vowed. “And then we bring her home.”
So that’s how one papa, one mama, one uncle, five brothers, and four male cousins all ended up driving to New York City in two vans and a bakery truck.
“Excuse me, Mr. Dumb?” Gemma said.
Dumb ignored her.
Gemma whispered, “I think he’s asleep with his eyes open.”
“Should we make a run for it?” Augusta whispered back.
Gemma shook her head. “Not yet. I don’t know where the other losers are.” She cleared her throat. “Hey, Dumb.”
Dumb gave a start. “Wha?”
“I need to use the bathroom.”
“Too damn bad.”
Gemma stared at him. “So what am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t give a shit.”
“No, apparently not.”
Augusta spoke up. “Haven’t you heard of the Geneva Convention? Even the enemy is accorded certain privileges, you know.”
Dumb got off his stool. “I don’t care who this Geneva broad is. I make the rules, not her.”
Gemma stood too. “Well, I’m going in the corner, then. Turn around.”
Dumb laughed. “Go ahead.”
“I’m not joking.”
“Right. Do it, lady, I dare ya.” Dumb turned his back.
Gemma took the bucket and poured out a stream of water, which meandered across the room and around Dumb’s shoes. He looked down and jumped. “Hey!”
“Now, are you going to let me go to the bathroom or not?”
Dumb scowled and went over to the door and opened it. “The fat broad needs to go to the john.” He turned back to Gemma. “Go with him, and no funny business.”
“I’m not going unless you let the others go too.”
Dumb shook his head. “You ain’t goin’ at the same time. No way.”
“I don’t mean all together. I mean one at a time.”
“Ya got thirty seconds, so move it.”
“Be careful, Gemma,” Augusta said.
“Don’t worry about me.” She slipped out the door and Dumber gave her a shove. “Walk in front of me, and don’t forget I’ve got a gun pointed at your back.”
Gemma’s eyes scanned about as she walked through the abandoned warehouse. She noted two sets of doors, both on the other side of the room. To run for it wouldn’t solve anything. There was nowhere to hide.
Dumber poked her shoulder with what she assumed was the gun. “It’s straight ahead.”
She nodded and walked towards a door with dirty fingerprints all around the light switch. She pushed up the switch with the arm of her sweater, went in, and shut the door in Dumber’s stupid, sneery face.
She looked around. “Who leaves a toilet looking like this?” She put her hands together. “Holy Mother of God,” she prayed. “Forgive their slovenly ways and may I go home to my family without an infection. Amen.” She kissed the gold cross around her neck.
When she got back, Augusta asked her how awful it was.
“Words fail me.”
Augusta gave a little shudder. She was the next to follow Dumber into the john. Fortunately, she didn’t have to use the horrible light switch; Gemma had left it on for her. She, too, wrinkled her nose at the state of the bathroom. “I’m so glad I never had boys.”
Next it was Gracie’s turn. But when Dumber escorted her, he spent the whole time commenting on her ass.
“I’d rather have one than be one.”
“What was that?”
“Nothin’.”
“You got a temper, don’t ya? I bet you’re one hot chick in bed.”
“You’ll never know.”
Dumber grabbed her shoulder and turned her around. “Don’t be so sure about that. The boss ain’t here all the time.”
Gracie smiled at him. “Well then, be my guest. It’ll be my great delight to give you the clap.”
He frowned and pushed her towards the bathroom door. “Get in there.”
At least walking to and from the bathroom afforded the captives a little exercise. Then they were back to sitting on their coats in a corner of the room. Keaton kept them entertained with happy smiles and giggles, but he stopped the minute Candy stepped into the room.
Candy rubbed his hands. “Well, don’t we look all nice and cozy?”
They didn’t speak.
“I called your friends.”
There was silence.
“I told them where to meet us. They were surprisingly abrupt. Yeah, that’s the word I would use—or indifferent. I got that tone, ya know, like maybe I interrupted their meal.”
“You’re so full of bullshit,” Gemma said.
Candy pointed at her. “I can’t wait to shut you up.”
“And I can’t wait to see you try.”
Candy laughed. “You remind me of my mother-in-law. Fat and stupid.”
“You’re married? I feel sorry for your wife.”
Candy looked at Augusta. “You better tell your friend to shut her big fat mouth, or you’re all done for.”
Augusta tossed her head and flipped her hair. “Oh, I don’t think I have to do that. You seem like a commanding sort of guy. I’m sure you’re not going to let a mere woman get under your skin. Isn’t that right?” She brushed her hand over the top button of her blouse
. His eyes followed her fingers. He cleared his throat.
“She’s not worth my time. Get up. You’re coming with me. I can’t take the chance of leaving you out of my sight.”
As the women struggled to their feet, Gemma muttered, “Good grief, where did that come from?”
“I have no idea,” Augusta said.
Dumb and Dumber escorted them to the back of a van with no windows. It looked more like a delivery truck. There weren’t any seats, so they all crowded in and tried to get comfortable. Candy and Dumber got in the front seats. Dumb looked annoyed that he was in the back, so Gemma rubbed it in.
“They don’t like you, do they?”
“Whatcha mean?”
“They always stick you in the back or make you watch us while they go do important stuff. It must bother you. It would bother me.”
His frown deepened.
They drove out of the garage and headed up the street.
Blue was frantic. His girl had been kidnapped and it freaked him out. If his brain hadn’t been addled by drugs, he might have realized the situation made no sense. Why come and take Starr but not wake him up and demand the stuff?
All he knew was that he had to find a bear in a hurry, and that was no easy task. Not in the middle of the night. He went into some corner stores and ran through their aisles, but no one carried stuffed animals. The closest thing he saw to an animal was a keychain shaped like an American eagle.
Then he had an epiphany. He took off for the street corner where some of his hooker friends plied their trade. He knew Hot Chocolate had a kid; surely the kid had a teddy bear.
She stood under a streetlight, sucking on her cigarette. She looked cold. He ran right up to her and she nodded. “What’s up, Red?”
“It’s Blue.”
“Whatever. Looking for a little action? I’m fuckin’ freezing my tits off out here.”
“I need something from ya.”
Hot Chocolate rolled her eyes. “Amazing, that’s what they all say. Get in line.”
“Does your kid have a toy? A bear, a teddy bear?”
She immediately looked suspicious. “Say what?”
He grabbed her arms. “I need a bear. It’s life or death.”
Chocolate yanked herself away. “Get lost, you pervert. You think I’m going to give up my kid’s toy? Are you nuts?”